


The Unforeseen Wreckage

by DeepLittleSOB



Series: Lizzy-verse [19]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Broken Promises, Cheating, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Leviathans, Original Character Death(s), Parenthood, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-19 02:32:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 157,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3593040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepLittleSOB/pseuds/DeepLittleSOB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This life is hard.  Harder than they could have ever imagined it.  Dean and Lizzy, new parents forced apart by the presence of Leviathan on Earth, are battling through their current predicament as best they can... but without much success.</p><p>It's been smooth sailing for them from practically the beginning but every relationship has their breaking point.  Can they make it or will they crumble under the pressures of their terrible lives?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Hope

**Author's Note:**

> The nineteenth story of my series. This one is not very happy. You have been warned.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own or or have the rights to anything of the Supernatural universe. I'm just playing in their sandbox.

* * *

A week after the decision has been made to go off on their own and into normalcy, Dean and Lizzy have a map out on the coffee table in the cabin. Sammy sits propped up on his dad's lap and Dean pats his back after his meal, Lizzy sitting by his side. Both of them have their eyes trained on the paper image of the US.

"What about Utah?" Lizzy questions. "It's pretty rural. And kinda centrally located…"

"No freakin' way," Dean immediately turns down.

"What? Why?" she questions with surprise.

"I'm not living in Utah!" he tells her with pure audacity with her suggestion.

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm not living my life according to a bunch of Mormon rules!" Dean says, killing her idea right off the bat. "It's practically illegal to drink there."

"It can't be that bad," Lizzy rebuts.

"They don't allow beer over 3%. Even Bud Light has to make special beer just for those wet blankets."

"Are you serious?" Lizzy asks him, eyes wide with shock.

"Dead. We had a hunt out there once when I was in my mid-twenties and I thought I was gonna die."

"From withdrawal?" Lizzy jokes and Dean gives her a look. She laughs at him. "Ok, so… no Utah. How about Oregon?"

"Hm, could work," Dean nods. "But we're all the way at the coast. Kind of cuts down on our directions to evacuate in an emergency."

"True…." Lizzy concedes. "So I guess that California dreaming is out of the question."

"Yeah," Dean laments, remembering their conversation before Sammy was born. He told her how much he liked it out that way, that if they got out he'd want to go there. Oh well, moving on.

"What about Nebraska?"

He ponders the idea for a moment. "Kinda boring."

"But don't boring and safe go hand in hand?" Lizzy rebuts.

"That's kind true. And ain't nothing ever happening in Nebraska."

"Exactly. And it isn't so far from here that if we were ever in a bind that we couldn't get back relatively quickly."

"And I'm sure everyone could stop by now and then on their way around since it's pretty centrally located," Dean points out, thinking the middle-America location would be able to ensure that Bobby, Sam, and Lou would have plenty of chances to swing by and visit.

"Even better," her eyes light up. "And all the small towns are scattered about all over the state, each one like an island on its own. Any threats are contained to a small area and it'd be super easy to track down anything that might come our way." Her smile spreads across her face with true excitement.

Dean nods and looks down at the detailed map, picking up the magnifying glass he found in the basement to really look Nebraska over. "I pick Broken Bow."

"Why?"

"Because that's a cool ass name," he tells her.

"That's the only reason?"

"No," he tells her and points to the city's location. "It's also about an hour and a half from route 76 and from there we can get anywhere. It's isolated but still accessible."

"It's perfect," she grins, summing it up.

Dean looks over her smiling face, the swelling practically gone from it after her fight with the Fury and her bruising fading slowly but surely to a lovely yellow shade after a week to heal. "It  _is_  perfect." He leans forward and presses a quick kiss to her lips. "Let's go there."

"Done!" she says with excitement.

"What's done?" Lou asks, walking into the room and heading for the refrigerator for a beer at one in the afternoon.

"Uh… we might have found a place to… maybe move to," Lizzy tells her sister with hesitance. This has been a very sore subject for Lou since they told her their plan. She's not doing well with the idea to separate.

"Great," she sarcastically bites as she cracks the bottle open and tosses the cap in the trash.

"You wanna know where?" Lizzy gently asks.

"Is it next door to here?" Lou questions, taking a big swig.

"No."

"Then what the fuck does it matter?" she spits back.

Lizzy sighs with frustration so Dean jumps it. "We're thinking Broken Bow, Nebraska."

"Ok," Lou shrugs and just looks at him.

Dean takes a deep breath and reminds himself that this is Lizzy's sister and best friend. She is hurting with the change and they have to be a little understanding… or at least that's what Lizzy told him. "It's smack in the middle of the country and relatively easy to get to. That way you and Sam can get to us whenever you're bouncing around out there."

"Lucky us. We now have to visit Nebraska to see our nephew," Lou comments, pushing off the counter she'd been leaning on to walk away. "Nebraska sucks ass."

Right then Sammy lets go of a big belch.

"See? Even my dude agrees with me," Lou says, gulping down more beer as she leaves the room and heads for the retreat of her bedroom and Sam. She's not at all ready for this.

"Well… that went better than I thought it would," Lizzy says honestly.

"What the hell did you think was gonna happen?" Dean says with wide eyes as he wipes the little bit of spit up off Sammy' mouth.

"Not sure… but I figured at least one punch would have been thrown," she smirks at him and leans in, kissing him with cautious excitement. "She'll have to get over it, right?"

"Maybe…" Dean says, unsure that Lou ever will.

"I hope so." Lizzy's face wrinkles with worry over it. "It feels bad enough leaving as it is. Her being so awful about it just makes it so much worse."

"She knows we're doing what we have to," Dean tries to excuse it all. "And she loves Sammy, so for the same reason it sucks she has to get it."

"I'm sure she does," Lizzy gives him a small, lopsided smile of hope. "And as much as I love my sister, Sammy has to be safe."

"And normal," Dean tacks on, lifting his boy up and holding him out in front of him so he's face to face. "Right, dude? You're gonna be normal. With a mom and dad that are boring. We're gonna get you a home and some friends…."

"And dinners at the table every night," Lizzy adds, kissing Sammy's little cheek. "And  _one_ teacher at  _one_ school every year."

"And a swing set in the backyard that your awesome dad is gonna build you," Dean finishes, standing up. "Uh, he stinks." Dean tilts Sammy on his side midair and gives him a good whiff. "Oh man."

"Have fun with that," Lizzy grins wide.

"Yeah, a regular blast," Dean jokes, holding Sammy with one arm and a hand at the back of his head as he's up against his chest. "This what normal dads do every day?"

"Pretty much," Lizzy nods to him. "Stinky baby poop instead of stinky creature guts seems like an obvious choice though."

"You know… it really is," he says, his attitude light with the idea.

Getting Sammy upstairs and laying on his back on their bed, Dean starts getting to work. The second he has his diaper open he can hear heavy footsteps heading up the stairs.

"She told you?" Dean asks as Sam comes into the room, knowing it was him by the sound of his feet alone.

"I like it," Sam admits, leaning on the doorway frame with his phone in hand. He already pulled up a map of Broken Bow and looked it over. "Good location. We can see you guys pretty often if you move there."

"That was the idea," Dean says, grabbing the wipes as Sammy lays on his back, looking around.

"And if you ever had to get out of dodge fast you can head in any direction."

"Exactly what we figured."

"Plus, you know, we've been there before so it isn't a new town to you."

"Is there such a thing as a new town to us anymore?" Dean jokes a little.

"Probably not," Sam huffs a laugh.

"And when did we go to Broken Bow?"

"Christmas. The pagan gods a few years ago…."

"Right," Dean recalls as he wipes Sammy's small bottom. "You thought it was evil Santa and almost dropped that drunk guy from Santa's Village."

"Hey, Krampus might be real and that guy was creep as hell. Uh, man. That's nasty," Sam says when the smell hits him.

"This one isn't even his worst," Dean tells his brother as he cleans Sammy up. "He's just lucky he's so damn cute 'cause he stinks to high hell on the regular."

Sam smiles and watches on for a few seconds. It still seems so damn surreal when he sees his big brother, the manly-man with ice in his veins and badass written across his forehead, raise an infant and do so with so much love and honest-to-God gentle care. But then again as weird as it is it's also so obvious. It seems like Dean was always made for this… he just did all he could to hide that fact from everyone.

"You're really gonna do this, huh?" Sam asks, needing to make sure this plan was real and happening for sure.

"Yeah. We're going for it," Dean answers, glancing at his brother.

"Good," Sam nods. "I'm really happy that you are. You deserve this."

"L sure does," Dean says with certainty, wrapping up the used diaper and pulling out a new one. "So does this little badass. Too much hunting for him already." He rubs Sammy's little belly with the comment and he kicks his feet like crazy with it. "He's retiring at the age three months."

Sam smiles, really smiles with that idea. "It'll be, ah… weird. Without you."

Dean pauses and looks at his brother with a little bit of surprise before paying attention to Sammy again. "Yeah. It's a big change."

"Very big."

It gets quiet as Dean finishes up, getting Sammy redressed. Once he picks him up and puts his head on his shoulder again, Dean looks at Sam. "You gonna be ok out there?"

"Of course," Sam brushes it off. "I have Lou. We'll be fine."

"What about your head?"

"I'm handling it," he lies. "Don't worry about me. You got enough to deal with."

"You know I'm not back-burnering your head, right?" Dean asks, really meaning he's not forgetting about or any less concerned with Sam in general just because he's leaving. He couldn't come out and just say that though. Not a very Winchester thing to do.

"I'll be ok."

"Because I wouldn't ever put anything above you, Sam. Never."

"Are you kidding me?" Sam asks with sheer disbelief. "Dean, Sammy  _should_  be put before me. He's your  _son_."

"And you're my  _brother_ ," Dean says right back. "There's a reason my son has your name. You will always be my priority. You'll always be… my brother."

Sam lets that sink in for a few seconds. "I don't think you're ditching me, if that's what this is really about."

Dean nods and accepts Sam's words for what they are. He was worried about that. He remembers how much it hurt and how lonely it got when Sam left him for Stamford. It wasn't fun and it certainly didn't feel good to know Sam wanted to be elsewhere.

"Sammy, I…" Dean pauses. He may have gotten better at speaking his feelings to Lizzy but past that he's still that same, closed off man. He clears his throat. "Be careful out there. Remember what dad taught you."

"What  _you_  taught me," Sam corrects, knowing that most of what he knows is all Dean's doing in the long run.

Dean grows speechless for a moment with that comment. "Yeah. Just remember everything and if you forget, I'm just a phone call away with all the expert knowhow you'll ever need."

"Expert, huh?" Sam asks, eyeing him with a face that calls bullshit.

"You heard me," Dean says right back with full confidence while picking up the new play mat with multiple colors, shapes, and textures built into it that Lou was nice enough to buy on her last trip out. "I may be getting out but I'm still the best hunter out there."

Sam just gets a good laugh out of him for this one. "Yeah, you're the best," he responds with pure sarcasm. "You really look it with that baby toy in your hand. And a baby in the other."

"Screw that. This just makes me awesome," Dean answers with confidence as he makes his way down the stairs, Sam following.

"How so?"

"If I can hold friggin' cute little baby and this… thing?" he starts while holding up the mat. "And still be this manly? Hell, I'm downright  _beyond_  awesome."

"I think the term you were looking for is DILF," Lizzy jokes as she walks towards her boys, kissing Dean on the lips before heading back to the couch with her laptop and mug of tea.

"Don't you know it," Dean slickly returns, not minding that kiss at all.

"Alright so… time frame?" Sam asks them as he ignores the interaction in favor of getting info from them.

"I'd say… a week maybe?" Lizzy guesses while turning on her computer on the coffee table in front of her. "I need to do some research. Find an apartment to rent that would be safe for us specifically. And hopefully there's a garage out there that needs a really good mechanic."

"Or a bar looking for a hot bartender," Dean counters, laying down the play mat on the floor by the couch.

"Yeah… think I might need more time for that. I still look like a victim," Lizzy points to her still healing face.

"A hot victim," Dean mumbles while putting Sammy on his stomach on the colorful mat. He then gets stomach down himself on the floor facing the little boy. "Right, dude? Mom's still a total hottie."

"Like he'd ever want to admit that," Lizzy laughs as Sam sits down next to her. "Poor kid'll have it tough enough when he's a teen. I still plan to be the hot mom even fifteen years from now."

Sam just smirks at her for a second, happy to hear her talk about the future in a positive light for once. It's been a while since she's done that.

"That's ok… at least dad'll be more than happy," Dean comments, still looking right at his son and smiling. He makes a face at him while going for one of the multiple fun little items on the mat, pressing on a squeaker. With the noise Sammy's eyes go wide and he watches his dad do it again for him. He then reaches out a little hand to the source of the sound.

"What if you could find a house?" Sam suggests, having put a lot of thought into this new life Dean and Lizzy plan to make.

"How the hell would we do that?" Dean asks while still lying on the floor of the cabin, playing with Sammy. "You got a few grand down payment stashed somewhere because we sure don't."

"And not to mention neither of us has any credit at this point, good or bad," Lizzy tacks on to prove the point.

"No, you guys can't get a house. Well, not  _you_ -you," Sam tries to clarify but fails.

Dean just glances at his brother with confusion as Lizzy tells him, "Maybe you should try explaining that again." She smirks at him and Sam rolls his eyes.

"You told me Bobby's gonna hook you up with a guy named Frank and Frank's gonna get you set up. New identities, new  _registered_ social security numbers, the works."

"Right," Dean says, rolling to his side and propping his head in his hand with an elbow to the play mat to listen.

"Then couldn't Frank get you some money in an account and good enough credit to get you on your feet?" Sam logics. "I mean, if he does all that work he might as well put you in a good place. You could probably find something small and affordable in the middle of nowhere, USA, right?"

Dean and Lizzy look to each other with this the plan. "You know, that idea ain't half bad," he says to her.

"We could have a yard. Maybe get another dog for Sammy."

"You sure you wanna do that?" Dean questions, narrow eyes on her with idea of getting another beloved pet.

"Definitely," Lizzy says. "I know Cass…" She sighs with the thought of her beloved dog. "I know his death is on me. I shouldn't have gotten him when I knew how easily shit could come for us. But if we're ditching the right way, new names and off the grid, what's the harm in letting Sammy grow up with a furry best friend?"

"Plus, guard dogs are good to have when evil shit likes to come looking for you."

Lizzy just grins while knowing she's hooked him. "I'll talk to Bobby when he gets back from town."

Dean nods and grins at Sammy, continuing to pay attention to him as he flails around on his mat. Sammy gets bigger by the day and Dean doesn't plan to miss out on any of it… not anymore. He's going to be the boring dad, the one that goes to work and supports his family during the week then mows the lawn and goes to the park with his boy on the weekends. You know, normal stuff.

"You and me, pal," Dean says to Sammy, grabbing the little boy under his arms and picking him up while rolling onto his own back. He holds him in the air over himself. "We're gonna go find out about the good life. What do you say? You in?"

Sammy picks a wonderful time to spit up the contents of his small stomach… right onto Dean's face.

Dean immediately yells out and leans to the side, dry heaving. "Uh! No, God!"

Lizzy bursts out laughing while getting up from her seat.

"Why would you do that?" Dean asks his son, the boy innocently in his hands and Dean gags with the smell of baby throw up on his cheek and mouth.

"You're the idiot that held him over your head," she giggles and takes Sammy from him.

"Not my fault he can't hold his damn milk," Dean bitches right back as he stands up from the floor.

When he gets all the way up he sees Sam sitting on the couch while holding out a white cloth diaper with a brilliant shit-eating grin on his face.

"And you can just shut the hell up," Dean gripes while snatching the cloth from him sharply.

"Never said a word," Sam says back, his face not changing.

Dean gives him the dirtiest look he can muster before quickly wiping down his face, getting rid of the mess Sammy left on him.

"Gross, Sammy," Lizzy says with a sweet smile as she straps him into his carrier. "Funny, but gross."

"Hey, come check this out," Sam says as he's commandeered Lizzy's computer. Both walk over, Lizzy reclaiming her seat while putting Sammy's carrier by her feet and Dean looks on over Sam's shoulder. "Houses there are pretty affordable. Like, check this one." He pulls up a picture of a house for sale in Broken Bow.

"Uh, it's so cute," Lizzy says instantly. "Look at the front porch."

"And the fenced yard," Sam adds on. "Three bedroom, two bath, big kitchen…"

Lizzy sighs as she looks the house over while Sam reads the description. She could live there. She absolutely could make a nice, quiet life there. Her son could play in the back yard. They could have cookouts with neighbors and enjoy their simplicity in relative solitude from the bullshit that's always been on their tails.

When they all hear a car make its way towards the house Lizzy gins wide and gets up. "I'm gonna talk to Bobby."

She flies out of the house with excitement.

"I guess she's really into this," Sam half laughs as he watches her go.

"Aside from leaving Lou, she really is," Dean says, watching out the window as she jogs to help Bobby carry bags and explain their idea to him.

"Lou'll be fine," Sam assures his brother. "Just give Lizzy the life she deserves and I'll deal with the angry sister."

Dean huffs a laugh, knowing he'd never want to have to deal with Lou in this situation. "Good freakin' luck."

"Yeah," Sam says with a down tone. "I'm gonna need it…."

"Hey," Lou calls out as she marches quickly into the room, looking right at Sam. "I need you."

"Right now?" Sam asks with surprise to see her so insistent.

"Yes. Just need a minute," she tells him and waves for him to come with her.

"Oh, I think you'll more than a minute," Dean says jokingly. "He  _is_  a Winchester after all."

Sam looks at Dean with an exasperated face, knowing that's not what Lou needed him for at all.

Lou just glares at him a minute. "You smell like shit all the way from over here," she tells him before raising her eyebrows once at Sam and walking back into their bedroom silently.

Sam sighs heavily and stands up, looking at Dean like a man sentenced to death. Life hasn't been easy on Sam since Lou's found out about the plan Lizzy and Dean have to move and get out. He's actually been having to take the brunt of it.

Dean just pats Sam's shoulder in silent apology, knowing he's to blame for her shit attitude, and Sam just walks off while practically dragging his feet.

* * *

"Prosperity, Indiana," Lou says to Sam as he walks into their bedroom, her face buried in Sam's laptop as she sits in the middle of their bed.

"What about it?" Sam lightly asks, not looking to fuel her fire any more than it's already burning.

"There's a hunt," Lou says, her face serious as she starts to read. "Wendy Goodson, 36, resident of Prosperity, IN was burnt alive while having her hair done at her local hair dresser. Her remains indicate electrocution, yet investigators state there were no malfunctions to be found in the dryer or the electrical system of the salon. The electrical system was brand new and inspected recently by the city's building inspectors."

"Fishy," Sam admits right away, leaning back into the wall with crossed arms as he listens.

"No shit. Police are listing Goodson's death as accidental electrocution but that sounds like utter horse shit to me. Plus, the week before, some dude got boiled up in his own hot tub."

"Ok, not fishy. Witchy."

"All the hallmarks are there."

"So… what are you saying?" he questions her, obviously seeing where this is going. "You wanna check this out?"

"What are you, new? Of course I want to check this out," she says, looking right at him.

"Is now the best time?" Sam wonders to her.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I mean… look, I know you don't want to talk about this but Lizzy and Dean are leaving. Soon. I figured we should lay low until then, spends some time here as a group before…"

"They ditch us? Fuck no," Lou says determinedly and with anger as she shuts the laptop and gets up. "They made this decision, not us. I'm not about to change my life according to their plans that suck."

"Lou, come on," Sam complains a bit as he pushes off the wall to walk to her a bit. "They're doing this to protect their son. You gotta understand that at least a little bit."

"I don't have to understand anything," she rebuts, obviously in total denial, and grabs a duffel from the closet to start packing.

"Just… let's stay here. We'll send some other hunters out…"

"I'm going to Prosperity," Lou cuts in, giving him a hard look. "With or without you to back me up. What'll it be?"

Sam drops his arms to the sides with loss. "You know I'm not gonna let you go out there alone…"

"Great. Pack a bag. Be ready in an hour." She tosses him another empty duffel and walks out of the room, going to get some weapons gathered, and Sam's alone to feel the frustration of the woman that just can't let anything go that easily.

* * *

Dean searches through the real estate listings more, Lizzy by his side as she breast feeds Sammy, when they both see Lou rush through the cabin's bottom floor with a packed bag over her shoulder.

Without looking at them or stopping she bursts through the front door and leaves, making Dean and Lizzy look at each other with curiosity.

"What'd you think that was about?" Lizzy questions.

"She's  _your_  sister," Dean turns it right around as he has not a clue.

Sam comes out of the back bedroom and walks towards them. He opens his mouth to say something but shuts it quickly when he sees Lizzy feeding Sammy. His eyes drift upwards uncomfortably.

"Sorry," Lizzy says to him, grabbing a baby blanket nearby and covering herself up. "Forgot you were so scared of boobs."

"I'm not… scared… of…." He stutters out and sighs when he gives up.

Dean huffs a laugh quietly while Sam looks back down to her.

"We're heading out," Sam tells them.

"What? Why?" Lizzy asks with slight panic at the idea.

"Lou found a hunt and she's determined to look into it."

Lizzy sits without speaking for a moment. "But we're leaving soon. Why does she have to hunt now?"

"Denial," Sam shrugs. "You know how she is."

Lizzy just nods, sad that her sister would leave while in their last days together.

"I'll make sure we get back soon enough," Sam promises, ignoring the laughing of Lucifer in the back of his mind over the promise all hunters know they can't keep. "We'll be back before you guys leave. I swear."

" _Sure_  you will…." Lucifer chides with disbelief.

Lizzy just forces a smile onto her face.

"Thanks, Sam," Dean nods and lets him know they both are grateful that he's going and keeping an eye on Lou in the process. Sam gives a sad smile, knowing that while going with Lou to back her up he's going to be missing out on some precious remaining time with his family. But, like always, a Winchester does what a Winchester has to do… especially if it's for a very stubborn woman.

* * *

One hour into the road trip to Indiana and Sam finally speaks up over the silence that descended on the Mustang from the second they left the cabin. "You know, you could probably handle this whole thing a little better than you have been."

Lou snaps her focus onto Sam immediately. "Fuck you."

"Fuck you right back," Sam counters, getting used to standing up to her sometimes childish ways of handling things. Her words are always hollow, no matter how sharp edged. She never means about ninety percent of what she says while angry. "Lou, our time with them is limited…"

"And who the fuck's fault is that?" Lou spits right back.

"Fate's!" Sam reminds her, turning slightly in his passenger seat to look at her directly. "None of what has happened to any of us can be blamed on anything but fate. We just have to deal with it in the best way we can find."

"And running away is the best way they can find?"

"Yes!" Sam near shouts at her.

Lou goes quiet for a moment, Sam watching as she clenches and unclenches her jaw over and over while considering what he tells her.

"Running is the one thing, the one  _move_  they have left on the chess board," Sam tells her.

"Or they could stay and be with the few family members they have that are still alive. Safety in numbers."

"Being near us right now is stupid," Sam reminds her. "The Leviathan still need to be dealt with…"

"And we need help with that," Lou rebuts.

"But not from them." Sam sighs when she keeps the obviousness of the situation at bay so that she can stew in her hatred over it all.

"Why not? Who's better than those two?"

"No one."

"Well now you're just not making any sense," Lou says with total frustration.

Sam sighs with frustration. "Sammy."

And this finally gets Lou to stop.

"It doesn't matter how much they matter to  _you_  or  _me_. It doesn't matter that they're the best hunters we got… or that humanity's got. They're parents. Nothing can top that."

"But the world Sammy will live in…"

"Will be great," Sam cuts her off. "Lou, I grew up in this shit. It was awful. My life has sucked but with Sammy? There's a chance to do it right. There's a chance that Sammy can grow up and be nothing like the fucked up people Dean and I have become because of hunting. If there's a chance… even a tiny little one… we have to let his parent take it."

Lou bites her bottom lip when she gets emotional over it all.

"I know you love Sammy…."

"More than you know," Lou says quickly, never wanting her adoration for her nephew to be diminished in any way.

"So you know this is what's best for him," Sam tells her. "I shouldn't even need to explain it. He won't be damaged and friendless and, and paranoid with a sawed-off he made himself in his hands at the age of nine. He won't be Dean. He won't be me. He'll be a happy kid."

He watches Lou take a deep breath to keep herself together.

"And this isn't about you anyways," Sam reminds her. "Actually, this has nothing to do with you. It's selfish that you'd think otherwise."

And the anger comes flying back. "You think I'm selfish?"

"From where I've been sitting through this whole thing I'd say yeah, you've been selfish."

"Because I want my family around!?"

"No, because you've made your family feel like absolute shit over doing what's best in the situation," Sam tells her. "You really think this is an easy decision for Lizzy to make? Leaving you and not being with her sister every day like she is now? You just got her back in your life… but she just got you back too. For years all Lizzy did was try her damnedest to get past the fact that you died and she never could."

"She should want to be with me still."

"And that sounds awful selfish."

Once more Sam's words make Lou shut the hell up and listen.

"So that's what this is about," Sam figures out. "You think Lizzy is leaving you and it's easy. You think she's picking Dean over you."

"Shut up," Lou spits out uncomfortably.

"No," Sam says, finally feeling like he's getting somewhere after a week of her moping and pissy attitude. "That's it, isn't it? This is your whole grudge against Dean thing."

"No," Lou denies but it's clear that she's lying.

"You gonna try to lie to me again and make it more believable or are you going with that weak attempt?"

Lou grits her teeth. "You're a jackass."

"And you're being stupid," Sam tells her plain. "I thought you were past all this."

"I am… mostly," Lou gives up and opens up. "But you weren't there. You didn't see what he did to her."

"And that was years ago," Sam tells her.

"She was a mess. She was reckless and, and drunk all the fucking time… she wasn't eating and wasn't… she wasn't my sister anymore. She was a whole different person."

"But you weren't there for the good stuff," Sam tells her. "You weren't there when they fixed everything. You were around when I saw Lizzy do nothing but smile once Dean came back. You weren't around them in close quarters for three years straight. You didn't get to see how good they were, how happy she was when they got married and when Sammy was born. You missed the good. You've missed how good Dean is to her."

"Like I'm gonna believe you," Lou rolls her eyes.

"Why not?" Sam asks, offended.

"You'd lie like a rug for Dean any day of the week."

"And I would for Lizzy too. Maybe you haven't noticed… but I care about Lizzy just like you do. She's been… Lizzy's been good to me. We've been good to each other and sometimes… sometimes she was there when Dean wasn't. As much as she's your literal sister, she's my family too. You really think I'd let her stay with Dean all this time if it wasn't a good situation for her to be in? Because I wouldn't."

She knew they were close, but Lou didn't know they were that close. Saying Sam would go against Dean for the benefit of someone else is a loaded statement, one that she believes.

"When we get back you're gonna cut the shit," Sam tells her.

"Excuse you?" Lou asks when he gives her too much direction, like she's some wily kid.

"You heard me," Sam says without going back on his insistence. "Lizzy's only got a few days left living with you. After four years that's all she's wanted, to have you back in her life again every day. As much as you're having a hard time with this… imagine how she feels being forced away from you because she wants to be a good parent."

"You're so fucking annoying," Lou tells him, her grip on the wheel hard as she drives.

"What!?" Sam asks with the insult. "I'm annoying because I'm right?"

"Yes."

Sam huffs a laugh. "Then you might want to get used to it if you're gonna stick around."

"Fuck you."

"You already said that," Sam reminds her. "And fuck you right back."

Lou shakes her head silently and lets the view of the pavement rushing by take over for a minute. Too much to consider. And too much that she's done wrong that Sam far too easily pointed out to her.

"So, when we finish up in Indiana we're gonna head back and you're gonna put on a brave face," Sam says to her. "You're gonna enjoy the few days you have left with Lizzy and Sammy and then when they leave you're gonna wish them good luck."

"And that's just how it'll be, huh?" Lou says with an edge.

"It has to be that way."

"You sound like your brother."

Sam huffs a laugh, not hating the sound of that all that much. "Is that so bad?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

Lou glances at him out of the side of her eyes. "When Dean gets bossy it sucks because he's a fucking asshole."

"Ok…."

"But when you do it…." She takes a deep breath. "It makes me want to pull over."

Sam does an almost comical double take with that. "Pull over?"

"Yeah."

"Why would you wanna…?" Sam starts to say but then he gets it. "Oh."

"Yeah.  _Oh_ ," Lou gives him a look. "So either stop telling me what to do or  _really_  start telling me what to do."

"Just get us to Prosperity first, ok?" Sam smirks a little to himself. They've been on eggs shells around each other since he found out about her killing Amy. It's been weird and very… uneventful. It's a weeklong dry spell as they figure out how to be together after the big breach of trust and with the stress of Dean and Lizzy leaving. But now he can see that they're finally heading back into their default where Lou is always horny and Sam is always happy to help when she needs it.

They might be ok after all.

* * *

 


	2. Friggin' Witches, Man!

_**This is my take on the episode 'Shut Up, Dr. Phil'.** _

* * *

 

"Looks like they're making headway pretty quickly," Bobby says as he checks his email on his laptop. He looks over the screen to Lizzy and Dean on the couch. "Already givin' me homework."

"Good. Maybe they'll get back soon," Lizzy comments as she looks at Bobby behind his makeshift desk.

"That'd be nice, wouldn't it?" Bobby says quietly as he looks at a picture of a coin he's been sent by Lou. "Huh. They found an old coin at the salon some gal's head got fried up at."

"Shit. Witches?" Lizzy asks with dislike as she stands up and heads for Bobby, already knowing she's most likely right.

"Yeah. Probably a curse," Bobby agrees as she looks over his shoulder. "And this thing is ancient so that means old witches."

"Fucking hate witches," Dean grumbles to himself as he continues on his research of calmer sorts. Currently he's checking out the few garages in the town of Broken Bow to get prepared for talking himself into a job at any one of them. Baby is his resume though so it shouldn't be too hard.

"We know you do, dear," Lizzy says with a little laugh as she looks at the coin. "Damn, this thing  _is_  old. You know where it's from or when it was…." All three adults in the room pause to look over at the baby monitor as Sammy starts crying in his crib upstairs. "Damn. Right on time as usual."

"Alright, I'll go get him," Dean says as he starts to get up but Lizzy stops him.

"Wait, ah, Bobby… why don't you go feed him," Lizzy says to the older man as she heads for the refrigerator. "If you want to."

Bobby looks at her for a moment with suspicion. He knows what she's up to. They'll be leaving soon and she wants to give him more time with Sammy before they do. "Who's gonna look into this coin?"

"I will," she smiles on and runs the bottle under the warm tap. "He hasn't hung out with just Grandpa Bobby in a while. I'm sure he'd love it."

Bobby narrows his eyes. "You ain't half as slick as you think you are."

"Hey, I can feed him if you don't want to…"

"No, no. Clearly you want  _me_  to do it," Bobby says in a way that makes it obvious how much he wants the job despite what he says as he nearly leaps out of his seat. "So I'll do it just 'cause I like ya."

"And it has nothing to do with how much you may or may not actually like that little boy up there," Lizzy patronizes as he walks over to her and hands over the ready bottle.

"Eh, I don't really get what all the fuss is about over him," Bobby says with a straight face.

"Yeah, right," Lizzy laughs and shoves him playfully towards the stairs. "You don't fool me, Robert. Get going. He's only gonna get louder."

"I'm going, I'm going," he says in return and heads up.

The second he's gone Lizzy looks over at Dean with a big grin. "He's gonna miss that boy."

"Definitely," Dean agrees completely. "You know, the more real this becomes the worse I feel about taking him away."

"That's not what we're doing."

"I know… but we kinda are," Dean rebuts. "He's gonna live without his aunt and uncle there and who knows when he'll ever see Bobby."

"Dean, most kids don't live with their extended family," Lizzy reminds him. "He'll be ok. He'll know them still and they'll come by and visit and spoil the shit out of him when they do. In fact, this might make him more normal than anything."

Just then they can hear Bobby's voice over the monitor.

_Alright, ya lil' idjit. Calm it down. I hear the dinner bell loud and clear._

Lizzy quietly laughs to herself as they can hear him pick up Sammy.

_God damn, you can be loud, can't ya? You know, I used to hate the sound of babies crying. Made me nervous. Just always sounded so agitating._

Sammy's crying calms bit by bit as he begins to eat.

_But you? You… you're alright. And I hate your crying for a different reason. I just don't like when you're not happy. I always want ya to be happy._

Dean mouth curls into a brief, very quick smile as he listens.

_And you're gonna be. You are. 'Cause you got the best two parents around and old gramps here is gonna make sure nothin' comes for ya ever. I got your back._

"Maybe normal just plain sucks on this one then," Dean complains as he looks at one really big downside to their plan to flee. He won't say it out loud but he's going to miss this odd little family when he leaves.

* * *

With a big sigh, Lou sits down at the small kitchenette table in the motel room she and Sam are staying in while on their hunt. She finished up her end of their split tasks early and on her way back she happened to see a beacon of hope and delicious wonder under a neon-glowing, bell-shaped sign. She stopped to pick up a late lunch for herself and with her excitement she prepares to eat without him. Who knows when he'll be back anyways? Better not let this feast of all feasts get cold.

Unwrapping all four menu items from their paper coverings, Lou spreads her treasures out on the Formica with bright eyes of excitement. "Hello, lovelies," she grins out.

The motel door opens up and Sam marches into the room to find Lou surrounded by various types of Mexican fast foods and a smile like he's rarely seen on her face.

"Dude," she starts with childlike wonder. "They have a Taco Bell here."

With an eye roll, Sam walks to her and sets a plastic bag down right next to her meal.

And the smell hits like a well-aimed blow to the face. "Ugh," she complains and pinches her nose. "That is…"

"Chicken feet," Sam tells her as she stares at the plastic bag. He takes off his jacket and tosses it on one of the beds. "Just like the recipe Bobby gave us calls for."

"Why the fuck does it smell like that?" she asks with pure disgust.

"Butcher's fridge is down. He says the power's been wonky for days and that he's lost so much product he probably won't make rent. Ditto every shop on the block. Nothing but burst pipes and blackouts.

"Huh," Lou hums, knowing that couldn't be normal.

"He says it's like all of a sudden the town ran out of luck."

"So, coincidence, right?" she asks with sarcasm as she picks up the bag and walks to where Sam is sitting on the room's couch, dropping the pile of rank feet on the coffee table with disgust.

"Uh...yeah…" Sam says with equal sarcasm. "We're past the point of dead flowers."

"I guess the witches are seriously that pissed."

"Putting it lightly," Sam huffs a laugh. "Alright, we better get a move on here."

Lou sits up straighter and turns her head towards the kitchen table, her face filled with the longing in her heart. "Right now?"

Sam looks at her funny. "You wanna wait until the witches kill more people?" he questions with a smile.

"No…" Lou sighs with her disappointment.

"That's food is pure crap anyways…"

"You shut your mouth!" Lou warns and points at him with anger. "That is not crap!"

"Ah, yeah… it really is." He huffs a laugh at her.

"No it isn't!" Lou denies while fully knowing how terrible the food is in reality.

Sam gives her a look to tell her to be honest with herself.

"Fine, it's crap," she gives in. "But that doesn't stop it from being delicious."

"You can eat when we get back," Sam promises and gets up to prepare to leave for the Stark residence.

"It'll be cold," Lou just short of whines.

"What's the big deal? It's Taco Bell," Sam finally asks.

"Just a… guilty pleasure from when I was younger. Lizard and I went all the time when hammered after a night of partying. Kinda became a comfort food and out on the road we would stop every damn time we saw one to get fat on crappy Mexican."

Sam has no return for that as he can see her nostalgia going.

"I haven't had any in over four years so when I saw the place down the street I jumped."

Sam laughs at her quietly. "So  _that's_  why you're looking at that chalupa like you do me when I'm about to get attacked by a five foot naked woman."

"Might be," she smirks. "And I'm not against attacking a burrito while naked either."

He nods his understanding. "Ok, witches first. We can stop at Taco Bell on the way back and get you more."

Lou smiles at him with genuine adoration. "You love me so much."

"Enough to let you eat food that will kill you, yeah," Sam shakes his head with disbelief that this tiny, shockingly fit girl eats like a pig. Or like his brother.

"Uh, why don't you… just…" Lou starts and pushes the plastic bag of chicken feet at Sam as she doesn't want to pick up the incredibly smelly item.

"You can take them," Sam says with a gold ritual bowl in hand as he heads for the door. "That's practically what your meal over there's made of anyways." He them leaves the room, motel door still open for her to follow him.

"Fucking… so gross. Uh!" Lou says in complaint as she picks the bag up and holds it out at arm's length while following him.

* * *

"You got everything?" Lou questions as she picks the lock on the backdoor of the sprawling mansion owned by the power-witch couple.

"Yeah," Sam answers as she works, holding the gold bowl away from himself as far as his long arms will let him. The stench of the not-at-all refrigerated chicken feet making him nauseous. He can hear Maggie's heels clicking angrily down the hardwood hallway in the house as Lou slowly and quietly opens the door.

"Good," she says, pocketing her lock pick and pressing an index finger to her lips as she creeps into the beautiful home.

They approach the living room, hearing the witch declare to her husband that they are about to have it out right now. Lou smirks to Sam behind her as they walk into the room, Sam holding the bowl out in from of them as Lou pulls out a small box of matches.

"Furor divina virtute in infernum eam detrude!" Lou says quickly and lights a match, dropping it into the bowl and making white smoke plume out from in it one small, unimpressive puff.

And nothing. The witches just stare at them blankly.

"Let me guess… chicken feet?" Maggie guesses right. "Not chilled?"

Lou sighs hard and Sam squeezes his eye shut for a second with the mistake. No wonder all the butchers in town had lost electricity.

"For obvious reasons, you won't be leaving this room," Don announces as he stands up next to his wife after dropping his cognac. "Well… you will be leaving… just not alive." He peers at his wife. "Maggie?"

She smiles slightly and they both raise their arms and look at the offending hunters. In unison they begin. "Puterea magiei negre..."

"Okay, plan B," Sam says, dropping the bowl on the nearest couch as his mind scrambles for a plan B.

"We have one!?" Lou slightly panics, not ready to see the kind of pain these two highly old, high skilled witches can dole.

"Talking."

"You serious?" Lou asks with fear as the two witches chant on. "Now? Really?"

"This is obviously a domestic dispute," Sam logics quickly. "So if you can't kill them, counsel them."

"You're insane…"

"Wait!" Sam blurts out, holding out his hands to show surrender. "Ok, ok. Uh, just wait a second here."

When the witches look at Sam and wait to hear what he has to say he realizes he doesn't have anything ready. Dean's the on the fly kind of person. He can bullshit his way out of an arrest with just his words if he wants to. Sam… yikes. Not so much.

"Look," Lou jumps in when Sam pauses for too long. "So, ok, we've been following you two for a bit, I'm sure you've guess that by now, and obviously… from what we've seen… you two are capable of killing each other several times over, right?"

They nod in unison.

"But you haven't done that yet! Which means… that you two, you still value whatever it is you have between you. And, and… you don't want to give up on that. Maybe, you know… it's that you've been together for too long. Or you're just gluttons for punishment and that's why you stick together. Or, fuck… maybe you're just really good together in bed, right? I mean, you're two good looking people…. I bet you guys know how to have a good time with each other…."

"Okay, okay, that's…" Sam shakes his head and stops her there. Maybe he did come hunting with Dean after all. "That's going way too deep there, Lou."

"Sorry," Lou apologizes to the couple and they both shrug it off, making her think she's right.

"Look, what she's trying to say is that, is that you two… whatever it is you have, you're bonded."

"Are you out of your mind?" Maggie asks with pure audacity. "He cheated on me. Humiliated me."

"And we're not trying to say that what Don did was right," Sam keeps trying. "When a relationship cracks, usually both parties have a hand in it."

"Indeed," Don agrees with happiness that someone was able to stand up for him.

"You're defending him?" Maggie asks with fury as she pushes a hand towards Sam. The invisible force of her power has him on his ass on the ground instantly.

"Ugh!" Sam groans out in pain as he doubles over.

"Shit! No! Wait, ok, no… wait!" Lou steps in, not looking to get Sam hurt like that again. "Nobody can defend Don, right? Uh, not totally. But I get that you feel betrayed... because you were. As women we take this kind of thing to heart and I know that if he ever cheated on me…." She motions towards Sam on the floor. "I would be devastated."

"Don't suck up to her," Don says to Lou and flings her through the French doors, crashing through them harshly and tumbling into the other room.

"I was betrayed by  _all_  of them," Maggie tells Don and ignore the hunters for a moment. "Carl introduced you to Wendy. Dewey covered for you. Wendy did you!"

"Okay, okay, look," Sam keeps trying as he slowly makes his way back to his feet, glancing at Lou in the other room on the floor. She seems ok. "I got to say I, I don't think Don was lying when he said he regrets the whole Wendy thing."

" _Thing_!?" Maggie repeats with shock for Sam's belittling what her man did to her. "Sit back down." She points to the floor and Sam in shoved to the carpet once more, groaning with yet more pain.

"Ugh! Ah! Yeah, affair…" Sam remembers what Don did and what he shouldn't have made light of. "That's right… terrible." He rolls around with the agony and prays in his head that Lou is better off.

"I think the only thing he regrets is getting caught."

"Wendy was nothing to me," Don promises his wife. "It was over as soon as it started."

"She was part of a pattern, okay?" Maggie spits back. "I've had 800 years of this. Do not make me bring up the Renaissance!"

"Oh! Oh! You're one to talk. 1492 ring any bells?"

"The man was about to set sail! He could possibly fall off of the edge of the earth. I took pity. So, what's your excuse?"

"I told you, nothing happened with the Medici chick! You've always been insanely jealous."

"Oh, I wonder why! Jenny, Wendy…."

"Jenny? Nothing happened with Jenny. She's just my assistant."

Lou finally makes it to her feet, walking to the doorway and leaning on the wooden frame for support. "That's true," the hunter backs Don up. "She, uh… she told us… she's just his assistant."

Maggie winds up to fling her back again with anger.

"Wait! Don't! Hold on!" Lou holds her hands out to stop Maggie from hurting her again. "I get it, ok? I get this… this mistrust you have right now. Don knows he fucked up." Lou waits to get telekinetically smacked again but instead Don just looks at her with understanding. "Relationships are hard. And sometimes… sometimes one person fucks up and betrays that trust that's supposed to be there." Lou glances at Sam when she can feel how true her own words ring with the past few weeks of their own relationship. "But if you guys are as good as you make it sound like you are… I mean, eight-hundred years together isn't exactly nothing… then this sucks but it shouldn't end you."

"He betrayed me!" Maggie yells at Lou.

"But is this fuck up worth losing him over?" Sam cuts in, looking at Maggie. "Yes, he messed up, and yes it hurts like hell… but can't you work to find that trust again?"

"I bet Don wants that," Lou says, looking at the male witch. "Right? Wouldn't you give the world to make up for your mistake? Don't you regret it?"

"Is that true?" Maggie asks her husband of centuries. "Do you regret it?"

"Yes, I swear it, babe," Don says sincerely. "I made a mistake. I'm sorry, Maggie."

"And Maggie, don't you want to fix things?" Sam asks her. "You don't want to throw away something this good, do you?" He gets to his feet again. "Because I can promise you, if you can find something that can last this long, weather this much crap… don't throw it away. Work on it. You have to be willing to work to get your trust back. It's not easy…" Sam mentions, his eyes sliding to Lou when he can feel it all ringing true to them both. "But nothing worthwhile ever is."

"I don't want this to be over," Don tells his wife.

"I don't want to obliterate you, not really," she answers back.

"See? See? Guys, guys..." Sam smiles with relief. "You're talking." He sees Lou on her feet again in the doorway. "All these years, you, you… you buried your anger and your disappointment till it tore you apart. All you needed to do was talk."

"And we would've missed a serious beating but, well, who wants that, huh?" Lou comments quietly so that the witches wouldn't hear her.

"He's right," Don says to Maggie. "I couldn't kill you. All I ever wanted is you, Mags. I've been crushing on you since forever. You're the woman that I want to never grow old with."

"I could never murder you either, Don. It's crazy... but true."

The two witches move in to kiss each other and ignore the hunters completely, Sam seeing the out they need to escape serious harm at the hands of two of the strongest witches he's ever come across.

Nodding to the back door they used to get in, Lou nods and follow Sam out before they ended up getting a free show.

* * *

"So we just let them go?" Lou questions, walking into their motel room and immediately dropping a heavy duffle next to the door.

"What choice do we have?" Sam questions her as he walks in behind her and kicks the door shut.

"Go back and kill them," Lou says with obviousness, rolling her right shoulder while wincing. "I mean, that relationship isn't exactly healthy…"

"Because ours is stellar," Sam comments to her, giving her a look of light challenge. He's not looking to start a fight but just remind her how similar their own problems are with battling trust and building it up again.

"But neither of us have ever started killing people when we fight, dear," she reminds him with a bite. "I'm not throwing rocks here, I'm just worried that humanity might suffer again if Don can't keep it in his pants."

"Well, I'm staying inside the glass house this time because Don and Maggie would be ready for us and I for one want to live to see my nephew again."

Lou sighs heavily with the good point he makes. "Fair. You suck but fair." She once more rolls her shoulders out and Sam takes notice of the pain on her face.

"You alright?" he asks, pulling off his jacket before walking towards her.

"Just… I took that last blow hard. Landed on the back of my neck. Shoulders hurt."

Sam nods and stands behind her, his hands immediately on her shoulders and rubbing them. "You're knotted up."

"Shocking," she answers back, hanging her head and closing her eyes with his ministrations. "Stress will do that."

Sam nods, knowing how life has been for her this past week. "I know Lizzy leaving is hard for you…."

"And being in this weird situation with you isn't much better. Especially when it's my fault."

Sam's heart hurts a little with that comment. They have been awkward and uncomfortable as they settle into this place of healing after the mistrust. Killing Amy was the worst thing she could have done to their relationship. "It hasn't been fun."

"And walking on eggshells isn't easy."

"Why are you walking on eggshells?" Sam asks her as he takes ahold of the collar of her leather jacket and pulls it down her arms.

Lou pauses a moment before saying to him, her back still to him, "I don't want to upset you again. Being on  _that_  side of you… I don't like it."

Sam returns his hands to her shoulders, Lou groaning with the feel of him working out her sore muscles.

"You're scary."

"I've been told," Sam huffs, knowing his anger issues can be a bit intimidating.

She swallows hard and asks the one question she's been scared to know the answer to this whole time. "Can we go back?"

"I hope so," Sam says, truly wanting to return to what they were. "I mean, I want to."

"Me too," Lou tells the truth. "Because I want us to be good again."

"Good, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Well… you wanna, maybe, be good right now?" Sam asks, something awkwardly fun sparking in the back of his tone as he tries his best to be slick with it.

Lou understands right away when Sam's tone gets weird right before his lips land on the side of her neck. "Don't you mean…  _bad_?" she jokes with playfulness, the first time she's had that playful tone with him in weeks. What can she say? Sam discomfort with being sexual can be just so endearingly sexy to her.

"Why not?" Sam asks her, his lips landing one more time to her neck. "It  _has_  been a long day…."

"And it's not over yet."

Sam and Lou both turn sharply with the new voice in the room, finding a skinny man walking out of the bathroom of their motel room. Sam pulls his gun from her back and aims immediately.

"Hi, Sam. And Lou?"

"Do we know you?" Sam asks, his mind already thinking through their weapons in the room and how easily they can be accessed.

"Well, I definitely know you," the man answers with slight glee. "You're one of the dead guys."

"Dead guys?" Sam asks for clarification.

"Yes, Sam and Dean Winchester. The big boss put you on the list. He wants you gone."

"Why us?"

"Because we know things," he answers. "We know the threat you pose. We're not stupid." He then looks at Lou. "And look at that. Lou, good to see you."

"And which one are you?" she asks, not know which Leviathan she's speaking to at the moment.

"Ran into you only once. I believe you lopped my head off to save your little vamp boy toy."

"Like that narrows it down?" Lou says, trying to remain calm and confident despite her utter terror. With all the Leviathan she ran into in Purgatory she doesn't know who this one is, only that he's in fact a Levi since he said she lopped his head off and he's still standing.

"You called me a douche bag as my head rolled away. You then picked it up to spit in my face before running like the scared little girl that you really are."

"Right," she recalls once he rehashed their one time encounter. She remembers now.

"I don't have any kill order on you, per say, but I have a feeling no one would mind all that much if I took you out too… maybe used you as a little appetizer before my bigger meal." He winks at Sam.

Sam pulls the trigger with the threat on Lou's life and the man barely moves. He takes the bullet to the chest in stride and Sam understands the situation a little better when black ooze starts to drip from the wound and ejects the bullet from his body.

"Sorry," the Leviathan says with a smirk. "You're a bit outmatched." He walks forward and punches Sam in the face with force that should never come from such a small man. The hunter flies back and tumbles between the two beds in the room. As Sam falls the Leviathan clamps down on Lou's neck with one hand, lifting her off her feet and making her choke.

Lou tries to fight back but human strength is no match for biblical monster levels.

"Ah, Lou," he smiles wide. "From what I just heard from the bathroom sounds like you two kinda like each other. I think I'm gonna eat you first…" he points at Sam. "And make him watch."

Suddenly the Leviathan shakes as an electric current zaps him. He falls to the floor still and unconscious as Lou is left coughing once he lets go.

Sam stands up and can see Don Stark in the now open main doorway, casually walking towards them.

"Good God," he says with disgust as he looks at the monster on the floor. "What is that thing?"

"I'm not too sure you really want to know," Sam says with concern as he checks on Lou, the woman breathing deeply as she waves him off.

"You know, find a bottomless pit and drop it in," Don says while toeing the body with his expensive wingtip. "Spell only lasts for a few days."

"Thank you," Lou says to him. "We weren't gonna survive that guy if you didn't come along.

"Oh, I know," Don says with confidence as he walks past them. He kneels to the floor and reaches between the mattress and box spring of one of the beds.

"Uh, what are you even doing here?" Sam questions.

"Apparently, saving your lives…" Don says as he retrieves a hidden ancient cursed coin. "Twice. Got it.

"Maggie? Seriously?" Lou asks with upset. "We just saved your fucking marriage and she still wants to off us?"

"Yeah, but to be fair, you also tried to kill her," he slickly reminds as he stands back up. "You know how she is when she gets a bug up her ass. Got to love her, right?" Don heads for the door again but pauses before leaving. "I gotta ask, all that good advice you two came up with tonight… how long have you been together?"

Lou and Sam exchange nervous looks before Lou tells him, "A couple months."

"Months!?" Don says with delight. "Ha! We took advice from two puppy lovers. Oh, that's rich."

"Our advice was still good," Sam points out.

"That… that's true," he wags a finger at Sam. "I'll hand it to you both. You've figured some really important things out quite early on. I hope it serves you well." Don turns back around. "Bottomless pit. ASAP. Ciao!"

He closes the door behind him and leaves Sam and Lou alone with the knocked out Leviathan, both of them looking at one another with wonder as to what to do now.

* * *

 


	3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers

_**This is my take on the episodes 'Shut Up, Dr. Phil' and 'Slash Fiction'.** _

* * *

 

"Sooooo… dinner?" Lizzy asks the cabin, the quiet day having been spent hanging out with Bobby and settling yet more plans for their move.

"Hell yeah…" Dean starts to answer but gets interrupted when the front door burst open.

"Dean," Sam says instantly, locking eyes with him the second he sees him on the couch. "We need your help."

Wide eyes on his little brother, Dean asks with a furrowed brow, "What the hell's going on?"

"Just… just come with me," Sam says and runs back out to the Mustang.

Dean sighs heavily and stands up, Sammy in his arms. "You wanna?"

"Yep," Lizzy answers and comes to take Sammy from him. Once his mother is holding him Dean heads outside.

"Alright, this better be good if you're gonna come back here busting through doors like a maniac."

Lou opens the trunk and reveals the body of the thin, folded up man.

"Who the hell is that?" Dean asks calmly, never really too surprised by events like this, not like he should be.

"He's a Leviathan," Lou answers.

"What!?" Dean starts to panic. "And you brought him here!?"

"He's out cold with witchcraft. It's safe," Sam tells him as if it's normal.

"And we need to learn more about them and what the fuck it is they're up to so…."

"What the fuck is wrong with you two!?" Dean lets his anger fly. "You cannot be bringing this shit here with Sammy around!"

"If we had any other option we wouldn't have," Lou assures. "But for now we need to get this dude inside and tied down before he wakes up."

"He's  _not_  going in there," Dean defies immediately, arms crossed and ready to get his brother and sister-in-law to take a hike with the unkillable monster in tow.

"Where do you suggest then?" Sam challenges as he reaches for the Leviathan's legs.

"I don't give a flying fuck where you bring him. He's just not going in there!" he rebuts with total anger as he points to the cabin.

"We knew that you'd feel this way," Lou says as calm as can be. "And that's why on the way back Sam and I came up with a plan."

"Which is?"

"You and Lizzy take Sammy to a motel a few towns over. Don't even tell us where you land, we don't want to know," Lou explains their idea. "Once you're safe somewhere turn off your GPS and text us that you're good. We'll keep the monster here for now and work on figuring him and his crew of asshats out."

"And once you're ready to go… you can just take off for Broken Bow from there," Sam tacks on. "That way you three are as safe as possible and nowhere near any of this." He gestures to the open trunk.

"Son of a bitch," Dean quietly laments as he washes a hand down his face with stress. "L just wanted a few more days with you guys."

"So did we," Lou says, her voice not at all hiding the absolute disappointment she has with this turn of events. "But that doesn't matter. You need to keep your boy safe."

Dean looks at her with total shock. "Thought you were against us leaving?"

"Funny what a Leviathan in my trunk will do to my opinions," Lou tells him. "Shit just got real and Sammy needs to go. No selfish aunts need to be in the way of that." She looks at Sam and he appears to be awful proud of her.

"And we'll come by before you head for Nebraska. Wouldn't let you leave without a real goodbye," Sam promises, knowing Lou will absolutely need that and, deep down, he will too.

Dean nods and decides why delay anything. Time to get Sammy out of there. "Alright. Let's set up the big mouth in the basement. I'll get Lizzy packing and then come and help you."

"Deal," Sam says as he once more moves to the trunk, ready to get everything secured before the monster wakes up.

* * *

"Ready to go?" Lizzy asks Dean, two duffles on her shoulder and Sammy's baby carrier hooked in her opposite arm, Sammy in it asleep.

"Uh," Dean says, his eyes landing on the open basement door with worry before turning back to her. "Yeah… I guess so."

She looks at him with sympathy. "I know it feels weird to go."

"It was gonna feel weird to go in a few days anyways," Dean brushes off and walks for her, hoisting the three other bags by the door over his shoulder and tucking Sammy's playpen under his arm. He then grabs his keys off the hook by the door. "We're outta here!"

"Good, git," Bobby says from his 'desk' as he walks around it to get to them. "Tired of that poop machine stinkin' up the joint anyways."

Dean and Lizzy don't crack a smile. They couldn't. They know what this leaving means and they know it'll never be the same, that Grandpa Bobby won't be around for their boy all time. Or for them either for that matter.

"Aw, now don't get all sappy on me," Bobby says as he can see it coming.

Dean instantly pulls the older man into a tight hug, not really giving a shit about how he looks or how girly it makes him. He pats Bobby on the back twice, toughening up the embrace, before very quietly saying, "Thank you."

Bobby swallows hard, taking the moment for what it is. Rare and quite wonderful.

"You're just upset about not having an extra person to feed and clean up after that lil' idjit of yours," he tells Dean with a knowing smile as he pulls back.

The corner of Dean's mouth twitches up with the brush off, knowing it's far more than that.

When Bobby looks to Lizzy he can see the dam about to break, her eyes glazed with tears already. "Balls. Come 'ere"

Lizzy places the baby carrier on the floor and steps into the older man, her arms around his neck immediately. She didn't have the time to really get ready for this. She thought she had a few more days to mentally prepare, or ignore what was happening, before it actually happened.

From the moment she was pregnant, Bobby has been a constant in her life. He's opened his home to her, his life to her, his heart to her completely… and she grew comfortable being there. When she wakes up Bobby's handing her the newspaper and toast and when she heads to bed he tells her goodnight. He's been a constant positive presence in her son's life, in her husband's entire life, and in hers starting from when she was a lost orphan.

Bobby has saved her. And she now has to leave him after over a year of being with him every day.

"I love you," Lizzy says to him, hugging him even tighter as she can feel her heart break.

Not saying a word, Bobby just lets her sentiment wash over him. He's going to miss her so, so much. As much as Lizzy got used to living with the older man, he's grown absolutely too fond of having her around at all times. They researched together, worked together, even helped raise that little grandkid of his. Without them around it'll feel awfully different and really lonely.

"I know you do, hon," Bobby smiles after a moment. "And… you know."

"I know," she grins through the first falling tears, knowing that was his way of telling her he loves her too.

They separate and Lizzy sighs. "Fuck, I'm so not ready for this, ha." She wipes her eyes as Lou and Sam come up from the basement.

"I think he's about as secure as he's getting," Sam announces, walking towards the couple standing by the front door of the cabin.

"Good. You watch your ass with him here," Dean points at his little brother with warning. "We don't know a whole lot about those dicks and you said that spell will wear off…"

"Dean. Relax," Sam stops him. "We got this. We're good."

"Without me? Please." In reality, Dean just hates the idea that Sam will be good without him.

Sam just smirks quickly before giving his brother the usually manly hug they reserve for moments like this. He can hear Dean sigh heavily over his shoulder, knowing how tough this is on him. If anyone knows Dean it's Sam. Sam therefore already gets the absolute torment this whole separation and leaving hunting situation will cause him, at least at first. Plus… Dean's never been comfortable without Sam around. That's just how it is for the older man.

"This is the right thing," Sam tells him, reminding him once more as he backs away a bit. "Just make sure Sammy's nothing like us. We suck."

Dean huffs a laugh. "Yeah, we do," he says, giving Sam a couple pats on the cheek before backing off. "You run into problems you call me."

"Yeah… I'm  _not_  gonna do that," Sam promises the opposite and makes Dean roll his eyes.

Sam then turns to look at Lizzy and he melts a little. Her eyes streaming and her pathetically sad face looking back at him make him crumble a little. She could always do that to him. "Don't do that, huh?" Sam says lightly as he bends down to hug Lizzy. She pulls him in hard and Sam can already feel how much it'll suck without her.

"Call me all the time?" Lizzy requests, knowing that Sam has always had a hard time opening up to others except for her. He's been able to be more honest with her than most others, even Lou at this point, so she has to make sure he still has his outlet.

"I'll do what I can," Sam responds.

"Call me. All the time," she repeats, this time not asking. "Or I kill you."

"Always the violent one," Sam says as he backs off, Lizzy stopping him when she grabs his cheek and places a very sweet kiss on the other side.

After that they share an honest look of pure affection. She's going to miss her brother and Sam's certainly going to miss his hard ass sister that pesters him into making him a better person all the damn time.

"Oh, this fucking sucks," Lizzy hears from below her. When she looks she sees Lou leaning over Sammy's carrier, placing a kiss on the little boy's forehead while cupping his tiny, sleeping face. "My little man. Uh. Hate this."

"So do I," Lizzy says, really losing every ounce of composure she'd managed to find before now. "Louie, I'm so sorry…."

"Stop it," Lou tells her as she kisses Sammy one more time before standing up. She looks her sister straight in the eye as her face wrinkles. "I'm sorry."

"No I am."

"No, I'm the one that was a bitch," Lou says, hugging Lizzy tightly. "Lizard, I shouldn't have made you feel bad about this. It's the right thing to do."

"But I don't want to take him away from you."

"I know."

"And I don't want to be away from you either," Lizzy sobs. "I just got you back."

"I know," Lou repeats. "I know this sucks. It fucking sucks hard. But you need to do this."

"I don't want to."

"Yes you do," Lou laughs a little.

"Yeah… I do," Lizzy backs away. "But I'd rather do this with you."

"When we figure all this shit out we'll come find you," Lou promises. "Sam and I talked on the way back." She glances at Sam and he gives her a small smile, still on board. "When we figure out the Leviathan crap and fucking end those dickbags for good we're gonna head for Nebraska. We don't want this anymore either."

Lizzy perks up a little, looking to Sam for a second. "Seriously?"

Sam nods.

Lizzy actually smiles. "Ok." She wipes her face. "I'm holding you to that. We'll be waiting for you…."

_This goodbye speech is heartwarming and all but I'm gonna puke. You asses just gonna leave me down here to listen to this crap?_

"Oh good," Lou says with sarcasm when they all hear the Leviathan in the basement speak up. "He's a mouthy one."

"When are they not?" Dean comments and looks at Lou. "Louise, it's been a pleasure." He holds out his hand to shake hers, keeping their friendly yet still not perfect friendship in a place that he thinks would be comfortable to her. Granted they've come a long way in a short time through hunting together but still, he never quite knows where he stands.

"Don't call me that, douche bag," she fires right back out, grabbing his hand and shaking it. "You watch them." Her eyes challenge him.

Dean just looks at her, asking if she's joking with that ridiculous question.

"Alright," Lou says taking back her hand. "I know. You'll take care of them."

"Or else you'll murder me in my sleep."

"Better fucking believe it."

Dean laughs slightly with the very believable threat. At least he digs her style. "Don't let him lie to you." He nods at Sam. "Because he will."

"About what?" Sam asks with offence.

"Your head," Dean says with certainty before focusing on Lou again. "That shit gets out of hand, you call me."

Lou just nods her promise, absolutely ready to watch Sam like a hawk now that Dean won't be there to help with it.

"Well alright. We done with the chick flick crap?" he asks, readjusting the bags on his shoulder. "Can we amscray now?"

Lizzy nods as her voice gets too choked up to use again. With a deep breath she looks around the room at her family. It hurts so much.

"Get going," Bobby says to them as the sun starts to set. "Get somewhere a good five hours away and set up before getting some real sleep for once."

"We will," Dean vows as he opens the door. Lizzy takes a deep breath and heads out, leaving her loved ones to clean up the shit world they live in while she prepares to try and be normal and very, very safe.

Dean locks eyes with his brother for a moment, Sam giving him  _that_  look, and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Lizzy steps through the doorway of the room they rented at Eddy's Motel in Butte. They drove for four hours and figured that would be enough. Granted it's in a city and maybe they should be going somewhere more rural but they'll be safe enough for a few days.

Dean follows her in, stopping just past the threshold to look around while Lizzy drops their bags. He has the rest of the duffle bags in one arm and he's holding Sammy to his opposite shoulder, the boy crying in the car so much that dad had to take him out of his seat they second they parked. He stopped the moment he wasn't strapped into his seat.

Dean sighs when he recognizes exactly where he is.

"What?" Lizzy asks him as she watches his reaction.

"I just brought my son to a seedy motel, that's what," Dean tosses the bags aside and pulls the knit hat off Sammy's head to get a good look at him and his watery cheeks and eyes.

"Temporary," Lizzy reminds as she shuts the door behind him. "Remember that."

"It was all always temporary," Dean admits and plops down on the full sized bed in the room. His entire life was supposed to be temporary. Just until Yellow Eyes was dead. Just until Sammy's weird psychic shit was settled. Just until Lucifer was in his cage, the Apocalypse was averted, Sam soul was back, Cass was back to normal… that temporary list is far too extensive. He then looks back at the bed he's on. "Jesus. Two people can't even fit on this thing."

"Sucks to be you then."

"Why's that?"

"Because you'll have to sleep on the floor," she smirks at him as she rifles through a bag, grabbing the last made bottle she has for Sammy and tossing it to Dean.

"You're funny," he tells her sarcastically and shifts Sammy around until he's on his back. He then holds out a hand ready to catch something.

Lizzy tosses a cloth diaper to him without him needing to ask. "You feed and I set up the play pen so he can sleep after?"

"Done."

It's quiet for some time, Lizzy working and Dean feeding Sammy. They settle into the room as best they can.

"When he's down I'm gonna ward up the place," Dean tells her.

"Sounds good," she answers, standing up and looking at him for a moment as he sits at the end of the bed. "I'll help."

"Or you could go pick up some dinner?" Dean suggests, a hopeful face in place.

"Or I could get some dinner," she nods and smiles.

"There was a diner a few miles back…"

"Bacon cheeseburger with extra onions." Dean opens his mouth to add something on but she beats him. "And pie. I know," she laughs a little as she heads for the bathroom. "You know, I really look forward to having a home and a kitchen again so I can make sure you don't eat yourself into an early grave."

"I'd like to see you try that," Dean jokes right back despite his sour mood and gets a grin from his wife before she disappears into the bathroom.

When he's alone with Sammy he realizes the bottle is already empty.

"Damn, kiddo," he huffs with surprise. "You eat faster every day."

The little boy's eyes droop a bit as he's been awake for a good chunk of the ride to Butte.

"Alrighty," Dean says, standing up. "Time for some shut eye, Sammy. It's been a long one."

The little boy just looks at his father, clearly thinking something that he can't say just yet.

"You gotta start talking soon so I can stop wondering what the hell you're always thinking."

And then Sammy yawns.

"Or maybe you don't need to speak at all. I gotcha."

Dean puts his son in his playpen, covering his little body with a blanket in the drafty, cheap room to keep him warm. He's out almost immediately.

Rubbing at his tired face, Dean looks around. Peeling wallpaper, dirty carpet, Antiques Roadshow television set… yeah. This is just typical. All they had needed was a few more days to avoid this.

And then the three framed pictures over the headboard catch his eye. Despite the dingy, dark room the colors are sunny and cheery. There's a painted flower on each canvas, the blue, pink, and purple colors popping brightly. Under each flower is a word: Hope, Faith, Love.

Dean scoff at the artwork. "Yeah fucking right."

* * *

After several days of poking and prodding, torturing and prying, the hunters are no closer to figuring out the Leviathan in the basement than they were when they hauled him in there.

"Okay, Chet," Bobby says to the monster still chained to a chair. "Let's see how you like a little fruit of the poison tree."

"Isn't that just a legal expression?"

"You're gonna wish it was."

Bobby stabs Chet in the thigh with the syringe he had in hand and presses down on the plunger. The concoction he's most recently come up with enters the Leviathan without a reaction.

Chet smacks his lips a little. "Hmm. Okay, similar finish to holy water, not as bitter as rock salt. Not bad. Nice oaky finish."

Sam comes down the stairs to join Bobby at that point and Chet smiles.

"And how is one of my two favorite meat-sicles?"

"He's still kicking I see," Sam comments with tired disappointment. They've made no headway whatsoever the entire three days and it's looking bleak.

"Greatest hits didn't do the trick. I'm down to B-sides and deep cuts but like Lou warned us… ain't looking too good."

"Well, that whammy the witch put on him is only gonna last for a few days more at best. He gets his spinach back, we're gonna end up having to drop a car on him just to slow him down."

"Wish I knew what I could do about that," Bobby tells Sam without bothering to hide his conversation. Chet knows how at a loss they are already so why bother.

Sam clenches his jaw as a second set of footsteps makes their way down the stairs.

"Any news?" Sam asks, knowing she was on the phone with Lizzy just now.

"Nah, they're just planning," Lou answers. "Gonna head out in a couple more days."

"You mean Dean?" Chet asks, looking at Lou with a smile. "He's making good on that plan to disappear. Wow. So I guess that Frank guy came through with the new I.D.s?"

The room pauses to stare at the Leviathan with all he seems to know.

"Oh, come on, guys!" Chet rolls his eyes at them. "How stupid can you be? You've been talking on the phone to them off and on every day. You think this old cabin has a sound proof cellar? Let you in on something; it doesn't."

Sam clenches his jaw and Lou's eye fill with anger at their own stupidity. They now have no choice but to figure out a way to end this monster with all he knows.

"First thing's first, Chet," Lou starts in. "How'd you find us?"

"It was easy. I used pattern-recognition software and a basic heuristic algorithm to track your known aliases."

"Great. Just what we need," Bobby bitches while dropping the syringe on the workbench and pulling off his work gloves. "A Mensa monster."

"Alright, let's just start with the start," Sam questions him. "Where'd you get our aliases?"

"From your trench-coated friend, obviously. When we were all nestled in at Camp Cass, kind of got the full download. That's just how we do."

Lou sighs and shakes her head, tired of hearing about messes that this Castiel left behind him before he died. She's seen and heard enough. It still blows her mind that Lizzy and the rest can look at the angel with such regard. It's conflicted regard but still.

"So why are you talking to us, Chet?" Bobby jumps in. "You're not dumb. Why you spilling state secrets?"

"'Cause I'm not scared of you," he answers as if it should have been obvious. "You can't stop me. You can't stop any of us. We can't be killed, you stupid little chew toys."

"Ok, relax with the threats," Lou says more casually than she probably should have. "I've seen enough of your kind to know that, while you can make most other monsters shit their pants in fear, you still can be slowed down."

"And how's that, Louise?" Chet grins wide.

Lou doesn't say a word, just smiles and picks up a machete. She walks right up to him and in one, strong swipe Chet's head careens in the air and lands a good ten feet away on the cement floor.

Sam and Bobby look at her with surprise.

"Well that's something," Bobby mentions.

"Tis but a scratch," Chet brushes off quick, his eyes still peering at the group from the floor. "Like I said. You can't kill me."

With wide eyes, Sam and Bobby watch Lou step up to the Leviathan head that's still alive and she kicks it a couple more feet. "No, but I can use your head for soccer practice." She presses the toe of her boot to his forehead and looks down at him. "And after all your kind has put me through… I wouldn't mind getting in a game. Sounds fucking fun."

"Just for that move, you're now on my personal list."

"How is that different from the master list?" Lou asks, wondering how it is that Chet's list could be worse than the Leviathan big hit list they had in their back pockets all over the country.

"You aren't on the master list," Chet tells her with insult, upset with her. "The ego on you."

Lou's heart skips as she picks up the Levi head and places it upright on the workbench. "What do you mean I'm not on the list? I'm with the Winchesters."

"So?" he answers, his head talking and animated as ever. "You're just one damaged, Purgatory-broken woman. We're not worried about you. Or your excuse for a dad over there either. Or your sister and that cute little morsel of delicious baby fat…."

"Shut your fucking mouth!" Lou warns, raising the machete over the Leviathan's head to start in on hacking it up to prevent it from further talking.

"Wait!" Sam stops her and grabs her arms. He pries the huge knife out of her grip as he needs more information. "Stop."

Lou gives him one fire-filled look before walking away for a moment to contain her anger at the mention of her nephew.

Sam and Bobby close in, looking at Chet's head. "So you're saying… the only people on the hit list are Dean and me?"

"It's amazing how concerned the boss is over you Winchesters when you're this slow," Chet disses.

"The boss?" Bobby questions, interest piqued.

"Don't ask about that," Chet winks. "That… my lips are completely sealed about.

"Ok, fine… then tell me why my brother and I are on the list at all," Sam presses on. "We're just a couple humans. You said it yourself, you're not scared of us…."

"Seems you've made an impression topside," Chet admits. "And from all accounts it seems that you two hamburgers on legs tend to stick your nose where it doesn't belong. It's a preventative measure, really."

As Bobby and Sam contemplate this they watch as Chet's head inches forward a bit, a black train of goo left behind his severed neck.

"Where'd you think you're going?" Bobby says, picking the head up and replacing it back where it was.

"Really?" Chet smirks. "You think you can keep me in pieces that long? It won't work."

"It's true," Lou says, walking back towards them after counting to ten while pacing long enough to lose the ire. "He'll reassemble."

"And clearly you're not aware that I'm the least of your concerns right now," Chet says, eyes lighting up with amusement when everyone looks utterly confused. "You haven't watched the news today, have you?"

* * *

“Mm, uh God,” Dean grunts out quietly as he lays on his back, his wife sitting on his hips as she yanks his belt open hastily.  His lips have been nonstop attached to hers, kissing her with a fire they’ve been building for a while.  A new baby in a crowded cabin was doing nothing for their sex life.  But right now, with Sammy out like a light and the room all to themselves for the most part, they’ve given in to need.  And it is pure, base need by now.  That’s the level of desperate they’ve come to.

“Need you so bad,” Lizzy whispers quickly when she leans up and focuses on opening the button and zipper of his jeans as Dean’s hands come up to grab her breasts hard through her t-shirt.  He squeezes while listening to her voice that’s staying at a whisper.  “Need you to fuck me so bad.”

“Oh, L,” Dean sighs with confidence, switching his focus to her old, well-worn jeans.  They struggle a bit, getting in each other’s way with fumbling, teenage-excitement-filled hands.  “I’ll fuck you,” he promises, his palms dipping into the back of her pants once they’re open, fingers grabbing and digging into the round flesh of her ass.  “I’ll give it to you good.”

“You fucking better,” Lizzy smiles while whipping her shirt overhead, the clothing flying off somewhere she doesn’t see.  “Oh God, it’s been so long….”

Dean pushes her off of himself before he reaches for his own flannel shirt, pulling his arms through the sleeves as quickly as he can manage.  “Get naked.” 

They both work in a craze, stripping item after item until nothing is left but warm skin on skin.

“Come here,” Dean fires out in the quietest tone he can manage as the last thing they need is Sammy waking up right now to kill everything for them.  He pulls her arms and moves her to the middle of their small motel bed, laying her on her back.  Looking down at her with a face of pure lust, Dean pushes her knees apart sharply and moves in, kneeling between her open legs. 

When he lightly slaps a hand down on her clit Lizzy yelps with the sensation of both the quick biting pain and sheer perfect bliss that follows instantly. 

And Dean presses his other hand over her mouth, covering it up after the reaction he gets is louder than he expected.  They both snap wide eyes over to the playpen and watch as Sammy moves just a little in his sleep, the small baby noises he makes disappearing after only a few seconds.

Both exhaling with relief that he’s staying in nap mode, Dean looks down at his wife.  “You gotta control yourself,” he warns as he takes back his hand.

“Me!?  That wasn’t my fault,” she rebuts in a whisper with a light grin.  “That was your fault.”

“Mine, huh?” he grins back as he purposefully palms over her center, pressing into her just enough to make her eyes flutter.

“Yes,” she all but sighs.

“Then maybe we should stop if you can’t keep it down,” Dean shrugs and removes his hand.

“No!” she shouts in a whisper and grabs his hand, returning it to her skin as she gives him a very serious look of warning.  “Unless you want to die you better get back to what you were doing.”

Dean huffs in a laugh at her desperation, knowing it’s only him that can get her to that point, this worked up.

“You mean this?” he asks, his fingers pressing into her clit and moving in slow, firm circles, Lizzy’s hips instantly rising up into his hand.  She throws her head back onto the pillow beneath her and exhales hard once. 

“Uh, oh yeah.  That.  That right there,” she sighs deeply with the release she’s already getting.  “That’s what I meant.”

And the image of his girl, laid out in front of him while panting his name, naked as sin… he’s not sure if she expected him to be able to hold out very long but this time around it just isn’t happening.  A couple weeks of celibacy while sleeping next to her half-nude form every night, watching her bend over while doing the mundane around the cabin or the motel room, the way her face has been lit up with hope for the future every day since he agreed to get out and flee with her and he’s dying to for this.  He has to get inside her.

Backing away to the foot of the bed, Dean stands up on the carpeted floor and grabs her ankles.  He yanks her body downward until she’s at the edge of the mattress, his cock trapped between his stomach and her pussy.

“Baby, fuck me.  Now,” Lizzy asks of him, her voice pleading.  “Fuck me.”  She nods her head as she moves her hips up and down, sliding over his length and forcing a guttural sound from him that is such pure instinct and raw desire that she knows she has him.  Just to be sure, Lizzy reaches lower, her hand wrapping around him and stroking long and hard while pressing him against her already very wet center, looking up at him without an ounce of shame for how exposed and open she is to him. 

His eyes widen for a beat to hear that beautiful voice once more ask such wonderful things of him while she does her best to turn him on to the point of going into madman-mode. 

Success on her part.

Dean pushes her hand aside and grabs himself, eyes locked on hers as he does.  He watches closely with near sick pleasure while he slowly enters her, her eyelids dropping and her expression wrinkling with how good he feels.  Once he’s fully in her he hooks his arms under her knees and pulls her that extra little bit closer, his hips flush against hers. 

The slow, smooth pace he sets makes Lizzy sigh with true contentment, feeling at ease and just plain happy.  Sex, more specifically sex with her husband, could always clear the busiest mind and lessen the worst, most daunting stress she’s ever known.  Fuck yoga.  This is way better for that mind/body/soul crap.

“Oh God, that’s perfect,” Lizzy very quietly lets him know, her back arching up into him as Dean leans over her body, one hand grabbing onto her thigh and the other propping himself up on the flowery motel comforter.  She hums low, unable to be completely quiet.

His palm sliding lower on her smooth skin, he grabs her ass cheek and lifts her a little, pushing into her slightly faster when it’s all too good to contain himself. 

“God damn,” Dean comments, Lizzy turning him on without really doing anything besides reacting to him and what he does to her.  Hell, the woman gets him worked up when she brushes her teeth.  “Fucking love this body.”

He leans down further and takes one of her breasts in hand, his mouth instantly on her nipple.  Lizzy bites her lips together to stop the sounds she so badly want to make from leaving her.  It’s too good to end what they’re doing but she knows it’s over if she can’t stop herself from making noise.  Uh, it’s just so hard to remain completely quiet. 

“Oh… oh… shit,” Lizzy whispers out, containing her tone despite the challenge Dean presents her.  She holds onto one of his broad shoulders and with the other hand she weave her fingers into his hair.  “Baby, yes.  Love you… so much.”

Immediately Dean lifts his head to seek her lips.  He kisses her hard, lowering to his elbow and cradling his hand under her head.  Lizzy’s arms come around his neck and holds him there, her tongue outlining his bottom lip as she sighs blissfully.  What started as a frenzy of sheer need has become a true moment of love and deep affection for a pair of people that barely have the time to think.

“If this is what regular life’s gonna be like…” Dean starts, pausing to kiss her again.  “Then bring it.”

Lizzy laughs a little through her heavy breathing at the comment, her tongue sliding against his before grinning against his lips.  “Can’t wait.  You and me.”

“Always,” Dean promises her, never wanting to leave her side again for anything.

“Oh God,” Lizzy drawls out in a serious moan that’s on the verge of a little too loud when Dean changes his angle and pace slightly.  He hits her just right, her body shuddering when she feels it.  “Oh, Hot Shot.  Just like that.”

Hot Shot.  When things are too difficult and stressful or when there’s any kind of animosity or wedge between them she never uses that name.  It’s been a long time since he’s heard it, the nickname coming out of her sporadically at best.  But when they were good and their relationship was easy and in the right place she’d call him this all the time.  Things are getting better.  They aren’t fighting about his hunting or the fear of not having a home or not being safe enough for Sammy.  They’re on the same page. 

And it feels so damn good to be on the same page.

Pulling her in tighter, Dean’s hand knots into the hair behind her head as his other grabs hard onto her ass cheek.  He fucks her faster, everything building with the use of his nickname she gave him years back.

“L,” Dean says his own nickname for her, the one he started saying just so he had his own special thing between them right when they’d met.  He wanted to be different than the other people (specifically men) she’d meet on the road.  He knew that L was _his_ thing.  Just his.  Just theirs.

“Dean, oh,” Lizzy buzzes as she curls into him, her forehead pressed to his shoulder as it comes at her fast.  “Fuck.  Oh my God.”

“Do it,” Dean pushes her, knowing she’s right there. 

“Oh, oh….”

“Do it, L.  Come for me.”

“Oh God!” she says muffled by his shoulder, purposefully pressing her mouth to his skin to keep from being too loud.  She rides out the burst of sheer perfection like that, only making quiet noises of delight.

Dean stills himself and lets her get lost in it, her nails digging into his upper back with the intensity.  He smiles to himself for a second, getting his own pleasure out of what he can do to her, but his moment gets interrupted when his cell phone starts ringing from the nightstand. 

“Shit,” Lizzy swears and scrambles out from under him to get the phone.  She grabs it quick while Dean stands up, silencing the ringer and sighing as she looks at Sammy.  The boy didn’t even move this time.  He’s exhausted.

“Close one,” Dean comments as he’s impressed with how fast she moved just to let her son get some continued rest.  “Who is it?”

“Sam,” she rolls her eyes.  Dean holds a hand out for her to give it over but she pauses.

“L, gimme the phone,” Dean asks of her but she shakes her head no.  “Come on.  Could be important.”

“I’d say that hard on you’re still rocking is more important,” she smirks at him and puts the phone back onto the nightstand, the vibrating sound it makes against the surface reminding them that Sam’s waiting for them to pick up the phone.

“You don’t know that,” he rebuts as she scoots back down the bed towards him with a smirk.

“A couple more minutes and you can talk to him all you want,” Lizzy promises, getting up on her knees on the mattress to pull him in by the back of the neck.  She kisses him seriously, her lips promising him a good time as the phone quiets behind her.  “I got mine so now you need to get yours.”

Dean glances at his phone, torn.  He feels like something’s up.

“Fine,” Lizzy nods a little, turning around.  She places her feet on the floor and leans over the edge of the bed onto her elbows, sticking her ass out right at him.  “I can see you need more motivation.”

Dean gives her round cheeks a good look and can feel his resolve weakening rapidly.  The second she wiggles her hips back and forth, her perfect curves right in his view, he’s done.  He doesn’t even warn her before he takes ahold of himself and enters her hard in one sharp movement.

“Uh, fuck!” Lizzy harshly whispers, hands balling up in the comforter under her.  She hangs on tight when Dean loses his patience and control and starts to pound into her hard.  “Dean… oh, oh yeah.”

“Love when you say my name,” Dean says to her within his worked up state.  He does.  He loves the way his name sounds coming out of her mouth in moans.  Nothing quite like it.

“ _Dean_ ,” she emphasizes, over annunciating the word and making sure he knows she’s saying it just simply to push him harder.  “Mm, Dean.”

“Oh yeah, baby,” Dean responds, his hands roaming her form a bit before landing one on her shoulder and one on her hip. 

“Fuck me, Dean,” she says with a playful spark to her voice.  She arches her back and turns to look at him.  “I want you to feel so good.”

“So do I,” Dean lightly returns with as he leans forward and kisses her lips once more. 

“Come on, daddy,” she says with her head turned hard to the side and her lips still just touching his.  “Get yours.”

Dean lets out a low growl of building pleasure as he presses his mouth to the back of her shoulder, taking a page from her book to keep silent.

“Oh fuck, Dean,” she says with a sly smirk, going for broke. 

“Oh… my… God….”  Dean then lightly bites onto her shoulder as he comes completely undone with her words.  It’s always her words, and isn’t it just ironic that the man that can barely formulate words when trying to speak his mind would find his wife speaking her inner thoughts freely a turn on.  He’s so fucked up.

As Dean’s weight is put onto her back while he rides through his own orgasm, Lizzy can hear the phone start to vibrate again.  A second call in just a few minutes.  That can’t be good.

“Damn it,” Dean swears from behind her, also hearing the phone and thinking the same as her.  He huffs a few breaths to gather himself and pulls out of her with a reluctant sigh.  He quickly walks to his phone and looks at the screen.  Sam calling.  “There’s that cock block.”  He answers the call.  “Sammy.”

Lizzy takes a seat at the edge of the mattress and watches as Dean's face falls immediately.

"The hell are you talking about?" he asks, his free hand on his naked hip as he listens in. "Why?"

Lizzy can hear Sam yell at his brother to  _just do it_  and Dean grabs the TV remote on the nightstand. He turns on the TV, sets the volume low, and finds the local new station.

_The two men, who up until today were presumed dead, locked the doors and opened fire, leaving no survivors. Sam and Dean Winchester are now the subjects of a manhunt throughout the state of California._

"What the fuck!?" Lizzy asks, her voice back to normal volume when she watches the security footage of her husband and brother-in-law using semiautomatics to shoot dead the bank patrons and tellers during a robbery.

"Sammy, what the hell am I looking at here?" Dean asks as the undertone of panic just slightly seeps into his voice.

Lizzy swallows hard, reading the ticker at the bottom of the screen.

BREAKING NEWS: Fugitives still at large. Armed and Dangerous. If seen call the police immediately. Do not approach. Two males. 6'3", light brown hair and 6'6", long brown hair. May be traveling in a black 1967 Chevrolet Impala with Ohio plate CNK 80Q3.

She clamps a hand down over her mouth when the fright and sickness wells up in her stomach. That's her husband on the news. His face is plastered across the country with Sam's as the killing spree they would never commit continues.

"They Xeroxed us!?" Dean's voice elevates as he starts to get angry.

Lizzy gets onto her feet and grabs the phone from Dean, putting it on speaker. "Sam, what the fuck is going on?"

"It's a couple Leviathan," Sam tells them. "The one in the basement tipped us off that something was up. We turned on the TV and there it was."

"So they're Bonny and Clyding their way around the country with our mugs!?" Dean starts to yell when it gets too scary. "How?"

"They must have… touched us at the hospital or something…"

"It was the hair!" they can hear a different voice call out from far off. "Not too hard to lift some DNA out of a motel shower drain, guys!"

Dean clenches his jaw with total frustration. How dumb.

"So that's the plan?" Lizzy questions, looking for a reason behind everything. "Turn you two into America's Most Wanted?"

"Exactly," Sam answers. "Put the squeeze on us and sooner or later someone will spot us. They'd have us in no time."

"You guys have to lay really low then."

"No fucking way," Dean answers, walking around the room and gathering his clothing. "We're gonna find these ass monkeys and kill them ourselves."

"Excuse me?" Lizzy asks. "Have you lost your fucking mind!?"

"They have our faces…"

"So why stick your neck out now!?" she asks, not believing what she's hearing. "You should do the opposite. You don't even know how to kill them!"

"I'm with Dean," Sam says to her.

"What!?"

"Lizzy, you want a life of anonymity then it isn't gonna happen when a Leviathan is out there putting Dean's face on the nightly news. This already is setting you back months. He won't be able to be seen in public at all for a while. You guys need to head back and figure this out with us."

Lizzy squeezes her eyes shut and hangs her head while Dean pauses, watching the blow to her hopeful future takes its toll on her.

"Well don't sugar coat it, Sam," Dean says, buttoning and zipping his jeans once they're on and taking the phone from his wife. "We're checking out now. Be there in a few hours and you and me are finding those copycat dicks."

"Bobby's already working on a plan for us," Sam explains. "He says we're damn idjits for wanting to head out but I told him you'd agree with me."

"Damn straight," Dean responds, gathering their belongings as he talks.

"But he's gonna set us up with some help while Lou and I keep chatting with Chet."

"What kind of help? And who's Chet?"

"Just get here," Sam says and ends the call, Dean pocketing his phone and going about packing. When he realizes he's the only one moving around he stops to look at Lizzy sitting on the side of the bed and staring at the somehow still sleeping Sammy.

"L, we gotta move…."

"I know," she nods, swallowing hard. "You just gotta give me one minute. Please."

And he keeps quiet, knowing. Her hopes just got crushed yet again.

"How many times….?" She stops there but he knows what she was going to say.

Dean nods while pulling a shirt over his head. "I don't know. Too many."

Lizzy hangs her head and says nothing at all and Dean gets more worried. By now she should have punched a wall or started yelling with some serious profanity. Instead she doesn't move.

"L, we just have to take care of this," he promises her. She doesn't move a muscle. "We'll figure this out like we always do…."

He watches one drop drip off her chin and land in her lap. Right after she stands up and gets dressed, not a peep from her.

Dean doesn't know what to do. He knows how to handle her crazy emotional ways but he never knows what to do with her silence. Wanting to make it better he walks to her and tries to hug her in but she pushes him off.

"We need to head back," she says, pulling up her jeans. She then goes on autopilot from all her years of hunting and moving from place to place. She quickly and efficiently bags everything up into their duffels, leaving Sammy's things for last so he can sleep longer.

And Dean works soundlessly by her side.

* * *

With only a half hour left to their trip Lizzy finally opens her mouth and speaks.

"Drop us off at the motel on 93," she says so quietly Dean takes a second to register what it was she just said.

"Yeah… uh, ok," he agrees with a nod. "Probably a good idea with our basement buddy still at the cabin."

She doesn't respond again, shutting right back down after a glance at Sammy's car seat, the boy once more sleeping. Her eyes watch the passing scenery without seeing anything at all after that.

A heavy sigh and Dean says to her, "We'll figure this out. I promise you, L. We will."

She doesn't even look at him.

"Come on. You gotta say something here," Dean asks of him.

"What the fuck would you want me to say right now, Dean?" she finally speaks, her voice low and so pitifully sad it hurts his ears.

"I don't know, I just think…."

"You want me to say it's ok that you want to go out and risk your life?" Lizzy asks. "You want me to be alright with you just looking to get yourself killed?"

"That's not…"

"We were right there," her voice wavers as she refuses to look at him, continuing to stare out of her own window. " _Right there_. And now? How do we ever get out? How do we ever let our face be shown anywhere ever again? The country thinks you're a mass murderer. And the monsters are gunning for us."

"Not us.  _Me_."

"What's the fucking difference," she says without any hope at all. "We're fucked."

"No we're not," Dean denies her. "After we take care of the sons of bitches looking like us…"

"You can't kill them," Lizzy reminds him. "You can't make them stop. And even if you did they'd just copy you again with some other Leviathan. They're clearly a well-oiled machine, just like Lou warned us. And they clearly hate you and Sam so…." She shrugs to end her sentence.

Not responding for a second to gather his thoughts, Dean can see exactly why she'd feel this way. They were out for a year and it all came crashing down on them. They were going to try and have a child and hunting came to their doorstep and ruined it. Sammy was unexpectedly born and they had at least a little of the easy, quiet life at Bobby's house but that burned to the ground. And now, right when they were ready to truly get out and set up for good… poof.

"If you think I'm not gonna fight for what we want, for Sammy's life, then you don't know me as well as I'd hoped by now," Dean tells her.

"You won't give up," Lizzy knows for sure. "I just know now that you won't succeed."

Dean looks at her with sadness.

"You'll try," her voice gets choked up. "Dean, I know you will. You are determined and, and you love us so much… but this life will never let you win. We won't ever win. And Sammy…." Tears spill down her cheeks as she reaches over to the steering wheel. She pulls one of his hands off and weaves her fingers in his, resting their intertwined hands on the seat between them. "I don't even want a good life for myself anymore. Or for you. Fuck us. Who gives a shit about us anymore? I just want Sammy to be happy and safe and not a hunter. That's it. It's not about anything else. I'll easily accept misery for the rest of my time… as long as he's ok."

"So would I," Dean assures her, certain that if he had to he'd give his life for that little boy in a second.

"I know that," she looks to him with wet eyes. "And I love you for that reason more than any other reason. But it's not good enough. We're never going to be good enough for him because this world won't let us be. And that scares me so fucking much."

Dean squeezes her hand hard, letting her know he gets it and he feels exactly the same, before driving the rest of the way in pure silence.

* * *

 

 


	4. The Doublemints

**_This is my take on the episode 'Slash Fiction'._ **

* * *

 

"His name's Frank Devereaux," Bobby says as he hands over a scrap of paper with an address, Dean and Sam both ready to head out to find their copies now that Dean got back to the cabin. "Bit of a kook but he's damn good at what he does. He's the one that turned your family into the Smiths for a second there." He nods at Dean.

"He'll know what to do to keep us off the grid then," Dean remarks as he looks at the address. "We better get going." He lightly hits Sam in the chest with the back of his hand as he walks for the door, already through it and walking towards the car. If he's going to leave his family at this point he needs to do it on Terminator mode. He's beyond pissed.

"Yeah," Sam sighs a little before watching through the door as Lou and Dean speak briefly. She doesn't look anything but concerned. They've come a long way, his brother and girlfriend, and thank God for that. They can say goodbye and not name call… instead they get worried for the other. They care.

"You stay safe," Bobby says, clapping Sam on the shoulder. "And keep ol' Luci in line."

"I'll do what I can," Sam huffs back.

"In the meantime, I'll keep working on Chatty Cathy here, see if I can figure out what makes him die." Bobby nods and heads down the cellar stairs.

Sam heads outside, his own freshly packed bag in hand, and meets Lou halfway to the Impala. Her small form stands right in front of his much taller one, looking up the big difference at him, and her blue eyes light up brightly in the sun shining through the thick forest coverage. She's looks beautiful to him right now.

"Don't go and get yourself killed, ok?" Lou asks of him, her face rife with concern.

"Not part of the plan, I promise," Sam responds, a hand running down her upper arm to her hand, lacing his fingers in hers.

"You need anything, you call me," she says very seriously. "You know how much I hate those fucking guys."

"Well aware but… no," Sam says to her. "They want the two of us. They don't want you. Better for you to stay out of it this time… as much as your badass self doesn't want to."

"Damn right I'm a badass," she smirks at him and he leans down to kiss her.

"Tell her I said hi," he tells her as he turns to head for the car.

"Her who?"

"Like you aren't about to get into your car and go see Lizzy and Sammy," Sam laughs slightly at her.

"Guess you two aren't that different after all," Lou says, unfolding a piece of paper in her hand and showing to him. A motel name and address in Dean's block writing is on it.

"Guess not," Sam smirks. "You be careful. Watch them."

"Duh," she flatly returns, watching Sam fold himself up and get into his usual spot in the passenger seat of the Impala, Dean already behind the wheel. The engine fires up and Lou's feeling that pang of sadness already.

She marches for the open passenger side window and leans right into it. Planting one very serious kiss on Sam's lips, she just needed to feel that one more time when she doesn't know when the next time she'll see him will be.

When she pulls away, leaning her elbows on the open ledge of the window and smiling slightly, Sam looks surprised. "What was that for?"

"For making sure you get that fine ass back here as soon as you can since I got a few things I want do to it," she says and winks at him.

Sam open his mouth to respond but has no words. He's speechless. He can hear Dean huff a laugh at him and he flushes a little.

"Aw, I love that I can do that to you, Giant," she jokes, running a hand down the side of his face before backing away. "Be safe. You too, douche bag."

"Can we not make that name stick?" Dean asks with an angry expression.

Lou just stares at him a moment before her face breaks into a smile while extending her middle finger his way.

"Fucking bitch," he mutters in response despite the slight smile on his face and he puts the car in drive.

Watching the headlights disappear down the long dirt driveway, Lou waits until she can't see the glowing red anymore before jogging inside. Sam was right. She needed to pack up so she could stay with Lizzy for the time being and make sure they were safe.

* * *

"Lizard?" Lou calls while knocking on the motel door. "Open up."

The door opens quickly and what Lou finds is not what she'd hoped for. Lizzy stands before her, her taller frame somehow looking smaller than her own sister's and her eyes are a red, watery mess.

"Oh, Lizard," Lou immediately crumbles, stepping inside and dropping her bag instantly. She pulls her sister into a hard hug, already having known this is what her best friend's state could be right now. This is exactly why she needed to head to her immediately after Dean left.

And the sound of gut wrenching sobs that fill her ear in response just kills her.

"It's never gonna happen," Lizzy tells her through her crying, having the hardest time accepting this turn of events that happen so fast her head hasn't stopped spinning yet. "It won't. We're so screwed."

"No you're not," Lou says, a hand running down the back of Lizzy's head over her long, dark hair.

"Yes we are," she cries on. "Dean's gonna die out there someday and leave us all alone. And Sammy's gonna have a fucking gun in one hand and a knife in the other…."

"Fuck that," Lou says sternly, pushing Lizzy back by her shoulders and looking right at her. "What the hell is this? Why are you thinking only worst possible scenarios over here?"

"Because that's what always happens!" Lizzy yells right in her sister's face. "All we get is the worst possible scenario every fucking time!"

"No you don't!" Lou shouts right back, shoving Lizzy into the room and making her sit down on the bed. She then shuts the motel room door and locks it. Glancing around, she spots Sammy in his carrier just looking around the room while his mother's voice panics.

Lou pulls a chair from the corner of the room and sets it right in front of Lizzy. She sits facing her and forces her to look at her.

"Did Dean not crawl his way out of his own fucking grave to get back to you years back?"

"That doesn't matter if he just dies again," Lizzy says without needing to think.

"That's not the point," Lou corrects her. "The point is that he's alive. He's here on this planet right now. And you know what else? I'm fucking back. I'm sitting right in front of you when everything else says I shouldn't be. And Sammy's alive after he could have easily not made it into the world at all after you got stabbed. And Sam… he's not in Hell with Lucifer. We're all fucking here so the worst case scenario has clearly never happened to us. It sucks but it could be a whole hell of a lot worse."

Lizzy covers her face with her hands and hunches forward, knowing how right Lou is but still having far too hard a time with everything to really accept her optimism. "I don't want any of this."

"Who the fuck does?"

"I just want out," Lizzy says with pure sadness. "I just want to live a regular life…"

"So leave," Lou finally says, sick of her poor-me attitude towards everything. Time for true tough love. "Get the fuck out then. Go use that name Frank gave you and take Sammy."

"But Dean…"

"You want out? Then you want out of Dean's life. And Sam's. And mine," Lou spells it out like no one else has been willing to for her. They all coddle Lizzy in Lou's opinion, none of them ever knowing how to deal with her emotional ways, but Lou never did that. She never let Lizzy wallow for too long because Lizzy always needed tough love to straighten up and be the superhero she really is deep down. "You don't want this shit then you leave. No one is stopping you."

Lizzy looks at Lou with shock. She hasn't heard Lou talk like this since Dean had left her and she couldn't get past it. Lou verbally beat her into hardened shape then and she's about to do it now.

"But if you'd like to sack up any day now that'd be great," Lou tells her, not an ounce of sympathy in her voice. "I know it isn't easy and I'm not asking you to never feel lost or upset by everything coming at us… but cut the shit, Lizard. You're better than this. Tougher than this. I know you and this woe-is-me bull crap has to stop."

Lizzy's speechless at this.

"And you're not the only one hurting and scared right now," Lou reminds her. "I may not have a kid with him and I may not have years with Sam under my belt but I still love that fucking dude a whole fucking lot. And I just sent him on his way too. And I don't know when or if he'll be back either. But I'm here, right now, with you. I'm not giving up and I'm not assuming the worst. Instead… I'm gonna fight on. And that's what you need to do right now. Fight. And hold your head up. And  _cut the shit_."

Lizzy takes a deep breath, embarrassed all of a sudden by her break down. When did she become this wimp? Lou's right. She was never like this, not to this degree, before Sammy. He's made her too easily broken by fear instead of more determined than ever sometimes.

"Fuck," Lizzy sighs and wipes her face down with the long sleeves of her shirt. "You're right."

"I'm always right," she brushes off and gets up, grabbing the remote before turning the TV on.

"Shut up," Lizzy responds, still taking slow deep breaths to calm herself. "Damn it."

"You're fine," Lou tells her confidently as she moves the chair away and sits next to Lizzy on the bed, flipping through the channels. "We all are. Just hang on and be strong, Lizard. You're good at that."

"Yeah…" Lizzy trails off, composing herself as Lou turns on CNN.

"Now let's see what our boys are up to… or not our boys… whatever," Lou says, watching the newest new update speak of yet another robbed bank, yet more dead people, and they watch the images of the Winchesters do it themselves on security cameras.

* * *

"Oh, yeah," Frank recalls while shredding up Sam and Dean's current I.D.s. "I know that Bobby's into that magic hooey, but truth is, the government have been cloning people for years. Guess it was just your turn in the barrel."

"Well, actually…" Sam starts while turning away from the television Frank had on as it aired the latest Sam and Dean attack but Dean stops him.

"Forget it. He's rolling." Dean met enough whack jobs to know a rant when he sees one.

"Yours have been busy beavers," Frank continues. "You're number two on the most wanted list. Quickest climb up the charts since Donna Summer." His eyes light up with interest in the situation.

"So, what do you think we should do?" Sam questions him, looking for the guidance Bobby promised he'd give them.

"Cuba's nice this time of year."

"No, we're not hiding," Dean answers to the suggestion to flee.

"Is he always this stupid?" Frank asks of Sam when Dean makes it clear that running and hiding isn't in the cards.

"Look, we, uh…" Dean starts as Frank puts on some classical music to work by. "We gotta stick around and kick a couple asses. So, we just need you to get us further off the grid, but keep us on the board."

"While wiping a couple people completely off the grid for us," Sam tacks on.

Frank looks at him suspiciously. "You talking about that lady and that kid Bobby wanted alias' for?"

"My wife and son. And my wife's sister," Dean answers. "We figured if these, uh,  _clones_  are after us then they might try to use them to get to us. We can't have that happening."

"Well, look at you do-gooder white knights," Frank sarcastically says while sitting behind his desk and clicking away on his high tech and very modified computer. "If you were smart you'd send them to China."

"We're not that smart," Dean responds, knowing he can't send them that far away, not yet. He'd never see them and he can't live like that. Maybe it's selfish, and if the shit hits the fan any harder then he'll consider it. Just… not yet.

"I got that already, tough guy," Frank spits back. "Well, first thing we got to do is wipe all your old aliases. No more rock shout-outs. It's Tom and John Smith from now on. And no plastic. Cash only." He tosses them some new phones, both men catching them. "And change your phones on a very frequent non-schedule schedule, you understand?"

"What about contacting our family?" Sam questions.

"Try to refrain."

"That's our family," Dean clarifies the importance of staying in touch.

"You want them alive, don't you?" Frank challenges and when Dean gives him a no-shit look he has a sliver of mercy. "You can contact them but stick to payphones if you can even find a working relic like that around. And if you use your cell… remember to ditch it within the day and move on to a town roughly five states over as fast as your little legs can take you."

Dean nods, understanding the importance of at least keeping in contact with Lizzy through this. She's already got to be freaking out pretty hard by now.

"Oh, and try to stay out of view of the two-hundred million cameras that the government has access to, 'kay?"

"Two-hundred million?" Dean questions with disbelief.

"Big Brother, he has many eyeballs, my friend. You see a place that even looks like it can afford security you just ease on down the road." Frank grabs Sam's bag that he handed over, containing all their current technology. "This... this is your laptop, right?"

"Yeah. That's mine," Sam answers.

"What… hey!" Sam shouts, an arm coming up to block his face from flying debris. "What are you… what was that?!"

To answer him, Frank hands Sam a new laptop.

"Uh... thank you, I guess."

"No problem. You owe me five grand, cash."

"What?" Sam asks with wide eyes.

"Unless you wanna go comparison shop at the mall, sweet cheeks, say hi to the cops for me. Okay?"

Sam has no answer for that.

Frank then grabs Dean by the jacket sleeve and pulls him to a wall, shoving him against it. "Let's Blue Steel you up some new I.D.s."

"Uh, wait…" Dean stalls and pulls out a couple of old passport photos of Lou and Lizzy. Granted Lou's is about five years old but it should work. "Can you make new I.D.s out of these?"

Frank grabs them and gives them a good look. "I'll do what I can. Huh, not bad, kid." He holds out the two pictures to Dean. "Whichever one is the ball and chain you did pretty decent for yourself. I personally like the blondie. Reminds me of Veronica Lake."

"Hey… watch it," Sam quietly says, not having been ready for the words to come out. That surprised even him.

Frank just looks at him for a second. "Ah ha," he says when it makes sense. "Well, Smiths all around then."

"Smiths?" Dean asks.

"Your new last names, dearest," Frank tells them as he snaps a picture of Dean.

* * *

Frank, after about an hour, tosses four newly laminated I.D.s into the cigar box from the Impala that Dean holds open for him. He then turns to Sam and hands him a map of the U.S. "I marked all the towns your stunt doubles hit so you can see the pattern."

"Alright, great," Sam says thankfully. "Um, so, what's the pattern?"

"No clue, man," he honestly answers. "I can't see it."

"Seems random…."

"Little tip from a pro, there is no such thing as a random series of robbery-murders by your evil twins," Frank assures the hunter. "Well, have yourself some uppers and look at that some more." Frank pats Sam on the shoulder a couple times. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Frank," Sam says sincerely.

"For what!?" the man gets upset. "Sending you to your death? Your doubles want to be on candid camera, put you in the line of fire. Now, I'd lay low, 'cause I love life and its infinite mysteries. But you two want to be dumb? That's fine."

Frank then focuses on Dean as he rolls his eyes.

"And you, puddin' pop. You make sure to send those off without return address or tracking to the damsels. And don't do it in this town. Last thing I need is to something putting me on the map when I've successfully wipes myself off it since the Carter admin."

"Will do," Dean nods, holding up the cigar box before turning to leave.

"Oh, and one more thing, my darlings," Frank stops them and they turn back to look at him. "At least have the common sense to ditch your car."

"Wha… uh, excuse me? What?" Dean panics at this suggestion."

"Your Doublemints… they're using a car just like the one outside."

* * *

"Son of bitch!" Dean yells out as he sits behind the wheel of his beloved Impala, hands gripping the wheel with white-knuckled agitation. Sam got out about five minutes ago, packed up the entire contents of the trunk, and is now sitting on the bumper waiting for Dean to get over it.

"Just get out, dude," Sam yells out, eyes searching around in front of him for threats as the weapons-packed bags sit by his feet. "The longer you wait the harder it'll be."

"Shut up, Sam!" Dean fire right back out, closing his eyes. As he rolls his neck out from the tension of everything, he commits the car to memory for the millionth time in his life. The smooth steering wheel that feels like it's been molded in the shape of his own hands, the smell of gun powered/leather/take-out food/ _home_ , the feel of the bench seat under him that gets less forgiving each year, the sound of the Zeppelin tape playing over the old speakers, crackling just enough to make it perfectly familiar… all of it.

And Sam understands that. They just ditched their family which was hard enough as it was and now they have to ditch the one and only thing that's ever felt like a real home to both of them. Dean's one prize possession that is the only thing more important than the perfect slice of pie or even a really big set of Asian breasts.

Baby's getting locked up. This isn't good for either of them.

When the car shifts under him Sam nods. Finally. The driver's side door slams soon after and he knows Dean's finally ready.

"This blows," Dean bitches, pocketing the keys and grabbing the car cover from Sam. Without a word they cover up the Impala, the tug in Dean's chest strong as this feels worse than wrong. "And it sucks out loud."

"Sucks and blows? That's just… not possible."

Dean gives his brother a warning look, one that says he's not up for joking.

"We'll be back," Sam promises as they work. "She'll be safe here, you know that."

"I know, but… shit…"

"I know," Sam says and leaves it at that.

When they have the car covered up good and secure, Dean pulls out his phone. "Gimme a minute?"

"Go ahead."

"This is so bad," Lizzy shakes her head as they continue to watch the TV in the small motel room as she sits in the bed and feeds Sammy.

"Yeah," Lou says, watching yet another rampage on the news. When Sam's face appears on the security camera, his eyes looking directly into it with a wide grin, she shudders a bit. It's him but it's just so not him. And she looks away when he starts firing a semi-auto into a crowd at a convenience store.

"Finally!" Lizzy shouts when her phone rings. She pulls it out of her pocket with her free hand and answers the call without looking. She knows it's him already. "Are you guys ok?"

"We're just fine," Dean answers her, looking around the remote farm that's been abandoned for years. He and Sam squatted there a while back and the fact that it's still abandoned bodes well for Baby. No one will be around to find her.

"What's the plan here? Did you talk to Frank?"

"Yeah, we talked to that whack job," Dean tells her, sitting on the wheel of an old tractor and staring at his Baby, all covered up with a tarp and silent. "He set us up. You're talking to John Smith who has a lovely wife named Jillian Smith and they have a son named John Smith Junior."

"Wow, boring."

"That's the point," Dean huffs with annoyance. "I'm gonna overnight you and Lou's new I.D.s and info to the motel you're at now but once you get them you check out right away. No trails left behind just in case we can't clean this up fast enough."

"Ok," Lizzy nods and swallows hard, looking down at Sammy in her arm. "Are  _you_  ok?"

"Been better," Dean admits to her and sighs. "I had to park Baby."

"Park her?" she questions with surprise. "What does that mean?"

"It mean that those Levi dicks wearing our faces are driving a 67 Impala. So… we have to ditch her."

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," Lizzy laments as Lou looks to her questioningly. She waves her sister off, letting her know she'll fill her in after.

"Yeah… yeah…." Dean trails off, not wanting to talk much more about it as he stares at his girl on the side's form just feet from him. "How are you? And my dude?"

"We're ok," Lizzy admits, keeping her fears and panic to herself. This is when she needs to be her strongest and Lou reminded her of that. For Dean's sake, the man that's willing to fix the problems that lay ahead for them by putting himself on the line while keeping Sammy and her safe, she needs to toughen up and be the backbone he'll need. "We're just camped out at the motel. Sammy's been fine through the scenery change as always. We're doing ok."

"Good," Dean smiles slightly and with a little sadness, their security making the situation a little easier on him. "So, Frank gave us some good tips. I think you should follow them too."

"Gimme the run down then."

"Sam and I are gonna have to get rid of our phones. And often. Once I hang up after calling you on a mobile number I need to smash this one and get a new one. Each time I do I'll call from a pay phone or borrow a phone from a stranger or something, let you know the new number. You'll have to do the same if you call me but make sure I'm not ditching my current one at the same time."

"I'll never get ahold of you then," Lizzy nods, getting it.

"Exactly. Wait until after I get a new one and you hear from me before doing the same."

"Easy enough."

"If we ever get mixed up and can't reach each other, call Bobby. He'll get us hooked up."

"Gotta love him."

"And… until we get rid of the two copycats killing people… you gotta move."

"Where?"

"I don't care. Just keep moving every few days and don't ever tell me where you are," Dean asks of her. "They ever get me I don't want them finding a way to you."

She takes a deep breath with the thought of the Leviathan getting him. "Dean, how long do you think we'll have to live like this?"

This has been something he's thought about the entire ride to the farm they're ditching Baby at. The Leviathan are everywhere, they're gunning for him. They want Sam and him dead. Until they're all gone and dealt with he's beginning to think they won't see a whole hell of a lot of each other. But he can't say that to her, not yet. "A while. I'm not sure. I just know it could be a few weeks or so."

"Fuck." Lizzy closes her eyes. "Ok. Just be smart. And safe."

"I always do what I can," Dean vows to her.

"I'll try to keep you updated," Lizzy promises right back. "I'll send pictures and videos and everything. I don't want you missing a minute of Sammy's life."

Dean tenses his face up and slams his eyes shut with the pain of that thought. He's going to miss so much of Sammy's life if this doesn't get taken care of and fast. "Thank you."

"Anything I can do."

Dean swallows hard. "L, I…. uh. I…."

"I know it all and I don't blame you for any of this," Lizzy cuts him off. "Hot Shot, I know this is about to suck. I can feel it. But we'll be alright… right? You and me?"

"You and me," he repeats with confidence.

"I love you so much. We both do."

Dean breathes deep with that, holding back every ounce of sadness he has right now. "That's what keeps me going."

"Then I'll say it again," Lizzy tells him. "You come back to us in one piece. We love you. We both love you, Dean. More than anything."

And the determination truly kicks in. He clears his throat and stands up off the tractor. "I gotta go. Look for the I.D.s tomorrow and you and Lou pack up. Check out, go somewhere really random and remote. Use your fake names. Cash only. I'll call you when I can."

"And you go end those sons of bitches that did this to us," Lizzy asks, wanting her revenge.

"Absolutely," Dean darkly returns with as he ends the call and heads for Sam.

"You ready?" Sam asks him, picking up two of their packed up canvas bags.

Dean bends down and grabs the remaining three before standing tall and looking right at Sam. "More than."

* * *

Two days later, Lizzy and Lou are in their newest motel in Arkansas, choosing a smaller town away from Little Rock. The lesser the population the better. And they are already using their fake aliases to check in and paying cash. No paper trail.

"Wanna go to that park down the street?" Lou asks out of nowhere as she looks out the front picture window of the room. The parking lot is exceptionally empty, only one other car parked there at all, and everything is very quiet.

"You bored?" Lizzy asks, sitting on her bed with Sammy lying on his back in front of her, his fist around her index finger while Lizzy's eyes are glued to the TV as they have been since they separated from Dean and Sam.

"Uh, yeah, a little," Lou admits. "But really… I think you need to get out."

"I'm alright," Lizzy shrugs but still doesn't even look at her sister.

"No you're not," Lou smirks, turning to face her with her arms crossed. Lizzy just shoots her a look when she finally stops peering at the TV for a second. "Oh, shit. Almost forgot you had brown eyes."

"You're a bitch," Lizzy grumbles, looking down at Sammy and smiling at him.

"And you're becoming a shut in and dragging me and Sammy with you. Come on. We'll get the stroller and walk down to the park. It's a nice day. It's fucking June and you haven't even seen the sun yet."

"I'm ok, really," Lizzy tries to reassure but Lou knows better.

Walking over to the bed, Lou sits right up next to her sister, their arms pressed together as they both look at Sammy. " _You_  wanna go to the park, don't you?" she asks her nephew and proceeds to tickle his neck and under his chin. He instantly reacts and smiles. "See! He wants to go so let's just do it."

"No.…" Lizzy complains, afraid to miss anything that might come out on the next about her men, knowing that they won't be calling often.

"Yes, you need this…."

"Shut up," Lizzy quickly says as her eyes catch a glimpse of the screen.

"You shut up," Lou rebuts.

"No, seriously. Shut up," Lizzy says and grabs the remote, turning up the volume on the new report.

… _Has come to a startling end. The suspects had been apprehended in Ankeny, Iowa around ten-thirty in the morning. By the time the FBI had arrived at the station they were being held in two officers were found dead along with the beheaded bodies of the two suspects. Sam and Dean Winchester have been declared dead along with Officer Michael Baumgartner and Officer Patrick O'Neil._

The two mug shots of the Winchesters are put up on the screen.

_Services for the officers killed in the line of duty will be announced shortly. As for the circumstances surrounding the mysterious end of the Winchester's tour of terror, it is still under heavy investigation._

Lizzy takes one very hard, unsteady breath with the sound of the situation. The Winchesters are declared dead and she doesn't know if that means the real ones or the fake ones.

"You know it's not them," Lou says to her, certain of it.

"I like to think so."

"It's not them…"

Lizzy's phone rings in her pocket. Never in her life has she grabbed a phone so quickly in her life. The screen lights up with an unfamiliar number.

"Hello?" Lizzy answers, her heart beating far too fast.

"L, hey," Dean greets right back.

"Oh thank God," Lizzy sighs out with sheer relief. "I just saw the news report…."

"Shit, I wanted to call you before the word got out. I had to wait until we got outta dodge and found a payphone. You know how hard it is to find a payphone these days?"

"I can imagine."

"But Sam and I are fine. Got away without a scratch."

"That's so good to hear," Lizzy sighs with happiness.

"But we're dead again."

"The government can think that all they want. As long as they're wrong."

She hears Dean laugh through his nose really quickly. "No shit."

"Where are you now?"

"Minnesota. We have to keep going to stay off the Levi radar since we have no new leads on those asshats."

"So why Minnesota?"

"Caught a possible case up here. Weird ass death."

"You're going hunting?" Lizzy asks for clarification. She prays she heard him wrong.

"Yeah."

"Is that a good idea?"

"What else are Sam and I gonna do out on the road like this?" Dean questions, not really having thought twice about what they would do to fill their time.

"Sit tight and be safe?" she suggests, wish he could do that.

There's a pause as Dean thinks quickly. "L, I know you'd rather I lock myself up in a room and do nothing…."

"It is better than being dead," she calmly says, never once raising her voice despite the panic and anger growing within her.

"But I can't just ignore these things going on around me. I can't ignore people needing my help, especially when I'm out here anyways."

"I really wish your points weren't so valid," she admits to him right away. It does make sense… as much as it doesn't.

"I won't be taking on anything too big, I promise you," Dean says, hoping that everything they come across is easy enough.

"Yeah, ok," she says back, trying her hardest to keep herself contained. She doesn't exactly get it and she doesn't think he really does  _have_  to hunt in his down time between running and fighting Leviathan but for him she keeps it together.

"It's not ok, is it?" Dean calls her out right away. He knows her well enough.

"No… but what is right now?" Lizzy tells him in a down tone.

"Pretty much nothing. At all." He sighs heavily. "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"And I miss my little dude," Dean confesses, already having withdrawals. "Anything new?"

"Nah, just hanging around. He slept six hours straight last night."

"Seriously?" Dean questions with shock, knowing that his boy has not once done such a thing while he was around.

"Yeah. It was pretty awesome. I got a solid chunk of rest for the first time in… well, the four months he's been alive."

"What a luxury."

"Damn straight."

The awkward pause descends over them and they just don't know what to do.

"I don't want to do this," Lizzy blurts out how she's feeling. "I don't want this."

"Neither do I."

"This sucks so fucking bad."

"So fucking bad," Dean responds, rubbing his eyes with sheer stress.

"It scares me that I don't know when I'll ever see you again."

Dean goes silent as her words cut him deep like a sharp edged blade. It hurts. So damn much. "But I'll see you again. I don't care what it takes. We'll keep Sammy safe and I'll figure this mess out and we'll be together. We'll get to Broken Bow. Focus on the good."

"That does sound good," Lizzy says, remembering how excited she was just mere days ago about the promising possibilities life had given her.

"Eye on the prize, right?" Dean tries to say optimistically but Lizzy can tell there was no smile, no enthusiasm behind it.

"Eye on the prize," she sadly echoes as Lou elbows her to her side. "Oh, ah… can you give Sam the phone? Lou wants to talk to him if she can."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. Uh… L, I…"

"I love you, Dean," she beats him to the punch.

"I love you guys, too," Dean returns with as he pulls the pay phone handle away from his ear. "Sammy!"

Sam looks up from his laptop as he sits on the hood of the car parked in front of the old gas station they found the payphone at.

"Get your ass over here and talk to your woman!"

As Sam closes his computer and places it into the open window Dean can hear Lou's voice say, "Giant!?"

"Nope, sorry," Dean puts the phone to his ear again. "He's on his way."

"Ok. You kicking asses and taking names out there?" she asks him lightly, knowing after that convo she was next to Lizzy for he can't be in the most bright and cheery mood.

"Fucking always," he responds.

"That 'a boy," Lou laughs. "Feel weird to not have your partner out there with you?"

Dean laughs lightly. "Yeah, I don't know about this new guy. He eats leaves… reads all the time… the dude  _needs_  a haircut…."

"Gimme that," Sam grumps and yanks the phone from his brother. "Lou?"

"Hey, Sam," she says, a smile instantly on her face to hear his voice. "How are you hanging in there?"

"You know, the usual," he shrugs off. "How are you two? And Sammy?"

"We're good and the little badass is as cute as ever. But I mean your head. How's your head?"

"Ah… it's alright," Sam says, nodding, watching Dean walk to the Impala with slumped shoulders. He's hurting already. This is not going to be fun.

"And Lucifer showed up how many times today?"

"I think… like, five?" Sam tries to count out.

"Shit. That's not good," Lou responds, already highly concerned.

"It's a little high," Sam agrees, having thought Lucifer was spending a little too much time with him today. "But he never fucked with reality. He just popped up to annoy me… so that's a plus."

"Oh, bright side," Lou sarcastically responds.

"That  _is_  a bright side. I can handle taunting. You taunt me all the time."

"Ha-ha… and I doubt he's taunting you because you're the boy in class he likes."

"You used to make fun of the boys you liked?"

"Of course!"

"How'd that work out for you?"

"Not great," Lou says and laughs. It really didn't. "I made Jake Macklin cry in fourth grade because I threw a football at his head."

"And you did that because you liked him!?"

"Well yeah. I liked him so much and I didn't know what to do about it. He was so freakin' cute," she admits and she can hear Sam laugh at her, a sound that is rare as rare can be. "And so are you. That's why I taunt you."

"Good to know I take a licking for a reason."

Lou smiles slickly. "Honey, I'll give you a licking anytime."

"And there she is, ladies and gentlemen," Sam announces jokingly, both laughing briefly. "Mind always in the gutter."

"Of course."

"Shit. The voice on my end is asking for more money so I gotta go."

"Aw. Ok," Lou says. "It was good to hear your voice though."

"You too."

"I can put in my memory bank… pull it out later when I'm alone and thinking about you…"

"Ok, enough," Sam laughs at her, getting very used to her ways by now. "I'll talk to you as soon as we think it's ok enough to."

"Can't wait."

"Be good."

"I'll do what I can."

Sam hangs up and Lou hands the cell phone back to Lizzy. "He's so cute."

"Don't destroy him," Lizzy warns fairly.

"Who says I haven't already?" Lou says with wide, playful eyes and hops off the bed. "Come on. That park is calling our names."

* * *

 


	5. Saint Ellen

_**This is my take on the episode 'The Mentalists'.** _

* * *

 

"I'm sorry, I don't normally do this during business hours…" the psychic museum curator says as he grabs Dean by the arm and stops him from leaving. Dean turns and listens with surprise. "But do you know an Eleanor... or an Ellen?"

Dean's face drops instantly with the name of the woman that died years ago to help save the world and to help his brother and him fight the devil.

"She seems quite concerned about you. She wants to tell you… pardon me… if you don't tell someone how bad it really is, she'll kick your ass from beyond. You have to let go of it all at some point or you'll put your damn fool self into an early grave."

The museum guide lets go of his arm at that point.

"And on a side note, she says she's proud of you. The girl is good for you. And Sam? Or… Sammy, maybe… Sammy, he's wonderful. A real looker."

Dean just stares at the man, stunned.

"Anyway," the guide brushes off the all too common for him moment. "Don't forget to visit the gift shop."

* * *

Five hours and a lovely bruised cheek later, Dean walks into the one and only non-psychic-themed bar in a solid twenty-mile radius. He takes a seat at the bar, his back hunched, and he washes a hand over his face with stress while waiting for some service.

Elbows propped on the sticky wooden top, he sighs. Ever since leaving that museum he can't stop thinking about what that curator said. It's been nagging at him every damn second. Tell someone how bad it is. That's all Ellen really wanted from him. The only message she truly wanted him to have was one that warned him to help himself for once. Maybe he should. But he never does. Why bother? His job is to keep it together. His job is to keep it cool for his family while protecting his own. His job is to put others first, always been that way.

"Dean?"

When he turns he sees Melanie walking towards him from the front door of the bar. He smiles slightly to see her, the semi-familiar face not all that unwelcomed. She was very nice after all. Saving her from the psychic-killing-ghost actually felt pretty damn good. A win in general felt pretty damn good.

"Hey. Melanie," he answers back as she sits down next to him.

"Hi."

"Surprised to see you here," he tells her and she looks at him with disbelief.

"I just found out that ghosts are real and you're surprised I'm out to get drunk?" she challenges, her eyes still just slightly red rimmed from crying.

"Ah. Right. Makes sense."

"But this is all just too normal for you, isn't it?"

"You have no idea," Dean says as the bartender looks at him. "Whiskey neat. Make it a double."

"Make that two and put it on my tab," Melanie cuts in. When Dean looks ready to protest, she holds up a hand. "The hero gets to drink for free. Don't argue."

"I won't then," Dean says to her and sits quietly, waiting for the drinks. When they arrive, Melanie takes a sip while Dean downs half his glass in one go.

"Wow," Melanie observes. "Guess you spend more time sitting in a bar stool than I do."

"Could say that," Dean nods while looking down at his glass. It's half empty, he's sure of it.

"Then again, with a job like yours… I think I'd spend every free moment at a bar," Melanie laughs a little and Dean just smiles sadly right back. She's getting a very downer vibe from him. "So I should probably say thank you."

"No reason to thank me," he tells her while looking into his glass again.

"You saved my life."

"Yeah, but not your friend's."

"Well,  _you_  didn't send that ghost. So thank you for coming to kill it."

Dean peeks at her out of the corner of his eyes and lets the smallest of smiles flash across his lips.

"Take it or leave it," she says to him with a light tone, thinking he's just really hard on himself and really tired from what seems to be a difficult life. "So I'm guessing you're not so keen to come visit here again." Melanie can see that there's nothing to be had between them with his state of mind already. "Wish we'd met on a better week."

"I wish I had better weeks," Dean replies as he downs the rest of his whiskey and raises his hand for another, the bartender nodding in return.

"Oh," is all she can respond with.

"But, hey. I could end up here again. You never know," he mentions, having been to every town in America twice by now. He then jokes to her, "It's not like you can tell the future, right?"

"Hmm," she smiles in a friendly way despite her mourning as she tales his left hand in hers, turning it palm up. "Well, answer's hazy. Try again later."

"Right," Dean huffs a quiet laugh and takes his hand back.

"But doubtful." She locks eyes with him, her slightly flirty edge now gone. "Seeing as how you have a wedding band on. You're married?"

"Yep," Dean responds as he nods to the bartender in thanks for the second drink now in front of him.

"Now that surprises me," Melanie tells him.

"Why?"

"You don't seem the marrying, settle down type."

"Well, I'm just a big fat mystery I guess," Dean tells her, another sip taken. This time he goes a little slower.

"I'd say so," Melanie agrees. "Usually I can read people far better than that. Hell, I make my living that way. You could end my career."

Not responding, Dean just nods again and Melanie can tell something is very off with him. He's all but crying out for help without saying a single word. She angles herself to him in her bar stool.

"If I didn't know you at all, just met you, I'd say you were single," Melanie tells him, giving him her 'expert' rundown. "You have a few relationships under your belt but nothing too serious. You don't want that. You are an exterior of self-assured charm and confidence but under that? You're kind. You're vulnerable to others because of just how kind you are but you don't let most people in on that fact."

Eyes on her with sheer surprise, he knows she just nailed his former personality completely.

"And… I would assume you were in construction. Or a mechanic… something with your hands." The way she says it is far too flirtatious and she never meant it to be. But he's easy to be around and she sure has eyes.

"If this were roughly 2006 I'd have to pull a stuffed animal out of my ass and hand it over."

Melanie laughs very quietly. "So where'd I go wrong with the current version of you?" Melanie asks, her head propped up in her hand with her elbow on the bar top.

"Not single, not a mechanic or construction worker," Dean corrects.

"But the rest?"

He doesn't answer, just sips his drink.

"Uh-huh," Melanie smiles, proud of herself for seeing through the façade she knows several haven't been able to. "So tell me about her."

"Who?"

"The girl that roped in the unropable," Melanie grins a little and just looks at him.

Dean just laughs to himself once. "Not sure you got the time."

"I have until last call," Melanie tells him. "And after today I'm not sure I ever want to go back to my house so… tell me. What's she like?"

Dean licks his lips and thinks about it for a second. Ellen's warning rings in his ears as he does.

"You miss her," Melanie tells him. "I can tell. You haven't seen her in a little while, right?"

"The job does that," Dean explains. "I haven't seen them in about a week now."

"Them?"

"Uh, yeah. My wife and son."

Melanie's eye blow wide while looking shocked. "You are  _not_  a dad!"

For the first time all night Dean's mouth turns up in an actual, honest, and real smile. "I am."

"Wow! Ok, well, then you  _are_  a mystery. Officially," she laughs out loudly. "I never would have figured that."

"No?"

"No. It makes sense but I just… I didn't see that one. I… ok, don't think I'm weird for saying this, but I'm really glad you're a father."

Dean looks at her funny. "I don't think you're weird…."

"Thank you."

"But it  _was_  a weird thing to say."

"You just don't seem like a dad," Melanie says and immediately regrets it. "That sounded bad but I didn't mean it to."

"I get it," Dean nods. "The stranger that shows up at your house claiming to be a government authority figure that has roughly seven weapons hidden on him at all times and kills a ghost for you? Not exactly screaming fatherhood, am I?"

"No," Melanie laughs at him. "But I can see it."

"See it?"

"You're a dad-type in there. You care enough, you know how to talk to people, help people… I can see you being very good at the whole dad thing."

"Thanks," he responds, wishing he had more of a chance to try and see how right she is. Sammy deserves that.

"And… seven? Seriously?" Melanie asks with total surprise. From all outward appearances he looks like your average Joe. But seven weapons?

"Looks can be deceiving," he jokes back, finally smiling slightly and loosening up a bit in order to enjoy her company.

"Impressive."

She smiles back at him and they grow silent for a beat. Each takes a sip of their whiskey, Melanie making a face with the offending taste, and she dives in.

"So… tell me about her."

Dean looks at her for a second, unsure. But if Ellen can get a message to him from beyond the grave the very least he can do is try to listen. So, for once, he sacks up and speaks.

"Lizzy."

"That's your wife's name?" Melanie asks.

"Yeah. Elizabeth. Most people call her Lizzy but… to me she's L."

"What's she like?" Melanie questions, seeing his face relax the moment he mentions her name.

"She's, uh… she's awesome." Dean grins while looking down at the bar top. "Just awesome."

"What makes her so awesome… more awesome than the rest since she was able to rope the unropable?"

Dean takes a good drink of whiskey and looks right at Melanie. "Easy. She's my soul mate."

"Why?"

"Why is she my soul mate?" Dean asks with confusion.

"Yeah. Why?"

"She just is," he tries to explain. He forgets now and then that other people don't know what he knows. Soul mates are real. Melanie doesn't know that.

"Ok… vague."

"It's hard to explain why you love someone," Dean comments, knowing it's true.

"Eh, give it a try," she shrugs and waits.

"Well… we laugh at the same things," Dean starts to list. "We think the same way a lot. She gets me and I have no idea how or why she would stay with me since she gets me. She likes good music, is a really caring, really kind person… and she's a total badass."

"Does she do what you do?"

"She did. But Sammy stopped all that."

"You're brother got her to quit?" Melanie asks with sheer confusion.

"Ha, no," Dean laughs a little. "Sammy's my boy. We named him after Sam. Confusing, I know."

"That's sweet though," she responds. "It's good that you respect your brother so much."

"We only ever had each other."

"Until you met Lizzy?"

"Pretty much," Dean nods once.

"So after Sammy was born she got out?"

"Yes."

"But not you?"

Dean shuts down right there. He quiets and isn't exactly sure how to answer without putting her at risk.

"I see," Melanie nods. "And this is why I find you drinking alone. Right?"

Deep breath. "It's complicated."

"You didn't want to quit?"

"I do," Dean answers. "Kinda."

"Kinda?"

Dean looks at her with guilt in his expression. "I  _need_  to get out. I think that's the point."

"But you haven't."

"I told you. It's complicated," Dean repeats.

Melanie nods. "And she wants you out, doesn't she?"

"More than anything."

Melanie smiles. "Smart woman."

"Very."

It quiets down again between them, Melanie feeling the need to keep him going. It seems to her he very rarely speaks about his personal life yet it'll probably do him good to do so.

"You have any pictures?" she pries on.

"Yeah," Dean nods and pulls his phone out. He may get new phones all the time but that doesn't mean he hasn't kept transferring the pictures he has of his family to Sam's computer and then back onto every new phone he gets. He pulls open his photos and scrolls through, finding the picture Lizzy had sent him during the Fury case of his little boy smiling wide for the first time.

" _No_ ," Melanie awes as she steals his phone from him. "Oh, come on!"

"What?" Dean huffs a confused laugh.

"He's like the babies they put on TV to sell diapers. Just look at him! He's so cute!"

"Yeah, he's a good looking kid," Dean says with nothing but pride and a little bit of longing, missing the boy terribly.

"I don't know what your wife looks like but from this picture he looks just like you," Melanie tells him.

"She calls him Mini-Me. He looks nothing like her and it pisses her off," Dean explains.

"I don't know. He's seems pretty lucky to me," Melanie says truthfully. "Looking like you doesn't seem like much of a curse."

"Yeah, but he'd be pretty damn lucky to look like his mom."

"She must be stunning," Melanie laughs considering how good looking Dean himself is.

"Yeah," Dean says, thinking about her. She's beautiful. She is stunning. And sexy. And fucking perfect…. "Here," he says and scrolls to the next picture, it being of both Lizzy and Sammy, their faces side by side as Sammy's wearing the 'My Daddy Can Kick Your Daddy's Ass' onesie.

"Yeah, I'd say stunning is accurate," Melanie responds when she gets a look. "You guys look like an ad for homeowners insurance or something."

Dean gets one very serious gut laugh out of that one. "Oh yeah. We're the damn Cleavers."

She laughs right back.

"We're not the Cleavers," Dean says when the laughter fades off. "We have our problems."

"Who doesn't?" Melanie turns it around, handing back the phone.

"Not quite like ours," Dean comments, taking the second to look at the picture himself. His wife looks just so happy. She loves her men so much and right now all he wants is to jump into the car and drive to where she is. He needs to see her and he needs to see his son.

"What makes yours different?"

"Our circumstance is… fucked."

"Why?"

Dean looks at her and is hesitant. "There are things out there you don't want to know about."

"I'm sure you're right," Melanie nods, knowing she doesn't need to hear about it. Her nightmares will be bad enough for a while.

"And some of those things are after me. And my brother," he vaguely explains as he pockets his phone. "So they can't be near me when that's happening. I won't put them in danger."

"So… you can't see your own family?"

Dean nods slowly before taking a hefty gulp of whiskey to wash down the bitter taste of sadness.

Melanie sits with that for a second, sighing with surprise and sympathy before drinking a good amount of her whiskey. She knew his life was different but this is awful.

"So, does fighting ghosts sound as glamorous as you thought?" Dean jokes the difficult moment away.

"It sounds difficult," Melanie answers truthfully. "And it sounds really fucking unfair."

He doesn't answer her verbally, letting the silence confirm her suspicions.

"But really noble."

"And what has nobility done for me lately?" Dean says in a downer voice.

"Clearly not enough," Melanie tells him. "But she's good to take on raising that beautiful boy of yours on her own while you keep them out of harm's way."

"Well, she's a good woman," Dean states with absolute certainty. "The best woman, actually."

"She has a good man," Melanie shrugs. "And you both must be tough as nails to handle all of this."

"And you don't know the half of it."

"No, I don't," Melanie says, narrowed eyes on him before looking at the passing bartender. "Excuse me! Can you keep these coming?" She lifts her drink slightly.

"What are you doing?" Dean asks, not getting the vibe that she's a get-hammered type of person.

"We're gonna drink and I'm gonna find out what the half of it I don't know is."

"No, no, no," Dean says to her, downing the rest of his drink and standing up. "You can't hear all that."

"Why not?"

"Because…." He pauses and looks at her. "You don't deserve what'll come for you if I tell you any more than I already have."

"Dean, just…." She stops.

When she never finishes her thought he asks, "What?"

"I don't know. I can tell you need to… talk or something. I can't imagine what your life looks like and chances are you'll never see me again. Sit down and talk to me. It's the least I can do considering I'm still breathing."

He does think about taking her up on the offer for a split second but then remembers how disastrous that could be. "No." She won't have a price on her head because of him.

Melanie's face drops with his refusal.

"Thanks… for the drinks. And watch yourself out there," Dean says to her and heads for the door. "And call us if, you know, anything else comes up."

He leaves her there, at the bar alone, knowing that she's better off without hearing his sob story that comes with vital information about the things that lurk in the dark and the risk of becoming a victim to the things that want to off him. He won't do that to her. She's too nice.

And once more he can hear Ellen's message ringing in his ears as he gets into the Impala to head for the motel.

* * *

 


	6. Becky Freakin' Rosen (Part 1)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Season Seven, Time for a Wedding!'.** _

* * *

 

"Alright, um..." Sam starts as he finishes pinning a pink carnation to Dean's suit coat lapel as they stand in the middle of a quickie-marriage chapel on the Las Vegas strip. "So, a little sudden but life is short so I'll keep this shorter." With a hand on Dean's shoulder he tells him, "I'm in love."

"Ok…" Dean trails off with confusion.

"And I'm getting married."

Dean freezes and stares at his little brother with shock.

"Say something, like, uh, like, congratulations. For example." Sam smiles out awkwardly.

"What?" Dean questions with high confusion while looking around. "Where the hell is Lou? And is L here?" he asks with excitement.

"Lou?" Sam huffs a laugh at his brother. "You feeling ok?"

"What the hell do you mean ' _Lou'_?" Dean nearly shouts with new fear at the way Sam scoffs out her name. "Who else would you be marrying!?"

Right then, before Sam can answer, the bridal march begins and the double doors at the end of the cheesy aisle open. A woman overly decked out in a very large wedding dress and heavy veil covering her face.

"What the hell?" Dean asks, the Twilight Zone feeling he has growing by the second. The frame of the woman walking towards them is clearly bigger. Lou's just barely over five feet. This woman is about five and a half feet. What the fuck is happening here!?

The mystery woman stops right in front of them. Sam, with a massive and so happy smile on his face, reaches out and lifts the pure while tulle over her head to reveal the wearer's face.

"Becky!?" Dean spits out when he sees the awkward and obnoxious super fan.

"Dean," she greets while glowing. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Sam!?" Dean immediately moves to stand between the new couple, his back to Becky as he gets into his brother's face. "What the fuck are you doing!?"

"I told you," Sam grins right back. "I'm in love. Life is short."

"What about Lou!?

"What about her?" Sam questions with confusion as he looks at Dean like he's the one actually losing his mind.

"Sam," he tries again, this time grabbing Sam's shoulder hard and making his look right into his eyes. "You have a girl."

"Oh… no, no," Sam brushes off when he finally recalls who it is his brother is talking about. "Come on, man. That was never gonna work out."

"What are you saying!?"

"Dean? Sam's made his decision," Becky says with calm and smug confidence, Dean turning a bit to look at her. "We were meant to be!"

"Aw, we were," Sam sappily returns with.

"I know, honey," Becky says with giddy love and Dean's had enough.

"Come on," Dean declares and grabs Sam's upper arm, marching for the exit while dragging the taller man with him.

"No."

"We're getting outta here and that's final."

"No, Dean!" Sam shouts, yanking his arm back and stopping them. "I'm happy here. I want this and if you're not gonna be supportive then  _you_  can leave. Alone."

"Look at me," Dean sternly commands, pointing to his own eyes. Sam locks on and listens. "She did something to you."

"Uh, Dean…." Sam starts to complain and Dean can see he's getting nowhere fast. Whatever Becky did she did it well. He's not getting anywhere right now so either he keeps putting up a stink and gets kicked out or he calms down and sits through this sham while keeping his eye out.

"You really want this?" Dean questions.

"Yes. I really do," Sam returns, sounding honestly sincere.

"Fine," Dean throws his hands up. "Get married. See if I care."

"Thanks for the enthusiasm."

Sam walks back towards the altar and Dean sighs, his head a mess. What the fuck is going on!?

* * *

The ceremony already over and Dean's just as sour and suspicious as when it started. "Shouldn't she ask for my permission or something?"

"You, you want her to ask for my hand?" Sam laughs at the idea.

"How in the… how did this happen?"

"Short version?" Sam starts. "We, we, we met. We ate and, and talked… and fell in love. And, you know, here we are."

"Yeah, I… I guess I'm all caught up," Dean says, buying nothing he's hearing. "That's…. Okay, you know what? Ignoring everything, have you forgotten the average life-span of your hookups?"

"Yeah, but…."

"But if anyone knows that, it's me," Becky answers for him. "I mean, I read every book. So, open eyes, you know? Open eyes."

"I'm gonna be sick," Dean chokes back the bile. "Have you even called Lou to let her know she's out of the picture yet?"

"Oh, I sent her an email we composed together," Becky says with a grin of triumph.

"Together!?" Dean gets fired up again.

"We thought it was only right that she see how in love we were… so she knew breaking up was the right thing," Sam says, the innocence in his voice shocking.

"You waited four years for her!" Dean shouts.

"And I never really gave Becky a chance in all that time," Sam explains away. "Dean, look, it's simple. If, if something good's happening I, I got to jump on it… now, today, period."

"Okay, Dead Poets Society. Fine." He glances at Becky and says, "No offense." And then turns back to Sam. "Did you make sure she's even really…?"

"Salt, holy water, everything," Becky assures and holds out her arm with gash on it. "See? Not a monster. Just the right girl for your brother."

"Ah," Dean patronizes, hating everything in front of him.

A man working at the chapel shows up then with the bill in hand. "The bill."

"I got it," Becky says and takes the bill. "You two do your brother thing."

The second she walks away Dean snaps his focus onto Sam, still fuming over everything. "Really?! Superfan ninety-nine?!"

"Dean, look. Honest to God, I had the exact same opinion of her as you do. But when we got past the whole book thing, I found out that she's great and I was the dick."

"Yeah, you know, speaking of the whole, uh, book thing... Becky randomly shows up during Vegas week?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Okay, um, what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying you have a great freakin' chick waiting for you right now that doesn't deserve this!" Dean finally spells it out. "I  _know_  you got some serious feelings for her, man…."

"Dean, that's over. Get past it," Sam easily says.

"No, I'm not  _getting past it_ ," Dean grits out with clenched teeth and high frustration. "You are fucked up. She fucked you up!" He points to Becky signing papers and settling their bill as he starts to lose it again.

"No, she didn't," Sam says with total offence.

"Yes she did! Because I know you. Sammy, I know you better than anyone. I know how you feel about Lou. Maybe you don't talk about it but I can see it. I see it in the way you look at her, the way you're better around her… I can't believe I'm having the conversation right now!" Now he's in full blown freak out mode.

"I'm sorry you see it that way," Sam says to his brother with disappointment. "I'm happy for once. Really happy. And I was hoping you'd be happy for me as my brother."

"I'm  _worried_  about you," Dean clarifies.

"No, you're paranoid."

"And you're in love?! It's been a couple days, man!"

"Oh, right, and… and how many days with Lizzy was it before you got reamed in the ass by Cupid?"

Dean opens his mouth to speak but he has no rebuttal for that. "I… I, you know… that's not the fucking point!"

"You know what, Dean? You know what?" Sam starts, finally cracking with the lack of support. "Um, how about this? Becky and I are gonna go up to her place in Delaware. Um, why don't you try and wrap your dome around this, get a little supportive, then give us a call?"

Sam claps Dean on the shoulder before walking away towards Becky, ditching his brother in favor of Carver Edlund's biggest fan. And all the while Dean's head spins.

He needs back up.

* * *

"Why Delaware?" Lou asks, her conversation with Dean on the phone very weird.

"Didn't you read your email?" Dean questions, figuring Lou would be far more pissed by now.

"Nah. I don't really do that. Haven't opened up that account since I got back."

"Seriously?"

"You wanna sort through four years of emails for me?

"Right. Ok, well, I need back up," Dean says simply, not wanting to freak her out until she gets there.

"So get Bobby to hook you up," Lou tosses out. "I can stay with Lizard and make sure they have their own back up while you work with another hunter. I bet I can get Garth to show up. I should really call him. It's been years…."

"No," Dean denies instantly, watching the road as he drives and talks. "I need  _you_  on this one."

"Why?"

" _Why_?" Dean guiltily echoes as she thinks fast.

"Yeah. Why me?"

"Because… I can trust you," he comes up with on the fly. "We already teamed up a couple times and we did some pretty good work."

"It  _would_  be nice to see Sam… even if he's too sick to hunt," Lou thinks it over, Dean having told her Sam's under the weather and can't work with him as a cover. She can't know yet what's really up. He wants her to arrive in one piece.

"Go with that then," Dean suggests quickly.

"Hm, how about this: I'll pack us up and have us in Delaware in a day or so. I can stash Lizzy and Sammy in a motel a couple towns over, ditch them to help clean up whatever mess you found, and then you could see them for a little bit before separating again. Well, that is, if you're sure you aren't tailed or anything before you meet up and you leave within twenty-four hours…."

"Done," Dean decides very quickly when the idea that he can see his family is presented.

"Figured you'd like that one," Lou says with a smirk.

"Alright, I'll be there late tonight or really early tomorrow morning," Dean says, looking at his watch. Ten in the morning. Over twenty-four hours of driving with minimal sleep (and roughly another twenty-four to go) has him on edge but his anxiety to get to Sam is taking over. "I'll check in somewhere and you find a place for L and Sammy. I'll text you my address."

"I'll get us going right now. I bet we can be checked out in ten if I tell Lizard we're heading for you."

Dean very quietly laughs to himself, beyond excited to see his girl and his little boy. "It's a plan."

* * *

A day later, Dean opens the door of the Delaware motel he found after a series of strong knocks and Lou walks right past him with her bag over her shoulder.

"Longest fucking drive ever," she announces in a huff and drops her things on Dean's bed. She then marches for the mini refrigerator and steals a beer from the stash she knew Dean would have.

Standing by the door, arms crossed as he eyes her, he watches Lou pop the cap of her bottle with the bottle opener on her keys and take a massive swig, downing a third of the drink in one go.

"Ah," Lou says with relief and she smiles at Dean. "Been dying for one of these for hours."

"Where are they?" Dean asks, looking to get down to what's important.

"Where are who?" she questions while looking at him with confusion. Dean eyes her with angered disbelief and Lou laughs. "I'm just fucking with you. They're in Ocean City."

"Ocean City?" Dean asks. "Kinda busy, don't you think?"

"It's early June. Summer just started so it's a little quiet still. But Lizard was determined to bring Sammy to the beach."

Dean quirks his mouth up a little. She once told him that she missed the beach the most while travelling the country. He's not surprised at all that Lizzy wanted to make sure Sammy saw the Atlantic.

"So what's the deal?" Lou asks, looking at the unwrinkled, unslept in bed that Sam normally occupies. "Sam feeling better?"

"No he's feeling pretty… out of it," Dean cautiously says. "Sit down."

Dean takes a seat at the small table but Lou just watches him, not moving. She has a horrible feeling about whatever is happening suddenly. "What the hell is up, Dean?"

"I said sit down," he nods to the chair across from him. "I'll tell you then. And grab a few more beers."

"We need to sit down  _and_  have a few beers for this convo," Lou asks with wide eyes before pulling out a couple more bottles. "I already hate this."

"Yeah," Dean says simply and waits for her. Once she's settled in, looking at him with raised eyebrows and impatience, he starts in. "Sam's not sick, not in the traditional sense at least."

"I'm getting that," Lou nods. "So where is he?"

"He's… in his new home," Dean tells her simply.

Lou pauses for a second. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means someone is fucking with him. It means that we went to Vegas for a few days…"

"Without me!?" Lou interrupts, upset at missing out.

"Focus!" Dean gets angry at her. "We went to Vegas and Sam… he's not himself." Dean rubs his eyes. "We  _really_  need to stop going to Las Vegas."

"Dean, fucking spell it out for me. What's going on?"

"Sam got married," Dean says it plain, popping his own beer. "He got married and is living in his new home. With his wife."

Lou's face doesn't move. She lets on nothing as it temporarily goes blank. She just watches Dean takes a chug of his beer similar to the once she took when she first arrived. "Sam's married?"

"Yeah."

"He has a home and a… wife?"

"Y-yeah…."

"I'm sorry, I… I must be tired from that long ass drive," Lou asks of him. "You wanna run that one by me again?"

"Sam went to Vegas, met someone, and got married. Then moved here."

"What the fuck are you talking about!?" Lou asks, getting highly angry with how confused she is by all this. "Who did he marry!?"

"Becky freakin' Rosen," Dean gripes.

"Who the fuck is Becky  _freakin'_  Rosen?" Lou pries on with total anger. "And why does she have a death wish?"

"She's a… a … weird… obsessed fan," he tells her, now seeing that telling her once she arrived was the way to go. She's fired up beyond reason already. Who knew she was the jealous type.

"Fan of what!?"

"Um… right…." Dean shakes his head as she reminds him that Lou has no idea who Becky is, what she's a fan of, or about Chuck's books. "Why don't you kill that beer first? Then I'll explain."

* * *

By the time Dean gets through explaining everything (the book series, Becky, Chuck, the wedding Dean popped into without warning), Lou looks ready to beat the hell out of, well, anything. Dean's now fearing for his life as he's the only alive thing in the room.

"So what do we do now?" Lou questions with a set jaw. "I mean, after I beat the living shit out of this fucking Becky chick."

"Well, first, you don't do that."

"Give me one good reason why that bitch doesn't deserve to go down for this?"

"We need her," Dean says. "Something weird is happening in this town. People are dying weird and if this involves Sam… we need her alive. To get answers."

"I'll get answers out of her," Lou promises. "Just get me to that apartment."

"No."

"Fuck you, no!" Lou shouts, standing up with fire in her eyes. "That's why I'm here!"

"You're here to back me up," Dean says to her calmly as he can. "Not ruin any chance of getting Sam back."

"I'll get his ass back," Lou promises. "And then fucking kill him for this."

Dean sits back with shock. "Kill him? Lou, I don't think he did anything wrong here…"

"He cheated on me," Lou says, this infraction being the worst thing he could do to her. She confessed to him what her father did to her mother months back and here he is, repeating her history and doing it directly to her. She never would have ever thought Sam would do this to her. "So… prepare to die."

"You're making me regret bringing you in on this," Dean tells her right away, making sure she understands how serious this is. "Whatever is happening to Sam right now is not his fault. Becky is the worst. There is no way in hell he'd willingly and in his right mind do this. And, I know for a fact he'd never do this to you. Not on purpose."

"Oh yeah, he accidentally cheated. Sounds legit," Lou says, heading for her bag and pulling out her gun. She drops it into the back of her jeans and asks, "Can we go now?"

"Only if we do this my way."

"Screw your way."

" _Lou_ ," Dean says, using the tone he hates because it sounds far too much like his own father. She stops and stares at him, knowing she's overstepped her bounds. "I have a way in. What I need from you is to hang back in the car for now and keep an eye out, be ready to come in if I need you and  _only_  if I need you."

Lou clenches her jaw with anger. He's sidelining her here.

"Can you handle that?" Dean questions, unsure that she can.

"Whatever," Lou rolls her eyes and heads for the door.

Dean clears his throat and makes her stop short. He holds out his hand palm up and again Lou rolls her eyes. She pulls her handgun out of her pants and hands it over.

"That 'a girl," Dean cheers flatly as he places the gun on the table and gets up, putting on his jacket to leave.

"So what's your  _genius_  plan to get into her apartment?" Lou asks him and Dean just grins wide before heading for the car.

* * *

"This is the place?" Lou asks, eyeing the crappy brick building they pull up in front of.

"Yep," Dean says to her, puts the car in park, and turns off the engine. "Hey, uh, can you hand me my gun from the glove compartment?"

"Yeah," Lou says, opening the door to it. As she grabs the gun and hands it over, she says, "So you get some firepower and I have to wait here naked… hey!"

Dean quickly slaps one end of the handcuffs he had on him for just this reason around Lou's wrist. The other end he snaps around the steering wheel.

"What the fuck!?" Lou screams at him, Dean snatching up his gun before she can shoot him with her anger.

"I figured you wouldn't let me go in there alone," Dean explains himself, reaching down into her boot and pulling out her lock-pick before she can stop him. "So I figured I'd have to buy myself some time somehow."

"You're a fucking bastard!" she yells at him, pulling her arm a couple times and seeing that she's going nowhere.

"I need to check on this alone at first," Dean tells her, opening the car door and getting out. "You go up there right now and you'll blow it when you see this dork with Sam."

"I can contain myself," Lou says, trying to sound relaxed and ready to take on a personal hunt but instead sounding like she's just trying to hide her fury.

"Yeah… right…." Dean responds, unconvinced as he picks up the box sitting in the back seat.

"You bought them a gift!?" Lou asks with shock.

"It's my cover. Sit tight. I'll be right back." Dean shuts the doors to the Impala and heads for the apartment building's front door.

"Don't think I won't try to stab you in your sleep for this!" she shouts to him and he just gives her a thumbs up and a wide grin as he walks away.

* * *

"Me being supportive," Dean says to Sam in the doorway of Becky's apartment. He hands over a box wrapped with a red ribbon. "Congratulations to you and the missus."

"Thanks," Sam genuinely returns with as he takes the gift.

"It's a waffle iron. Nonstick. Yeah, you just, uh..." Dean starts to explain how a waffle iron is used but halfway through he realizes something. "I actually don't know how to use it. Are we good?"

Sam shrugs and grins small.

"Good, 'cause I'm sniffing a case in this town. The score is... guy wins Powerball, gets squished by a truck. Second guy went from the bench to the Majors. Oh, and one week later, his  _face_  was the catcher's mitt, huh?"

"Our first thought was crossroads demons…" a voice says to them from the other room. "But there's that ten year time frame on collecting souls."

Sam leads Dean to the open bedroom door to find Becky in the room, her eyes scanning over the wall covered in what looks like a fifth grade girl's case investigation layout. It's complete with a sign that says  _Sam and Becky's Investigation_. Dean swallows hard so he doesn't puke.

"Then there's cursed object, like in 'Bad Day at Black Rock'," Becky keeps talking, referencing to the books written about them. "But we haven't been able to connect the vics yet."

"You're working this case... together?" Dean asks with surprise.

"Yeah. I know, right?" Sam huffs with surprise of his own and a touch of pride. "I mean, I guess all those Chuck Shurley books paid off."

"Alright, listen, Cookie," Dean starts in, already losing any ounce of patience he has built up. He stares at Becky with something slightly dangerous in his eyes. "I don't know what kind of mojo you're working, but, believe me, I will find out."

"Dean, that's... my wife you're talking to."

"You're not even acting like yourself, Sam!"

"How am I not?" Sam questions, thinking he's the same as ever.

"You married Becky Rosen!"

"What are you saying? I'm a witch?" Becky challenges him. "Or maybe I'm a siren. Ever occur to you we're just, I don't know, happy?"

"Come on, Sam!" Dean says to his brother, avoiding the annoying woman in the room. "Guy wins the lotto, guy hits the bigs. Alright, obviously, uh, people's dreams are coming true in this town. Don't you think this is a little bit of a coincidence?"

"You know what, Dean? What Becky and I have is real. And if you can't accept that, that's your problem, not ours."

"Or maybe she's part of it. Because for whatever reason, you're her dream. If you really do care about her, I'd be worried. Because people who do get their little fantasies or whatever seem to end up dead pretty quick."

Dean turns to leave and go check on Lou, hoping she hasn't slipped the cuffs just yet, when Sam's words stop him.

"You know, I went after her, Dean. Maybe that's what's bugging you… that I'm moving on with my life."

"And Lou?" Dean angrily asks. "Moving on from her too? What about L? What about your nephew?"

"Sammy!? Uh, I can't wait to meet my new nephew!" Becky's eyes light up brightly and with excitement.

"Shut up, Becky!" Dean yells at her, having had enough. He wants her nowhere near his boy. Ever. She's clearly up to something bad here and willing to do a whole lot to get whatever she wants. Not good.

"Dean! Don't talk to her that way!" Sam says with upset. "You know what? Why don't you just leave, ok? I thought you were trying to be accepting here but now I can see…."

" _Sam_!?"

Dean closes his eyes when he can hear Lou's voice yelling in the hallway. "Oh, no." He heads for the doorway immediately.

The apartment door bursts open and hits the wall behind it. "Where is he!?" Lou asks as she stomps in. Her eyes fall on the tall man standing in the basic apartment, the woman she assumes is Becky's grabbing hard to his arm and hiding behind him a little. " _You_!"

"Lou, take a breather…" Dean warns and the second the words come out of his mouth she darts forwards. Whipping an arm out to the side, Dean just catches her before she can do any real damage to anyone, despite how badly he would love to let her go off.

"You bastard!" Lou shouts at Sam, her eyes locked on his confused ones as she fights against Dean. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

"Lou?" Sam says with a hint of recognition, his head hurting immediately.

"After everything I had to overcome to fucking be with you!?" Lou continues to rant as she flails against Dean's grip on her. "After everything I  _told_  you!?"

"She's scarier than I thought," Becky whispers to her husband as she continues to half hide behind him.

"Bitch, shut your mouth before I knock your fucking teeth out!" Lou fires out in a rage when Becky insults her on top of everything else.

"Lou, you gotta stop," Dean tries to keep a calmer voice.

"I'll stop when she's dead!"

"Shit," Sam's head bows a bit and his eyes squeeze shut. "Lou? What…. Wh… what's…?"

"Giant?" Lou's voice changes instantly when she can hear the distress in his tone. He's in pain. When he brings his hands to either side of his head Lou immediately stops fighting and Dean stops holding her back. They're both too overly concerned for anything else. "Sam?"

"Sammy!?" Becky calls to him as she takes a hold of his arm with worry. He lightly pushes her away and it's then that she moves, running for a water bottle on her nightstand.

"Oh God, Sam," Lou lets slip out as she marches right for him. She grabs his jaw and lifts his head to really look at him. His eyes try to focus on her but they roll about. "Giant? You ok?"

"Lou," Sam says her name again. His mouth quirks up in a half smile despite the pain when he really recognizes her.

"Talk to me," she returns with, knowing something is very wrong here. At first she was furious. Now she's just down right terrified for him. "Giant, what's going on?"

"Lou…."

"Here!" Becky nearly shouts as she presses herself between Lou and Sam. She tips the water bottle up to his lips and makes him drinks. "Here, sweetie." She smiles through her fears of losing him. "Drink this. You'll feel better, I promise."

Lou backs up a step and watches as Sam takes several uncoordinated chugs of water that Becky offers. Within seconds he's back, eyes focused on his new wife and pain very clearly gone.

"I'm ok," he nods to her, assuring that he's recovered.

"Good," Becky grins wide and leans in, hugging him tightly. "Good, honey."

"Guess I was just dehydrated," Sam shrugs it off and wraps his arms around her shoulders.

And as Lou watches the ire returns. This woman is hugging her man. Lou's never cared about someone in the way that she's cared for Sam and here he is, his arms around another woman. Flashes of her life, growing up with a cheating father, start to creep right back in now that Sam's no longer in agony.

"Lou, we should go," Dean tries, walking up behind her and placing a hand on her shoulder when he can see the looming explosion coming.

Lou pushes his hand off and balls up her fists. "Get away from him." When she looks at Becky she can see every floozy and easy chick her father ever went after behind her mother's back. She can see all the woman easily settling with being her charming and handsome father's side lay. It's happening in her life all over again.

Becky turns to look at Lou, tucking herself under Sam's arm and hugging him in the side. "He's my husband."

"No, he's not," Lou says to her. "He's the only guy I've ever fucking cared about. Get  _away_  from him."

"Lou, come on," Dean says, pulling her arm to get her to leave but instead it backfires. Lou turns and shoved Dean in the chest to back him off.

"Last chance," Lou says to Becky, the dangerous tone making the woman shiver.

"Enough, Lou," Sam says to her with disappointment. "Damn it. What's wrong with you?"

"Seriously!? What's wrong with me!? What the fuck is wrong with  _you_!?" Lou turns it around. "I overcame a lot of bullshit to be with you and  _this_  is what I get!?"

"We were never gonna work out," Sam says with a sorry smile and a lighter-than-it-should-be tone.

"What?" Lou asks, her heart getting crushed bit by bit as he stands there acting as if he didn't need her or care about her in the least.

"You're a mess," Sam huffs. "You can't trust me, not fully. And maybe that's, that's not your fault. But it isn't mine either. You can't commit. You can't… you just can't. Becky can. And she already has."

The ice water running through her entire system with hearing him speak to her like this makes her start to shut down. Becky just grins up at her prize while Lou stands there, shocked and unable to do anything about it.

"Wh… but I…." Lou's speechless. "Giant?"

"I'm sorry," Sam tells her. "I gave it a shot but… you need help, Lou. You need to talk to someone. Becky and I agree that's it's for the best that I find someone that can be with me and not be scared of that."

"You'll find the right guy, Lou," Becky adds in with her shrill and absolutely patronizing voice. "Sam's just not it for you."

"Oh fuck," Dean comments quietly behind Lou as he can see the disaster coming. He walks back up to her in order to step in when Lou goes off.

Lou, completely defeated, just stares at Sam in front of her. Her eyes start to fill as she nods slowly. The loss of what to do or say hits hard. It's too damn much.

"This is what you want?" Lou questions in a very quiet voice, one that neither Winchester has ever heard from her.

"Yes, it is," Sam assures, smiling at Becky briefly.

"Fine," she whispers and walks up to him. She squares off, staring at the man she's desperately in love with. She clenches her jaw briefly before pulling back her fist and letting it fly.

"Ooh, shit!" Dean says from behind the whole thing when he watches Sam get rocked with one of the hardest punches he's ever witnessed in his life.

Becky freaks out for a second, her hands over her mouth as she watches Sam recoil from the massive hit from the tiny woman. Becky then drops her hands and opens her mouth to say something but Lou immediately points at her to stop her.

"Not a fucking word from you," Lou's sharp edged voice warns and Becky simply nods her understanding.

Lou then looks right back at Sam as he rubs at his cheek, the spot she slugged him already red. "You're worse than Brian ever was."

And she leaves.

* * *

After the punch heard 'round the world, as he would always remember it by, Dean quickly left Sam and Becky to their weird lives and he booked it out of the apartment building. He hoped he's find her by the car but no such luck.

"Lou!?" Dean calls out on the street, eyes darting about and seeing no one. "Lou, come on!"

He starts walking. Dean checks down the block and back before peering down all the alleyways between the buildings. Luckily he notices a pair of boots sticking out behind a dumpster down one of them. He knows those boots.

Dean takes his time, walking to her while searching his mind for what he's supposed to say in this situation. This is one hell of a weird, messed up deal they have going on. He's pretty unsure to say the least.

When he makes it around the dumpster he stands over her, looking at her even smaller than usual form sitting against the wall of the building at her back, her arms crossed over her chest.

"That's not him," Dean tells her with absolute certainty.

"Doesn't matter," Lou answers, wiping a hand down her face to get rid of the evidence of how much everything hurts.

"Yes it does."

"No, it really doesn't."

"Lou, that wasn't Sam talking," Dean promises her.

"Part of it was," Lou tells him, sure of it.

He doesn't know what that means. "Look," Dean sighs and crouches down to be level with her. "Becky is a fucking psycho. She did something to Sam to make him act like this, I know it."

Lou shrugs her shoulders and says nothing.

"And if I'm gonna figure out what she did then I need your help," Dean continues. "You came here to back me up so fucking back me up."

Lou finally looks him. "I can't believe he said that to me."

"Lou, whatever he's saying right now… it's not Sam saying it."

She sighs heavily as the weight of everything drags her down further.

"You know that, right?"

"It doesn't matter," Lou tells him.

"Yes it does."

"No. Not really. He was speaking the truth."

"About?"

Lou shakes her head and shuts right down.

"Alright, fine," Dean declares a she takes a seat next to her in the dirty alley.

"What are you doing?" she complains to him.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what the fuck this is. Because I know you," Dean says to her, looking to his side and eyeing her hard. "What I should have seen in there was you raging out and beating Becky to a pulp."

Lou says nothing.

"Instead I get you punching Sam in the face once and telling him he's worse than your father." He looks to his side at her and she remains with her focus on the brick wall across from them. "So… until you tell me what the hell is up and what that all means we sit right here while the new lovebirds do their thing. And I'm sure that you don't want that."

"They can do whatever they want. Sam's made his choice."

"Horse shit," Dean says with anger at her. "There is no way that guy chooses Becky fucking Rosen over you. And you know that. Now, why the hell aren't you fighting?"

"'Cause you're all the same."

"Same as what?"

"Same as my father," Lou tells him. "You're all a bunch of dishonest, cheating liars."

And it all clicks for him. Dean gets it. "Brian was cheating on your mom?"

"Lizzy exists, doesn't she?" Lou challenges.

"That was an exception…."

"For Cathy," Lou clarifies. "Lizzy's mom was a good woman. For her that was a mistake, I don't doubt that for a second."

"But Brian wasn't a good man?"

"He wasn't a good  _husband_ ," Lou tells him, knowing he was a wonderful person aside from this personality defect of his.

Dean nods. "How many times?"

"I have no idea," Lou admits. "But it never seemed to stop once I found out. And my mom never knew so she was kept in the dark the whole time." Without realizing it, Lou leans her weight into Dean a little, her arm against his. "Maybe it was better that way. She never once had to feel this. She was happy."

"But this is totally different."

"Yeah, it is. Sam was totally blatant about it. He didn't lie. He told me to my face that he couldn't be with me… not with how damaged I am."

"And Sam's  _not_  damaged?" Dean rebuts quickly. "That kid's head is so damaged you might as well call him Black Swan."

"What?" Lou asks with how confusing that comment is to her.

"How am I the only one that's seen Black Swan?" Dean says with frustration as Lou gives him a blank stare.

"Four years of Purgatory," she reminds.

"Right… well, all I'm saying is you guys make a hell of a broken pair. He's not one to talk right now."

"But he's right. I don't trust him fully. I never have been able to totally, one-hundred percent trust him, even if I said I could. I, I just… can't."

"Who can blame you?" Dean points out. "And Sam knows about all this? About Brian?"

"He knows everything," Lou tells him, looking over at Dean with something akin to pleading in her face. "I told him everything."

"And he still did this to you?"

"I thought he was understanding it. I thought he… he got it and knew me enough to be patient…."

"But doesn't that say everything right there? Doesn't that prove that he's being completely screwed with by Becky?"

When he makes a lot of sense Lou doesn't know what to say back.

"It looks bad, I know. But, Lou… if that kid means anything to you… you get off your ass and fight for him." He keeps a hard eye on her. "I know how Sam feels about you. This Becky bullshit is just that. A load of bullshit. I'm not about to stand by and let that whack-job super-fan steal my brother, not when he's got a perfectly good, all be it rude and pain in my ass, girl waiting for him already."

Lou nods slowly as she sits there, looking at her hands in her lap for a moment. "You're getting pretty good at this motivational speaking shit."

"Yeah?" Dean smirks a little and elbows her.

"Scary good, Tony Robbins," she repeats as Dean stands up. He then holds a hand out to her and she takes.

"Sam always said I should have a career to fall back on."

"You found it."

"Well, whatever it takes to get you fighting again," he tells her as he hauls her to her feet. "Plus, I like you way better than Becky. Even if you're mean to me all the damn time."

Lou doesn't say anything to that. Instead she just walks next to him towards the car, ready to figure out yet another fucked up situation that's found them… until it dawns on her.

"You like me?" Lou asks, peering at Dean funny, thinking he didn't necessarily like her as much as tolerate her because she's Lizzy's sister half the time.

"I married L. Difficult chicks are my thing," Dean smirks and pulls his keys out of his pocket. "Heads up." He tossed her the keys before opening the passenger door.

"Seriously?" Lou asks, wide eyes on him like he's gone crazy.

"You've had a bad day. Let Baby make it better." He winks at her and gets in, Lou opening the driver's side door to sit down while shocked. This was a first in a very long time.

Key in the ignition, Lou starts her up. "You'd have a three-way with Lizard and this car if you could, wouldn't you?"

"Who said we haven't?" Dean smirks brightly and lifts his eyebrows once.

"Dean… honestly… have you fucked this car before?" she asks seriously, eyeing him.

"Fucked her… or fucked on her?" Dean asks with mischief, making Lou give him a wide eyed look of surprise. "Mind outta the gutter," he laughs a little. "Get us to the motel so we can figure this shit out."

* * *

 


	7. Becky Freakin' Rosen (Part 2)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Season Seven, Time for a Wedding!'.** _

* * *

 

Things have not gone according to plan.

First, Dean shows up all unsupportive with that crazy bitch Louise in tow. Then Dean and Lou latch onto  _their_  hunt and are probably going to solve it faster than she and her new husband, ruining their first ever case together. And now… well… now isn't exactly going as according to plan as it could have at this point.

When she hears Sam start to wake up, groaning in pain, she rushes to his side and sits on the bed next to him.

"Sam?" she asks as he blinks his bright hazel eyes open, making her heart skip really quickly before she starts to worry again. "Sam, do you feel concussion-y? How many fingers am I holding up?" She waves three rapidly.

"Where am I?" Sam asks, looking around his unfamiliar surroundings. Then he sees her face. Becky!? Panic. "What the hell's going on?"

"Sam... just calm down…"

"Calm down?!" Sam alarms, unable to move his limbs. He checks himself out and sees he's tied to a metal bed frame, both wrists and ankles with thick rope around them. "You hogtied me to…." He stops when something truly terrifying hits him. "Becky, why… why am I not wearing any pants?"

"They're very constricting," she explains away.

"Uh," Sam groans in response as he drops hi head back, skeeved out and feeling just beyond gross in the moment.

"Don't worry," Becky assures him. "I didn't do anything weird. I was helping."

"Let me go!" he demands with his harshest and most booming voice, making Becky jump a little. "Now!"

But she chooses to ignore his fury, knowing she can get him back. "Are you thirsty? Or do you need a bottle... to, you know, tinkle? It's okay if you do. I can help."

Sam groans in disgust again. "Becky! You're insane! I have…."

A beeping sound goes off and interrupts him, making Becky cheer, "Finally!"

"Wait. What? Wait!" Sam shouts at her as she runs to the other room and leaves him. "Becky? Becky. Hey, hey, don't! Don't! Becky!"

As Sam lays there, tied and unable to move, he listens in on the conversation she's having with an unknown man. He gleans from it that he's at Becky's parents' cabin but he has no idea where that is. He doesn't even know which state this is. He also finds out that whoever she's speaking with, someone appropriately just named Guy, has been supplying her with an elixir that's clearly to blame for his current condition and lack of recollection of the past who knows how many days. This was supposed to be his Las Vegas trip, blowing off steam while unable to be near the one person he wants to be near.

Fuck. Lou. She's going to kill him dead on the spot when she finds out about this. After what happened with her father… shit. And from the sounds of it he's  _married_  to psycho Becky. This looks like total betrayal.

This is very, very bad. Losing Lou kind of bad.

"Do you know we haven't even consummated our marriage?" he can hear Becky explain. "We were taking it slow 'cause true love is forever, but everything just feels weird now."

Sam sighs in relief. At least it never got that far. For his own sanity and protection against Lou he might make this out alive after all. To say he's a bit scared of Lou would be an understatement. She may be about a third his size, maybe a forth, but that doesn't matter when the hundred pounds that she is can be all fury and brawn when pissed off.

And then Becky finishes up her call and walks back into the room.

"So, you dosed me with a love potion."

"How…?"

"Thin walls."

"Look," Becky sighs. "Yes, I used a social lubricant to…."

"You roofied me!" Sam shouts with outrage.

"A roofie? I'd never!" she promises. "We had a great time together. You were happy.

"Oh, yeah," Sam answers with sarcasm as he tugs at his rope bindings. "I'm thrilled."

"I have to go," she starts to leave.

"You know your pal Guy is the one icing all those people, right?" Sam informs her, getting her to stay.

"No, he's not…."

"Oh, so he's  _not_  a witch?"

"No. He's just a Wiccan. Wiccans are good, like Glinda of Oz."

"You're not this stupid, Becky. He's your dealer. Look, I don't know how much he's charging you for that Spanish Fly…."

"Nothing! He gives it to me," Becky says, trying to prove that her friend is legit. "And he said it wouldn't even work unless you already loved me, deep down. It just activates it."

"So you think I love you?" Sam asks with disbelief, thinking she must have lost her damn mind.

"Deep,  _deep_  down?" she hopes.

"I think you know that isn't the case," Sam says gently, knowing he doesn't want her to go off. She's seems awfully unstable. "And if you read all those Chuck Shurley books like you claim to have… then you already know I don't."

"You mean Lou?" she asks with a very downtrodden tone.

"Of course I mean Lou," Sam says quietly. "You have no idea the fire you're playing with right now. Not only are you getting yourself tied in with a witch but you're screwing with other people's lives." Sam drops his head back and looks at the ceiling. "She'll probably kill me for this. And then you right after."

"She does seem like an angry person…."

"Putting it lightly." Sam just shakes his head. "If you wanted us broken up, well… you're doing a bang up job, Becky."

"Sam… I've read the books. She's difficult and nothing like you. She's not an ideal match for you…."

"That's not for you to decide," Sam tells her in a dangerous tone.

"But I would be good for you," Becky promises. "She doesn't even trust you. But I trust you, Sammy."

" _Don't call me that._ "

She pauses when the anger really reaches his eyes as she looks at him. "I'm just trying to say… I have your best interests in mind."

" _My_  best interests?" he asks with shock.

"Yes," Becky smiles to him.

"Then untie me."

Becky looks at him for a moment, her resolve slipping. But then she remembers that if she lets him go then it's completely over between them. He'll run away and he'll divorce her, go back to that horrible woman, and she'll never see him again.

"No," Sam complains when she balls up a sock. "No!"

"You're still working through your emotions," Becky assures him as she stuff the sock into his mouth to keep him quiet as she prepares to leave. "You need time to realize what it is we have."

"Mm-mm!" Sam muffles out, meaning for it to be a solid fuck you to her but it isn't clear.

"I love you, too!" Becky waves in return and leaves him there, Sam grumbling about being caught there alone and immobile.

Great, time alone to lay here and think about how he's screwed with Lou. Perfect.

* * *

Only a couple hours of time away from Becky is all he got before she came back, chattier than ever. As she lays next to him with her head on his chest, confessing how she feels lost and how she's never have him any other way, Sam's had enough. But there's nothing he can do about it. Sadly, she paid maybe a little too much attention to the Supernatural books. She knows a good knot.

"I just want someone who loves me for me! Is that too much to ask?" Becky questions him and for the fifth time Sam tries to answer her. However, all that comes out is a garbled, muffled mess as she never took the sock out of his mouth when she returned.

She sighs and realizes she has to take the sock from his mouth. "What?" she asks him once it's gone, Sam moving his mouth to stretch and deal with how dry it is now.

"If you want somebody to love you for you, maybe don't drug them," Sam comments to her, really trying to drive the point home that she's possibly gone about this all kinds of wrong.

"But I want  _you_!" Becky nearly shouts like a child in a tantrum. "And this is the only way!"

When she takes a new vial out of her pocket, the one she just got from Guy that she now knows as a crossroads demon, Sam starts to freak out.

"Becky," he says her name without anger and volume, hoping to get her to really listen. "Becky, you're better than this."

"That's sweet, but..." She looks at the potion hard. "I'm not so sure."

"Becky, please. If you do this…" Sam starts but before he could finish his thought the cabin door bursts open hard.

"Sam!?" they both hear Dean yell out as heavy boot falls are heard on the hardwood floor.

"Dean!" Sam calls back right away, the sound of his big brother's voice giving him his first real taste of relief since he came-to tied to a bed in Becky's cabin. "In here!"

"Oh, no," Becky complains and she panics. She pulls the cork out of the vial and grabs Sam's chin. She attempts to swiftly pour the potion down his throat before Dean can stop him.

"Mm!" Sam yells out through his bitten together lips, trying his best to seal his mouth.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean yells when he sees what's happening and runs for her.

"Sammy, just drink it. I know you love me… ugh!" Becky calls out when Dean tackles her off the bed, diving for her quickly. They tumble onto the ground, Dean scrambling to pin the girl down before she can do any more damage, as Sam drops his head back on his pillow and sighs with total thankfulness for his brother's timing.

"That was way too fucking close," he closes his eyes, listening to Dean struggle as he hears smaller footsteps make their way towards him.

"Gimme that!" Dean fires out as he pries the vial from Becky's hand, immediately smashing it on the cabin floor, the blue liquid spattering with the glass shards. "What was that!?"

Becky sighs and her face falls pitifully as she stares at the mess. "My happy future."

"Jesus," Lou sighs with upset when she sees Sam tied up and laid out.

"Lou, thank God," Sam shakes his head as she walks over to him, putting her gun into the back of her jeans. She kneels onto the bed at his side and pulls out her folding knife, her mind on autopilot. When Lou reaches for the rope around his wrist and opens her knife she pauses for a second. Her arms lower and she peers down at Sam, making him confused. "What? Cut me free."

Lou just eyes him for a few more seconds.

"Lou… let me go."

"Did you fuck her?" Lou asks, her voice devoid of any emotion. She's keeping it business like.

"What!? No!" Sam answers back defensively.

"Did you?" Lou tries again. "Just be honest."

"Lou, knock it off," Sam says in an even tone. "I didn't sleep with Becky."

"He's right," Becky admits with utter let down as she and Dean get off the floor. "We were taking it slow…."

"Uh, Becky?" Dean says while standing in front of her and blocking her from Lou's fire. The way Lou's staring daggers into her alone is enough to scare even him. "Why don't you keep the talking to a minimum here, huh?"

"I know how this looks," Sam tells her with certainty as Lou's eye lock onto his. Right away he can see the pain and questioning in the expression she attempts to keep stone and hard. He knows her well enough to be sure she's all over the place with this. "I do. I know this looks really, really… really, really,  _really_  bad."

"You married her," Lou's chin quivers a little when she says it.

"I didn't know I did that until I woke up all tied up like this."

"Sam… I can't…." She closes her eyes. "I can't do this… this…."

"I know," Sam assures her, knowing how much she's put herself out of her comfort zone in order to trust him and take a chance on a real,  _faithful_  relationship. "I know what a mess this has got to be for you but I promise you I would never do that.  _Never_. You know I wouldn't."

Biting back her fears and waves of emotions that want to crush her, Lou grabs the rope around his wrist and cuts it. Sam moans with thankfulness as he pulls his arm in for the first time in hours.

Sam smiles at Lou as she leans over his form, reaching for his farther arm and cutting that free. The second his arms are no longer bound in place Sam bolts up. He doesn't bother getting the left over ropes off his wrists or freeing his ankles. Instead, he reaches for Lou and pulls her in, awkwardly hugging her on the bed Becky intended to use for their honeymoon.

"I'm sorry if this made everything worse," Sam whispers into her thick, long blond hair. After a few seconds Lou's arms slowly come up and around him, her hands pressing into his back harder and harder by the second. With a few deep breaths she begins to see that she worried for nothing. Sam loves her. He wouldn't do to her what her dad did to her mother. Not all men are like that. Some are actually good.

The face of utter heartbreak Becky wears as she sees this makes Dean's blood further boil. While Lou and Sam have a second together Dean grabs Becky by the elbow and yanks her angrily into the other room.

"I know what you're going to say," Becky tells him in a sad voice.

"Sister, you don't know the half of what I want to say to you," Dean tells her with fire. "But right now you better start telling me what the hell is going on around here."

* * *

"Pucker up, sweetheart," Guy says to Becky, ready to seal their deal for good with a kiss. He never figured when he came to this small Jersey town to make deals it would end up this way. Sam Winchester getting fucked with by one of the most annoying women he's ever met. It's almost too good to be true for a crossroads demon.

But then it all goes to shit when Becky lights a match and drops it with anxious nervousness to the ground.

Flames shoot up around him in the shape of a devil's trap, burning the carpet with the sigil and making him rooted in place.

"I'm not your sweetheart!" Becky proclaims lamely as the three hunters backing her up enter the room. She jogs to stand behind Sam for protection. Considering that even if she's read all about this kind of thing she's never seen action like this, she's scared.

"Jack Daniels," Lou says with an evil smirk, shaking a bottle of the brown and flammable liquid in her hand. "The answer to all of  _my_  life's problems."

"You see that, Sam?" Becky freaks out with pride in herself. "I did it just like we said! I am awesome! I…." She stops short when she can see the way Lou's eyes are glaring at her with pure hatred. "I'll be over here." She backs up and stays behind the three hunters.

"Dean Winchester," Guy, the demon, says with delight. "This is really thrilling. Hey, can I have your autograph?"

"Sure," Dean answers calmly as he takes out Ruby's knife from his jacket. "Yeah, I'll, uh, carve it into your spleen."

"How does this little scam of yours work, Guy?" Lou questions him.

Guy's face curls up into an evil smile. "Well, how ever do you mean, Lou? And can I just say that I am simply  _thrilled_  to see you kicking around once more."

"You're signing ten year deals, snuffing 'em that week," Sam gets the demon back on track.

"Well, I would never. No. Rules of the road, can't lay a hand on any of my clients."

"Right. So how you cheating it?" Dean asks.

"I'm not a cheater. I'm an innovator. It's called a loophole, you moron. Yes, when a person bargains away his soul, he gets a decade,  _technically_. But… accidents happen."

"So you're arranging 'accidents' and collecting early?" Lou surmises.

"Oh, please. White gloves. I don't get my hands dirty. That's why it's important to have a capable intern."

Another demon steps out into the room, the same one responsible for the other early and untimely deaths in town, and instantly he flings the hunters across the room with his powers. Sam falls onto a table, rebounding backwards off of it, Lou flies up and over the bar, tumbling to the ground behind it, and Dean hits a wall so hard his grip loosens and the knife clatters away from him on the tiled floor.

Guy begins to complain about the other demon's lack of punctuality and Dean sees and opening. He stands up and starts repeating the rites he knows by heart at this point. "Exorcizamus te, omnis…."

His voice cuts out when Guy grips his neck hard and chokes him out.

"Here!"

Lou shakes her head and gets to her knees, realizing that Becky is sitting on the floor behind the bar next to her. She's holding out Ruby's knife for Lou to take.

"You're better with these things than I am," Becky admits as they can hear the sound of Sam's voice also gasping out by now. "I thought hunting would be fun and awesome… but it's way scary."

Lou bites her tongue at the moment and snatches the knife from her. She'd love to really lay into the delusional woman, let her know how nuts as hell she is, but there's isn't much time when your two allies aren't able to breathe.

Lou peeks around the edge of the bar and sees Guy with his hands on Dean's throat and the other demon telekinetically choking Sam out from feet away. Quick decision. She aims and throws the knife through the air.

Sam watches as he inhales sharply when released. The demon attacking him looks shocked as his body lights up in flashes of orange. He falls to the ground, the knife handle sticking straight out of his back.

Lou then runs to the dead demon and yanks the knife from him. She then charges Guy. The second she reaches him she punches him in the side of the head, taking him completely off guard. He drops his hold on Dean and Lou flips him around, shoving him into the pillar back first in the middle of the room and holding the knife to his neck.

"How many deals you got cooking in this town, Madoff?" Dean booms out, standing next to her and making sure Guy isn't going anywhere.

"Fifteen," Guy grudgingly answers.

"Call them off," Lou demands.

"No."

"Call them off or I'll cut my own loophole in your throat!"

Guy's face drops as he looks over Lou's short height. "Oh, crap."

Dean smirks. "Yeah, you said it. Lou ain't someone you wanna fuck with. You're in a world…."

"Hello, boys."

Dean's body freezes for a second. "Oh, crap."

"What…?" Lou starts to ask but Dean moves too quickly to get the question out. He quickly steals the knife from Lou and flips Guy around, putting the demon in front of him to block him. He then holds the blade to Guy's neck from behind and tells Lou, "Get behind me."

"And girl," finishes Crowley as he gets a quick look at the hunter with Sam and Dean. "My word. Louise Becker as I don't live and don't breathe. You pulled off the great escape. Welcome back, darling."

"Who the fuck are you?" Lou challenges out harshly, not liking the familiarity the man she's never met has with her. She steps out from behind Dean to get a look at the shorter man.

"I said get behind me!" Dean growls out, wanting to protect Lou from the demon she doesn't even know just yet.

"Sam, I hear congratulations are in order," Crowley says to the tall hunter. "Though, bringing the mistress to the reception is a little tacky."

"You're Crowley!" Becky says with a fangirl smile as she stands by Sam's side, no longer hiding.

"And you're…." the head demon looks her over. "Well, I'm sure you have a wonderful personality, dear." He then turns to Sam. "Really?"

"Shut up, Crowley," Sam grumbles.

"Just saying… I would have stuck with just the mistress but the heart wants what the heart wants, doesn't it?"

" _This_  is the guy you guys are scared of?" Lou asks with disbelief, once more walking around Dean to view Crowley better. "Seriously?"

"Judging  _me_ , are you?" the demon asks slickly and without true insult. "That's awful rich, darling, but I fear that after your ordeal in Purgatory that you're missing the point."

"What's that?"

Crowley holds his hand out and Lou flies backwards, her boot heels skidding across the floor until she smacks her back into the wall behind her with a massive thud. She exhales hard and tries to get a breath in after the wind is knocked out of her, her body pinned to the wall invisibly.

"Books were not mean to be judged by their covers. I'm much more than you assume I am… fangs and claws or not." Crowley turns away from her and takes a step in the direction of Guy, Dean still holding a knife to his throat.

"Ah!" Dean calls out. "Another step, and I'll Colombian necktie your little friend here."

"Please, don't let him get off that easy."

Guy's face drops. "Sir, I don't think that you…."

"I know exactly what you've been doing. A little birdie named Will…." He nudges his head to the dead demon on the floor. "Sold you out, e-mailed all the juicy deets to my suggestion box."

"I was just…."

"There's only one rule… make a deal, keep it."

"Well, technically, I didn't…."

"There's a reason we don't call our chits in early. Consumer confidence. This isn't Wall Street! This is Hell! We have a little something called integrity! This gets out, who'll deal with us? Nobody! Then where are we?"

"I don't know," Guy shakily answers.

"That's right. You don't. Because you're a stupid, shortsighted little prat. Now, hand the jackass over. I'll cancel every deal he's made."

" _Every_  deal," Lou asks as she's still on the wall, her feet just an inch off the floor.

"Excuse?"

"Every deal, you little bitch," she clarifies. "Not just a few. All of them."

Crowley eyes her with impression for the way she speaks to him before turning to Sam. "She doesn't give up, does she, Moose?"

"Never," Sam says with fond confidence.

"You married the wrong bird."

"What are you gonna do with him?" Sam keeps Crowley on track.

"Make an example of him. Fair trade, right? We all go our separate ways. No harm done."

"What, out of the goodness of your heart?" Sam scoffs.

"Years of demons nipping at your heels, haven't seen one for months. Wonder why?"

"Holy shit," Lou lets out when it all clicks for her. She already knows why demons would voluntarily back away from all things Winchester. There's an actual bigger bad on the block these days. "You're scared."

"What could I, the King of Hell, be scared of?" Crowley wonders, trying to keep up appearances of true confidence.

"Besides the name Winchester, you mean?" Lou says with certainty. "Leviathan."

"And what do you know about Leviathan?" Crowley questions her, taking a few steps in her direction with interest.

"I know damn near everything," she tells him. "I know they'll destroy this planet somehow. And I know they'll commandeer the entire globe, leaving you black eyed dicks shit out of humans to deal with and all form of luck. They're a huge threat on you, I'm sure of that much."

Crowley stands stock still and eyes her over. He thinks quickly before snapping his fingers, releasing her from the wall.

"Is this why you choose to speak to me with such contempt even when all I have to do right now is blink and I can end you."

"If that's what you wanted I'd already be dead. You need me. You need  _us_."

Crowley huffs a laugh of amused delight. "You know, I heard that Lizzy had a hell of a sister. Was told I'd take quite a shining to you."

"And who told you that?" Lou scoffs at him, standing her ground as he comes a little closer to her. She puts her hands on her hip and shifts her weight onto her right foot, showing not an ounce of fear even though inside she's starting to freak out a little with his proximity.

"I have eyes everywhere, darling," he explains. "And I must say, you're just my type. Stunning girl with confidence enough to run your mouth yet with ability to back it up all while looking unassuming enough to stay off the radar. We could do good things together, you and me… if you played for the right team, of course."

Lou looks at him with a surprised face.

"Crowley, back off," Sam all but complains from the other side of the room. The demon stops in his tracks on his way to Lou and turns to face him.

"I thought you were spoken for?"

Sam simply glares at him while Lou chooses to answer. "Sorry, dude. I got a thing for tall men."

"I could be a tall man," Crowley shrugs, further egging Sam on. "I could be anyone you'd like, even Moose over there."

"Can we stay on topic here?" Lou cuts in with annoyance. "Bigger fish. What do you know about the Levis?"

"Too much," Crowley tells her. "You met that Dick yet? Smuggest tub of goo since Mussolini."

"Dick?" Lou questions.

"Roman. I know you've been gone for a spell so you might want to pick up a paper, read the trades."

"I'll do that," Lou caustically promises him.

"Good… because you're a hot commodity right now, Louise."

"Don't call me that," she denies quickly, hating her full name. "And what do you mean?"

"Think about it," Crowley eyes her and walks a few steps closer, Lou no longer worried about the distance as he's made it abundantly clear she's safe from him right now. "Besides that moronic, double-crossing angel, you were the only one walking away from a firsthand Leviathan experience. No one gets out of Purgatory. No one has seen those things since before humans. You, Lou… you are what this damned world needs right now."

Lou just stares at him with wide eyes, not having thought about it like this before. Sam and Dean are right there with her, shocked.

"Plus, I hate the bastards," Crowley continues. "Squash 'em all, please. While you do I'll stay clear."

"Rip up the contracts first," Dean demands from behind them and Crowley turns to look at him.

"Oh, almost forgot about you over there, squirrel," he responds and snaps his fingers. "Done... and done. Your turn." He walks back to Dean and motions with his hands for the hand over.

"No, no, no, no. Let…." Guy tries to stop it from happening but Dean shoves the demon in the back and makes him stumble forward into Crowley.

"Pleasure, gentlemen," Crowley smiles and turns to look directly at Lou. "And an even bigger pleasure, my dear. I really do hope to be seeing you around." He winks at her before disappearing with the swindling demon.

Lou looks at the other two men with audacious shock. "Asshole!"

"Right?" Dean instantly agrees with her, his shoulders dropping finally after the tense moment with the King of Hell he never expected to encounter.

"And did anyone else think it was weird the way he was looking at me?"

"Yeah," Sam assures her as he walks for her, leaving Becky alone. "You ok?"

"I'm fine, Giant," Lou huffs a laugh at him. "This was nothing compared to the shit I've seen in the past few years. Trust me."

"Fine, but…."

"No buts. I'm ok," she smiles up at him.

Becky stands there, watching on from the other side of the room, and her entire heart drops. As Sam leans down to kiss her cheek cautiously, undoubtedly so because of the disaster Becky may have created between them, she knows how badly she messed up. Not only was she tricking someone into falling for her against their will but she also made two people that clearly care for each other hit an unnecessary snag.

Becky knows that if she does in fact care about Sam, and not just as a character from a stupid cult book series, then she should want to see him happy. With the way he's looking at Lou, his eyes bright and face softer and somehow happier, she knows that's where he belongs and she should be happy for him.

"Bobby," Becky hears Dean says and when she looks at him and makes eye contact she can see he's on his cell phone. "Remember that lawyer friend of yours that drew up those quick annulment papers for Sam and L? You mind calling him again?"

* * *

The next day they received the overnighted documents from Bobby's friend. Dean dragged them all to Becky's apartment as quickly as he could manage since the sooner they could leave town then the sooner he could meet up with his wife and son. He has a full twenty-four hours he's allowing himself with them and he's definitely not willing to spend any more of that time than absolutely necessary on Becky Rosen.

So now, as Sam signs his name on the annulment papers and slides them over to Becky, Dean checks his watch and taps his foot rapidly.

"It... it wasn't all bad, right?" Becky questions him, receiving a very serious face from Sam and a quite angry one from Lou as she stands behind him. Becky sighs pitifully in response.

"Okay, you, you did save my life, and for that, thanks," Sam's willing to give her.

"Your life wouldn't need saving if she didn't fuck with you in the first place," Lou points out quickly, still beyond upset with how everything went down.

"And there would also be a crossroads demon making deals and calling in hits if she didn't," Sam points out to her over his shoulder.

"Whatever," Lou rolls her eyes and looks to Becky. "Sign. We gotta go."

"So… I'll see you again?" Becky questions hopefully. "I mean, I get that you're taken but… we could be friends?"

Lou goes to open her mouth and speaks some seriously harsh truths but Sam reaches out behind himself and blindly grabs her arm, stopping her. Less abrasively, Sam answers, "Yeah, probably not."

Becky's face falls further and she signs the annulment papers.

The ways she slides them back, her posture defeated and lost, makes Sam feel bad for her even if he shouldn't. "Becky, look. You're not a loser, okay?"

"Debatable…." Lou says under her breath.

"You're not," Sam repeats over her. "You're a good person. And, and you've got... a lot of... energy. So, you know, just do your thing, whatever that is, and the right guy will find you."

She smiles sadly at him, her mood not changing.

"Well, this has been awful. It's terrible to see you again, Becky," Dean cuts in with his impatient smile, gathering the signed pages and straightening them before sliding them into the large envelope to be sent off. "Time for us to head."

The three hunters get up and get ready to leave.

"Wait, um… Lou?" Becky says as she gets up quickly from her seat and walks towards them. "Can I just… you won't kill me if I ask you to stay for just a second, right?"

Lou's bugged out eyes look at her with shock. She has to be asking for death at this point right?

"Maybe that's not such a good idea," Sam suggests, reaching a hand out to pull Lou with him before she murders a human being.

"I promise I won't be weird, ok?" Becky defends herself. "I just want to tell her a few things. That's all. Girl talk."

Seeing red, Lou glares at her. "I'm not about to share gossip about my boyfriend with the girl that tried to fucking steal him."

"That's not what I want…." Becky sighs and pulls a paper out of her back jeans pocket. "Look, I had a feeling you wouldn't want to speak to me so here. Just read this. I'm not trying to make you mad. I'm well aware there's about a million ways you could kill me with your bare hands."

"You're smarter than I thought, then," Lou nods at her while taking the folded up paper and heads for the door, ready to get the hell out of the former new home of the man.

Once outside Dean jumps into his Impala and speeds off, leaving Sam and Lou in the dust to get to his family faster. Sam just laughs as he hears the tires squealing.

"He used to get that excited about roadside pie stands and…."

"One night stands?" Lou asks, laughing a little already as she gets into the Mustang.

"Exactly," he responds lightly, getting into the passenger seat of the car. "Sometimes I have to wonder who the hell my brother is these days. It's still weird now and then."

Lou huffs another quiet laugh as they settle in and Lou puts the key in the ignition.

"Wait a minute," Sam stops her.

"What?"

"Aren't you even a little curious?"

Lou looks at him like he's nuts. "That bitch is crazy on fucking toast. What does it matter what she wants me to know?"

Sam just gives her the puppy dog eyes.

"Fuck you!"

"What!?" he asks with innocence.

"Don't look at me like that!" she gets mad but Sam can see the smile lurking right behind the frown.

"Like what?" he pretends he doesn't know what she's mad at while keeping that same face in place, now exaggerated.

Lou rolls her eyes and pulls the paper from her jacket pocket where she shoved it before leaving the apartment. "Why the hell would you want me to read this?"

"Because I have faith in Becky's obsession with me," Sam says quickly.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning… she wants me happy," he tells her. "And I think she got the message after this one. Just read it."

Deep breath of frustration in, Lou unfolds the white lined paper. The overly girly handwriting, in red ink none the less, irks her already but she reads anyways.

_Lou,_

_Thank you for not pummeling me. Well, maybe you did after I wrote this as I wrote it last night. You probably did. And I would deserve it. Honestly, I would. And now I'm just rambling in written form…._

_I'm sorry. Your life has been hard. I read the books cover to cover several times over and I know what you've been through. Well, not firsthand, but you get what I mean. I have no excuse for messing up your life like I did._

_But you don't know what it's like to be me. I've never been the pretty girl. I've never been strong or confident. I've never turned a single head in my life, not like you. Even Crowley was impressed by you and I have to imagine that would take a lot. Truthfully, I've always looked up to you in the books. You're the strongest of them all and it's inspiring._

_Just one time in my life I wanted to get the guy. I wanted the handsome, smart, impressive hero to think I was something special, even if I'm not. Sam is everything I ever wanted in a significant other and when I found a way to get that I didn't think it through. I didn't think about the collateral damage at all. I was selfish._

_I never meant to ruin what you have with Sam. I just got greedy and selfish. I just wanted to be the cool girl for once, the one that got what she wanted. But that's not me. That's not what my life is meant to be like._

_Sam never betrayed you and I want you to know that. He seemed very concerned about that. We never got past a few kisses here and there. He's a faithful man and you need to trust him. He deserves a wonderful woman in his life and I hope that's you. Don't be mad at him. This was completely my fault. Please forgive him and move on. Make him happy._

_I'm sorry for interfering in your life. I hope this takes me off of your hit list as that has to be one very scary list to be on._

_Becky Rosen_

"Fuck," Lou complains as she folds the note back up and shoves it back into her pocket with rolling eyes.

"Told you," Sam says with pride and a smile.

"I hate people that say I told you so," Lou comments, turning the key and firing up the engine of her car.

"But I did tell you. And I didn't cheat. I would never."

"Yeah, I'm starting to get that," she says in a very begrudging way. "And, you know… about me kinda flying off the handle there when I found you guys in her apartment…."

"It's forgotten," Sam says to her easily, smiling slightly. "It's just nice to know you're so damn possessive." His voice goes to a joking, sappy tone. "You really do care."

"Shut the fuck up," she points at him, her expression hard and mad.

To this, Sam simply laughs. "So does this mean you forgive me?"

Lou purses her lips and thinks for a couple seconds. "This didn't help with my trust issues, I'll admit that. But we're still good. I know you didn't have anything to do with this mess. It wasn't your fault."

"So… you're not mad?" Sam asks with shock.

"Not at  _you_ , no," she assures while pulling out onto the street.

Sam nods, impressed with her restraint he wasn't prepared for. "You've grown up."

"We're the same age!" Lou complains.

"Yeah… but I've always been far more mature."

"I'm gonna punch you, I swear."

"You already did," Sam reminds, absently rubbing his still slightly bruised face.

"Then I'll make the other side match," she returns with sharply.

"You're just making my point for me, you know that," Sam laughs quietly.

"Then I'm gonna kick your ass completely since it doesn't matter," she fires out, still chapped by the whole past few days as she drives off after Dean.

"No… you won't." He grins at her with something purely lame that only Sam can pull off and it just keeps pushing her.

As Lou grits her teeth with anger over how well he reads her, Sam sits with his grin knowing she's not leaving him after this serious snag.

"You have no idea just how lucky you are that I fucking love you," Lou says without an ounce of said love in her tone, her knuckles white a she grips the wheel hard.

Sam laughs lightly and pries one of her hands off the wheel, weaving his fingers into hers and resting them on the space between the seats. "I might."

* * *

 


	8. Family Vacation (Part 1)

* * *

Less than an hour of radar-breaking speed later and Dean's pulling up to the very cheesy Safari Hotel right on the Ocean City boardwalk. Maryland was far enough away from the demonic problems Delaware was facing to keep his family safe but the time it took to get there once he knew he was in the free and clear to do so felt like torturous, never-ending hours.

But now he's here. He's just steps away from seeing them after weeks of being apart. Over a month has gone by since the Leviathan wearing their look went on a murder spree and took away his time with his loved ones. He gets a measly twenty-four hours now and it's nowhere near enough but he's determined to make the best of it.

Now, if he could just remember if Lou told him the room number Liz is in or not.

Marching quickly to the front desk in the tiny, utility closet sized office, he'd never admit how hard his heart is pounding in the moment. But it is. He's so excited it's absolutely embarrassing.

"Excuse me," Dean greets before he can even make it all the way through the doorway.

An older man looks up at him through his Coke-bottle glasses.

"Hi, I'm, ah, looking for the Smith family. Can you tell me what room they're in?"

"No."

Dean paused with the immediate refusal. "Look, I just need to figure out what room my family is staying in…."

"You look," the older guy turns it around, angry with Dean's attitude. "Our customers depend on me to keep their information private. I'm not giving out people's information to just any stranger off the boardwalk."

"That's my family."

"And you are?"

"John Smith," Dean spits out with anger steadily growing.

"So call them and get their room number from them," the man suggests in a not-so-friendly tone before going back to watch his daytime TV on the ancient set in the small room.

"Listen, pal," Dean says, his voice getting dangerous as he leans over the desk. "Don't you think that if I could've called them to find out what room they're in I'd have done that already so that I could avoid this pleasant discussion with you?" The man just glares at Dean. "I've been on the road for weeks. I just want to see my family."

"Then stick around. They're bound to come out of their room…."

"Pal, I'm mere seconds away from coming around this counter…."

"Hey Ross!"

Dean turns towards the voice calling out just in time to see the person it came from walk into the office.

"We went for a walk and got you an early lunch…."

She pauses in the doorway when she sees Ross, the motel manager, isn't alone. Her eyes grow wide when she looks at the new comer with him, right before her mouth curls up into a brilliant smile.

"L," Dean says quietly, looking at her for a second. She has on a black and white patterned sundress with her usual aviator sunglasses, a plastic bag with Styrofoam container in one hand, Sammy propped on her hip in the other arm.

His Sammy. The boy looks so old. He's holding his own head up as he sits calmly on her side, eyes on him instantly. He's damn near double the size he was when he last saw him, his bright, still blue-green eyes a perfect sight to see.

"Hi," Lizzy says in a wavering voice as Dean takes the large step and a half to her, immediately wrapping his arms around his wife and son. The second he does everything leaves him. The Leviathan fear, the distance, the lack of time together, the shit his life has been… it all just goes away.

Lizzy lets the food container drop onto the floor as she brings her now free arm around her husband. She exhales hard and closes her eyes as his arms pulls her in tight.

Everything is alright now.

"I missed you," she says into his shoulder as her free hand presses into his back, keeping him right there.

This makes Dean smile for the first time in weeks and weeks. He pulls back from the hold on her so he can get a good look at his son.

"Ah, how's my boy?" Dean says, instantly reaching for him. Lizzy lets him take Sammy, noting that the way Dean does so is very gently, as if he's still a newborn. Sammy can support his own head now but how would Dean know that he doesn't need to hold his head so cautiously anymore?

Sadly, he wouldn't.

The second Dean pulls Sammy in, holding him against his chest, the little boy's legs start kicking like crazy. His arms wave and he presses his face against his father's shoulder with a true lack of coordination.

"He missed his daddy a whole lot," Lizzy smiles when she sees Sammy's reaction. And when Dean presses one very sweet kiss to his hairless head before leaning his cheek down onto it, eyes closed for a moment, Lizzy couldn't be happier.

"So… I guess you're not some stalker or anything," Ross comments from his desk. In return Dean glares at him as Lizzy laughs a little.

"No, he's not," she assures as she picks up the box of lunch from the floor. She walks to him with it, dropping the food on his small desk. "This is my husband."

"Shame," Ross says without an ounce of levity.

"Ha-ha, smart ass," Lizzy says to him before tapping the takeout container. "Turkey club and chips." She winks.

"You better not be checking out anytime soon. I'm getting used to lunch service," Ross tells her as she walks for the door.

"Just keeping you fed," she says to the very thin man that clearly doesn't take very good care of himself. "I'll see you later, Ross."

"Bye, Jill," Ross says while looking back at the TV.

Lizzy walks out of the office, Dean right behind her. The second they get out in the summer sun, Lizzy turns to walk backward toward her room. She just smiles at him, far too excited be have him in her presence again.

"Feeding strays are you?" Dean asks her, a hand at the back of Sammy's head as they make their way.

"Sucking up," Lizzy corrects, pulling a key card from her dress pocket. "He wasn't gonna tell you where I was no matter what you said."

Dean smirks and nods. "Not bad."

"I'm awesome," she corrects again and turns around, heading for room number seven. She unlocks the door and walks through, Dean following.

"Holy shit," Dean awes while looking around. The room is overly warded. Sigils on the walls, salt lining every opening, weapons around in strategic places… she's outdone herself.

"Nothing, and I mean  _nothing_ , is getting to my boy," she says with an arched eyebrow while closing and locking the door behind him.

"That's my girl," Dean grins right back, taking a seat on the end of the bed in the room and pulling Sammy away from him a bit. He sits his son on his knee and holds him there. He looks his boy over, the change in him great. "He's friggin' huge."

"I know," Lizzy laughs. "He's almost fifteen pounds now, which is damn good for a preemie."

"He's just… he's old," Dean says with a proud yet sad smile.

"Yeah," Lizzy responds quietly, sitting next to Dean with her chin on his shoulder as they look him over. "He's growing fast and furious now."

Sammy sits there looking around, looking at his parents, and his small hand reaches upwards. Lizzy gives over her index finger, Sammy grabbing it tightly.

"He's growing up so damn fast," Dean huffs without happiness at all.

Lizzy looks at him, her face showing the sadness equal to his own. "And he's doing it safely because he has the best damn father there is," she reminds him as she presses a grateful kiss on his cheek. "This isn't easy but it's worth it. It'll all be worth it."

"You're not mad that you have to do this alone? I know I'd be… and I'd be lost. And horrified."

"I'm furious that I have to do this alone," she explains further. "I just don't have a choice. Neither do you."

Dean leans into her and kisses her lips gratefully.

"I'm not saying I'll always be so Zen about it," Lizzy further says. "I'm sure I'll have my moments and I'll get pissed at you but… we're parents first. We'll do what it takes."

He just stares at his wife for a moment, in awe of her yet again. "You know I'd do anything for you two."

"Oh, I know," Lizzy says with a light smirk, pressing her lips to his again in thanks for his convictions. "Now, what do you say we go check out the beach again? Sammy's not always gonna be near the water like this."

"You gonna wear a bathing suit?" Dean questions as she stands up and start putting together a bag for them.

"It's a beach," she says, thinking his question should be obvious.

"Awesome," Dean says with happiness, looking down at his boy. "I'm sorry dude, but your mom's smoking. And if she's wearing a bathing suit then we are going to the freakin' beach."

* * *

"He's been happy," Lizzy explains, laying on her side on the blanket she set out on the sand of the Maryland shore. "He's just a really happy, really easy baby."

"So he's nothing like us?" Dean says with a light huff of a laugh while sitting on the other side of the blanket with Sammy sitting up on his own between them. He has on his torn up jeans and his grey, crew neck t-shirt with bare feet planted onto the blanket, his best beach wear in a pinch. The baseball hat that says Ocean City on it and the cheap sunglasses Lizzy picked up at a tourist trap work to keep him incognito out in public. He has his elbows propped on his knees as he watches his son intently, playing with his toys and generally looking around the beach.

"Actually, he's a lot like me when I was a baby," Lizzy says with pride. "I was awesome."

"Oh really?" Dean smiles over to her, looking her up and down once as she's stretched casually across the blanket. The bright blue, two piece bathing suit showing off her figure without hiding a damn thing and her tattooed arm is on full display, reminding him of her badassery. And she's been working out again, he can tell. She's toned and looking damn near fight-ready, which he assumed she'd be preparing for on the off chance she needs to defend her son again.

"Yep. I smiled all the time and hardly cried."

"Huh," Dean nods as he thinks. "Wonder if I was that way."

"You don't know?"

Dean just looks at her sadly for a second. "How would I know?"

"John never told you about when you were young?"

"Nah. He never talked much about anything from when mom was alive."

"Oh," Lizzy answers, forgetting just how shut down John was after Mary died. "Well, if it makes you feel any better my parents never really told me much either. About me as a kid."

"Then how do you even know you were an awesome kid?" Dean challenges her.

She pauses there, only quirking up one corner of her mouth quickly. "Cass told me."

And they both go silent with that. Castiel, their best confidant and true friend. They both don't speak much about him, the way he went out being so terrible and filled with pain for them. Distrust being what it was, they both miss their friend something awful. They may be angry as hell at him but they still love him.

"So he's trying to talk now," Lizzy shifts suddenly to happier things. "He was babbling for almost an hour the other day when we were driving here."

"Oh yeah?" Dean says with happiness.

"Yep," Lizzy nods with pride. "He'll be talking in no time."

"Just like his mother."

"Ass."

"Who do you think will win?" Dean eyes her with wonder and competitiveness.

"Will win…?"

"Mama or dada," Dean says with fun excitement, his eyebrows lifting slightly once as he reaches for Sammy. He picks him up under his arms and looks right at him. "It's dada, right?"

Sammy just looks at him. Dean lifts him overhead and Sammy smiles wide.

"Come on, buddy. Dada," Dean says, lowering and lifting Sammy in the air a few times. "Da-da. Go for it. Dada."

"He's five months old," Lizzy laughs at him.

"Then I can start my campaign," Dean says, lying on his back and dropping Sammy belly down on his chest. The little boy leans up on his elbows and looks at his father as he speaks.

"You're turning our son's mental development into a political campaign?" Lizzy asks with shock.

"Absolutely," Dean tells her, watching Sammy reach up and place his smaller hand on his lips as he speaks, his curiosity ruling everything. Dean opens and closes his mouth with a silly face before blowing a raspberry onto his palm.

Lizzy lets this go. She bites her tongue in favor of saying what she's thinking since what she's thinking, that Sammy won't be saying dada anytime soon since he never sees his dada right now, probably wouldn't be too welcomed. Not during one of the few moments they get together right now.

The wind blows gently and the small waves crash onto the shore, the warm day just perfect and cloudless. She looks at her men, her beautiful and wonderful two men, and finds herself smiling brightly and being, shockingly, happily. This is what life is supposed to be. This right here. A quiet, eventless day with nothing but smiles and positivity.

"With everything we know it's a shame we haven't figured out how to pause time," Lizzy speaks up, Dean rolling his head to the side to look at her.

He sees the grin and lack of worry lines on her much younger looking face and he understands her. Dean smiles small at her before turning back to Sammy, his bright eyes looking at him as he pushes himself up on his hands.

"Right now is pretty awesome, isn't it?"

"It's perfect," Lizzy grins as she scoots over the blanket to lie there next to her husband. She drops her head on his shoulder and they watch as Sammy rocks himself back and forth on Dean's stomach.

"What's this about?" he asks with confusion. "Break dancing?"

"He's trying to crawl," Lizzy laughs out. "He's been working on this for a couple weeks. He's ready to move for real but he hasn't really figured it out yet."

"Jesus, he's gonna crawl soon?" Dean asks with surprise and some sadness. "Already?"

Lizzy shrugs, knowing he's starting to really get how much he's missed out. "Babies grow up very fast."

"Too freakin' fast," Dean complains, intently viewing his boy literally growing up as he lays there. Soon he'll be speaking, crawling, then walking… and Dean has to wonder how much of that he'll get to witness.

"Hey," Lizzy softly says his name and he returns his focus onto her. She places a light, sweet hand on his cheek and grins at him. "You're doing everything you can. And you're doing all of it for us."

"Always will," Dean comments in return, his voice starting to sound as hopeless as he suddenly feels.

"We love you," she reminds him, kissing his lips with honesty. "You're our hero."

And Dean lightens up. "I'm freakin' Batman." He kisses her again, lingering a little longer this time and taking advantage of what he has while he has it.

"So I have an idea," Lizzy tells him while backing away a little and once more propping herself up on her elbow.

"What's that?" Dean questions as he lets Sammy grip onto each of his index fingers.

"We spend one day not speaking about leaving," she requests. "Let's just pretend this is a random day on a family vacation that normal families get to take."

"I'm listening," Dean says to her, sitting up and plopping Sammy into his lap while grabbing one of his toys to play with.

"We grab some dinner, we'll stroll around the boardwalk and look at touristy crap, and then sleep in one room together. Only happy stuff. The real world doesn't exist until we have to admit that it does tomorrow."

"Well I can definitely get on board with that," he tells her with pure certainty.

"Yeah?" Lizzy smiles up at him while still on her side, seeing the man she met years ago all of a sudden.

"Yeah. I'm ready for a burger, maybe a few beers… some dessert." He smirks at the end of his sentence, making it clear he's eyeing her over even with sunglasses on.

"Me too," Lizzy says with wide eyes as she lays back under the sun. "It's been a while."

"Mm, way too long," he continues, seeing her stretched out body next to him. Damn it, he almost forgot how his mouth would literally water when getting a chance to see her like this.

"Well, that too… but I was talking about the beer."

Dean just looks at her funny. "You trying to get my boy here drunk?"

"No," Lizzy laughs. "But every now and then I can have a few. Sammy's got a few bottles made for him already so if I have some drinks I can pump and dump. It's fine."

"Pump and dump, huh?"

"Yes."

"That sounds so much dirtier than it actually is."

"You're gross," she tells him for sure. "And momma needs a little fun now and then."

Dean smiles. "I can understand that. You, ah… you've been doing alright. Hanging in there and taking care of him alone… without me…."

"We do what we have to for family," she says, reaching over to brush her fingertip over Sammy's cheek. "And like I said, he's fairly easy. Hasn't been all that hard."

"Still… it's unfair," Dean lets her know.

"Doesn't matter," Lizzy stops him. "Nothing is fair right now. We do our jobs." Lizzy shrugs her shoulders but Dean can see it in her expression. It's taking its toll on her. "Didn't we just say we weren't gonna talk about this shit?"

"Language," Dean points at her for swearing.

"This  _crap_ ," she corrects herself for him.

"Thank you, and we did," Dean agrees to drop it.

"Good," Lizzy grins at him, her face relaxing instantly as she looks out at the waves. "I'm glad I got him out this way. I wanted him to see the ocean… even if he'll never remember it when he gets older."

"We'll just have to take him back then," Dean vows to her.

"Promise?"

"Yeah. Kids loves the beach."

"I know I did," Lizzy laughs. "Every summer mom and I would go, like, twice a week since she was on summer vacation too. We'd bring Louie half the time and it was so much fun." Lizzy sighs. "Those were fun days. Back then."

Dean smiles lightly and puts a hand lightly on the top of her head. He leans down to kiss her lips quickly before sitting back up with Sammy in his lap. They share a second to just lock eyes before they both look back out to the water.

The day is pretty perfect, even Dean can admit. His family, the calm, the sun, the lack of evil… he almost can let go of it all for the moment. He knows something could show up and ruin the day at any given second but he's not going to let that kill his one day. His one, perfect day.

* * *

"I'm dying," Lizzy announces, sitting back with a hand to her stomach as they sit at a table at deck-front restaurant on the water. Her plate is nearly empty, just a few straggling fries left.

"Wimp," Dean name-calls as he picks up a couple fries from her plate and dips them in her ketchup before popping them in his mouth. She swats his arm with a smile.

"Glutton," she returns with as Sammy starts to babble a bit in his high chair the restaurant provided. She looks to him and grins. "I don't hear any dadas in there."

"No mamas either," Dean quickly rebuts.

"You make Sammy's first word a contest?" Sam asks with slight dislike.

"Of course Dean did," Lizzy answers, making sure it's clear that this was her husband's doing.

"Dean'll win," Lou predicts curtly as she picks up her pint glass and takes a heavy sip of her beer.

"Why would you say that?" Lizzy asks her sister in offence. As much as she didn't love the little contest over Sammy's development… she kind of wants to win deep down.

"Because you want it too much," Lou says as if it were obvious as she sits back in her chair. Sam does the same and drops his arm around her shoulders, resting it along the chair back. "Just because of that it'll go the other way."

"I never said I wanted him to say mama first," she rebuts, defending herself.

"You never have to say it, dumb-dumb," Lou laughs at her a little. "I can just tell."

"Plus, don't kids always say dada first?" Sam jumps in. "Something about their verbal development and the consonant sound of 'D' is easier…."

"Nerd," Lizzy calls him and rolls her eyes, acting upset despite really just taking notice of the fact that Sam had his arm around Lou and Lou never jumped with the contact. It was welcomed. She's seriously improving.

"Don't get mad because he likes me better," Dean comments.

"He didn't even say it yet!" Lizzy gets mad at him.

"He will. Trust me," he says with confidence, reaching for more fries but getting a slap to the hand instead. "Hey!"

"If you're gonna be a jackass then you don't get my extra fries."

"You're so mean," Dean smirks, knowing she isn't at all.

"And you're an ass."

He grins and leans over to her. He kisses her lips… all while still stealing fries.

"Uh, too much," Lou says with the display, forgetting how normal and oddly lovey they can be now and then.

"Shut up," Lizzy says to her sister when Dean ends the kiss. "So, Sam… you feeling better?"

"Better about what?" he questions her, at a loss.

"Uh… you were sick," Lizzy reminds him like he's nuts. "Dean got Lou as his backup while you were down for the count…."

Sam turns his eyes to Dean. "You want this one?"

"You're the twice divorced one, not me," Dean comments, raising his hands innocently.

"Twice!?" Lizzy and Lou both say with shock, each only knowing of one marriage in Sam's past at this point.

Sam just closes his eyes as Dean lets out a solid laugh. "Aw, did I say too much?" he says with false guilt and a wide grin.

"Thanks, Dean," Sam says sarcastically, inhaling deeply as he prepares for explanations. "Lizzy, I wasn't sick. I was…."

"Drugged," Lou states bitterly.

"What!?" Lizzy asks, eyes wide on the man she considers a brother.

"I got tricked, basically," he tells her.

"By what?"

"Who," Dean keeps smiling, seeing the ridiculousness of it all now that it's done and he can enjoys it.

"Who?" Lizzy asks, getting highly confused.

"Becky Rosen," Sam answers, saying her name with a bitter tone.

Lizzy's face wrinkles with recognition. "I know that name…."

"Sam's biggest fan," Dean explains, a mouthful of fries as he grabs the last two off her plate.

"The creepy chick who was way too into Chuck's books?" her eyes light up when she remembers. The way Sam sighs she knows she's right. "You got drugged by Becky Rosen and got married?"

"Yeah, basically," Sam explains. "She used some… love potion on me. Made me think we were in love and we got hitched in Vegas. Then we came back to her place in New Jersey to settle down. Come to find out… it was a demon deal. And we took care of it."

Lou nudges her elbow into Sam's side.

" _They_  took care of it," Sam corrects.

"Damn straight," Dean says, killing his bottle of beer. "Saved the princess once again."

Sam kicks him under the table and Dean glares at him.

Lizzy looks at Sam with wide eyes. "Dude, seriously," she says with shock and a little upset. "You're fucking banned from Vegas."

"Trust me, I know," Sam says with a slight smile, her laughter contagious.

"Who makes that mistake twice!?" Lizzy lights up, pointing at him. "You're like Elizabeth Taylor or something."

"Ok, hold up!" Lou calls out, her hand out to get everyone to cease and explain. "What is this twice shit?"

"Today is awesome," Dean comments as he looks at Sam with amusement.

"Not helping," Sam warns, getting mad.

"You've done this twice?" Lou asks with total disbelief.

"Yeah. Well, kind of." He narrows his eyes at her and Lou just waits impatiently for him to continue. "About four years ago the three of us went to Vegas for your… anniversary, I guess you'd call it."

"What anniversary?" Lou questions with sheer confusion.

"Of your… leaving us," Sam says cautiously, unsure of how to put it. He sees that Lou understands when her expression drops so he continues. "While we were there we got attacked by a couple of shifters with a need for some serious payback."

"Shifters don't work together," Lou interrupts.

"These two did."

"Why?"

"They weren't the usual loners. They were together. We killed their son a few days before and they took it out on us by messing with us."

"Before trying to kill us all," Lizzy comments.

"How'd they mess with you?" Lou keeps prying, curious as ever.

"They… shifted into me and Lizzy and then got married to fuck with us all."

Lou just stares at her man for a moment, letting it sink in. "You married Lizard?"

"Not really," Sam makes sure she understands.

"But you had to sign divorce papers, right?"

Sam glances at Lizzy and she makes a face of trouble. "Well, annulment papers, but… yeah."

"So you married my sister?"

Sam nods small with nervous energy.

" _And_  Becky?"

"Yeah."

"Fuuuuck," Lou lets out and sits back in her chair a bit. "You little slut."

"Hey, I never had sex with either of them," Sam responds defensively.

"Never thought you'd be the one with a trail of ex-wives," Lou says, her tone lightening more and more as they talk.

"Yeah, me neither."

"Aw, come on, Sam," Lizzy smiles playfully, patting his hand on the tabletop. "We weren't all that bad together."

"Yes we were," Sam makes a face for her to watch it, not needing any more information from that hunt to come up. He truly fears the mention of that sex tape the shifters made coming up. Those shifters were truly evil and worst of all he has no idea what happened to it. That freaks him out.

"Guess that's why we're divorced."

"Annulled," Sam corrects.

"That whole thing was jacked up," Dean says uncomfortably, memories of it coming back. "Let's just let the past be the past."

"Aw, you're still weird about it, honey," Lizzy comments. "That's so cute."

"Eat me," Dean responds, gulping more beer to wash down the bitterness.

"Relax, Hot Shot. You're the only Winchester I want," she says in an annoyingly sappy way on purpose.

"Besides, John." Lou smirks Dean's way and Lizzy's eyes light up with her sister's comment.

"Oh my God! Yes!" Lizzy says excitedly and high fives Lou. "So hot!"

"Whoa, easy…." Dean tries to stave them off but it doesn't work.

"I wish I'd met him," Lou says, jealous that Lizzy was able to during her time traveling Lizzy informed her of.

"He's awesome," Lizzy promises. "Nearly took me down in my prime. That's impressive. And somehow so fucking hot…."

"Ok, enough," Sam jumps in, not ready to hear hot-guy talk about his deceased father.

"Whatever, prude," Lizzy calls him out. "Just be proud that you come from that. There's a reason you two look the way you do."

"Jesus," Sam rubs his eyes and moves on. "Well, I'm about ready to head back."

"What!?" Lou nearly shouts with upset at this. "Are you serious?"

"Uh… yeah," he responds, surprised at her. "We barely slept in days."

"So the fuck what?" Lou says quickly. "I'm with you for only a few more hours. We will not spend most of it asleep."

"So what are you suggesting?" Sam wonders.

"Boardwalk. Drinks. Fun," she grins wide, always ready to tie one on and makes some fun.

"Um… alright," he gives in easily when he can see how excited she is. He would rather get at least one solid night in and he does tend to sleep better when she's next to him, a lack of Lucifer's annoyances when she's near, but he doesn't have it in him to deny her what she clearly wants. "We can do that. Why not?"

"Sweet. You guys in?" Lou questions Dean and Lizzy.

"Oh yeah, lemme just go back and grab Sammy's fake ID," Lizzy laughs. "I don't think we can do the party thing too much anymore."

"Sucks," Dean comments under his breath and Lizzy looks at him with upset. "But worth it," he quickly adds.

"You better mean that," she warns.

"It's scary how much I actually mean it," Dean admits without trying to be sappy. It's just true. He'd rather spend time with a six pack and his wife in a small motel room with his son sleeping peacefully than tie a solid one on and make waves at some bars. Fucking weird.

"Then we're gonna ditch," Lou says, getting up and pulling Sam's arm with her. "Thanks for dinner."

"Didn't know we were paying," Dean comments with her rudeness as he watches Sam make his way to Sammy really quickly. He never got much time with the boy but he's not his father so he let Dean have him all he wanted. Sam smiles at the boy and kisses his head, Dean having to bite his tongue to not make fun of the girly moment.

Lou just winks at Dean quickly and yanks Sam away, her arm linking into his as the stroll off for the night.

Lizzy watches them, glad that after all they went through that they're ok still.

"You ever think we'd be the responsible ones while Sam goes off to drink all night?" Dean cuts into her thoughts as he also watches.

Lizzy laughs while Dean pulls out money from his wallet and she picks Sammy up to put him in his stroller to head to their room. "No freaking way. Not ever."

* * *

 


	9. Family Vacation (Part 2)

“So… I chopped my own head off,” Dean explains to her, his back against the head board of the queen bed in their motel room.  His legs are stretched out down the mattress with Lizzy practically molded into his side. 

“So weird,” Lizzy comments within a giggle as she presses her face into his shoulder.

“It _was_ weird,” he agrees, killing the last of his third beer while telling her about his odd encounter with the Levi wearing his image.  They shared a six-pack, knowing that anything much past that wouldn’t be a good idea.  They’re still responsible for a baby after all.  “But fuck him for taking my face.  Leviathan piece of shit.”

“Mm, bet he was a handsome piece of shit, though,” Lizzy flirts a little as she drops her chin on his shoulder and looks up at him.

“He was a hunk alright,” Dean smiles a little.

“Wish I could have seen that… or maybe… no.  No, I don’t want to see that.  Don’t think I could handle two of you in one room,” she says back, picking up her bottle and taking a good swig. 

“No?”

“No way, dude,” Lizzy laughs, her tone light and young and a little sloppy.  “Too much… just… Dean.” 

“Are you drunk?” he asks her with total surprise, seeing the inebriation all over her. 

“Um… yeah.  I really am,” she giggles again after thinking about it.  “Shit.  How’d that happen?”

“You’re a lightweight,” Dean tells her with a grin for seeing her like this.  After being alcohol free for so long she’s back to beginner levels.  “Is this what you were like in high school?”

“Probably,” she giggles some more and now he’s sure.

“Wow,” he awes, never having seen her like this.  She used to hold her own even with the big boys.  “Then again, you haven’t drank in….”

“Over a year,” Lizzy finishes for him.

“No, that can’t be right,” Dean thinks it over.

“Eight months of Sammy in utero plus he’s five months old now.  That’s over a year.”

Dean’s eyes fly wide open at her with this, it being the first time he’s realized her sobriety.  “Damn.”

“I know.”

“That’s, like… forever without a drink,” he says.  “I wouldn’t make it that long.”

“I know that too,” she laughs at him.

“We should have bought more beer,” Dean tells her.  “You deserve to get wasted….”

“No, no,” Lizzy denies him as she sits up a little, angling herself so she’s facing him.  “I’m plenty drunk already.  I don’t want to get black out wasted and forget the one night in a fucking hundred I get to have with my man.”

Dean silences himself for a second, not wanting to go there. 

“Uh, I love this song,” Lizzy groans with appreciation as she leans over to the nightstand and turns up the volume on her iPod dock, The Cinematic Orchestra’s song To Build a Home fills the room.  “Louie was obsessed with it for a while there.  Heard it a million times and never got sick of it.”

She closes her eyes and listens for a moment, her lips slightly parted and turning up with happiness.  She’s feeling tipsy, she’s feeling happy, she has her family, and life, for one fleeting moment, is very good.

And then she feels those ever-familiar lips touch hers very softly and the perfection of the moment is cemented in place.

It was a quick, simple, and very sweet kiss that makes her grin wide when she can feel him back away.  When she lifts her lids she sees green eyes trained on her, sincerity radiating from them in a way she hasn’t seen in a long time. 

“Hi,” she greets the man that just arrived.  All day he’s been attached to Sammy, the fatherly mask on for all intents and purposes and she doesn’t blame him.  She gets Sammy all day, every day.  He hasn’t seen his own boy in weeks.   But the man sitting next to her isn’t father-Dean.  He’s husband-Dean.  With all the hats he wears she knows this one the best.  It’s the one that makes her heart flutter, her pulse race, her mouth always turn up in a grin… and even makes her brain crazy with frustration and anger at times.  But more likely than not Dean is the one that can make it all better.

“Hey,” he responds, his eyes darkening with intention despite sitting there casually, his back once more against the headboard.  He too is seeing her for the first time all day in a different light.  She’s not his loving wife and the exceptional mother of his son.  Right now she’s everything he craves when on the road.  She’s the beautiful reason he to this day is alive and fighting as hard as he is to stay that way.  She’s his everything.

“I like when you look at me like that,” Lizzy tells him as she puts her empty bottle onto the nightstand. 

“Like what?” Dean asks, handing her his empty for her to add it.

“Like you’re starving,” she says, eyes locked onto his while the playful glint in her bright brown irises shows up. 

“But what if I _am_ starving?” he returns with, his voice heading that octave lower that always sends a shock through her system. 

“Then call me the best damn five course meal you’ve ever had,” Lizzy tries to say in a sexy tone when he makes his way up to her, face to face.  He immediately presses his lips to hers again and Lizzy sighs while leaning back, ready to pull him right on top of her….

That is until she forgets that she’s at the edge of the bed already and she falls down onto the floor between the two queen beds in the room.

“Fuck!” Lizzy shouts as she falls, landing right on her back.

“Oh shit,” Dean lets out with fear as he leans over the edge and looks at her, reaching out for her.  “You ok?”

“Oh yeah,” Lizzy giggles hard as she lays there, grabbing her stomach.  “Ha!  I’m so drunk!”

“Yeah you are,” Dean agrees and huffs a relieved laugh now that he sees she’s fine.  “Looks like the alcohol cushioned the landing for you.”

“So terrible,” she laughs on.  “Talk about really turning up the sex appeal.”

“Oh, I’ve never turned down a sloppy drunk chick before,” Dean jokes while looking over his shoulder and listening.  No fussing.  Sammy’s still sleeping.   He crawls off the bed and onto her on the floor.  He hovers over her form as she calms her laughing.  “I’m just glad you had fun tonight.”

Looking up at him with a sweet grin, she brings her arms around his neck.  “I could be having more fun, though.”

“Oh really,” he playfully returns, ducking down the capture her lips with the implication she makes.  He just thanks his lucky stars Sammy’s a heavy sleeper.

“Mmhmm,” she hums right back before he ends the kiss.  “Definitely.”

“How....”  He kisses her lips quickly again.  “Do you….”  He kisses her cheek.   “Suppose….”  Her neck.  “We make that happen,” he ends in her ear.

And her brain stops trying.  She forgoes being witty and cute and whatever else she planned to be for this one night they have together and gives in to the neediness.  She’s been nothing but needy this whole time apart.  All she needed was her husband, his voice in person, his hands on her, the comfort he gives, and she finally has it. 

Even though she doesn’t know when she might ever have it again.

But the fear of separating fades the second his lips find her neck, pressing a kiss right below her ear.  Eyes drifting shut, she moans very softly once.

“Love that sound,” Dean tells her, taking her legs and wrapping them around his middle as he leans over her, eyes burning into hers.  He kisses her again, his elbows on the carpet and his hands in her hair, gripping tightly.  His tongue moves against hers slowly as her arms come around his neck to keep him close.

“Baby,” her voice quietly says, making him pause and look at her, noses touching still.  “Get naked.”

“God, you’re awesome,” is his only response as he presses on more solid kiss to her lips.  She always knows exactly what to say to him.

Lizzy giggles a bit as Dean sits back on his heels, pulling his t-shirt off.  She sits up and does the same, her sundress gone and leaving her in only her blue bathing suit that she never changed out of.

“Damn, you look good these days,” Dean says to her as he hastily works open his jeans, his eyes roaming her body.  Her baby weight is nonexistent.  Tight muscle and lean lines, she’s her old self again.

This is normally where Lizzy would return the sentiment but right now, the haze of booze in her system along with pure lust, she doesn’t even try.  Instead, she pulls him down to her by the back of his neck, kissing him thankfully. 

And they stay this way, lips moving and showing the other how damn much they’ve missed this.  It’s been too much to ask any couple.  The distance and lack of communication has been brutal and sadly, deep down, they both can tell that this is just the beginning.  It’ll only get worse before it gets better. 

But right now everything is in place.  With her husband’s hands on her skin nothing ever felt bad.  The world was right when she had this. 

Needing more, Liz quickly flips them, putting Dean on his back.

He grins wide and lustful up at her.  “Naughty girl.”

“I need you… so bad,” she says to him as she pulls on his denim, Dean reaching down to help her.  She pulls his boots and socks off one at a time followed by his pants and boxers, leaving him just as she wanted him.  Naked.

Eyes sweeping over his form shamelessly, Liz smiles with that certain smile Dean knows and loves.  He’s in trouble now.  Yes.

“Fuck, baby,” she sighs as she crawls up his form quickly.  “You’re so fucking… uh, you’re hot.”

“What, did you forget?” Dean smirks as she straddles his hips.  He bends up a knee to push her closer to him as he pulls her down to him with his fingers once more tangled in her long hair. 

“Maybe,” she smirks before pressing her lips to his, kissing him with every single ounce of want she feels for him.

One of Dean’s hands moves slowly down her back, taking in the feel of smooth, warm skin as he makes his way to her bathing suit top.  He pulls one of the strings, opening the back.  Wasting no time, he slips his hands under the halter top, letting himself grab her breasts.  Fuck, he missed those.

“Well, I didn’t forget how hot _you_ are,” Dean tells her as she pauses to pull the top over her head.  “Seriously, you look amazing.”

She smiles.  “Been working on getting myself back to pre-Sammy.”

“Whatever you’re doing,” he starts, kissing her as he starts to slide her bottoms down.  “It’s working.”

“Mm, thank you,” she says back playfully as she stands up over him, a foot to either side of him as he lays out on the floor.  She drops her bathing suit bottoms and steps out of them.

One look at her naked, smooth form and he’s a goner… as if he wasn’t before now.  Thinking quickly, Dean sits up and grabs her hips.  Hooking one of her knees over his shoulder, Dean gives himself full, open access to her.

“Oh… God….” she shudders out when his tongue slides across her, Dean diving in without second thought.  Her hands in his short hair immediately, she does her best to keep her tipsy self on one foot as he sets to work.

She can hear Dean’s voice hum with turn on as he devours her like a man starved.  Thank God for that decorative room divider that just happened to be in the motel room.  She and Dean can stay out of sight of their son without giving up the one night they have together. 

“Oh, baby,” Lizzy lets out, a little louder this time when his mouth changes pace and starts to suck lightly.  “Mm, fuck….”

 

************************

“Mm!  Fuck!” Lou nearly shouts out five rooms down from her sister as Sam picks her up unexpectedly.  He drops her onto the dresser in the room with force as his mouth attacks her neck.

They spent hours on the strip walking from bar to bar, drinking shots and beers and generally flirting their way back to the motel.  At one point Lou’d had enough and told him to get back to their room as fast has his toned ass can take him.  With alcohol ruling over his brain and sexual frustration fueling his physical needs, Sam was more than happy to oblige her.  In fact, he hasn’t moved so fast since the last time he was being chased on foot by a creature.

“Fucking missed you,” Lou says hurriedly as she pulls his shirt over his head.  Together they quickly get rid of it, Sam reaching for her tank top immediately after.

If Sam was thinking straight he’d probably laugh.  The way they’re acting, all frantic need and frenzied movements, who would’ve been able to guess that they already did this twice this afternoon?  They never made it to the beach.  After the way everything went down with Becky, Sam felt he needed to make it all up to her despite nothing having been his fault.  And if Sam knows one thing for sure then he knows this as fact: make Lou feel good and she will get over anything.

He spent the afternoon giving her whatever she wanted, and Lou can be creative so what she wanted wasn’t always what he’d expected but Sam was cool with it one he got used to her limits.  Very cool with it.  It was fun.

But now he’s going to take his.  It’s his turn.  And with his Lou that’s always, _always_ ok.

Shirt gone, Sam now reaches for her jean shorts as Lou’s eyes burn into his with pure excitement.  He’s never seen a girl so horny and ready all the time.

“Tell me what you want, baby,” Lou asks of him, standing up from the dresser to help push her sorts down as she kicks out of the two-dollar flip flops she bought on the boardwalk.  “Anything.  Fuck, anything.”

Sam smiles with a slightly evil edge to it.  Lou’s a tough chick that doesn’t mess around so when she gets compliant and needy like this, offering him whatever he wants, he loves it.  It feels like a triumph.

Grabbing her ass through her black lace panties, the ones she wore knowing he’d actually get to see them later that night, Sam leans down a bit to lick around the shell of her ear.  He then lets her know his intentions.  “You’re gonna get on your knees….”

She drops instantly, not even waiting to hear what else he has to say.  She attacks his jeans, opening them faster than he probably could himself. 

“What else?” she says as he toes out of his boots and she pulls the last of his clothing down.  “I wanna hear it.”

The spark of too much enjoyment flashes in her eyes as Sam steps out of his clothes.  He could probably get anything he wanted out of her right now but he chooses not to push it too far.  Sure, he’s got some ideas for her but he reminds himself that it’s been a matter of months they’ve been together, that’s it.  And they’re long distance.  And he was still married to another woman as of just this morning.  He won’t push his luck.

“I want to see those lips wrapped around my cock,” he tells her, grabbing himself at the base as he places his other hand on her cheek. 

Lou lets out a breath when her entire body flashed warm with total want.  Sam’s amazing in bed, that being the main reason she fell for him in the first place, but he very rarely gets this commandeering.  She likes it.  She _loves_ it.

Licking her lips once, Lou leans in.  Sam grabs her wrists and places her hands on his hips.  “Just your mouth.”

She's changing him, there's no doubt about that at this point.  These were not the words or actions of one Sam Winchester pre-Lou.  One more breath out as she gets far more turned on than she was prepared to be, Lou simply looks up at him with her bright blue eyes and tells him, “I fucking love you.”

Sam smiles slightly.  “I know you do,” he says with confidence, feeding his dick into her mouth.  “Uh.  Shit,” he groans when he can feel the warmth of her mouth surround as much of him as she can manage.  “Love you too… Lou.  Uh, damn it.”

Now, admittedly, Lou’s never been the biggest fan of giving blow jobs.  It’s always been a necessary evil to get what she wants.  Reciprocation is key.  However, there’s something about this particular activity when it’s Sam she’s with that changes it.  Yeah, it’s insanely difficult considering he’s fucking huge but, even if she doesn’t love doing it, Lou’s never once not given her all in everything she’s done.  She knows she has some skills but with Sam… she wants to have _all_ the skills.   She wants to blow his mind every time and, on the floor like this while looking up at his face filled with sheer enjoyment, she wants to pray to the fucking Gods that made this man and decided to give him to her.  And since she is who she is, this is as close to praying as she’s ever going to come.  But hey, she’s on her knees isn’t she?

Tongue sliding, cheeks hollowing, head bobbing… she gets into a rhythm.  Every now and then she looks up to make sure she’s still got Sam where she wants him.  If the creased brow, closed eyes, and mouth just parted as he breathes heavily is any indication then she’s doing just fine.

And when he gets to a point where he worries about not lasting too much longer, Sam pulls out of her mouth with a couple hard huffs, composing himself.

Lou’s blue eyes look up at him with pure lust.  “Woulda finished you off if you wanted me to.”

Sam lets out a small laugh at that as she wipes her mouth.  “I wanted to… but I had something I wanted more.”  He leans down to grab her arms and helps her onto her feet quickly.

“What’s that?” she questions with excitement. 

“Bend you over that bed over there,” Sam tells her with certainty, tilting her head upwards with a hand gripping just under her jaw.  “And fuck you completely senseless.”

When he kisses her, his tongue in her mouth instantly, Lou’s knees get weak with the promise.  Luckily for her he keeps a tight hold of her hips as he guides her towards their bed.  When they get there he stops kissing her.  He swiftly turns her around and presses down on her back while gripping her hip in place with his other hand.  Sam manhandles her exactly where he wants her without pretense and with a lack of sweetness.  Her caveman is here.

Once her knees are separated and pressed into the edge of the mattress, her elbows propping her up, Sam takes just a second to appreciate her.  Her small, toned form is everything he loves in a woman.  He’s had the curvy bombshell (Jessica) and the lean, tall, perfectly shaped model-type (Madison), but Lou… Lou was it.  She was a small, tight package with perky breasts, a cute little ass, and lips to rival Angelina Jolie.  Hand sliding over her curves, over her ass, feeling her breasts, and landing once more on her hips, Sam sighs.

“Sam, you’re _killing_ me,” Lou drops her head to the comforter in frustration. 

“I just got you here,” he says, slight disbelief in his tone.  “Have some patience.”

“Have you met me before!?” she asks him with anxiousness.

“Calm down,” Sam says to her, his strong tone returning as he lets his fingers drift around her middle and down her stomach.  When he reaches her clit, Lou inhales sharply before letting out a serious moan.

“Ooh, fuck,” Lou says as the feeling overwhelms her.  “Sam.  Uh.  Fuck me.”

“Ok, ok,” he says simply enough as he eases into her without warning. 

“Yeeeeessss,” Lou’s voice draws out, her face to the ceiling once he bottoms out inside her and fills her completely.  “Oh, oh I love that.”

Sam grins like an idiot for just a quick moment, his ego once more getting the boost she tends to give him.

And then he lets himself off the leash.

“Fuck!  Oh, yes!” Lou moans high pitched and roughed up as Sam slams into her, letting go completely. 

************************

“Oh… god… oh… god… oh… Fuck!” Lizzy moans out, trying her best to keep it down but she can’t at the end of her mindless string of words when her orgasm rocks her.  Her hands on Dean’s shoulders tighten, nails digging into skin, as he grips her hips hard.  As she reaches her end, pulsing around him, Dean feels himself losing the battle as he looks up at her straddling him as he jack-rabbit-fucks her.  He knew it’d work when she practically impaled herself on his dick once he get her good and ready with his mouth.  Lizzy was in the best head space, carefree and just so happy to be with him that his job was easy tonight.

But getting this time together after so long apart has made Dean have to desperately hang on and not give in too early.  He did alright, he’s actually quite proud, and now that he knows Liz is sated it’s time to stop trying to hold out and enjoy his wife like he should.

“L, fuck,” Dean lets out, his hands pressed to her back as he pulls her down over him, his face buried in her neck and hair.  He smells her shampoo, the distinct scent that means love and home to him, and it overwhelms him in a way that Dean Winchester never gets overwhelmed.  “Oh my God,” he pants out, his mind spilling from his mouth without the ever-present filter.  “Fuck, I missed you.”

“Missed you too,” Lizzy says through a smile as she leans her weight into him while coming down.

“Uh,” Dean moans very quietly one last time as he cups her face in both hands and holds her head over him, looking her right in the eye.  “L, I love you.”

She quiets quickly with that when she can see the sincerity in his eyes that is very rare for him.

“I’m sorry it’s been so hard,” he keeps telling her.  “I’m sorry.  I just want you guys safe but I miss you so fucking much.”

“We’re ok,” Lizzy assures him and kisses him once but Dean stops her, holding her head above him again to make sure he listens.

“We’re not ok,” Dean says to her.  “It’s not ok but… I don’t know what else to do.”

“We just need to hang on and make sure we do this often enough.”

“We fight when we aren’t around each other enough though,” he says knowingly.  “Every time.”

“Then we need to remember that,” Lizzy says, just trying to make everything better.  “Baby, we _have_ to do this, we don’t have a choice, so we just have to make sure we do it right.  We’ll do our best.”

“What if our best isn’t good enough?” he asks, all his true fears coming out.

“It has to be,” Lizzy says simply, her fingertips running down the side of his face as she admires him.  “Sammy will be safe but he won’t grow up without knowing his father.  You did the one parent thing and I know how much it hurts you still.  We will meet up once every month until this is over.”  She sits up and holds out her hand to shake on the deal.

“What if we can’t?”

“If there’s a will, there’s a way.”  She keeps her hand held out to him.  He shakes reluctantly before replacing his hands on her cheeks, pulling her down and kissing her again.

“I don’t want to be without you,” Dean says to her with his back still to the carpet on the floor while in the bliss that comes after having a truly beautiful moment with her. 

Lizzy smiles.  “You never will.  As long as I can see you now and then we’ll be fine.”

Dean leans up and kisses her in thanks.  “I don’t want to leave tomorrow.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Let’s just move to Antarctica,” he suggests.

“Let’s call that plan B if the Leviathan start to win,” Lizzy smiles more and lays herself down on top of him, her arms around his neck and kissing him so she can enjoy this as much as possible before it’s gone again.

********************

“Holy… fuck me.  Oh fuck!  Sam!  Oh God!  _Fuck_!” Lou gives in, Sam’s fingers deftly massaging her clit as he’s spooned up behind her, working into her with a smooth yet strong pace. Her leg bent and lifted while her hands clamp down on his forearm hooked across her chest, she nearly screams with overwhelming pleasure hitting with freight train strength. 

As she breathes heavily, panting while the shock runs through her, Sam leans into her ear.  Stilling his working hand but not removing it, he smiles out, “Three times enough to get you by for a while?”

“Oh my fucking God,” Lou huffs out, her nails still biting into his arm as she shakes a little under the heavy weight that comes with feeling this good.  When it all starts to recede she giggles as usual.  “Giant.  Oh shit, ha!” 

They lay like that for some time, letting Lou get her wits about her again yet Sam never once backs away.  The feeling of her, inside and out, is too damn good to leave.  The world is going to be awfully cold again tomorrow when they wake up and part so fuck it, Sam thinks.  Why would he ever deny himself every second he can manage with her, this close to her?

“How the fuck are you still going?” Lou asks over her shoulder, quite surprised by his longevity this go around.

“We spent the afternoon in bed,” he reminds her, leaning his head up to look at her in the eye.  “And… we drank a lot.”

“Crap,” Lou worries as she turns a little more.  “Are you gonna get yours at all?”

Sam laughs a little.  “Not sure but it’s fine.”

“No it’s not!” she vehemently denies, pulling away from him.  She pushes him onto his back and straddles his hips, her small form sitting on him almost comically.  “You’re not going to sleep until you come.”

“That’s sweet and all but, Lou… it’s really fine.  I shouldn’t have drank so much,” he shrugs while smoothing his hands over her thighs.  “And you shouldn’t have attacked me... twice… when we arrived.”

“Fuck that,” Lou denies and grabs him hard, lowering herself onto him.  She watches Sam’s brow wrinkle with how good it feels, a sign to her that she can make this work.  “I’m gonna get you there, big boy.”

“Lou, serious, I had fun.  It still… felt good or whatever.”

“Or whatever?” she asks with disbelieve.  “That just proves this wasn’t good enough.  You should never walk away from sex saying whatever.  I’ve done that enough times in life and every time it was… disappointing.”

“How many times… you know what.  I don’t want to know,” Sam stops himself from asking what could be a very unappealing question while she’s sitting on his cock.  He rubs his eyes, the sleepiness built up from the past few days starting to descend on him.  “I’m not _unfulfilled_ , Lou.  I’m just tired and sometimes it doesn’t happen.  But you had fun so… worth it.”  He looks at her, his honesty clear, but she doesn’t lighten up.  

“Giant?”

“Yes?”

“Close your eyes.”

“I’m exhausted.  Can’t we just….”

“After the last few days are you sure you want to tell me no?” Lou challenges, knowing she can use the whole fucked up situation they just had to her advantage.

Sam eyes her hard.  “That’s dirty.”

She smirks.  “No… what I’m about to do is dirty.  Now close your eyes.”

“Not gonna win, am I?”

“Never,” she huffs in a laugh.

With a heavy sigh of total defeat, Sam readjusts his head on the pillow under it and closes his eyes.

“Good,” Lou says with pride as she adjusts herself, knees and shins pressed into the mattress to support her and keep her hands free.  “Relax, honey.  I got you.”

“If you say so.”

She knows so but she doesn’t say it.  Instead she lets her body speak for itself. 

Slowly she starts moving, her hips making delicious circles over him, the feeling it creates for him different and damn good. 

“Keep them closed,” she tells him quietly, keeping everything low for the slow burn. 

“Yeah… ok,” Sam breathes out in a way that lets her know this is a very good start for him. 

Sam lets his hands roam, fingers skimming over her thighs and hips, up her stomach and over her breasts.  Just the feel of her alone can be such a turn on for him but with eyes closed his sense of touch is heightened.  She feels so good it shouldn’t be allowed for him to have this.  His name is Winchester.  He never gets to have anything like this.

“Good, honey,” Lou’s voice, quiet and nearly raspy with want, says to him as she reaches behind her.  With hands under his knees, she pulls them up so his feet are planted into the comforter and separated.  She feels his legs tense with need to use them but she doesn’t want that.  “Don’t you start fucking me, Giant,” she warns.  “This is all me this time.”

Sam nods absently, not even knowing his head is moving, when he agrees to comply.  He doesn’t care what he has to do to keep this going but he wants this to keep going.  Far too easily she’s slipping him into a place of sheer, perfect bliss. 

His hands still moving on their own, Lou takes one of them off of her waist and brings it upwards.  Hips moving slightly faster but still rotating, she moves Sam’s hand to make a fist, only his index finger extended. 

“Oh… yeah….”  The whisper comes out hushed and with near awe when he can feel her mouth envelope his finger.  She lightly sucks on it, lets her tongue swirl around it, and she never stops moving all the while.  The combination is perfection, his entire being now held in the palm of her hand.  Sam isn’t used to being able to find this place, always being so ridged and on high alert, but Lou can get through that exterior.  The paranoia, the pain, the hunter training and day to day monotony that’s become habit, that’s all gone when she hooks her claws into him.

“You feeling good, baby?” Lou asks, her voice calming and wanton as her hips move a little faster.  The moment her question is out his finger is back in her mouth.

“God yeah,” Sam sighs out, quickly building up to a place he figured he wasn’t going to get to after the day he’s had. 

Lou smiles wide as she reaches behind her, hips never stopping.  She lets her fingers find his testicles, massaging lightly and watching his face very carefully.  When his lips part and jaw hangs open just a little she knows she’s on the right path.  “You wanna feel better?”

“Not possible,” is all he says, eyebrows knitted and eyes still closed.  His hands stop wandering and grip onto her thighs when he can’t concentrate enough to feel her.

“It is,” Lou promises.  “I’ll show you.”

Without any warning at all, his finger still in her mouth and hips moving in circles, Lou reaches a little further, pushing every boundary she knows he has in him and massaging the pad of her middle finger right over his asshole with just enough pressure.

Sam’s eyes fly wide open instantly, face shocked.  “ _What are you_ … oh God,” he tries to stop her but all too quickly it begins to feel far better than Sam was ready for.  She surprised him completely and he tried to get her not to do whatever it is she’s planning to do but he can’t when his body betrays him completely.  “Fuck… I, uh… oh, oh, Lou.  Fuck!”

Lids squeezed shut and voice moaning out over and over, Sam’s orgasm hit him as unexpectedly as humanly possible, everything she’s doing to him feeling better than anything he’s experienced before.  His hands bruise her legs as he grasps them hard but she doesn’t care at all.

Lou laughs quietly to herself while watching him, her tongue still swirling around his digit and her finger still moving as she continues to work her hips, riding him right through the moment.  She knows what she’s doing and she does it with pride.  Now she gets ready for the panic and anger she thinks he might have after he finishes feeling better than humans should be allowed to.  Whatever.  Lou’s still proud.

"Uh, what the hell was that?" Sam asks, his anger hidden under bliss.

But Lou hears the anger nonetheless. "Proving you wrong."

"What…  _fuck_. You coulda warned a guy before… you did…  _that_ ," Sam says all flustered as he picks her up off of him by the waist and puts her down next to him on the bed before getting up.

"What would be the fun in that?" Lou laughs a little and gets an angry face from Sam. "Oh, come on! Giant, you liked it!"

His face turns red.

"And I was just… finally pulling the stick out of your ass," she says, laughing her way through the second half of the sentence. He walks past her for the bathroom while angry. "No! Stop!" she grabs his hand on his way. "Sam, just stop and talk to me!"

"Lou… you can't just spring shit like that on people!" Sam says to her, making it clear that he disapproves.

"Sit and talk to me instead of act like a fucking Winchester, would you?" she requests while yanking his arm down to sit next to her. Once he does she sits with her legs tucked under her and grips his hand tight. "What's the big fucking deal, bitch? Did you hate it?"

He just looks at her and tries to answer. "That's not the point."

"Then what is?"

He huffs a laugh. "I'm not like the guys you're used to being with."

"How so?" she asks with honest curiosity.

"You didn't find me at a bar and I'm not the type to get with some stranger that could be into just about anything," Sam tells her. "That's not me."

Lou grins at him, liking that aspect of him. "What's you then?"

"Knowing who I'm with," he says. "Having trust in a person I get in bed with."

"You don't trust me?" Lou asks with shock.

"I did until right now," Sam huffs. "You wanna try new stuff all you gotta do is talk to me. Springing it on me… not exactly comforting for future sessions."

"What do you mean?"

"How am I gonna relax the next time we have sex if I don't know what you're gonna pull on me?"

Lou smiles. "Ok, I get it."

Sam nods once, showing that he appreciates her understanding.

"But I thought you trusted me enough to let me do something like that," Lou counters.

"I do… but a surprise like  _that_?"

"Point taken. I'm sorry," Lou says and leans forward, pressing her lips to his once with sweetness.

How she can be so sweet just a minute after being so… surprisingly dirty? "It's fine."

"I will ask before I try anything next time… even if I have never once asked for permission ahead of time," Lou says to him in promise.

"How many times have you pissed off guys?" Sam has to ask after thinking quickly.

"Enough," she laughs lightly, kissing him again. "But admit it for me… you liked it."

Clenched jaw, Sam just stares at her, his awkwardness comes back along with the rose on his cheeks.

"You did! It's ok if you did. It feels good, I know," she shrugs and watches as his face snaps onto hers.

"You… like that stuff?" Sam cautiously asks.

"Giant, seriously? When are you gonna see me for me, huh?" she laughs once more. "I'm into a lot of things." She kisses him again as he stores the info in the back of his mind for a later time. She then lays back in bed with a comforting, "Ahh. I'm fucking tired now."

"Me too," Sam admits and rubs at his stubble that he needs to get to tomorrow morning before leaving. He stands up to head for the bathroom before pausing, turning to look back at her. "It wasn't terrible," is all he's willing to admit before disappearing behind the shut bathroom door.

Lou just smiles to herself. "I'll make him a little freak in no time."

* * *

It's three A.M. and the motel room is quiet. Lizzy sleeps peacefully in bed and Sammy's completely knocked out in his playpen… but Dean is wide awake.

He couldn't find any rest when this heavy feeling in his heart is so strong. Sadly, it isn't a good, warm feeling like it should be when with his family. Instead, he's pretty sure it's impending doom and dread.

Unable to place why, Dean gave up on the idea of sleep and instead snuck carefully out of bed to sit next to Sammy's playpen. Body splayed out and mouth open with a cheek squished against his fuzzy blanket, Dean can't stop looking at him. Morning is coming way too quickly. He's certainly not ready to leave his boy. Not at all. Not yet.

It's never enough for him. Leaving them rips his heart out every damn time and he can't live like this… but out of sheer need to keep them as safe as possible he will live exactly like this every day he has to. And once more he finds himself cursing his own last name.

He won't ever admit that he did, but he found himself crying over the very thought. Eyes spilling silently, Dean sits there on the floor helplessly unable to understand how all this happened. When Lizzy got pregnant it was like the skies opened up and God told him he had a chance. Things will work out because they have to now that he's a father. But God once more has let him down. How could he even create the Leviathan in the first place? What was the guy thinking?

And worst of all Dean knows he's now made an agreement with his wife that he can't keep. There's no way he's sticking to the agreed upon once a month visit. Not if it isn't safe. And if he lets her down like that? No, he can't even let himself thing about it. She'll be crushed.

Standing up after an hour of just watching his motionless son rest, Dean leans down and runs a hand over his son's head, his dark hair starting to come in now. He leans down, kisses his head silently, and whispers to him, "I love you, Sammy."

After he walks back to bed and slowly, smoothly gets in. He moves to lay right next to her and instinctively she scoots closer, sighing happily as she wakes just slightly with it. Dean's arm around her shoulder, her head on his chest and arm over his torso, they get comfortable all too easily.

Dean presses a kiss to her forehead much like he just did to his son.

"Love you," Lizzy says in her sleep-coated voice as she drifts back off.

"You have no idea," Dean responds, pulling her tighter and looks at the ceiling for a while, waiting for that dick of a sun to rise and ruin his good twenty-four hour period of time.

* * *

 


	10. Crack in the Foundation

* * *

"Dean… it's been two fucking months," Lizzy says while rubbing her forehead. She looks out over the parking lot of their current motel as she stands by the Mustang, leaning against it. It's hot out, very hot in early September, and she's frustrated as all hell. "We haven't seen you in two months. It has to be safe by now for one day. Just  _one day_ …."

"You don't know what we've been dealing with," Dean rebuts from his end as he stands in his own motel lot over a thousand miles away at a location he'll never give her. He's had enough run-ins with Leviathan since they last saw each other to know they can't be together, not now. "They're still after us for sure…."

"And you think it's not safe, I get that… but I don't give a shit anymore," Lizzy admits easily, having thought about this enough. "We can't let them do this to us."

"I don't see a choice here," he tells her. "If I come see you and trail them right to you and Sammy… if anything happens to either of you…."

"Stop," Lizzy sighs and shakes her head, sitting onto the back trunk of the Mustang. "Just stop. I can't listen to more reasoning and explaining why this is a bad idea and why it would be all your fault if something goes wrong. I know it isn't the smartest… but our son needs to see his father. And I need to see my husband."

"I won't risk your life like that…."

"He started crawling," Lizzy blurts out and swallows hard as her eyes fill up with sadness.

Dean turns slowly to face his own car, leaning his elbows onto the roof and hanging his head with the information. With closed eyes he asks, "He did?"

"Yes," she says, clearing her throat to get rid of the obvious upset in her tone. "Yeah, he uh… he just got up on all fours this morning and made a bee-line for Louie while she was sitting on the floor playing with him. He only face planted once. She took a video but was too afraid to send it to you. She didn't want to piss you off because you were here to see it."

Jaw clenched, Dean nods with total frustration. He's missing everything.

"I'm scared that he's gonna forget you," Lizzy finally admits. "He's growing up so fucking fast and he never sees you. He's young. He's impressionable. And if he doesn't have you around to learn and remind him… Dean, he's not gonna remember you. You'll be a stranger to him."

"Why are you saying this to me!?" Dean fires out with pure anger.

"Because I have to!" Lizzy yells at him, her own anger and pent up fears spilling out quickly now. "I have to make you see what's happening here! You think you're doing the right thing but I'm not so sure anymore!"

"I am!" he yells right back at her. "I'm doing the only thing I can see to do here and it's fucking killing me! You think this is easy for me?"

"You think this is easy for  _me_!?" she counters. "I'm a single mother right now!"

"That's low!" Dean tells her with pure anger for saying such a thing.

"It's the truth! I hate it but it's true! I'm a single parent, on my own, and you're out there…. Fuck!" Lizzy goes silent for a moment as the tears finally start to fall. "I hate this."

And when he hears the surefire sounds of her crying he slows his roll.

"Dean, I fucking hate this," Lizzy lets it all out. "Look at what this is doing to us! We're falling apart!  _Us_!"

"We're not falling apart," Dean immediately denies, never willing to see something like that happen to them even if it was happening. He's good at turning a blind eye when he wants to. "We're too strong for that."

"I used to think that was true," Lizzy tells him honestly.

" _Used_  to?" he asks with shock at her words.

"Used to."

His brain churns with fear. "What are you, giving up on us? Over a couple months?"

"No! I'm not giving up. I just… I'm lost," she explains. "I'm lost right now. Without you here, without my whole family here, I'm just… lost."

Dean sighs heavily. "You gotta hang in there, L."

"You keep saying that," she calls him out immediately. "But how many more times are you gonna say that before it becomes white noise? I'm hanging in, I am… but this constant running, always fearful, always sad life isn't working. All we do is argue and fight and hurt each other whenever we actually get to talk… whatever this situation is, it's not working."

Dean hears what she says and his heart aches. "What do you want me to do about that? What are you saying here?"

"I'm saying we have to find another way. I'm saying I can't keep this long distance, bullshit situation those Leviathan have put us in going. I can't live like this."

"You don't have a choice," Dean denies her right away.

Lizzy wipes her eyes with her free hand. "Not if you aren't willing to try and give me another one, then, no. I don't."

"Damn it, L," Dean fights his pure fury with her. "You act like you're the only one suffering here. You think I like waking up every day wondering where the hell my family is? You think I'm ok with missing every fucking milestone in my son's life? And constantly getting an angry wife in my ear when all I want to do is talk to her when I miss her?"

"No. No, I don't think you like any of this either," Lizzy tells him honestly. "I just think nothing is ever gonna change. I think the Leviathan are winning right now because we're both miserable and I think that if it takes your whole life to deal with those pieces of shit then… we'll never see you again."

"I'm doing my best here!" Dean goes right back into yelling as he can hear the motel door to their room open behind him.

"Are you?" she challenges, just desperate enough to push him further.

"Of course I am! How could you think I'm not!? I want nothing more than to come home but I fucking can't!"

"I'm not even asking for you to come home anymore! I just want a fucking day!" Lizzy returns angrily with. "I know you're never coming home for good. I can see that now!"

"What does that mean!?"

"You'd rather hunt than give me one day with you, than give Sammy one day to remember who the fuck you are!"

"I will not have Sammy's blood on my hands!"

"No, but you  _will_  have him grow up with one parent just like you did!" Lizzy shouts back, both people letting their total anger rule their better judgment, causing one of their few and far between conversations fall apart. "How did that work out for you and Sam? Good? Because I'm about ten seconds away from calling you John from now on!"

Dean gives up right then and there. That was one comment said out of anger too many and he gives the hell up on her. With every ounce of strength his tired form has left in it he winds up and with a shout of pure fury he hums his phone at the brick wall of the motel, shattering it to pieces instantly.

Sam looks at him with wide eyes, shocked by the moment he just stepped into by opening their motel room door. He knew that things between his brother and Lizzy had been bad lately within the terrible situation they've found but he didn't know it'd gotten that bad.

"Dean?" Sam asks, looking to find out what happened. His brother ignores him and stalks with balled fists into the motel room open door. "What…?"

The first sound of crashing pottery, a lamp Sam thinks, can be heard immediately and Sam knows better than to try and stop him. Dean's going to need his moment to rage out as he always does when this furious.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean's voice shouts loudly and Sam watches as an arm swipes the table clear of all his research. "Fuck!"

Sam pulls out his smartphone and looks up motels in the area, ready to pack up when Dean's done and ditch out. The mess won't be worth explaining and he's going to need to let Dean drive around after this one.

* * *

"Lizard, oh my God!" Lou nearly shouts with excitement when she walks out to the parking lot. Sammy sitting on her hip. "You missed it! I got him to crawl across the entire room to me! It took like two seconds too. He's fast and we're so screwed…."

She stops in her tracks when she can see Lizzy's hunched over back nearly convulsing as she sitting on the trunk of her car.

"Lizzy?" Lou calls out to her and rushes to her side. "What the hell?"

Lizzy doesn't answer. Instead she just keeps holding her face in her hands, sobbing so hard it sounds near panic level.

"Shit. Lizard, what the hell happened?" Lou asks, pulling a hand away from her best friend's face to look at her. "I thought you were calling Dean?"

"I… did…" she answers with hiccupping breaths and keeps right on crying.

"So what's the problem?"

"Everything," Lizzy tells her and her gut-wrenching cries of pure loss nearly kill Lou.

"Oh, honey," Lou calmly says, knowing the road for Lizzy and Dean has been hard enough the past few months, and she moves in. She wraps her free arm around her sister and pulls her tight, Lizzy's arms around her neck instantly. With how hard she hugs Lou knows it isn't good. "It's gonna be ok, Lizzy. It will."

"I don't think so," Lizzy responds with the feeling growing in her soul.

"It always works out," Lou assures.

"Louie…."

And Lizzy loses the battle with her sadness. She just sits there, gripping tight to the one person by her side right now and sobs out her fears, anger, and utter misery. She'll explain later.

* * *

"Alright, what the hell happened back there?" Sam finally asks after a half hour of aimless driving. Dean's been a vault. His silence speaks volumes of whatever just happened while on the phone with Lizzy and Sam hates to think it but he saw it coming. They've been short with each other for a few weeks, each day apart making the agitation worse. Lou's noticed it too.

"Nothing," Dean goes into default with his one word, denial-filled answer.

"And that's why our motel room needed to get thrashed, right?" Sam challenges right away, getting a very pissed glance out of the corner of Dean's eye in return. "Look, man, you've been on edge for weeks. I get it but… you're making me worry."

"Don't worry about me," Dean says succinctly.

"Don't worry, he says," Sam comments with disbelief.

"Shut up, Sam. I can handle this."

"Clearly, you can't," Sam points out. "Now what the fuck happened?"

Deep breath taken, Dean looks at Sam for a split second before focusing on the road. "L's pissed."

"She has every right to be."

"But she had no right to say the things she said to me," Dean turns it around.

And Sam's taken aback by this. "What'd she say?"

"Doesn't matter." Even now he doesn't want to bad mouth his girl in any way.

"It does," he responds, seeing how affected Dean is. "What'd she say?"

"She thinks Sammy's gonna forget me," Dean explains. "She thinks that Sammy's forgetting that I'm his father."

Sam nods, slowly. "Ok…."

"Ok!?" Dean gets upset again. "Why the hell would she say that shit to me!?"

"Because it's a legitimate fear," Sam says.

"My own kid isn't gonna forget who I am!"

"Babies learn by familiarizing themselves with their surroundings," Sam calmly explains how it works. "You haven't been a part of Sammy surroundings lately. If you're not there… then I get it. I can see how Lizzy's thinking on this one, is all."

Dean reacts by visibly getting angry all over again.

"Don't get mad at her for that. You're both stressed…."

"She also said we're falling apart."

"What does that mean?" Sam asks with confusion.

"It means she thinks that we're falling apart. The two of us."

"You and Lizzy?" Sam questions with a smile and clear disbelief. "That can't happen." He scoffs at the idea.

"Yeah…." Dean doesn't say anything else because he's not sure what to follow it up with.

Sam hears the worry from him. "You don't agree with her, do you?"

"I don't know."

"Come one, man. I mean, how could that ever happen? You two are the golden standard of ridiculously strong relationships. You're friggin' soul mates for fucks sake."

"We've done nothing but bicker and fight for weeks," Dean admits. "The way we parted… she was so depressed. And ever since we haven't been able to get along. Every fucking time we talk it's another moment to get mad at each other or just… it's not like it used to be."

Sam wrinkles his brow and thinks about what Dean is telling him. "Every relationship changes over time…."

"Ours doesn't," he denies immediately.

"Well maybe that's the problem. You think you're different than everyone else. But soul mates or not… you're still just a couple of people that go through ups and downs like the rest of us. I mean, look at Lou and me. We fight. Hell we disagree all the damn time… but we work through it."

"She said Sammy's gonna be like us," Dean interrupts to further explain. "She said she feels like a single mom and Sammy's gonna be like you and me because I won't see them. And it's all my fault."

Sam goes completely silent with that one as he mulls over her words. How could she? She knows the pain and disaster both brothers grew up in. She knows what it did to them and that it's the last thing Dean would ever do to his own son. "She really said that?"

"She really said that," Dean confirms.

"She wouldn't," Sam denies because he has to. Lizzy's never done or said anything that hurtful to him in his entire life. It's hard to picture.

"She also said she was gonna start calling me  _John_. L went for the jugular this time," Dean tells his brother, his voice just plain sad now. "I know you don't think she has it in her but she does. She can be that bitchy."

"Damn," Sam awes, thinking of how low Lizzy just went with insulting Dean.

The car goes silent aside from the radio softly playing. 'Helpless' plays quietly and Dean sighs. He remembers years back when he heard this song in Lou's Mustang while Lizzy was watching it after her death. She sat in his lap and looked in his eyes, professed her love for him, and promised she'd never leave him. Deep in his heart he knows she meant it but like Sam said, times and relationships change.

"Maybe we're not as strong as we thought," Dean says in such a low volume Sam almost missed it.

"That's bullshit," his brother quickly declares.

"Is it? Wasn't the whole point of L and me being together to create Sammy? He's here. He's been created and now… I just think we might not have what we used to have anymore."

"You think that just because the angels got what they set out for that your bond is gone?" Sam questions.

Dean doesn't answer.

"Knock it off, man. Lizzy fucked up with what she said to you but that doesn't mean anything. She's in a terrible position with everything happening, you both are. Who wouldn't be at odds with each other if put in your shoes?"

"I hope that's all it is," Dean admits with fear.

"Would you ever leave her?" Sam asks, looking right at Dean.

"God, no."

"Then you're fine. She feels that same way, I know it. Everyone that's ever met you two knows it. We just have to figure this whole thing out and get everyone back together. You'll see, man. We'll figure it out."

Dean nods but doesn't feel the reassurance his little brother tries so hard to give him. Instead he turns up the volume on the radio and drives on, letting Baby do her best to make it better.

* * *

"You ready to talk yet?" Lou questions as she and Lizzy are cuddled up on one of their motel beds, Lou with Lizzy's head in her lap and Lizzy curled up on her side.

"Yeah, I've had enough chocolate for that," Lizzy admits, pushing the half empty, large box of chocolates Lou got her when she saw the melt down over a boy happening. The little black wrappers litter the comforter and her stomach aches a little but it was worth it.

"What the hell happened on the phone with Dean?" Lou questions, combing her fingers through Lizzy's long, deep brown hair.

"We fought… again."

"That's been happening a lot lately." With a wrinkled expression of sheer concern, Lou looks down at Lizzy and waits for her response.

"Well aware," Lizzy sighs, knowing Lou had to have noticed.

"What about this time?"

"Same old shit, new day," Lizzy says glancing at the playpen with her sleeping son in it. "This whole thing is getting old."

"And it's not about to change anytime soon so get comfy," Lou keeps it cold and factual. Sometimes her sister needs that and harsh realities are always easier coming from her best friend for some reason.

"I can't," Lizzy admits how weak she is. "I miss him too much to get comfortable with this."

"I know you do," Lou answers back, having seen it every day. It reminds her of when Dean ditched Lizzy for a year… but this time Dean has the right idea instead of being a jackass. This time Dean's more justified than before.

"But it isn't just about me," Lizzy keeps going. "I'm worried about Sammy."

"How so?"

"He doesn't know his own father… and he might never at this point."

" _Never_? You're being dramatic," Lou calls her out.

"I want Dean around. I want my son to have his fucking father. How is that a bad thing?"

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing…."

"And he won't see us," Lizzy keeps going. "He refuses to meet up for even a day right now, even an hour. Says it's too risky."

"Can you blame him?"

"No… but I still do," Lizzy admits her shortcomings. "I blame him completely. As much as I get it I just can't deal with it. I was not meant to live like this."

"I doubt Dean was either. I don't think he likes it all that much himself," Lou defends the man not there.

"But not even one day?" Lizzy asks and turns her head to angle it up at Lou.

Lou shrugs, not really sure what to say. She's with Dean on this one and it's easy to be since she isn't the one in love with him. She can look at this objectively unlike the woman needing comfort from her that's simply broken by the circumstances surrounding her.

"Don't you miss Sam?" Lizzy turns it around.

"Every fucking day," Lou admits very quickly. "Every second. But I'm used to it. I did a four year tour of duty like this. What's a few more months at this point?"

"Yeah…."

"And we don't have a kid together." Lou sighs, knowing that child makes all the difference in the world with their situation. If she and Sam had a child maybe she'd be just as upset and just as much of a mess as her sister is right now.

"Poor kid," Lizzy says, looking back over at Sammy. "No home, no regularity… no daddy…."

"He has a dad," Lou fires out, upset with that statement.

"Doesn't feel like it," Lizzy responds sadly and Lou gets angry.

"Bitch, that man is fighting his ass off out there to keep the monsters away from him. He's a  _great_  dad."

"Oh,  _I_  know that… but Sammy doesn't. I can't explain that to him. He doesn't even know his dad right now. He deserves to have his amazing dad by his side."

"And he will. You know that the second it's all clear out there that Dean'll be running back to you guys in the blink of an eye. Just… not right now. He can't yet," Lou explains. "Lizard, I know this is tough. I know. But give Dean a little slack."

"And where's my slack?" Lizzy turns it around.

"Oh, toughen up," Lou brushes off her words.

"I… fuck, I feel like I'm going through a break up or something," Lizzy explains her biggest troubles. "Every time we speak it's a God damned fight. We don't hear each other anymore. We just disagree and let the stress of everything fuck with us and every time I actually do talk to him the once a week I'm allowed… I get off the phone feeling worse than before I heard his voice."

"Well… that's just not good," Lou fears, knowing how unhealthy that description is. "Like, at all."

"I know," Lizzy's eyes well up. "I just love him so much but… I don't know."

"You don't know what?"

"I don't know what's happening to us. All this stress and separation… all this insane pressure on us… I feel like we aren't making it through this in the long run."

"Don't say that," Lou's harsh voice returns.

"I'm terrified every day and the thing that scares me the most isn't the Leviathan on our asses. It's the idea of losing him. I think I'm losing him…." Lizzy starts to fall apart again.

"Knock it off," Lou gets angry and smacks her friend in the arm. "What the fuck, Lizzy!? There's no fucking way you believe that crap."

Lizzy shakes her head and looks away.

"You're being stupid," Lou says and gets up off the bed, dropping Lizzy's head. "I'm not gonna listen to this bullshit."

"It's not bullshit…."

" _It is_ ," Lou declares with fire as she eyes her sister.

"It's not!" Lizzy fights right back as she sits up and looks right at her best friend about to give her a big dose of reality. "It's been bad for months now. We have a couple seconds of good, like Ocean City… but then it disappears through fights and anger. This isn't right. This isn't us."

"So suck it up!" Lou pushes right back. "You two have had it easy. Ever since he came back to you you've never had to fight for your relationship and the first time you do you're sounding like you're giving up."

"I'm scared," Lizzy says, her voice young small and frightened. Lou's stomach drops at that, always hating when Lizzy would show her vulnerable side like that.

"Dean would never stop loving you. You know that's the truth and as long as you have that you're fine. You two are  _not_  gonna fall apart."

"Louie, I…."

"You nothing! I don't want to hear this shit from you!" Lou yells and heads the bathroom, giving up. "You and Dean aren't gonna break up!"

Lou slams the door behind her and stands there for a second, breathing deeply. She didn't expect to get so pissed off at her sister when her sister clearly needed her support but she couldn't hear that terrible doubt.

It hurt. It was ugly and sad and… it made her fearful.

If Dean and Lizzy don't make it then what the hell chance does any other relationship out there stand? What are the chances that Sam and she could weather what two people like Dean and Lizzy couldn't? What does this say about her own relationship?

Her rambling thoughts cease when she can hear a knock on their motel door. Lou stills herself and listens carefully, the timing odd. Late afternoon visitors aren't normal for them, especially when they always request no housekeeping services everywhere they go.

She hears Lizzy ask who it is. She misses the response but when her sister clearly opens the door she assumes all is fine. Letting out a breath to relax, Lou backs away from the door and sits on the closed toilet seat. They've been on high alert every second of every day for so long that she's overreacting about a simple knock on the door. Jesus, they need to catch a break somewhere….

_Get the fuck away from him._

And the high alert is back after hearing Lizzy's voice.

***************************

"Aw, he's so cute," the housekeeper says while looking intothe playpen, her gray uniform with name tag stating Maria not helping to hide the fact that she's not so much human as monster. "Mm, he can be my dessert after I eat my main course." She then eyes Lizzy in a way to make sure she understands who her main course is.

"I'm only going to say this one more time," Lizzy warns as she slowly walks towards the now shut front door of the motel room. "Get. The fuck. Away. From him."

The Leviathan peers at Lizzy with surprise. "Ballsy. I can see how you'd be related to Lou."

Lizzy just stares at the monster with surprise.

"Oh, we know all about you two," she casually explains with a swipe of her hand. "Lou and I go way back… to Purgatory, actually. And when we all got set free imagine our surprise that she did too… and she has a sister… that's married to a guy at the top of Dick's hit list."

Swallowing hard, Lizzy silently starts to pray that Lou can hear everything happening. She could really use the back up.

***************************

Lou stands by the bathroom door again, listening. As she does her mind flashed back to when she first heard that voice. It isn't the tone but the inflection, the way the words are said, that make her remember.

The sepia tones of the never-ending forest she was locked in for years fill her vision. She can see it, the Leviathan in front of her the same one that she can hear in the motel room, she knows it.

The same leviathan that had Benny cornered, pinned to a tree and mouth wide as it prepared to down one of the only trusted allies she's managed to find herself in this cesspool.

***************************

"How did you find us?" Lizzy keeps Maria the Monster occupied, stalling for time as she can just see the doorknob of the bathroom slowly and silently turn behind her.

"Getting sloppy, Lizzy," Maria tisks and wags a finger at her. "You and Lou should have really changed the license plate on that car out front. Now… where's that husband of yours."

"I don't know."

"Come on…."

"I don't!" Lizzy repeats. "We don't tell each other where we are because we don't want you ass-fucks using us against each other."

"Smart. Frustrating but very smart," Maria says, stepping closer to Lizzy. Lizzy then backs up a step, closer to the weapons bag by the front door. "But I bet I could figure it out after I kill you and take your phone."

With a serious stare down, Lizzy takes her phone from her pocket and, knowing she just hours ago talked to Dean and could easily give his location up with the Leviathan gets it, she spikes it onto the ground and stomps on it. "Find him now, bitch," she says, making a show out of destroying the phone as the bathroom door opens.

***************************

Lou stalks up to her prey, the leviathan ready to kill and eat her friend, and she pulls out her self-made weapon of sharpened stone and thick, wooden handle.

The fear she feels is trumped by her anger. The fucking leviathan always attacking, eating everything they can, they're the reason Purgatory is the harsh, evil mess that it is.

She skulks up close, right behind the damn thing, and pulls back… ready to swing.

***************************

"Pissing off the monster in the room your son is in just to cover Dean's ass… you must actually love him," Maria comments with a smile of evil excitement.

"You have no idea," Lizzy fires out and quickly bends down to the luckily unzipped weapons bag. She snatches up a machete and tosses it quickly across the room handle first.

Before the Leviathan can turn around Lou catches the large knife and swipes it easily through the air. She severs Maria's neck cleanly and her body and head fall separately to the ground.

***************************

As the head falls and thunks to the leave covered ground of the forest, Lou sighs heavily.

"Nice work," Benny huff out with a laughs of absolute relief and thanks. "You know how to show up at the nick a' time awful well."

But Lou barely heard him. After three years of this shit she's had it. She's angry, and fired up, and simply seeing red. She stands over the body with pure anger, her hand holding her weapon shaking.

"We need to tuck tail, darlin'," Benny says and tried to reach out for her but she ignores him to instead bring her weapon overhead, ready to bring it down hard.

***************************

Lizzy lets out one sigh of relief. "Holy shit. That was way too fucking close."

Lou doesn't respond, locking in her mind. She's in the past. She's in Purgatory.

"Alright, we gotta go," Lizzy says, running for Sammy as Lou's arms raise high.

Without warning she starts hacking away, striking the decapitated Leviathan body several time. She swings over and over, black goo splattering as she works without thinking. She's just so angry over everything.

"Lou!" She hears her name being called but it sounds like Benny. Instead of stop to see how reality isn't exactly as clear as it should be right now she keeps going.

"Louie! Stop!" Lizzy calls out, Sammy in her arms as she tries to shield him from the flying mess in the room. "Lou! Please!"

When a hand clamps down on her arm Lou whips her head around, seeing trees all around and Benny staring at her for a moment.

"Are you alright?" he asks her.

Her mind is a mess, the image flashing out to reveal it being Lizzy holding Sammy on her hip in their motel room. She blinks a few times, dropping the machete to the floor and letting the actual reality around her seep in. She's not in Purgatory. She's not. She's back in the real world, with Lizzy.

"Uh, yeah," she nods slowly. "I'm here. Shit." She rubs her eyes. " _Shit_."

"Let's just get the hell outta here," Lou says quickly, packing everything she can find. Lou gets to work also, taking a separate canvas bag to stow the Levi head in and take with them until they can find a place to dump it.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Lizzy has to ask, looking around and realizing the black-goo mess they just made. Or rather,  _Lou_  just made.

"I'm fine enough, let's just go. I'll call Sam from the road," Lou says, knowing Lizzy's phone isn't working.

"Don't tell them where we're going," Lizzy reminds her.

"I don't even know where we're going. But they need to know about this."

"I agree," Lizzy responds, shoving clothing into a bag while eyeing her with worry.

"And… we gotta go deeper from now on if we're gonna keep him safe," Lou says, nodding to the now awake Sammy.

Lizzy just closes her eyes for a split second before continuing on, the fright in her heart growing even stronger.

* * *

"What!?" Sam nearly shouts into the phone, making Dean look at him with concern from the driver's side of his current stolen shitbox. "How did it find you!?"

"What the hell's going on!?" Dean pries with need but Sam waves him off for now.

"Damn it! You need to park that thing now," Sam warns, the face he makes being the one that Dean always recognizes as pure fear. Sam rarely gets that face. "I'll text you the address the Impala's at as soon as we're done talking and you ditch your phone right away…. It's safe. Leave it there…. Dean trusts it with his car. You can trust it…. Yes! It's safe, I swear."

"What the fuck, Sam!?" Dean fires out, not able to handle being in the dark right now with the sound of Lou having to park the Mustang.

The younger brother holds up an index finger and keeps focusing on Lou. "Is everyone ok? Anyone hurt?"

Dean's heart races as he waits for an answer. Sam shakes his head no, no one got hurt, and they both relax a little.

"Good. That's what matters most."

Feeling the panic coming at him steadily, growing by the second with how bad this conversation sounds from his end, Dean grabs the wheel of the barely running car he hotwired hours ago and tries to keep himself calm enough to drive.

"Fuck… I know, I know. You guys are doing everything you can. We know that…. Well it was a good thing you had their backs then," Sam says with a slight smile of pure pride in her, one that drops quickly. "You're still having that problem? Jesus…. Yeah, I mean, it worked out but what if… just please watch yourself and if you need help say something….. Just get somewhere far, far away from, uh, wherever the hell you just were. I'm talking six states at least."

Dean nods his head in agreement without knowing he did it.

"Seriously? You're willing to do that?" Sam asks with true shock. "Damn. No, I mean, I get it. I do…. I just never thought you'd do such a thing. You're a blonde. Always have been…. Oh Jesus. She's got to be pissed…. That's true. She'll do anything for that kid."

Sam glances at Dean and can see the impatient look all over his face. He's dying to know what's going on.

"Lou, I'm sorry, but Dean's dying to know what's going on. I can't keep him in the dark much longer and you need to get rid of that phone. I gotta go," Sam tells her. "I know you do. I miss you too."

Dean doesn't miss the sad smile on Sam's face.

"Uh, you keep watching them for Dean, alright?" he half laughs to cover his sorrow for her and for their situation. "Keep them safe…. I love you…. Yeah, yeah, I'm a girl. Shut up."

Sam ends the call and instead of talking he immediately starts typing.

"The fuck is happening!?" Dean bursts out, looking back and forth between the road and his brother.

"Hold on," Sam snaps back and finishes typing out the text message. As soon as he sends Lou the address to bring her Mustang to for storage he rolls down the window and tosses out his phone. "Alright. So, don't freak out, but… a leviathan caught up to the girls."

"What!?" Dean freaks out instantly.

"Everyone is fine. No one's hurt, ok?" Sam immediately damage controls.

"What happened?"

"It tracked them to their motel using Lou's license plate."

"Shit!"

"But they're on their way to park the Mustang with the Impala. It'll be safer for them now."

"It won't be good enough," Dean says, sure of it. "They'll find them again."

"Not if they really do what Lou says they're gonna do," Sam smirks and shakes his head.

"What's their plan?"

"Well, first the car. They ditch it. Then they're gonna get cash advances on all their current bunk credit cards."

"I told L not to use credit anywhere…."

"They'd run out of money on hand recently. Don't get pissed. They needed a roof over their heads and their cash ran out."

Dean just sighs with worry.

"And it won't happen again so relax. They'll figure it out. Lou mentioned an old account for emergencies she set up years back so they might try and tap that remotely with Frank's help."

"Ok, good," Dean nods. "That sounds ok.

"And finally… they've decided to go deep," Sam says, cocking an eyebrow at Dean.

"Meaning?" Dean questions.

"Makeovers," Sam says simply. "Lou's becoming a red head and Lizzy's going blonde."

Dean's eyes nearly bug out of his head. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, man. I know."

"Lizzy agreed to that!?" Dean tries again, knowing that she's always been against being a blonde. She's had her hair dyed every color under the sun but she is highly against being a blonde. She says it's just not her.

"She didn't have much of a choice from what I heard. Lou's getting on it hard so be prepared for a pissed off and blonde Lizzy whenever we actually get to see them next."

Dean nods, slowly, picturing it in his head. His lean yet curvy girl, her arm covered in ink and her beautiful chestnut-brown eyes, her perfectly shaped ass and… her long, bright blonde locks. No, she wouldn't look good that way. She'd look great.

"Huh," Dean hums to himself as he drives.

"Yeah, uh… I know what you're doing and… stop," Sam asks awkwardly, knowing when Dean's mind is edging towards some far too sex-fueled thoughts.

"Shut up," Dean bites back and keeps driving. "She probably looks hot as hell though, right?"

"Dean," Sam gets annoyed.

"You're lame."

"No, I'm not," Sam rebuts. "Trust me. It's just… you forget she's like my sister."

"But she's not."

"And I don't talk about Lou like that."

"Who said I'd mind if you did?" Dean counters quickly.

Sam closes his eyes for a second. "Just… get us to Jersey without messing up your boxers, ok?"

* * *

 


	11. Only the Good Die Young (Part 1)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Death's Door'.** _

* * *

 

The sound of a ringing cell phone blares through their newest motel room in the middle of the night. Lizzy inhales deeply and with it, her schedule all out of whack right along with Sammy's, and she blinks her eyes open.

"Louie," Lizzy says in a groggy voice, not ready to admit to being awake again.

Lou just groans.

"Lou, get it," Lizzy complains.

"Fuck you. That's your phone," Lou responds grumpily, her face clearly down into the pillow with her muffled voice.

"Damn it," Lizzy bitches and reaches towards the nightstand, grabbing her phone and looking at the caller I.D, squinting with the brightness of the screen. D.

She quickly answers the call, puts it immediately on speaker, and lays back down.

"Dean."

"Where are you?"

Lizzy's eyes are wide open and she's fully awake the second she hears the scared and jarred tone in his voice.

"What's going on?" Lizzy says quickly, sitting up tall and getting very disturbed right away. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand she sees that it's 1:47 in the morning.

"Where the hell are you?" Dean repeats and Lou is already out of bed and climbing to sit next to Lizzy, looking at her phone.

"I'm not supposed to tell you," Lizzy reminds.

"I need you to pack everyone up and get to New Jersey."

Lizzy and Lou glance at one another, wrinkled expressions showing their serious worry.

"What's in New Jersey?"

"L… it, it's… fuck, it's Bobby," Dean's voice wavers as he tries to explain.

"What happened to Bobby?" Lizzy asks, her voice dropping and the terror gripping her tight. She's already sweating with panic at the simple idea that something could be wrong with the older man.

The pause on the other end lets her know Dean's trying to keep her composure and as he does he gives away how bad the situation is without a word.

"Baby, please… just tell me what happened to Bobby."

"We tracked down Dick," he explains, voice quiet and shaky. "We were surveying the place he's working out of… and they got him."

"What did they do to him?" Lizzy's voice cracks, already falling apart. Not Bobby. Not her Bobby.

"We were trying to get him out," Dean tells them. "We thought we had him…."

" _What happened_?" Lizzy sternly asks, ready for real answers.

"Dick shot him," Dean puts it plainly. "He's… he's, ah… he took one to the head…."

"What!?" Lizzy panics fully now, her hand flying out to the side to grab hard onto Lou's arm. "Bobby got shot in the  _head_!?"

"He's in critical condition. The bullet's still in his brain. They said a whole bunch of stuff but I… I couldn't… I don't know what it means." There's a pause when Lizzy knows Dean needs a second to keep himself from falling apart. "It doesn't look good…."

"We're coming. Right now," Lizzy says, getting out of bed and turning on the lights as she leaves her phone on her bed. "Send me the address."

"And don't bother busting up your phone right after. I'm sure the Leviathan know where we all are after this but… you need to be here," Dean remembers through the fog of everything happening. "Sam and me… we don't know what half the crap they keep saying means but you will."

"I'll talk to the doctor the second I get there," Lizzy assures, her autopilot hitting hard now that she has the task of packing and getting out of there on hand. She snaps her fingers at Lou to get her moving too. "Just get updates when you can and text me. Can you go see him?"

"They won't let us," Dean says with fire behind his fears.

"That's not good but with an injury like that it doesn't surprise me," she explains, stuffing Sammy's things into his baby bag. "Just stay there. We're in West Virginia so we can be there in, like, seven hours."

They both hear Dean let out a breath with the knowledge that they'd be there soon.

"You and Sam just stay nearby," Lizzy directs. "If they let you see him then try talking to him, even if he's out of it. A lot of studies have shown it helps improve a patient's outcome to hear their loved one's voices."

"Yeah, yeah… ok. We can do that," Dean tells her.

"Dean?" Lizzy pauses what she's doing to walk to the phone, picking it up.

"Yeah?"

There are a million things she wants to say to him right now. Bobby's tough and he'll pull though. It'll be ok.  _We'll_  be ok. I'm sorry for how bad everything has been between us lately. I still love you, I swear….

"We'll be there soon. Keep it together. You're strong enough for this, Hot Shot," she tells him, chickening out completely. Never before the past months has Lizzy ever held back her feelings and her words. What is happening to them?

"Just get here," his voice nearly pleads for her.

The line goes dead and Lizzy snatches her phone. She gets into serious mode. "Louie, let's move."

* * *

"I'm sorry," the doctor says to Dean and Sam when he finally, after hours of keeping them waiting, is able to update them. "We just…."

"Dean!"

He turns away from the doctor to see his wife running towards him, Lou by her side and Sammy in a carrier in her hand. The two women look nearly unrecognizable. Lizzy's dressed in almost preppy clothing, her polo shirt and tailored jeans nothing like the woman she is. And her hair… is blonde. Lou has equally preppy clothing on, a striped button down and khaki shorts on, with her medium red, long flowing hair. They truly went undercover.

"L," Dean whispers to himself as she makes it to him, his arms wrapping around her tightly, so relieved to have her here. He's needed this far more than he even realized, despite how scared he is to see her after the months of arguing.

Without a word, Lou walks up to Sam and brings her arms around his middle, hugging him hello silently. He pulls her tight, finally letting out a hard breath of some small relief.

"What's going on?" Lizzy asks of him as she backs away in order to get down to business.

"Ah, just getting updated…." Dean starts to tell her but she's already spotted the doctor.

"I'm Lizzy," she introduces, her hand held out to the doctor as she hands Dean the baby carrier.

"You are?"

"My wife," Dean cuts in. "She's family. Bobby's like her dad."

"Ok," the doctor nods and turns back to her. "Right now we just have to wait. We'll have to see if the swelling goes down."

"How bad is the swelling? And what are you doing to relieve the pressure on his brain from it?" Lizzy questions right away, her brow lowered.

The doctor gives her a surprised look. "We have him on a pure O2 respirator and we lowered his body temp. We discussed a ventriculostomy but considering we will need to perform surgery anyways if the swelling recedes we decided against it. It wouldn't be wise."

"Medications?" Lizzy continues to pry.

"Manitol and corticosteroids by IV."

"No diuretic?" Lizzy wonders quickly. "That could easily decrease the fluid volume in his brain."

"Once the current dose of Manitol is done we'll get on that," the doctor promises.

"How long before you can get the bullet out?" Dean cuts in, not sure what's going on. Someone needs to speak English.

"It's hard to say in cases like this."

"Well, he's lasted this long. That's something, right?" Dean attempts to be hopeful.

"Well, yes…."

"Um, doctor, I have a little bit of a medical background," Lizzy keeps trying. "It's not much but it's enough to understand the situation…."

"I can tell."

"So please, be honest."

The doctor looks at her and hesitates before saying, "Listen, the bullet didn't shatter."

"Good," Lizzy breathes out in relief. "That's the best case with his injury."

"Exactly, and only one hemisphere of his brain was injured," the doctor continues. "That's pretty positive. But... I don't want to give you false hope here. He's far from out of the woods. Most of the time, cases like this..."

"They die," Sam says, already mentally preparing himself for the worst.

"But he's a fighter," Lizzy adds in quickly, not ready to ever admit defeat. "That's better than most medicine at this point."

"Right now it comes down to him," the doctor tells them. "I'll keep you updated."

"Thank you, doctor," Lizzy says with sincerity and with a sad smile, looking to suck up to him and make it clear that she's thankful and friendly. She has a good feeling that Dean's probably done the opposite while here without her and panicking.

When the doctor leaves the group stands in the middle of the hallway, stunned and speechless. Everything they've grown comfortable with has been taken away except for one thing; their heart. The base of their family. The one man that picked them up when they skinned their knees and slapped them verbally when they were heading off the deep end. He scrounged up lore for them, fed them when they were hungry, housed them in a place that's the closest they've had to a real home in years… and was the father and grandfather not a single one of them had anymore.

They can't lose him.

Sammy starts to cry and pulls all four of them out of the haze of fear and sorrow. Dean looks down at his son, the little boy so damn big these days he's not even sure who he is, and immediately looks to the smallest, tiniest bright side to come out of this.

He gets to see his little boy.

"Hey," Dean lets out with a forced smile, his voice choked as he walks quickly to a row of open chairs in the hospital hallway. He sits down, the group following mindlessly, and places the carrier on the floor facing him. He unbuckles Sammy from his seat and picks him up, his voice getting louder. "Hey, buddy. Hey, hey, hey." His face wrinkles once as he pulls Sammy into him, hugging the little boy despite his wails going directly into his ear. "Sammy, it's ok, man. Come on…."

"He's hungry," Lizzy says quietly, sitting down next to him as Sam takes the seat on Dean's other side and Lou next to that. She opens the baby bag over her shoulder and hands over a premade bottle for him.

Dean silently pops the top and adjusts Sammy in his arms, diving right into feeding him as if it hadn't been fifty-seven days since he's seen him. Everything is like second nature still.

"He's friggin' huge," Dean says quietly to his wife without looking at her.

"Over seven months old now. He's growing so damn fast," she says without true emotion, staring at the white wall cross the hall from her.

Sam and Lou say nothing. The four go completely silent as they sit and wait as no one knows what to say. What is there to say?

Lou, the one that held it together in the car as Lizzy lapsed into sobs three times through the trip, leans her weight into Sam's shoulder, grabbing his hand without needing permission, as the silent tears start to roll down her cheeks.

With one glance at her Sam sees her breaking down. He brings an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in tight. He presses a kiss to her temple and they just sit like that, reveling in each other's company when it's needed so damn badly. It just feels so good to be at his side, not even speaking, that she knows now that no matter how this ends she'll get by with Sam there.

And Lizzy and Dean remain a solid couple inches apart from each other, solitary within their own misery. They don't share the moment at all.

* * *

Walking slowly into the curtained room, looking around her quickly to see if anyone is paying attention to her trespassing, Lizzy pulls the curtains closed behind her and blocks her presence from the medical professionals.

She asked to see Bobby and was denied several times over the past hours but she doesn't care. With all Bobby's done for them he deserves to not be alone right now. She saw the last nurse leave him alone and she slipped off, claiming a bathroom trip. Dean's occupied by Sammy and Lou and Sam when to get coffee so no one really noticed that she went the opposite way of the bathrooms.

When she gets her first look at him her heart gets caught in her throat. The bandage around his forehead and the oxygen mask covering his mouth and nose make him seem frail, something Bobby's never once appeared to be in her eyes, not even when wheelchair bound. He's motionless and, even though most of the time he's a quieter man of few words, he's never this silent.

Lizzy makes her way to his side, standing over him and looking at his vitals on the monitor. They aren't terrible and a tiny little spark of hope wells up in her chest… but just a tiny one. She looks back to him and quick picks up his hand that's resting on top of the blankets.

"Hey, sensei," she whispers out to him, squeezing his hand. "We're all here for you, Bobby. Lou, Sammy, the boys… we're here for you."

He doesn't answer of course, and she didn't expect him to, but she wishes he could so badly.

"I know this is bad and I know this is…." She trails off. "Bobby, you gotta fight this. That's all it's coming down to here. It's up to you. I know you're strong enough to beat this. We all do. And we still need you."

A nurse walks by, about to come in, but gets called away before she can open the curtain. Lizzy sighs and decides to get the important stuff out quickly just in case she gets discovered and told to leave.

"Bobby, without you… we're all lost kids still," she tells the truth. "You're our backbone. You keep us in line and watch after us. And Sammy needs his grandpa. He loves you so much already, you know he does. I want my son to have his grandfather so you fight with all you got, you hear me?"

Of course he doesn't respond but she likes to think he can hear her anyways.

She smiles when she starts thinking back some years. "Remember when we showed up on your doorstep ready to train?" She runs a gentle hand over his head, meant to show comfort. "Damn it, Louie and me… we were so scared. And seriously worried when we drove up to your busted ass place. We thought we made the worst decision of our lives." She laughs quietly at that memory. "But it was the best. You helped whip us into shape, you made us real hunters. You gave us purpose to our lives when we felt like all purpose was ripped away from us. You gave us a home when ours was shattered and you gave us guidance that saved our lives. Without you… shit, I could have drank myself to death over that loss. Or worse. You kept me focused. And alive. I can't possibly thank you enough for that."

She sighs and keeps her tears from coming. She can't fall apart now.

"And I remember how badly you kicked my ass a few times there when I'd start to get cocky. Damn, you were tough on me, old man. So tough. But to this day I'm pretty sure I could beat Dean's ass into the ground so I owe you big time for that, ha…."

****************************

_"Come on, old man Singer," Lizzy taunts him as he walks through the big, sliding door of the large warehouse in the back of his property. Bobby looks around him, the place dusty but set up with training equipment all about. And in the middle of the room is a roughly eight-years-younger version of Lizzy, her white wife beater and tight yoga leggings on. Her hair in in a ponytail, her hands are wrapped in white tape, and her combat boots thud heavily on the concrete floor as she provokes him. "I'm good these days. I'm ready."_

_"The hell is this?" Rufus asks as he walks into the warehouse behind Bobby. "You gonna beat up my girl over there?"_

_"I'm gonna try," Bobby says with a smile, slowly walking towards her when he knows what memory his dying brain is now conjuring up. "But no, I'm not. She's gonna beat me up."_

_He remembers this clearly now. This was the day Lizzy handed him his own ass after nearly six months of daily training with him. She'd gotten better every day, to the point of scaring him most days, but Bobby, despite his age, knew how to trick her. He knew how to get out of tight spots even if he wasn't the agile and strong young man he used to be. But Lizzy… she crushed him from this day forward._

_"You're gonna let a girl that can't possibly weight more than a buck thirty whip your ass? Bobby…." Rufus chastises but his friend cuts him off._

_"You better watch what you say or I'll sic her on you after," Bobby fairly warns as he walks up to Lizzy in the middle of the room, face already lit up with a proud smile. "Big words," he now says to Lizzy, standing a few feet from her. "You sure you can back 'em up?"_

_"I was born to run my mouth and back it up," she winks at him._

_Bobby laughs aloud and remembers the very thought he had within this moment. She's never meeting Dean. He realized right then with the cocky attitude made of bullshit and the brazen wink in the face of a true fight that he could never put those two in the same room. The Key Master and the Gate Keeper cannot meet._

_It's sad how both right and wrong he was about that thought._

_"Alright, newbie," Bobby says to her. "Let's get this done with. I have a chicken in the oven."_

_"Ooh, the roasted one with rosemary?" Lizzy asks, eyes wide as she straightens up a little with the mention of Bobby's delicious whole chicken._

_"Jesus," he huffs and, ignoring the confirmation that he didn't need of her being Dean's dream girl, he steps forward and swings his right fist, Lizzy ducking just in time._

_"Fuck!" she backs up a step and takes a ready stance. "False start, dude!"_

_"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I give the impression that evil monsters that lurk in the shadows were gonna present themselves to you before taking a swing?"_

_"Asshole," Lizzy huffs a little and stays light on her feet. She steps into Bobby, ready to make her own attack, when Bobby steps back and corrects her._

_"Never provoke evil hand to hand."_

_"I'm not gonna just let every evil bitch come at me over and over again…."_

_"Yes you are," Bobby reinforces as he eyes her circling him like a predator. "You don't ever take the offensive when you have no weapons on you. You know that."_

_"Whatever," Lizzy rolls her eyes, wanting to show off how good she's sure she is at this point. Containing her want to attack, she stops moving around him and sets her challenge. "So come at me, then."_

_"Patience is a virtue they say," Bobby smirks at her as he formulates his attack plan._

_"Bobby! These are some lovely memories of you beating on a girl and all but we need to move," Rufus reminds from the doorway, knowing they need to dig through so many more memories to get out of Bobby's dying brain._

_"Gimme just a minute here, Rufus," Bobby responds, smiling slightly as he steps up to Lizzy, his right fist flying as he knows how she'll avoid it. She does just that and throws a left jab, clipping her chin enough to let her know the punch could have been a bad one._

_"Bastard!" Lizzy shouts at him when she jumps back away from him._

_"You're still too predictable."_

_"Bobby!"_

_"Shut up, Rufus!" Bobby shouts back at his friend that is completely right. He doesn't care how badly they need to leave. This is Liz. His Liz, the girl he begged not to become a hunter but caved and trained her when she said she'd do it with or without him. The girl that came to him an angry, mourning child and became a warrior with confidence and massive skill. He did that. Between Lizzy's combat skills and Lou's turning out as one of the best gunmen he's ever seen… Bobby knows exactly what proud fathers feel like. "Just give me a damn minute!"_

_"A minute for what?" Lizzy asks with a smile, thinking she's getting under his skin a bit._

_Bobby looks at her and sees her ready stance, the one he taught her, and his face relaxes into an equally amused smile. "For this."_

_He comes at her, throwing a solid punch that never lands. She ducks differently than the first attack. She's listening. When he moves to follow up with another fist she blocks it with her forearm and turns it around, hitting him in the jaw once before quickly getting another hit on his opposite cheek in._

_"Balls," Bobby says, the slight sting of her weaker-for-training-purposes-hits surprising him a bit._

_"Come on!" Lizzy further provokes, still ready to rock._

_Shaking his head, Bobby can hear Rufus huff with disappointment in his friend._

_"That ain't nothing," Bobby brushes off, trying to stay tough in front of Rufus._

_"Bullshit!" Lizzy laughs with his startled expression, her younger, less wrinkled face just simply amused at the moment. "That was good and you know it!"_

_Bobby eyes her over, getting upset. "I haven't even started in on ya, hon. Don't get cocky."_

_"Bring it, dude! And just make sure you have your Medicare card out so I can fill out the paper work for you once we get to the hospital."_

_Bobby can hear Rufus laughing behind him._

_"I almost forgot how damn funny Liz was!" Rufus delights as he watches. "That's my girl!"_

_"Shut up," Bobby grumbles under his breath and goes back in. Three more times Lizzy is able to deflect, reverse, and get her shots in on her trainer. Bobby's at a loss and he can't seem to get the upper hand, even while being the one on the attack._

_"I'm gonna get you this time," Lizzy fairly warns, jumping and shifting her weight from foot to foot. "It's gonna end here."_

_"Yeah, sure it is," Bobby brushes off despite knowing full well what's about to happen._

_"Don't be scared, Bobby-boy. Come get me," Lizzy smiles, sweat coating her skin as she waits for him._

_This is where Bobby turns to look at Rufus. "Don't judge me on this one."_

_"I've been judging you this whole time, Bob," Rufus informs him while leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. "You're out matched. Her ending this little tussle right here ain't gonna change nothing in my mind."_

_"Jackass," Bobby says to him, preparing for his final attack while knowing exactly how badly it'll go for him._

_Rushing for her, Bobby pulls a knife he had on him the whole time. He wasn't joking about the element of surprise. Hunters can never be sure what they're getting into. Lizzy reacts accordingly. She doesn't show any of the surprise she has over the weapon being drawn aside from a quick widening of her eyes. She ducks the first two swipes of the blade. When Bobby stabs forward with it she grabs his wrist with both hands and shoves the stab to the side of her, kicking in him in the gut during the deflection._

_"Oomph," Bobby lets out when the air leaves his lungs and the shock hits him. Lizzy then elbows him in the cheek while grabbing the knife from his hands. Bobby backs up a few steps as Lizzy grins wide at him._

_"Sneaky bitch," she says, tossing the knife aside with confidence in herself. She doesn't need the weapon._

_"Just like all them monsters out there," he responds with a deep breath. He then charges for her but she turns the move right around._

_She pushes him back, using the momentum of his dodged attack to shove him into the side of the old tractor that's rusting away in the warehouse. With lightning fast moves, Lizzy reaches into her knee-high combat boot and pulls an equally impressive knife from it, holding it to his neck._

_"Sneaky bitch," Bobby echoes her sentiment from just moments ago with pure pride as he's pinned there with a weapon to his throat._

_"Just like all the good hunters out there," Lizzy comments once more, her brilliant, toothy grin on display. Her hold in unrelenting as she asks, "What do ya say, Bobby? Am I ready?"_

_And this is where Bobby pauses. He wants to say no. He wants to keep her from it all, avoid the pain of losing any of his kids. The fear of life on the road. The terror of everything she has coming in the next seven or so years. But he didn't say no back then. She was good and she was more than ready._

_"You're ready, kid," he says as Lizzy lowers the knife and backs off. He drops an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in tight. "I'm proud of you."_

_Lizzy looks up at him with wide eyes. "Seriously?"_

_"Of course," he tells her. "You got me. There ain't too many out there that can do that…." She opens her mouth to insult him but he beats her to it. "Even in my old age."_

_"Thank you, sensei." She bows to him with her hands pressed together, to which Bobby pushes her playfully and she laughs. "That means you're gonna send me and Louie out, right?" Lizzy asks, the background lighting darkening all of a sudden, the windows blacked out and his salvage yard disappearing from view. Her hopeful look is more than he can handle, however. He was so excited to see what she could do back then… and now he wishes he never knew how damn good a hunter she is._

_"Gimme a few days to find something… and I'm coming with you," he tell her, earning a groan of childlike complain. "Uh-uh, no whining. I told you that you do it my way or no way at all."_

_"Yeah-yeah," Lizzy rolls her eyes, pushing away from him and heading for the doorway. "I'm gonna grab some water."_

_"You do that."_

_"Hey, uh…" Lizzy stops in the doorway next to Rufus that she can't see. "Thanks… pops." She laughs and runs off, her younger version much more excitable back then._

_Pops. She called him dad in a way and, even if at the time she didn't mean it in any way but to remind him he's older it still made his heart warm a bit. She already wormed her way into his heart at that point. Hearing her say those words would always mean far more than he could express._

_"Her parents did a pretty damn good job on that one," Rufus mentions with a thumb jerked her way. "I'm impressed."_

_"And that ain't just her parents, you ass," Bobby comments, walking towards Rufus._

_"Uh… yeah. It was," Rufus stands behind his words and as Bobby makes his way over he understands. Bobby was her parent as much as anyone was. He cared about her the same and loved her the same. He'd die for her in an instant just the same._

_Right then the warehouse goes completely black. Bobby looks around, trying to remember how the place he was just in looked but he just can't… despite being sure he should know it well._

_"We better get outta here," Rufus says, pulling Bobby through the illuminated side door, the only thing left of the structure in Bobby's dying mind._

****************************

"And speaking of… I promise to keep kicking Dean's ass too," Lizzy smiles a little despite the situation they're in. She just holds tighter to Bobby's lifeless hand and keeps talking. "I love that man as much as he makes me crazy. I don't know what's going on with us and I don't know what our future looks like but… fuck, when did it all become so complicated?"

She rubs at her eyes, realizing right now how bad things have gotten between her and Dean. She's speaking of the future as bleak, as possibly separate, and she's terrified. But one terrifying problem at a time. Focus on Bobby. He needs her more in the moment.

"Sammy should have a happy home and a happy mom and dad. Whatever that means at this point… we'll make it happen. But he needs a grandpa Bobby around. He's gonna need all the family he can get to protect and spoil his little ass so you fight this. Bobby, you fight your ass off and pull out of this. Sammy needs you and… damn it, Bobby…  _I_  need you more."

Lizzy sighs heavily, her eyes spilling over.

"Without having you this past year I wouldn't have gotten through. I know that for sure. I can't imagine having been pregnant alone with Dean on the road or even raising Sammy without you there to pick up the slack and let me sleep now and then. You've been everything I've needed since my parents died and I can't lose you now. I'm not ready and I can't do this without you. I can't." She falls into sobs now at the very idea of him not beating this. "You have no idea how much I love you. I never told you and I regret it. You are the father I no longer have. You are the one I run to when I need guidance. Who else is going to set my ass straight, or any of our asses? We all need you. We all  _need_ you…."

"Ma'am, you can't be in here," a stern female voice scolds and when she looks over she sees a nurse standing there holding the curtain open.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I just…. Shit," Lizzy laments and wipes her face quickly. "I needed to see him."

"I understand but he needs time to heal," the nurse explains, walking to Lizzy to escort her out.

"I know that. I also know that familiar voices can help," Lizzy defends as she stands up. "And I'm not denying him that."

The nurse shares a very sympathetic look with her. "I'm sorry for what this is putting your family through. We just need to do what's best for Mister Singer."

Squeezing Bobby's hand tightly one last time, she lets go and walks out of the small curtained off area, giving her father-figure one last look before rejoining her group.

When she arrives at the seats they'd all been at when she snuck off she sees Sam holding Sammy and Lou next to him, occupying the fearful and anxious time with something happier. They're making him laugh which is something Sammy loves to do these days.

"Did you see him?" Lou asks with wide, hopeful eyes. She knew what Lizzy had been up to when she walked away.

"Yeah," Lizzy says, clearing her throat to get rid of the sadness in her voice. "He's completely out of it. Unresponsive. I talked to him for a little bit though… before I got kicked out."

"So no improvement?" Sam questions her and Lizzy just shakes her head no. Sam shares a face of true sorrow at that before looking back to Sammy sitting in his lap facing him, playing with the zipper of his canvas jacket.

"Where's Dean?" Lizzy asks cautiously. While talking to Bobby she realized how desperately she and Dean need to start sorting out their issues. The distance, the fear of Leviathan, the long stretches of time between few hour visits at best, the lack of father figure in Sammy's life… it's a lot to fix and she worries that if they don't start fixing it now there may not be a way back.

"Some insurance guy came by and needed to talk to someone," Sam says. "He went down the hall."

"Ok. Uh, watch him?" Lizzy asks and Sam nods. She then heads down the hallway to catch up to him.

* * *

 


	12. Only the Good Die Young (Part 2)

_**This is my take on the episode 'Death's Door'.** _

* * *

Walking quickly, Lizzy heads down the hospital hallway in search of Dean. She wants to catch him before he heads back to the rest of their group to possibly get a quiet moment to talk if he's in the mood for such a thing. There's so much to deal with concerning Bobby right now that she doesn't want their personal shit to get in the way of that.

"It's one bullet. He's gonna be fine because he's  _always_  fine," Lizzy can hear Dean's very upset voice say before she can see him. When she rounds the corner she sees a man in a suit standing in front of Dean looking scared, as he should be. Her husband looks ready to kill.

"I apologize," the man says as Lizzy's pace picks up, looking to prevent any damage from happening as she knows Dean well.

"Why are you talking to me like he's gonna die, huh?" Dean denial continues. "I do my job! Do your jobs! Save him!"

"Of course they're doing everything they can…."

Dean's level of anger becomes unmanageable in the moment and he pulls his fist back, punching the glass covered bulletin board just to the left of the man's head, shattering it.

"Shit," Lizzy whispers as she starts jogging.

"Walk away from me! Now!"

The man hustles in Lizzy's direction and away from Dean. She watches her husband skulk out of the hospital's front doors and she knows his mood is going to be nasty already. Maybe they should wait to talk about themselves then.

"Excuse me," Lizzy says quickly to the poor, frightened man on his way. "My name is Lizzy. I'm Dean's wife and part of Bobby Singer's family. If you need anything can you please come to me from now on?"

"I'd be happy to," the shaken man replies.

"Bobby is like a father to my husband so please excuse him. He's having a really hard time with this," she further explains. "If you can come find me in a little bit, that would be good. Just give me a few minutes." Lizzy runs off to catch Dean before things get worse for him.

"I will, thank you," the man says back as she leaves him there.

When Lizzy gets outside she sees Dean pacing in a small circle on the top landing of the front steps. His posture is ridged and tense as he shakes out his hand.

Lizzy says nothing as she doesn't want to start a fight so she suppresses the immediate need to chastise him for his actions. Instead, she pulls out a white, unused cloth diaper of Sammy's from her inside jacket pocket and walks right up to him. Not a word spoken, she gently takes up his hand and looks it over, checking for glass pieces and broken bones.

And with anger still boiling up inside of him Dean just watches her face as she works. She doesn't look mad which is good. It seems he's only spoken to a very angry Lizzy over and over again for months now. But despite the concern and sympathy he's reading from her he knows she's probably pissed anyways.

"I shouldn't have gotten mad, you don't have to say it," he says with a little fire but mostly preventative caution.

"Wasn't going to say anything," Lizzy calmly answers back as she starts to wrap up his bleeding hand with the makeshift bandage.

"That's a first," his thought comes flying out of his mouth before he could stop it. It was wrong and rude and so unnecessary but his filter just doesn't work right now.

Once done, Lizzy's very saddened and truly hurt eyes look up at him. "I'm not going to fight with you right now. I just don't have it in me to."

Dean looks down at his shoes with shame for having said what he'd said. They both have caught themselves saying hurtful and completely unwarranted things to each other lately. The distance is killing them at a rate they never could have foreseen.

"Neither do I," Dean tells her truthfully.

Lizzy presses a hand over her mouth as she looks into the hospital, thinking of how on the brink Bobby is, and she can't stop herself. No, they aren't in a good place and yes, they need to talk over so much right now but instead she does the one thing she can think to do, the one thing she needs more than anything else.

She slams into him in one sharp move, wrapping her arms around his middle and burying her face in his canvas jacket. The floodgates open and she begins sobbing into his chest as Dean tightly pulls her closer.

With a hand to the back of her head Dean sighs and does his best to not collapse into the same place she's currently in. This is what they do. When one falls the other picks them back up. When one loses it the other stays sane.

This gives Dean some hope. When she first arrived at the hospital it felt like thin ice beneath his feet. He was afraid to say or do the wrong thing while she was there, not needing another reason for her to be mad at him or to make bigger the wedge between them.

But really, all he'd needed was this. The second he knew how bad the injury was he just wanted this. He wanted his wife, his best damn friend. He needed her to be there and he needed this physical contact that could make it even the least bit better. They may be an uncomfortable, warring disaster right now but this will never change.

Dean drops his chin onto the top of her head as she shakes in his hold. It'll always tear his heart in two when she cries like this.

And then he watches over her head as an expensive town car pulls up to the hospital. It parks right in front of the steps, taking up two spaces rudely, and Dean instantly knows who is in there.

"Son of a bitch," he spits through clenched teeth and takes his arms back. He starts to walk away from Lizzy, taking the front hospital steps with speed.

"What are you doing?" Lizzy asks, mad that he'd just drop her like that when she needs him.

She fully understands when he glances back at her, pointing to the black car below. "Dick," he explains in one simple syllable and Lizzy is hustling after him, her vision red as he wipes her tears with her sleeves.

"Dick!" Dean shouts as he makes his way. "I know you're in there." When he reaches the car he pounds on the tinted rear window glass with his unharmed fist. "Come on out, you dick!"

When the window lowers it reveals the snarling smile of one Dick Roman.

"What, did you come here to finish the job?" Dean fires out without thinking, the several people around the parking lot entrance starting to look at the commotion he's causing.

Dick just smiles right back in answer with purely evil confidence as Lizzy catches up with them, standing next to Dean.

"Yeah? Well, come on!" Dean challenges as his anger takes control of him, Lizzy immediately shoving him back from the open window, two hands to his chest and all of her body weight needed to make it happen. "Right here, right now! Out in the open!"

"Knock it off!" Lizzy spits out with disbelieving fury at him.

"He fucking came here!" Dean shouts at her, shocked she's stop him.

Lizzy looks around and sees phones being pulled out, people videoing and snapping photos of Dick and the man yelling at him. "And you're supposed to be fucking dead after that Levi crime spree! Get back inside the fucking building before social media brings you back to life!" she seethes while trying to keep her voice down.

"L, Dick's right here…." Dean starts but she cuts him off.

"And I'll handle him.  _Get inside_ ," she pushes him hard towards the steps and he pauses to stare at her with shock before realizing how right she is. He heads for the building entrance but stays on the top landing by the doorway, watching from afar and out of the line of any social media.

"Your husband is quite the alpha male," Dick comments, making Lizzy turn around to look at his Grinch-like grin. "I appreciate that to a degree…."

"Shut the fuck up," Lizzy stops his political bullshitting and walks right up to his window. "I have a feeling you just love the sound of your voice but I hate it so spare me."

Dick just keeps right on grinning.

"Is this what you came for? Rattling us while our man fights for his life in there?" Lizzy questions, already knowing his game. Her heart pounds a mile a minute, terrified to be in the presence of the top Leviathan, but she can't get herself to run away. Not after what he did to Bobby.

"Maybe you should go check on that friend of yours. He can't be feeling too frisky right about now. I'm a very good shot."

Lizzy smirks at this, his confidence unwarranted after what he's done.

"You are good shot… but when I'm pissed off and in mourning I can be an even better shot," she calmly warns. "And after what you've done to my family…." She leans down, reaches into the window, and grabs ahold of his tie. She wraps it around her hand and sharply yanks him, their noses an inch apart. With all the people around them she knows she's safe and he can't do anything to her right this second. "We're coming for you.  _I'm_  coming for you. And not just to hurt you. Look at my face, know it well… because it's gonna be the last one you ever see.  _I'm_  going to kill you. Do you understand me?"

"Come on, Elizabeth," Dick taunts as he pries her fingers off of his tie to release it from her grip, all the while Lizzy brewing with the monster using her full name just like her guardian angel used to… the angel Dick in part murdered. "I get that you're a strong woman, ok? But I can't be killed," he reminds as he smooths down his tie.

"Then you're gonna wish you could once I get ahold of you. And I  _will_  get ahold of you," Lizzy promises, standing tall and letting her body language go casual out of sheer need to jar him. No human should be this comfortable with threatening an unkillable monster and that should truly make Dick pissed.

Instead, Dick laughs right in her face. "That's some conviction. You'd really crush it on the motivational circuit."

"You're either laughing because you're scared of me… or you're laughing because you're stupid."

"Mm," Dick hums, making himself jestingly shake with her cold words. "A woman with such sense of purpose, such confidence! It's almost a shame you're human. I like your style, kid."

Lizzy huffs a laugh as she backs up a few steps. "Good idea. Underestimate me and my family. Michael the Arch Angel did that. So did the Devil. So did Eve… and they're all fucked or dead. For my sake, why don't you keep assuming you're safe from me. It'll make my job easier."

"Careful now, mom," Dick reminds her. "I'm sure that little Sammy of yours wouldn't enjoy growing up an orphan… or being on my dinner plate one day… because his parents didn't know when to stand down or simply stop running their mouths."

Lizzy full blown smiles at him with the threat on her son's life. If there's one way to ensure death it's to threaten her boy. "I'll see you soon,  _Dick_ ," Lizzy departs and turns her back on him, showing how not at all afraid of him she is. She makes her way up the hospital stairs, Dean there waiting for her.

"Are you outta your freakin' mind!?" he quietly asks her, opening the hospital door for her to get her inside as quickly as she can.

"Oh, most definitely," Lizzy nods, her face finally showing her total fear over everything she just did and said to the most powerful monster they've come across now that Dick can't see her. She might throw up with anxiety.

"Well, as long as you know…." Dean sarcastically says and he follows after her, back towards their family inside the hospital.

"Fuck that!" Lizzy stops in her tracks, turning to look right at him and pointing an accusatory finger his way. "You were gonna do the same thing!"

"And I should have!" Dean yells back, not wanting this target on her head.

"No, you  _couldn't_  have. You're dead… again! We need to keep you that way!" Lizzy reminds him of the outcome of their doppleganger/leviathan rampage. "And I wasn't lying.  _I'm_ gonna kill him for this."

" _Awesome_ ," Dean bites back. "So now both of Sammy's parents are on the hit list."

"We'll be fine," Lizzy brushes off.

"You don't know that!" Dean gets furious. "What if they find you out there with him!?"

"I'll be careful, Dean…."

"That's not enough!"

"Then when will it ever be!?" Lizzy fights right back. "At this point no matter what we do Sammy's never going to be totally out of the line of fire! So far we've been damn near sacrificing our  _entire relationship_  to keep him safe…."

"And I don't want our breaking up to be for nothing!" Dean yells back, seeing how giving up on their love might have been for not if something gets their boy.

Lizzy takes a step back, her face going white as her chest feels like it's been stabbed through with his words. "Is that what you think we're doing? Is that how you see us right now?"

The true fear in her voice doesn't show up until now. Even with Bobby dying and being mere inches from Dick Roman, Lizzy doesn't find the real feeling of fright until right that second.

Dean turns to look to the side, anywhere but at her, and washes a hand down his face, his other hand on his hip. Taking a deep breath, he needs to really think about what he just said. He didn't expect it to come out. He didn't actually know he let it all get so bad that he started to think they'd be better off alone until right now. He'd been denying those thoughts all along.

"I don't want Sammy growing up with two parents that constantly fight," he explains to her. "It's not healthy for him."

Lizzy takes a few deep breaths to stop the looming panic from taking her. "I don't want that either."

"But… damn it, L. All we  _do_  is fight," Dean points out.

"Because out situation is jacked," she remind him. "I mean, come on, Dean. We're both watching our asses twenty-four hours a day. Monsters are after all of us. We're not allowed to see each other, you're missing Sammy's entire life…." Her voice cracks as she speaks. "But none of this is our faults."

"Does that matter?" Dean asks her. "Yeah, life is shit right now but… if we were good enough together wouldn't we be able to handle this?"

"Who the fuck could handle this!?" Lizzy asks. "No one deals with this shit! We're the only fucking people on the planet to have to be put through this!"

"And we are the only people on the damn planet that were…  _meant to be_  or whatever," Dean reminds her, looking around and pulling her to the side by the arm. They walk into an empty exam room to speak. "We're fucking soul mates, L. Hardly anyone gets that privilege. If that doesn't make us able to get through this then nothing will. We have an advantage over everyone else… and we're not making it so far."

Lizzy doesn't know what to say to that. She just crosses her arms over her chest and looks down at her feet, stepping away from him with what he says.

"I'm not saying I want that to happen," Dean tells her honestly. The idea of being without her does actually make him want to vomit with fear.

"Then why would you even bring the idea up?" she questions, her form suddenly small and weak despite how larger than life she seemed when talking to Dick. "Why would you say that to me?"

"Because I don't know how to fix this," he honestly says. "If I knew how to fix this, fix  _us_ … I'd have done it months ago."

She can feel the anxiety coming on with her fear of losing him. "Dean… I, I… I'm not sure what to say to this."

"I don't either," he admits.

"I… I thought… you and me," Lizzy starts speaking her rambling mind as her breathing picks up. "I said I was never gonna leave you."

"I know…."

"Then why do  _you_  want to leave  _me_!?" she fires out, getting every emotion she's feeling to come out of her. The all-consuming terror, the anger at him, the questioning, the uncomfortable lack of faith in him she now has… it all attacks her.

"I don't want to!" Dean yells right back. "But we can't even have a conversation face to face without it becoming a shouting match! What the hell are doing here!?"

"I love you," Lizzy reminds him, her eyes watering over. "I have loved you since the day I met you. You have been my entire fucking world even when you didn't want me to be yours. I promised to love you through thick and thin and you promised me the same damn thing! What happened to that!?"

Dean's mind flashed back to being four years old. He remembers the several fights his mother and father got into, especially one that had John slamming the front door in the middle of the night as he declare he was 'going out' after he and Mary had at it. Dean heard most of it, the volume alone waking him up, and he clearly remembers the phrase that made John leave. Mary said to him that he 'promised to love her in good times and bad'. She then asked what had happened to that and John replied by leaving for the night.

And Mary and John were meant to be just like he and Lizzy. They were soul mates too. Dean just always thought he and Lizzy were far better off than his own parents were. Maybe he was wrong.

With a deep sigh and his eyes closed, Dean puts his hands on his head with loss. "Can we do this later? We need to focus on Bobby here and it seems pretty fucking selfish of us…."

He stops when he can hear the telltale signs of Lizzy in a panic attack. Her breathing is erratic and when he opens his eyes he sees her dropping to sit on the floor in the corner of the exam room. She pulls her knees into her chest and starts to really lose it.

"Damn it," Dean mutters and gets onto the floor next to her, always needing to help whenever she's in trouble. He reaches out for her hand, ready to press it to his own chest to give her an example of even breathing to focus on, but she shocks him by shoving his hand away.

"Don't… need… help," she defiantly says as she gulps in air on her own. She doesn't want him coming near her after everything he just said to her. He doesn't want her anymore then she doesn't need him anymore… despite how untrue she knows that is.

"L, don't be stubborn," Dean says, trying again and getting his hand slapped away.

"Fuck… you…." she cries with anger and crushing sadness.

"Knock it off and let me help," Dean says sternly, grabbing her hand with both of his and pressing her palm flat to his chest with strength she can't fight right now. "Breathe with me, come on."

Despite how badly she wants to tell him to kiss her ass and leave her alone, Lizzy knows when she needs help. Listening to him and following his intakes and exhales, Lizzy starts to get on track.

"There you go," Dean quietly cheers her on like he always does, going into his default. He never said he didn't care about her and her wellbeing. He'll always want her to be ok. "You got it, L."

Lizzy takes one even deep breath after a few minutes, regaining control of herself, and they both know she's over it.

"Good?" Dean asks and Lizzy nods to him. "That's my girl."

His usual go to saying of pride concerning her falls out of his mouth without though but hearing it, hearing Dean call her his girl, makes Lizzy devastatingly sad all over again. She looks him in the eyes, his impossibly green eyes that she knows so damn well, and as her hand fists into his shirt she loses any ounce of composure she had left.

Her eyes well right up and spill over in seconds flat. Hating seeing her like this Dean reaches out and pulls her over to him. She doesn't fight when he pulls her into his lap and holds her tightly, pressing her head into his shoulder as she cries.

Dean couldn't see her like that, not now and not ever. None of what they're going through means anything negative towards how much he cares about her. Even if they don't come out the other side of this together he knows he'll never care about anyone else for the rest of his life like he cares for her.

"I still love you," Lizzy cries as she curls up into him, grasping his jacket in her hands. "Dean, I love you so much."

He rolls his eyes to stave off his own emotional crumbling. With a cheek pressed to the top of her head he swears to her, "I still love you too. You have to know that."

"Then don't leave me," she pleads desperately. "Fight for me. Fix this with me, please."

"Shh, relax, Lizzy," Dean tries to calm her down. "You gotta relax. You're gonna go full blown panic again."

"If you love me you have to try," Lizzy keeps going, shifting to circle her arms around his neck and hold on like he's literally going to leave right then and there. "I'm not leaving you. I promised you I wouldn't. Please, Dean…  _please_  don't leave me."

"Alright, I'm not leaving," Dean gives in and makes a promise he's not sure about. "We'll figure it out."

"We always figure it out," she say to him, reminding him that they've always come out the other end of every situation stronger than when they went in. "We always end up better because we always fight for this. I love you."

"I know you do…."

"Then fucking fight for this," Lizzy begs of him.

"Ok, I'm fighting for this. I'm right here. Calm down, Lizzy," Dean says, his heart not fully in the promise he makes. His lack of belief in himself and in pulling this terrible situation they're in off for even another week has him second guessing everything despite how badly he wants to be certain they're going to come out on top this time.

"If you love me like you've always said you do… you'll stay," Lizzy says to him, her emotional state finally calming as she continues to hold him tightly. "I will never love anyone like I love you and I'll never be ready to give up."

"I'm not giving up, I promise," he tries again, a hand in her oddly blonde hair as his other rubs her back. "We have a lot to fix but I'm still right here. I'm right here…."

* * *

After Lizzy composed herself and Dean and she decided mutually to try harder to keep their relationship afloat through the situation they've been shoved into, they returned to Lou and Sam. The little family of five then sat the rest of the afternoon, waiting to hear something.

The one update they got was grim but they hung on to the sliver of hope that Bobby would somehow pull through anyways.

Around five o'clock the real commotion started up.

"Keep the head of the bed up for transport!" a nurse yells out to her team as they all swarm Bobby's curtained off area. "IV can run off the pump. Just run a TKVO. We'll have to wait for respiratory."

Lizzy's the first on her feet, already jogging the ten feet to catch the nurse. "Wait!"

Sam's hot on her heels, "Wait! Wait, wait, wait. What's happening?"

"He's showing signs of responsiveness," she tells them, Lou meeting up with Dean right behind her, Sammy in his hold.

"Really!?" Lizzy shocks out with wide eyes.

"Really. We're taking him up for surgery. If you want to see him I'd squeeze in there quick."

Lizzy looks at the group, huffing a few deep breathes with surprise, before taking off for Bobby's bedside.

Everyone rushes in and they all stand around the still comatose man they know and love so much. Sam and Lou stand on one side with Lizzy, Dean and Sammy on the other. Lizzy gently pushes Dean past her to let him get closer to Bobby since she already snuck in to see him once before.

No one speaks at first, all getting used to the idea that this is the great Bobby Singer in front of them, still and silent.

"You're gonna be ok, Bobby," Lizzy says, her voice brighter than it has been all day as she grabs his knee over the blanket and tries to comfort him on the off chance that he can hear her. "You be tough and we'll see you when you get out."

"Sorry," the nurse says to them as she prepares everything for transport. "We need to get moving."

"Right. Yeah," Sam nods, worrying. He and Dean make eye contact, seeing Dean's at a loss in this type of situation, and he grabs Bobby's hand. "Hey, um..." He clears his throat and squeezes tight. "Bobby, um, hey… just... thanks... for everything."

"All right. Please step back," the nurse asks of them and Sam lets go of Bobby's hand, patting it twice and looking away.

His eyes snap back down to Bobby's hand when it raises up. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop!" Sam says to them, looking down and seeing the movement. He then check's Bobby's face. "His eyes are open."

"Bobby?" Dean says, trying to help pull him out of his coma.

"Hey, Bobby!" Lou greets with a half-smile, leaning on Sam's arm to get in closer.

They all watch as Bobby pulls off his respirator mask and struggles to breathe. He moves his mouth a few times and attempts to speak.

"What… don't talk! Don't talk," Dean figures out as she shifts Sammy in his arm, tucking him in so that he's facing Bobby. "A pen… I…." Dean snaps his free hand a few times while looking.

"I got it!" Lizzy says as she grabs the chart at the end of the bed and takes the sharpie marker off of it. "Here. Here." She opens the marker, takes Bobby's hand and wraps his fingers around it. Bobby takes Sam's hand and writes on his palm the numbers 45489. It takes a lot of effort and all the strength he can muster and when he's done he drops his arms and breathes out once. He lays back in his bed with heavily lidded eyes.

"Bobby," Lizzy smiles out with hope and the sound makes the older man look her way.

His eyes don't stop on her though. They stop on the tiny, little person in Dean's hold.

Bobby's face relaxes with the sight of his Sammy. That boy is the summing up of all the hope, faith, and love he has for his children. The four of them are going to look after him, Dean and Lizzy will figure their shit out without a doubt in his mind, and they will find that happy place.

Sammy is his grandson. He loves that child with every fiber in his being and he's been there for him from the second he knew he existed inside of Lizzy. He's fed, housed, clothed, bathed, played with the boy and he generally worked to make sure he was a happy and healthy baby… and he is. His blue-green eyes look around and Bobby uses the very last of the energy he has left to raise his hand and drop it down onto Sammy's leg as Dean holds him facing the older man. Bobby smiles.

"Lit-tle… idjit," he grins out before his head falls back onto the pillow and eyes close. The monitor he is attached to starts to beep loudly and the room erupts again.

"Bobby?" Dean questions, his slight smile of hope instantly dropped. "Hey!"

The monitor shows a flat line and the swarm moves in, pushing the five of them out of the curtained space.

Everything slows down, sound tunnels out, and Bobby's children stand there dumbfounded as they watch the medical staff work. The crash cart comes out, charging up, and they all know what's happening right before their eyes….

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Walking through the first floor of the house, Bobby stops in the kitchen to open the refrigerator. He grabs three bottles of beer and one of breast milk, something he never thought he'd have in solid supply in his house.  _Ever_.

"You microbrewing in there, or what?" he hears Dean's impatient voice yell out to him. "Come on. We got a lot of Chuck Norris to get through. Let's go."

He rolls his eyes as if he was upset yet right after he grins a bit. Backing away from the refrigerator and turning around Bobby comes face to face with the reaper he's been trying desperately to dodge.

"Nice move, waking up like that."

"Motivation's a mother fucker," Bobby responds easily and with pride in himself.

"You know why it's dark out there, don't you?" the reaper continues. "This house… it's your last island, everything else melted by that bullet. Gone. This is your last chance to come with me and move on. For your own good, Bobby, let go. They'll be okay without you."

Bobby pauses and thinks that idea over. "Last memory, huh?"

The reaper nods yes at him.

"Glad I saved the best for last," Bobby says to him as he walks to the living room, bright smile on his face. He knows this night. He knows all his kids are under his roof and everyone was just so happy to be there.

And he was just so happy to be a part of their lives in that moment.

He gets into the room just in time to watch Dean shove Sam over on the couch.

"Alright, scoot, jerkface," Dean taunts. "Show your elders some respect."

"You scoot, ass-hat." Sam bitches right back and tosses a few kernels of popcorn at his older brother, both men completely relaxed and not burdened by their usual lives. When they decided to take a night off they really meant they were taking the night off. Every now and then, when at Bobby's place, they could shut it all off.

Walking to his chair, Bobby places the three beers on the coffee table as he passes.

"Mm," Sam hums appreciatively and grabs two, plopping one directly in front of Dean as he rummages through the shopping bag.

"Did we get licorice?" Dean complains right away, seeing that they hadn't.

"No, we did not get licorice," Sam says with a mouthful of popcorn. "We got  _good_  snacks."

"Licorice  _is_  good."

"No, it's fucking not, douche bag," Lou adds in her two cents as she joins them, sitting into the spot next to Sam and making him move over into the middle of the couch. "Licorice is disgusting. You don't need that shit."

Bobby just sits back and listens in, relaxing into his chair and watching calmly as his heart swells with the rare moment.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand that, uh, Missus Peanut-Butter-and-Banana Sandwiches?" Dean rebuts with pure disgust.

"Those are awesome!" Lou denies his words. "And Sam's the one that introduced me to them in the first place. Blame him."

"And you know what? I stand by that sandwich," Sam tells him with a defensive tone. " _Nobody_  likes licorice. It, it's… it's made of dirt."

"It is a classic movie food. It's right up there with popcorn!" Dean fights.

"Popcorn? Really!?" Sam disbelieves.

"Yes!"

"Baby, I love you… but you're wrong," Lizzy adds in her own opinion as she walks downs the stairs to them and heads right for Bobby, a freshly bathed and pajama-dressed Sammy in her hold. She extends her arms, holding him facing outward under his arms towards the older man. "Licorice is nastier than nasty."

"Has everyone lost their minds!?" Dean gets frustrated.

"Just you, dear," Lizzy smirks and looks at Bobby. She drops Sammy into his arms without asking if he wanted him since she just assumed he did. "Hi, Grandpa Bobby." She kisses Bobby on the cheek in preemptive thanks for giving her a break. She just knew he would anyways, no need to ask.

"Hello," he grins right back before adjusting Sammy in his arms and popping the top off the bottle he brought with. Grinning as he looks at the three month old (at the time) boy in his arm and sets right to feeding him.

"What are we watching!?" Lizzy asks with excitement as she jumps up and falls back across both Dean and Sam's laps.

"Oomph," Sam complains with the impact. "You gotta start losing that baby weight soon."

"Rude!" Lizzy shouts at him and smacks him in the gut. "I had a damn kid, jerkface!"

"I was just kidding," Sam rebuts, rubbing his abdomen where she got him. "And we're watching Lone Wolf McQuade."

"Again?" she whines a bit while looking at Dean.

"Shut up," Dean gets fully annoyed with her bitching. "What's with all the Norris hate around here?"

"Not hate," Lizzy corrects as she sits up on his lap and brings her arms around his neck. "Just… exhaustion."

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean asks defensively.

"It means how many friggin' times do we have to watch the same campy Chuck Norris movies just because you're obsessed with them?" Sam answers for her, feeling the same frustration.

"We should just watch the Notebook instead," Lou says, knowing exactly what she's saying and Sam instantly reaches over to her and presses the palm of his hand over her mouth to silence her.

"We do not speak of that movie in this house," Sam warns her, knowing Dean will blow up over the idea. "Ow!" he then shouts and pulls his hand away from her, shaking it out. "No biting!"

"Please," she scoffs right back. "You  _love_  when I bite." She winks and Sam turns red.

"Easy," Sam warns with embarrassment and Lou picks up a handful of Swedish Fish and throws one at his face.

"Hot Shot, it's Norris or licorice," Lizzy tells her husband with a smile on her face, so happy for him to be home. "You definitely can't get both."

Bobby smiles to himself at that. Lizzy has somehow gotten through to that boy in such shocking ways that even he never saw it coming. Compromise is one of them. And looking down at the baby in his arm he's still a bit floored that he exists at all. His kids have come so damn far and he has nothing but pride over that fact.

"I don't like you anymore," Dean grits out despite his arms coming around her waist.

"I don't like you either," she slickly returns with a smirk before moving in closer. Her eyes lock onto his right before she presses her lips to his right there in the middle of the crowded living room.

"Boo!" Sam shames immediately as Lou tosses a handful of popcorn and it rains down on them.

"Fuck off," Dean says quietly, kissing his wife again and giving in to the fact that he can. He's been on the road off and on and being here, able to kiss her, is too good to ignore.

"I'm not waiting for this," Lou declares and gets up from her seat, heading for the TV. "Notebook it is."

"Alright, alright!" Dean calls out and quickly pushes Lizzy off his lap. "We're done. No lame chick flicks, ok?"

"You're out of your mind," Lou shakes her head and puts in Lone Wolf McQuade.

"For wanting my wife?" Dean asks with surprise as Lizzy sits on the couch arm next to him. "Yeah, I'm freakin' nuts alright."

"The only reason you're nuts is because you like licorice."

"Get off it, Sam!" Dean shouts right away.

"It's disgusting!" his brother keeps trying. "I can't believe you eat that shit!"

"What!?"

They continue to fight as Lou sits down in her spot, grabbing more Swedish fish. As the men fight she tosses one over their heads and Lizzy catches it in her mouth, the two air-high-fiving over them.

"It's like little chewy pieces of heaven!" Dean states with certainty.

The four of them start to fade out as the fight continues.

"Oh, chewy pieces of heaven… if you're a girl," Sam fights back, their images transparent.

"I resent that!" Lou yells and slugs his arm right before they fade completely from Bobby's view.

With a heavy sigh, knowing what's going to happen next, Bobby looks down at his lap.

Sammy. He's relaxed and happy, halfway done with his bottle and his eyes looking up at his grandfather.

"I'm hanging on to you for as long as I can get," Bobby tells the boy and takes the bottle away, placing it on the coffee table. He shifts him around, holding him straight out in front of him under his arms and the boy squirms and stares. "But I'm thinkin' it ain't gonna be for much longer."

Bobby, knowing he's alone now, pulls the boy in and gives him one very quick kiss on the cheek, something he's never done before, and then pulls him into his chest so his head is over his shoulder.

"I'm gonna miss you most of all, scarecrow," he tells Sammy as the boy begins to fade out. Bobby locks his sight on his little face, trying his best to remember it for as long as possible but soon enough Sammy's faded into the air.

"Well, Bobby?" the reaper asks, suddenly standing by his side. "Stay or go… what's it gonna be?"

And Bobby sits for just a split second before making his decision.

* * *

 


	13. Down and Out

* * *

Waking up early as she's been doing for months now, Lizzy inhales deeply. The smell of musty wood and old fabric greets her nose and she remembers where she is. Rufus' cabin. Even after two weeks straight of waking up in this place she's still not used to seeing the same surroundings every time, not after being on the run for a while now. It's been a new motel every other days for months.

When she lifts her head and looks to her side she sees that once again Dean isn't there. She's alone in bed. He's barely laid down next to her since they all settled in here for a short stint… not since Bobby died. Dean's been a complete mess, drinking constantly like he did before Sammy arrived and he's now hyper focused on finding out what the Leviathan are up to and finding a way to kill Dick. She doesn't blame him for the vengeance-fueled drive, she's right there with him on that, but the drinking is what's irking her. That and it's starting to seem that even the loss of their father figure can't bring them back together or even started to mend their broken relationship in the least.

Lizzy sighs heavily and lays back into her pillow. She's battled depression over loss before and she can do it again, especially now that a wonderful little boy is depending on her. She still has her moments like this one, though. There's always going to be that couple of minutes in the morning when getting out of bed and facing another day seems impossible. And right now it does feel pretty impossible. She's not ready to fight off her grief for another twenty-four hours and she's not prepared to deal with the awkward acidic…  _whatever_  it is between Dean and her for another day either.

But she sure is ready to go see her Sammy so yet again Lizzy sucks it right up and gets dressed.

Yawning as she makes her way to the first floor, Lizzy walks right for the kitchen to make tea. As she does she sees Sam washing dishes in the sink and Dean by the table, the clipboard with his current frustrating mystery written all over it in one hand and Sammy hooked into his opposite arm. She smiles when she sees him, the boy facing away from Dean as he's bounced to keep him content, and Sammy looks right back at her and smiles wide.

"There's my boy," she greets in a light tones as she heads right for him. "Did daddy already feed you and everything?"

"Daddy's on top of it, L," Dean comments as if insulted that she wouldn't just ask him that question.

Lizzy's smile fades and she looks up at him. "Thank you," her quieter tone says and Dean just nods his return. She then walks for the stove and grabs the kettle.

"Morning," Sam says to her, greeting her like he thinks his brother should have. He's been able to observe the two in close quarters for long enough now to know how bleak it's been, both being too stubborn to really fix anything.

"Hey, Sam-I-Am," she returns with, reaching across him to fill the kettle at the sink. She smiles at him sadly and he does the same back.

She walks away to heat up her water when Sam turns off the tap and grabs a dishtowel. He wipes his hands and looks at her. "Lizzy, you know, um... I wonder if, if we..."

"Say it Sam," she smiles at him when he gets stuttery.

"I mean, should we be telling people? I mean, people he knew?" Sam questions, thinking about all the hunters out there that Bobby knew. Many of them looked at him as a leader, a friend, and probably a father in their own way. They don't even know yet.

"How long ago did I give Frank these numbers?" Dean asks out of nowhere, clearly not interested in the conversation Sam and Lizzy were about to have. They look at him as he slaps the clipboard onto the table. "It's been a few weeks, right? What, is he nuts, or is he just being rude?"

"Probably both," Sam says easily, knowing Frank well enough at this point. "Dean, we got to ask you a question."

"Unless, of course, something happened to him," Dean rolls on without listening, grabbing the fresh beer on the table that's standing next to two already empty ones. "He can't get to the phone because a Leviathan ate his face."

"Yeah, also a possibility," Sam says as Lizzy walks right for Dean.

"We should go check on him," Dean suggests as Lizzy silently takes Sammy out of his hold. He looks at her with confusion.

"Not while you're drinking," she says with a tone that doesn't at all hide her disappointment in him.

"I'm not drunk," he rebuts with anger.

"Not yet… but you will be," she says shyly and without looking at him. She brings him to his baby seat on the couch and straps him in.

Sam sighs and tries again if only to avoid another blow up between them. "Dean, do you want to call Bobby's people or not?"

"Why is that our job?" Dean questions, the edge still in his voice.

"Because who else is gonna do it?"

He thinks about this for a second, knowing how right Sam is, but Dean's in no place to call people and speak about the death of the one man he could always lean on. "I'm not calling anybody. If you want to, you go right ahead."

"I don't want to call anybody," Sam tells him, admitting to being in the same boat. "You kidding me?"

"I'll do it," Lizzy says as she walks back towards them, placing Sammy's carrier on one of the kitchen chairs so that he's facing the room.

"Why?" Dean asks, not understanding why anyone would volunteer for that job.

"Because someone has to," she shrugs. "Because Bobby has friends all over and they should know. And because at any given time there's roughly five hunters in contact with him and depending on him for help. They should know they're on their own and to stop waiting for answers…."

A phone in one of the duffel bags by the front door rings.

"Well, I'm not getting it," Dean declares.

Sam sighs with frustration at Dean before heading for the bag and fishing out the ringing phone. It's one of Bobby's. "Hello?" he greets and listens for a moment. "Uh, no. He's, uh... I-I-it's not, but I'm a friend of his."

The tea pot starts to whistle so Lizzy goes to get it but not before glancing at Dean with the same sad face she's had for months.

"He's... not here, but, look, if you need…." Sam pulls the phone away from his ear and looks at the screen. Hung up.

"Who was it?" Dean asks.

"Just some kid," he answers with surprise.

"For Bobby?" Lizzy questions with shock as she makes her cup of tea.

"Girl scout cookies?" Dean jokes.

"I think maybe..." Sam starts as he watches Dean take a sip from his nearly full beer. "Maybe a…a hunter's kid? I mean, she sounded pretty scared. You know, I have a caller ID. Maybe we should go find her. We, we can check on her."

"What about Frank?"

"Well, Dean, I think we should go find this girl first," Sam fights back, thinking the kid is far more important that waiting on a nut job to get back to them on a lead that could go nowhere.

"Sam, Frank's been working on the numbers that Bobby spent his last breath on, and you want to back-burner that?"

Sam doesn't say a word, just looks at Dean and let's his lack-of-answer answer for him.

"Fine. You go check out Girl Scout. I'll find Frank."

"You're leaving?" Lizzy questions, her voice coming out cautious and without upset as she's just too tired to even accidentally start an argument between them.

"Franks not answering," Dean simply replies, telling her he's going. She just nods and looks away, picking up her tea and sitting at the table.

"Fine." Sam shakes his head. "But you know what? On one condition. If Frank is just spinning his wheels, then you bail out on crazy and come meet me."

"Just bring Lou," Dean suggests and lifts his beer to take another sip, finding it completely empty. "And thanks for drinking my entire beer."

"I don't down beers at breakfast. And I wasn't even drinking," Sam tells him. "You probably drank it without noticing."

"Right…." Dean doesn't believe Sam's suggestion for a second. Something weird just happened there and he could have sworn he didn't drink that beer himself.

Lizzy doesn't let on but she knows something strange just happened there too. This wouldn't be the first odd thing to happen this past week in that cabin and now she's got a sneaking suspicion about what's going on.

But for now she focuses. "When are you guys planning to head out?"

"Now," Dean declares and places his empty on the table before heading upstairs to pack. He may have been sleeping on the couch a lot, when he does actually sleep that is, but his stuff is still in what is designated as Lizzy and his room.

"I'll wait for Lou to get back from her food run and talk to her, see if she wants in," Sam tells Lizzy as he takes a seat next to her at the table. "Do you think you'll be ok here by yourself?"

Lizzy opens her mouth, ready to lie, but thinks twice. "No. Probably not," she huffs out a sad laugh. Being alone after Bobby's death and being in the cabin that she spent plenty of time with the man in… not easy.

"I can go alone then…."

"No, Sam, that's stupid," Lizzy stops him. "That's just not safe. If Lou's ready to leave here then take her. Sammy and I will be fine. We always are."

This makes Sam's heart ache to hear. "How long before you hit the road again?" he questions, having thought she'd have fled to keep Sammy safe by now.

"I'm not sure staying away is worth it anymore," Lizzy admits after all the trouble the distance has caused her. She glances up the stairs before looking back to Sam. "Then again what good has sticking around done?"

His face wrinkling with the shame of it all, Sam reaches across the table and places a hand on top of hers. She looks at him and can see how sorry he is that things are what they are right now. She just nods, her eyes filling a little before blinking it away.

"I'll figure out what's best," she moves on. "I just need a day or two more."

"Take your time," Sam tells her. "And I'm not trying to push you outta here. I missed having you around."

"At least somebody does," she comments heavily and takes a sip of tea.

Sam tightens his grip on her hand and makes her look back at him. "You're not giving up on him… are you?"

Lizzy looks away, unsure of how to answer. "It's… I don't know how to answer that…."

"Don't," Sam sternly says, lowering his voice so that Dean hears nothing. "Lizzy, you can't do that."

"I think he's already given up on me… so what am I clinging to?" she questions, her voice wavering and struggled.

"You guys just… you need to talk…."

"The more we talk the worse it gets."

"But you can't just give up on my brother," Sam says in a scared voice, huffing with disbelief that he's witnessing this.

"I've tried. Sam I promise I've tried…."

"Then you gotta try harder," Sam pleads of her.

Her face shows how badly she wishes she could. "I don't know how anymore. Sam, fuck… I'm so fucking tired…."

She takes her hand back and covers over her eyes with it, hunching over and falling into sobs almost immediately.

"Damn it," Sam quietly says as he gets up. He walks to her and swats her shoulder twice, knowing she'd get it.

Lizzy stands up and lets him hug her tight, having needed that kind of contact for far too long. She knows she can run to Sam with anything as they've become so close and created a hell of a bond together but the last thing she wants to do is create a wedge between Sam and Dean. She doesn't want side picking or anything petty like that. She just wants whatever this turmoil is to end.

"Thank you," Lizzy says to Sam as she backs away and wipes her face. "Thanks, Sam."

Sam just shakes his head, saying the thanks wasn't needed.

"I better make sure he's alright before he leaves," Lizzy says with a forced smile and heads up the stairs. They may not be getting along but she would never let him head out without being prepared and ready. Just add that to the insanely long list of reasons why Sam can't ever imagine the two of them calling it quits.

The second Lizzy's out of the room Sammy starts to cry.

"Of course," Sam smiles out as he looks at the baby in the carrier. He walks over to him and picks him up, the boy quieting with the instant attention he gets. "Come on, cry baby. You just want someone to pick you up, don't you?"

Sammy looks up at his uncle and smiles a little before reaching for his longer hair.

"Ha, yeah. Knew it," he laughs. "Attention whore like your dad… except he only wants female attention."

Rubbing the child's back, Sam can't shake the worry he has for Sammy's parents.

"They'll work it out, bud," Sam promises his nephew as he lets him pull on his hair a little. "And if they don't… well, then I'll just have to make them work it out. I got your back, ok?"

Sammy presses an open palm to Sam's mouth, something he always does as he's starting to learn to speak.

"Yeah, I'm with you, kiddo," Sam smiles and keeps talking to help Sammy figure it out.

Sammy then babbles a bit in his garbled baby-talk.

"Good. I'm glad you know," Sam laughs a little more, the child always lifting his spirits at least a little.

* * *

"So you have everything?" Lizzy cautiously asks, still tip toeing around her own husband ever since they returned to the cabin after leaving the New Jersey Hospital.

"Yeah," Dean says quickly. He hoists his duffle bag over his shoulder and glances her way. "Be back in a few days."

"Ok…." Lizzy nods and Dean heads for the door. "Um… Dean?"

"Yeah?" he turns back and looks at her expectantly.

"I don't know what to do here," she admits. "If it's safer to leave or not."

Dean nods, understanding her confusion.

"I mean the fucking Leviathan still found us even when we weren't with you," Lizzy starts to explain. She's thought about it a lot these two weeks and now she believes sticking with Dean and working things out might be the better choice. "Maybe it's better if Sammy and I stay? At least that way if the Levis catch up with us we have you to help protect us… him."

Dean nods again, never sure what to say when uncomfortable around someone, especially someone he loves and is constantly feuding with.

"So what if we just keep here as a home base for now…?"

"No," Dean finally answer. "I can't have them catching up with Sammy on my head."

The face of full sadness she gives him physically hurts to see.

"I understand that," Lizzy admits. "But… I'm afraid to leave."

"Why?"

"Because if I do… what if  _we_  get worse?"

"I'm more concerned about Sammy's safety," Dean comments, looking out for his number one priority at all times.

"So am I," Lizzy gently says. "But…."

"I still think it's better if you're not near Sam and me," Dean tells her the truth. "Keeping him safe is the best thing we can do in this situation. We're always gonna be good parents… no matter what that takes."

Lizzy nods her head in understanding. Dean looks away for a second, his heart breaking with how cold they are despite not knowing what to do about it.

"Be back in a few days," he says quickly and heads down the stairs, leaving Lizzy sitting on their bed.

The rejected feeling is not an easy one to deal with but she doesn't cry. She doesn't break down again because she's done breaking down. If this is her life then this is her life. She chose to be with Dean and, even if she never could have figured it would become this, she now has to deal with the fallout of that. Dean will always be Sammy's father, whether he's her husband or not.

At least he left cordially this time, no fighting.

* * *

Five days later Dean pulls up to the cabin in Montana with a heavy sigh. It was a much longer trip than he expected. Sam and Lou were able to handle the Vetalas on their own with only Sam getting caught up in the mess and Dean caught up on some sleep while dealing with Frank's crazy ass. At least they've got a little more insight on Dick's doings and that's worth the trip alone.

Washing a hand down his tired face, Dean pushes the front door open. He instantly finds Sam sitting at the table Bobby used to set up like a desk.

"Hey," Dean greets.

"Hey," Sam easily returns, happy to see Dean back.

"I can see that Vetala got you good," Dean comments while dropping his bag at the door, too tired to deal with it.

Sam's hand absently touches the bandage on his neck. "Shut up."

"Hey, not me that's getting rusty, kid," Dean jokes and makes a line for the kitchen, grabbing a clean glass from the dish rack.

Sam ignores the dig as he watches Dean pour himself some whiskey. "How's Frank?"

"Paranoid schizo as ever," Dean answers quickly. "But the guy is good. Once I catch a couple hours sleep I'll fill you in."

Sam nods his agreement to that plan.

Dean them takes a big gulp of his booze and looks around. "Where's everyone?"

"Lou is packing and Lizzy and Sammy left yesterday," Sam explains, not missing the instant sadness he sees all over Dean at the idea that his family left before he returned.

"Lou gonna go meet up with them?" Dean questions.

"Yeah."

"Good," Dean nods, leaning against the kitchen counter and killing off his large pour of whiskey in one go.

Sam doesn't miss the depression he can see coming a mile away from his brother. "Dean, man, I don't know if it's better that they be out there instead of with us."

Dean eyes him dangerously for speaking up before turning around to pour another fuller glass.

"The Leviathan already found them on their own…." Sam starts but Dean cuts him off.

"The chances that they get caught up by those dicks is severely diminished if we're not all in one place. Making it easier for them… not smart, Sam."

"I know you think that."

Dean turns around and once more leans back into the counter, sip taken down. "But?"

"But… I'm not sure I agree anymore," Sam tells him. "What this is doing to you and Lizzy…."

"Sammy, I'm so tired of, of… talking… and talking, and  _talking_  about this," Dean gets agitated. "I just want to take a damn shower with the luke-warm water this place has and sleep for, like, a handful of hours."

As he speaks, Sam sees the dark circles under his brother's eyes and realizes just how old Dean suddenly looks.

"So, you wanna have an Oprah moment then fine," Dean keeps talking. "Just spare me until later, ok?"

Dean pushes off the counter and heads for the stairs, nearly running into Lou on her way out to Sam.

"Hey," Lou coldly greets him in a tone that Dean remembers from years ago when she hated him.

"Good to see you too," Dean sarcastically bites as he watches her, bag over shoulder, smile at Sam.

"I'm gonna head," she tells him, leaning down to grab his face and kiss him good.

"Mmhmm," Sam jokingly answers as he kisses her back. He takes another few second to enjoy that feeling, practically hearing his older brother roll his eyes from the other side of the room. When she ends the kiss he looks up at her from his seat. "Call me when you get there… wherever there is."

"You know I will," Lou promises and presses her lips to his quickly one last time. They said goodbye 'properly' for a solid couple hours before Dean got back so she's held over for a while. "I love you."

Sam's eyes blow wide.

"Shut up," she smiles out as she pushes him and walks away.

"Hey, I got the 'I love you' first. I'm allowed to be surprised," Sam points out to her.

"Way to kill a good moment," Lou somewhat complains and heads for the door. "Later, douche bag."

"Yeah," Dean responds depressively, ready to go get that shower.

"Oh, uh," Lou stops and turns around, looking at Dean. She's kept her mouth shut for a long time, only speaking to Lizzy when she needed to about their crumbling relationship. But she can't keep totally quiet anymore. "Listen. I know our past isn't… great."

"Oh, I thought it was always sunshine and puppies," Dean bites back.

Lou takes a deep breath to keep her composure with him. "But… I've gotten over that and I know… you're good for Lizzy and she's good for you. Don't let that slip away."

"Thanks for the advice," Dean sarcastically responds and heads to leave the room again.

"It's not advice," Lou punches out before he leaves. "It's the truth. You lost her once already. Just remember how that felt and multiply it by about a thousand. You ready to feel that?"

Dean says nothing, just eyes her hard as he remembers how much it hurt when he had to leave her the year he was damned to hell.

"Don't lose her. Fix this," Lou sternly says to him, holding eye contact for a long minute.

If there's anyone Dean will listen to at this point she knows it's her. Sam and Lizzy, their job is to look after his wellbeing. But Lou is the only one that doesn't have to do that so when she goes out of her way to put him in check he knows he should listen.

But Dean's stubborn as hell. He pulls keys from his pocket and tosses them at her. "Take the Volvo I ganked. It looks a lot safer than that other shit box out there."

She catches the keys.

"Drive safe," Dean says in a completely down tone and heads upstairs.

Lou sighs and looks at Sam, shaking her head with disbelief. Sam just shrugs in return, both of them aware of how helpless they are. They both feel like they're just bystanders forced to watch a horrific car crash in slow motion. It's emotionally taxing and just plain painful.

"Bye, Giant," Lou says to him and heads out the door to meet up with Lizzy.

* * *

Waking up to the sound of crying, Lizzy rolls over and looks at the clock on the night stand.

6:03. Awesome.

Rolling out of bed, she turns on the nearest lamp and sighs.

"I know, sweetie," she calls out to Sammy as he wails from his play pen. "I know. You're hungry."

Lizzy reaches down and picks up her son. She brings him to her bed and they settle in, the boy squirming now while screaming out.

"Calm down, dude. I got ya," she tells him while pulling down the strap of her tank top and getting ready to feed him breakfast.

There's the banging of a fist against the other side of the wall she shares with her neighboring motel room. Obviously Sammy's woken up more than just his mom.

"Sorry!" Lizzy calls out before muttering under her breath, "Fucking jerk… clearly has no kids."

Once Sammy starts to eat he quiets down and is calm almost instantly. Lizzy yawns while looking at him.

"Can't wait until you're totally onto solids and my boobs can catch a break," she tells her little boy as she leans her back hard into the headboard behind her. She closes her eyes, the exhaustion still there. After a full day's drive with minimal stops for bathroom breaks and meals for both her and Sammy, she pulled into the motel at midnight completely drained. It took another two hours of checking in with cash, setting up the room with Sammy's things, warding the room against everything it can be warded against, and getting her own self settled in. By 2:00 she fell asleep on top of the comforter with her shoes still on.

The next thing she knows she's waking up to the happy sounds of Sammy's voice babbling away. When she looks down she sees him in her lap, sitting up on his own and grabbing onto the comforter. As he pulls at it and moves his arms around, working on fine-tuning those motor skills, she smiles.

"Guess I fell asleep there," she says to him, smiling as she puts her breast away. Peering at the clock again she sees that it's a 7:43. "Damn, I'm fucking beat. Oops… I'm wicked beat." She laughs as she corrects herself but then remember that no one is there to hear her slip up. Dean's not about to correct her.

Picking Sammy up and seeing that he's in a very good mood, Lizzy takes the opportunity. She drags the playpen closer to the bathroom door and sets it up. She drops Sammy' favorite toys into it and sets him down. He plays right away and she sighs with thankfulness.

Shower time.

Walking into the bathroom, the florescent light flickers as it struggles to turn on. Once the room is lit with the harsh light she takes a good look at herself.

When did Lizzy turn forty… maybe fifty? Her deep set, dark circled eyes complimented by a sad look on her face doesn't take anything away from the early wrinkles forming.

"I gotta get more sleep," she comments, knowing the impossibility of that idea full well.

Pulling the curtain back from the shower, Lizzy groans with disgust. The shower is gross. There're stains from hard water under the faucet and shower head along with some lovely mildew spots. Sadly, she's had worse so she can look past it. She turns the water onto the hottest setting and strips, ready to start another day of hide and seek with monsters while trying to live as normally as possible.

"Here you go," the waitress says with a happy tone as she places a plate of eggs, toast, and sausage in front of Lizzy along with a glass of orange juice. She then hands over a small plate with an unpeel banana on it.

"Thank you," Lizzy says with a forced smile as she picks up the banana right away and peels it.

"How old?" the young server asks and smiles wide at Sammy.

"Uh, coming up on seven months," she tells her with pride.

"Oh, he's just precious," the woman gushes as she looks at him playing with a paper napkin, laughing when it rips. "And what a cute little laugh!"

"Thanks," Lizzy laughs slightly but her tiredness won't let it get past a small chuckle. She starts cutting up the banana in small pieces for him.

"You know, my husband and I have started trying for one of our own recently," she lets on, sounding very excited. "Hopefully we'll be in your shoes soon."

"My shoes," Lizzy smiles at the idea that this girl has no idea what being in her shoes is like. "Good luck. I mean, my experience was a little more surprising than yours will be but still, it's a hell of an experience." She huffs a tired laugh and places a few banana pieces on the small plate and puts it in front of Sammy.

The woman looks at Lizzy for a second after her comment, noticing how exhausted she looks. "He's a really beautiful surprise though."

This is where Lizzy actually sheds a true smile. She looks at her handsome little boy with total adoration. "Yeah. He's pretty amazing."

And the waitress develops quite the soft spot for these two in that moment.

"I'll let you two to it," she says while taking out her pad and pen and writing out their bill. "You just holler if you need anything more."

"Thank you," Lizzy says while watching Sammy pick up a piece of banana and take a small bite out of it. He chews and she laughs as he's still figuring out this whole eating solids thing.

Sammy holds a piece out to the waitress and she just grins at him while tearing the paper from her pad. "No thank you, young man. You eat up." She places the bill face down on the table, winks at Lizzy, and heads off.

Once Sammy's killed off half a banana and Lizzy's eaten as much as her worried stomach could handle, she flips the bill over to pay it.

She pauses when she sees the total. $0.00.

The note on it is what makes her do her best not to cry.

_You take care of that boy, mom. Have a better day._

Was she that obvious? Was it clear to everyone around her how hard her life is right now? When did she become that woman to be pitied by strangers?

Lizzy opens her wallet despite the free bill to at least tip the kind woman that didn't mean to be insulting in the least. When she opens it she sees that she has four singles left. Her heart drops when she comes to the realization that if this woman wasn't so kind she wouldn't have been able to pay her anyways.

Deep breath in, Lizzy empties her wallet and gathers up her son and his bag. She keeps her head down as she walks out of the diner, embarrassed of her situation. Never did she think she'd find herself here.

Once they walk back to the motel across the street, Lizzy sets Sammy on the floor to play as she takes out her phone. She speed dials her third number saved in her phone and it rings once before she hangs up.

She called Bobby.

That's her default. That's who she runs to when in this situation. If she's run out of funds, Bobby gets her some cash wired over or sets her up with a new credit card as quickly as humanly possible. If she needs lore, he gets it in a jiff. She needs someone to listen when her life crumbles, his ears are always available.

And now Bobby's gone and she's lost completely.

So, instead of fall apart at the seams like she wants to Lizzy sits onto the dingy carpet right next to her son on the play mat Lou bought him and she thinks. She plays with her son while her worried mind reels along. Lou should be there by the middle of the night with cash on hand or at least the ability to watch Sammy while Lizzy goes out to hustle. There were a few local bars that most likely had a pool table or two and plenty of arrogant drunks with deep pockets. Until then Lizzy could probably hold out. She can make it through the day without eating if she has to and since she can produce meals for Sammy without money he should be just fine too.

Really what she should do is call Dean for help. He'd probably have an answer… some stash of money somewhere that she could access or an idea at least since he grew up running out of money and having to be creative on the fly. But is it worth starting a fight over? Is it worth hearing about how unprepared she was when she left and how she can't afford to make mistakes like that right now?

No. It's not worth it.

"I'm calling Louie," she says to herself and dials her best friend's number, making sure she's bringing funds.

****************************

Blowing out a breath of sheer boredom, Lizzy tears another piece of paper from the pad of motel stationary and begins folding it. She's on her seventh paper airplane, each folded slightly differently and each littering the room with the different place they landed. Sammy's been asleep for an hour and with nothing to watch on the old glass-tube television set in the room Lizzy's going nuts.

Once the next one is done, the tip folded in to weigh it down as trial and error has told her how to improve with each model, she lines up her shot. Once sure she's got it she lets it fly.

The airplane actually makes it into Sammy's playpen but doesn't come close to touching him. He stays fast asleep.

"Damn it all," Lizzy whispers to herself. She knows she needs to let him sleep and it's the right thing to do but with no Lou, no good TV, not even a book to read aside from the Bible in the nightstand she's reached bored out of her mind.

And that's not a good thing when starving. All she has to concentrate on is her rumbling stomach and it's only six o'clock at night.

Standing up, Lizzy decides why not clean her weaponry on hand. She hasn't taken apart her Glock in a long time and, as a learned behavior from the Winchester, when bored or burdened by worry it's best to keep busy with random tasks.

On her way to her duffle bag Lizzy stops when she peeks into the playpen. Every day, a couple times a day, she pauses and takes a second to realize just how damn lucky she is. Her little boy is just precious. He's sweet and loving and a little cuddle bug. He's happy almost all the time, only cries when he needs something, and most of the day he spends smiling.

And that waitress got it right. He's adorable and with the potential to be quite handsome in his older age. Just like his daddy.

Dean.

Quirking up the corner of her mouth in a slight smile, Lizzy thinks about Dean in his role as a father. Aside from the separation he's been brilliant. When Sammy was just born he was doting and dutiful, always jumping at the chance to help out in any way. He smiled all the time back then, even when so tired he could die. And Sammy loves his father so much. It doesn't matter that Lizzy is with him every single day. Sammy is just slightly different around Dean. They have a bond and she loves that they do.

And her sadness over Dean never getting the proper time with his son while he's so little affects her once more. Yes, they're a mess. No, they don't really get along right now. But Lizzy wants Sammy's dad in on everything he can be.

Taking out her cell phone and, knowing she'll have to ditch it and buy a new one asap, she snaps a photo of Sammy sleeping, his chubby cheek pressed to his soft blue blanket as he lays there sprawled out. She then composes a text.

_Sometime I still have moments were I feel like we're the luckiest people alive._

She sends it along with the picture.

Lizzy then goes about laying everything out on the kitchen table to get to work cleaning. As she does she gets a reply.

_He's the best thing we ever did. By far._

Lizzy smiles wide for the cordial and honest moment of a shared love for their Sammy. She then text him right back.

_Everything before him was pretty damn good too though._

Her heart pounds a little after sending it. She's bringing things up and even if it's the good past it's been sticky trying to do such a thing lately. She never knows when she's toeing the line or stepping right over it.

But when she reads his response she knows it was ok.

_It was always good until recently. I've never regretted a moment with you until all this shit started. All I regret is this right now._

She smiles to herself, at least happy that he can focus on what they once were. She composes him one more text.

_Whatever this recent mess is just know that I still love you as much as I always have. We might not fit together like we did before but that doesn't change how much I feel for you. You need to know that, Dean. You'll always be the one person I want, even now._

Lizzy takes a very deep breath and holds it. She doesn't know if she should send this one. It's honest and he should know these things but again, she's afraid of fallout.

Fuck it. He needs to know this. She presses send.

Waiting has never been a forte of Lizzy's. Ever. She's fast with everything. She speaks fast, walks fast… she attributes it to her east coast upbringing. So when she gets a reply two minutes later it feels like an eternity. She looks at it with hope and fear.

_I'm never going to love anyone like I love you, L. That's not what this is about. It's about us not being miserable with each other._

This was easy to reply to.

_Well, I'm miserable without you. That's all it is. I just want to be with you again._

She waits and gets a very quick reply to that.

_When I kill Dick, I'll come find you and we'll see if this still works._

Not exactly what she was hoping for. Then she gets one more.

_You got any more pictures for me before you ditch that phone?_

It's slightly hopeful. He wants to try. He doesn't want to give up. But she knows Dean and the subtext is clear to her. If it still works. He doubts it'll ever be the same.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't worry the same way as him. She's very scared that if they do get a chance to come back together that they won't work at all. They'll still be at odds, still not see each other the way they used to, and they'll still love each other so much but it won't be enough.

But at the very least… this conversation wasn't a fight.

Lizzy scrolls through her pictures and one by one sends them over if she thinks she hasn't already given them to him in the past. One of Sammy and Lou on a swing at a park. One of Sammy eating his first bite of baby cereal. One with her in it, their faces side by side smiling wide. One of Sammy falling asleep mid-playing, and finally one of Sammy and Bobby.

She pauses on that last one. Bobby had an asleep Sammy in his arm as he sits behind his desk in his old, now burned down house. Bobby's reading, his face concentrated on the big book in front of him, and his free hand is on Sammy's belly, rubbing it absently. It looks so natural and easy. It looks like Bobby's been around babies his whole life.

With tears in her eyes, she sends the picture with three words.

_I miss him._

Lizzy drops her phone onto the table top amid the mess she's already created and covers her face. She keeps tight control on her breathing as she starts to cry with the pit of sorrowful loss in her chest to ensure she keeps quiet for Sammy and doesn't fall into a panic attack.

But she misses Bobby so much. It's been a long time since she's had to feel this kind of pain and loss while all alone and she barely remembers how to be strong enough for it. Between her marriage and the Leviathan and the single parenthood… adding this massive tragedy in her already tragic life feels nothing short of impossible.

She picks up her phone when it beeps yet again.

_He should be here to see Sammy grow up. He's earned that much. I miss him too._

Her response comes out without effort.

_I want him dead. I want Dick dead and I want to be the one to do it. I told him I would._

She knows already that he's not yet going to agree to letting her in on this specific hunt, the sentiment of Sammy needing his mother around already ringing in her ears, but she needs to plant the idea in his head now. Lizzy wants to pull that trigger. She wants to be at the helm when Dick goes down and she's going to fight her very husband for the privilege if that's what she needs to do.

_We need to figure out how to kill him before we start calling dibs on executioner._

He's avoiding a fight and she can't help but be thankful for that. She gets another text.

_I need to work on something with Sam. Go ditch your phone. I'll look for a payphone in a few days._

The loneliness starts to settle in with that, knowing she'll go days without hearing from him yet again. Even when they're a terrible and disjointed disaster she misses him constantly.

_I'm penniless so I won't have a phone until tomorrow, when Lou's here. If you need me call her._

Lizzy presses send on the last text and drops the phone on the floor. She stands up and stomps on it several times until the device is in pieces and untraceable. She scoops up the remnants of it and dumps it into the trash can by the door.

In the silence of the room she retakes her seat, thoughts of Bobby in her head as she gets to work cleaning her guns and ignoring the growls her stomach makes.

****************************

With a slap to the face from a very tiny, very weak hand, Lizzy lets her eyelid fly open quickly.

"You!" she says with fake audacity and points at her son on the bed next to her. "What are you doing!?"

She picks him up quickly and lays onto her back, holding him high over her.

"You beating on mommy!?" she plays and smiles wide before pulling him into her, blowing raspberries on his cheek. He breaks out in a big, huge laugh.

Lizzy hoists him up into the air again to get a good look at his giggling expression, the boy cuter than ever with it.

"You a tough guy now?" she asks and lowers him again for more raspberries. When she extends her arms upwards again, both mom and son laughing at this point, she hears a rapid three bangs of a fist on the wall.

She looks at the clock and sees that it's almost one in the morning.

"Sorry!" she yells out to the neighbor that must be a monster for hating the sound of baby laughs.

_Shut the fuck up!_

Lizzy's eye blow wide as she sees red but she holds in her fury immediately. The old, young Lizzy would have been out the door and trying to kick the rude man's one in at this point but she's not that person anymore… even if now and then she wishes she was.

Interrupting her moment of Zen is a quieter knock on her door followed by a very well-known voice.

"Lizard, open up!"

"Finally," Lizzy grins and gets off of her bed, perching Sammy on her hip as she does. She rushes to the door and unlocks it, pulling it wide open. "So glad you're here!"

"Hi!" Lou says to Sammy specifically as she pushes past Lizzy in a hurry. She drops everything, her two duffel bags and a couple white grocery bags, and turns back to Lizzy. With excitement she pulls Sammy from his mother's arms and holds him tight, kissing his cheek over and over again. "I missed my boy!"

"Please tell me you aren't cash poor," Lizzy nearly begs, her hunger killing her at this point. There's one thing she's never had to do before now in the hunting life and that's starve. It's a sad day when a blonde haired, homeless, and possible husbandless Lizzy has to also forgo food.

"Nope… and I'm also not food poor," Lou winks and nods to the grocery bags.

Lizzy practically dives to the floor and pulls a Styrofoam container from one bag. She plops down into a seat at the table and opens her box.

"Oh my fucking God!" Lizzy praises as she takes up the bacon cheeseburger and sinks her teeth into it without waiting. "Uh!" she praises through a full mouth.

"Dude, relax," Lou says while laughing.

"Can't. So hungry," Lizzy tells her, chewing rapidly and swallowing. Her next bite is even bigger.

"You're gonna choke, asshole. Take it slower," Lou tells her with concern. "You'd think you haven't eaten all day."

With guilt, Lizzy looks at her and slows her role.

"Fuck! Lizard, when's the last time you ate?"

"Breakfast."

Lou's heart sinks. "Why?"

"I'm out of money," she answers. "That's why I called you on the road."

Lou takes a moment to silence herself. She knew it was bad but running out of food and money? What have they come to?

"Well, Auntie Louie is here so everything is ok now," she finally says, looking at Sammy with a bright smile and pretending nothing is wrong. "And what about you, dude? What are you doing up this late?"

"His schedule is off," Lizzy explains with a mouth filled with onion ring. "He needs to eat."

"Bottle?" Lou asks and Lizzy nods, pointing to the minifridge. "I'm on it then," Lou tells her, knowing Lizzy has to need a break.

The rest of the night plays out simply enough. Lou feeds Sammy a bottle in silence, the only sound that of Lizzy humming with enjoyment at her food and the TV on low to appease the sensitive-eared neighbor. Then Lizzy passed out on her bed as Lou set to putting Sammy down for the night.

The entire time, however, Lou starts to see things in a new light. Lizzy gave up food for a day while caring for Sammy on her own. Her eyes are dark-circled and her form is thin. She's running on fumes most days and in a constant state of fear over the Leviathan and her dissolving marriage. Everything around her is shit yet her son is happy because she would sacrifice it all to make sure Sammy had the best life she could provide.

She has to wonder what Dean would say or do if he knew how tough it's been for Lizzy on the day to day without him.

* * *

 


	14. The Mistake of All Mistakes (Part 1)

_**This is my take on the episode 'The Slice Girls'.** _

* * *

 

"Yeah, uh, didn't match anything human usually seals the deal for me," Sam huffs a laugh as he and Dean leave the precinct on their latest hunt. Successful single men getting murdered in their homes, hands and feet severed and an odd symbol carved into their chests. "I don't know, I've never seen this symbol before." Sam pockets his phone after looking at the picture of the victim's chest he took. "Let's get a bite to eat, go back to the motel, haul out the laptop."

"That's a great idea. Actually, that's a brilliant idea. Here's my counter," Dean starts, his strung out status and utter exhaustion getting to him too much to really do what it is Sam suggests. "You do that, I'll go undercover, go mingle amongst the locals and see, uh, what kind of clues bubble to the surface."

"You're going to a bar," Sam sums it up with disappointment, having been able to assume this moment was coming for a while now.

"Wow. If you want to oversimplify it," Dean says with sarcasm.

"Dude, don't let that last phone call get to you too much…."

"You know what, Sam," Dean cuts his brother off. "I don't need you telling me shit like that."

"You keep letting her get to you though," Sam says to him, nearly pleading while trying to reason with his brother that's still upset from earlier.

"And there you go oversimplifying things again," Dean rolls his eyes. "You aren't on the inside of this Sam. You don't know what we're dealing with."

"You keep saying that but, dude… come on. It's you and Lizzy. You're always gonna end up fine."

The dismissive attitude he's always getting from Sam and Lou about his marriage finally becomes too much.

"Don't tell me what my marriage is or fucking isn't. Last I checked this was between me and Lizzy."

"Not really," Sam easily disagrees.

"How do you figure?" Dean asks with fire.

"I live every second of my day with you, Dean. Every argument you guys have I'm a part of. You two need to stop being stupid and just get along again."

Dean clenches his teeth and stares at Sam with total enraged frustration. "I'll see you later." He then turns and marches off in the direction of the street with several bars on it that they passed a few block back on their way to the precinct.

"Dean, come on!" he hears Sam call out but ignores it and keeps going, just needing a drink so badly he wants to scream. "Dean!"

How dare Sam assume he knows what it's like to fight every damn day with the one person he loves more than he can explain? It's been torture living like this and it's been more frightening than he can properly ever explain.

And right on time, one block traveled and stewing in his anger, Dean's phone rings. He pulls out his cell and sees it's Lizzy calling. Weighing his options very briefly, Dean figures why ignore it. He's going to drink anyways. Might as well get this one over with.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to you yet."

"Well, I'm ready to talk to you," Lizzy says with defiance.

"Then you better start speaking. And do your best not to insult me quite as bad this time if you can help it."

There's pause on the other line but Dean doesn't feel bad at all for his words. She deserves it this time.

"I didn't mean it."

"You didn't mean what, L?" Dean fires out with the rage that never went out. "You didn't mean to tell me you can't be married to someone like me or you didn't mean to say I'm just like my father… yet again?"

The heavy silence on the other end lets him know she really is regretful but it doesn't help. With Lizzy it'll always be her mouth that can damage him the most.

"That stuff… it just came out… I didn't mean to say those things to you," her meek voice tries to explain.

"But you did," he sternly points out. "You said them and you said them pretty fucking easily."

"I was angry!" she defends. "You've said some pretty mean shit to me when angry too! Let's not forget about that!"

"I have never said anything nearly as bad as what you did," Dean accuses as he walks down an alley to get away from the public, not needing to air his dirty laundry to strangers. "Lizzy… fuck! You basically said our marriage is over. You said you couldn't be with me. What the fuck do you want me to say to that!?"

"That's not what I meant…."

"But it's what you said."

"But what I meant was I can't be in a  _happy_  marriage when I am never with the man I love. Just let me come see you…."

"No fucking way."

"Dean,  _please_ …."

"No!" he continues to deny. "It's not safe and honestly… I don't want to see you right now."

"What?" her devastated voice asks.

"After everything you said to me today… after telling me I'm as bad a father as my own, and don't deny it because I know you meant it… Lizzy, seeing you right now wouldn't be good. I need time to think."

"To think about what?"

"To think about what I want!"

And silence. Dean wasn't really aware that he was thinking this way, that he needs to figure out if he wants out or not, until this very point. It became very real right then.

"Are you serious?" Lizzy questions him, her voice so damn scared that he's never really heard her be that vulnerable before.

He sighs heavily. "What are we doing, L?" Dean asks her. "Are you happy right now? Being with me?"

After a large pause he hears her say, "No."

"Well, I'm not happy being with you either," Dean admits. "I hate the fighting and the making each other feel like utter shit. You and me, we're broken and after three months of this crap I don't know what to do. I need to think about this."

"Oh God," he hears her sigh with desolation.

"I need a few days," Dean continues. "And so do you."

She doesn't answer with anything other than a struggled sigh, Dean knowing she's crying.

"Just… think. I'll call you."

Dean hangs up and stares at his phone, knowing he should smash it… but he can't. Lizzy sent him more pictures of Sammy and he hasn't saved them on Sam's laptop yet. So instead he pockets his phone and stands there in the alley for a second to collect himself.

That conversation was a long time coming. Dean's been unhappy. He's been miserable for months. So has Lizzy and he knows it. Maybe, at this point, it's for the best that they separate, just for now. Loving Lizzy has been nothing but easy from day one until now. But this is too much. They're getting mean, they're insulting each other easily, they can't see eye to eye for a second and, right now, he's rather  _not_  see her than get a few hours in with her. That's a new low for them.

With a deep breath, Dean looks down at his hands. He's shaking. The whole unnerving situation has taken far too much out of him and he needs to drink.

Before leaving the alley he spies the ring on his finger. It's suddenly constricting and binding in a way that it's never been before. Just the look of the worn, dented piece makes him want to throw up.

He pulls the ring off his finger and pockets it before strolling back down the street, his mind lighter with the jewelry gone. His physical binding to her is gone and for a second he can pretend he doesn't have a wife he's possibly ready to cut ties with romantically and he can instead focus on getting hammered.

Based on the fact that it's the first bar he comes across, Dean settles for the swanky looking spot for once. It looks like it could have some seriously good and very strong whiskeys on hand so… perfect.

Dean pulls open the door to the Cobalt Room and marches in with determination.

* * *

"Uh, dinner and a movie, which sounded fine… except the movie was Human Centipede."

Dean laughs honestly at what the beautiful, redheaded woman across the small bar top table from him says. He's feeling lighter, more carefree in the moment and for the first time in forever he's not thinking about Lizzy and his strained marriage. He's having fun with a woman that is easy to talk to and even easier to be in the company of. "What, so wait, uh, so you had a problem with that?"

Lydia laughs a little back. "The date from hell."

With a bright smile, Dean says, "Dating, right? Ugh." He shudders, not caring that he's only gone on a handful of true dates in his life. They usually suck. The only good one he ever had was the night with Lizzy in California. That was a really great night….

"But what's the option?" Lydia cuts into his thoughts. "I don't see settling down any time soon."

Dean looks at her with shock. "Well, that's something you don't hear every day."

"Oh, what, are you ready for the big commit?" she laughs her question out.

With a pause, Dean thinks. He never was ready, really. Not until he almost lost Lizzy in a hunting attack did he even truly think about marriage seriously. Before then he had no interest, he just knew Lizzy wanted that. Oh, how a near loss of the love of your life will make you rethink the sanctity and merit of marriage. "Me?" he finally chuckles a little in response. "Not exactly."

Lydia can see the opening there, can smell the availability all over him. "Nice suit, by the way," she goes on to compliment him. "Guys don't dress up much. I like it."

"Yeah, well, it's, uh, a conservative line of work," Dean lies through his teeth, sadly falling back into his old ways. He used to be a charmer and could get what he wanted with a couple lies and a wink and he can feel that version of him bubbling to the surface.

"What line is that?" Lydia asks, accepting the fresh drinks a servers brings them both. Get him drunk enough. That's the plan.

"Investment banking," Dean comes up with on the fly. At this point he's just curious to see if he can do this whole thing anymore. It's been years since he's lied to a woman in a bar.

"Oh, God," Lydia rolls her eyes. "I hear the hours are ridic."

"Yeah," Dean looks down at his drink.

"But there's money to be made."

"I've had a fortunate year," he responds without looking at her while trying not to laugh at how untrue his statement is. The guilt creeps in the second he can feel how attracted she is to the fake person he presents to her.

"Well," Lydia starts and raises her glass to him. "May you have many more."

They clink glasses.

"Arigatou," Dean responds and takes a hefty sip of his whiskey. He was right. They have damn good booze here.

"You speak Japanese?" Lydia asks, her high level of impression clear in her tone.

"Ah, enough to get by," Dean answers, the lies rolling off his tongue easier and easier. This is a bad idea.

"Well, look at you," she smiles, her face going serious and wanton.

"Yeah, look at me." Dean hides his eyes and peers only at the liquid in his glass. He doesn't want this. He wants Lizzy. This was stupid. He shouldn't have let this woman sit down with him. He should have listened to his gut, shooed her off, and called Lizzy to tell her he's never going to give up on her. He needs to do that.

"You want to move this conversation elsewhere?"

His eyes shoot up to see her. Dean had the feeling this was coming. He can't believe he let himself get this far.

"Ha," he huffs and gets awkward. "Lydia, listen…."

"Say no more," she says with an embarrassed smile.

"I'm sorry, I… I didn't mean to lead you on," Dean starts to apologize immediately.

"I'm not your type, it's totally fine," she tells him, getting up from her seat while quite shocked. No man has ever turned her down like this, not after having pegged them as available and willing.

"No, no!" Dean quickly denies. "Please, Lydia… you're definitely my type. You're  _every_  guy's type."

She laughs something bashful with the compliment, looking to her shoes and tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I just… it's complicated right now," he tells her.

"Girlfriend?"

"Uh… well…." he starts to answers but she cuts him off.

"You're married," she nods with the realization, getting the picture as she looks closer at his left ring finger, the unmistakable mark on it where a ring usually sits now obvious to her. "Of course you are. Every guy with a retirement fund and a smile like that is already taken. I should have assumed."

He looks at her with surprise, not having been ready for the nice comment. "Uh… thanks, but… yeah. I'm, I'm taken."

"You take pictures of her with you on business trips?" she questions, her mind already turning.

"I don't…?"

"Come on, Dean. I have to see what the girl that can snag you looks like," she says in the most innocent and complimentary way she can muster.

With a weird worry niggling at the back of his mind, Dean goes against this odd feeling and pulls out his phone. He chooses a picture from the weekend they spent in California together, years back before Sammy was even a thought. Their server offered to take it for them as they finished up their meal together. In it Lizzy is wearing that stunning short black dress with the sheer lace sleeves that was like a second skin on her. She had her hair long and wavy and she was sitting on his lap, grinning so brightly it should require sunglasses to look at the picture.

"Here," Dean says, angling the phone to her.

"Wow," Lydia says. "She's stunning."

"Yeah," Dean smiles at the thought. She is stunning. His girl  _is_  stunning and he loves her more than he can say. All he needed was a reminder of that. This whole thing was a little too close to his old life for him to be comfortable.

Lydia sighs. "Well, Dean… it was a pleasure to meet you but I think I am going to go."

"Oh, you don't have to…."

"Yeah, I do," she smiles comfortingly, handing back his phone. "But can I suggest one thing before I go?"

"What?"

"Put your ring back on," Lydia smirks. "It could save a lot of women like me a lot of embarrassment."

"You're not the one that should be embarrassed." The sincerity in his face isn't lost on her.

Lydia smiles at him before leaning down to drop a sweet kiss on his cheek. "Have a good night."

Dean just smiles at her in return and watches her leave through the front door of the bar.

He's a bit disappointed in himself. Dean was not a cheater. He wasn't. He's never been one. On the rare occasion when he's found himself taken by one single woman (Cassie back in the day, Lizzy once they figure out that they truly were in love) the last thing ever on his mind is looking elsewhere for companionship in any way.

But circumstances are vastly different right now than they've ever been. He and Lizzy have never been so separated by space and length of time before now. To say it's been challenging would be a massive misgiving. He misses having someone there to talk to and laugh with. He misses the camaraderie Lizzy brings and the ease he feels around her… felt around her. He hasn't been at ease around his own wife in so long… even if he'd give anything to feel that again.

And he's missed the simplicity of touch. It used to be that when he needed that he would just go out, find a willing girl, and get what he needed. No, it didn't always fully satisfy his itch but it would do the trick well enough. And then, once he had Lizzy, that itch never went unscratched for long… until recently. It's been forever that he's felt calmed by her presence, felt her skin and it didn't make him second guess everything they know of each other.

His mind flashes back to times when it was easy and it felt incredible to be with her. That time they spent a whole day in bed at Bobby's. She was spectacular. The way her body moved against his, anticipating everything he did. How she could practically read his mind and know what he wanted every step of the way. She wasn't afraid to push him and she was just as invested in his pleasure as he was hers. It was perfect compatibility in every sense of the word compatibility.

And to this day the mere thought of her smooth skin buried in bed linen next to him can make him embarrassingly hard even in public.

He doesn't know how they let it get this far but Dean's done thinking. He said he needed a few days to sort it out but all he needed was a few hours with a very sexy woman at a bar to remind him of what he already has. Lizzy's got a razor sharp tongue and it has cut him deep and done it enough times to make him want to run… but he won't. He can't. Those were just words after all.

All he has ever wanted was his L and he's not letting that go.

Reaching into his inner jacket pocket, Dean pulls out his ring. He looks it over, the nicks and gouges in it from a hard life are obvious yet beneath it all he can see what it once was, the luster and shine it had when he swiped it from a jewelry place at nineteen, looking for an always available bottle opener. It's like a really obvious and cheesy metaphor for his relationship with the only woman meant for him. That sturdy, always there ring that, even though it's seen it all and come out dented and worn, it's still strong as ever. Somewhere in his marriage is that ring. They're still good somehow and, even if it takes the rest of his damned life to find it, he will. He'll find  _them_  again.

_He's not giving up._

Dean huffs a laugh as he studies the piece a little more and speaks to himself. "I still love the crap outta my wife. No shit."

He slides the ring back onto his finger like Lydia asked him to and pulls out his wallet. He drops a few twenties onto the table to cover the hefty bill of an upper class martini bar and starts to stand up when the front door of the bar opens and he's caught completely off guard by the new customer, freezing in place with shock.

Lizzy.

His wife makes instant eye contact with him and smiles wide, the toothy grin he's seen a million times in their past making his heart skip. He hasn't seen that in so long.

She's wearing heels, red ones that click on the industrial cement floor of the high class place as she makes her way right to him, making Dean's head spin with utter confusion.

"L?" Dean asks as she reaches him, the black trench coat she's wearing hugging her body and her hair piled high and loose, making her look nothing like what he's used to… as if that matters in the moment.

"Hi," she says with confidence, her hands in her pockets as he observes her, her heart beating rapidly with fear that he'll see right through her before she can get all the information she needs to pull this off.

"You're back to black," he nods at her hair, seeing her old color once more making an appearance.

"Oh, uh…." She touches her hair nervously, not sure what to say to this.

"I knew that blonde wasn't gonna last," Dean laughs a little, knowing how much Lizzy hated having to dye her hair a color she never wanted to rock, but really he's cringing on the inside. Small talk? Really?

"Yeah, you know me, honey," she huffs, sharing a dazzling grin with him.

"Honey…?" Dean starts to asks, knowing Lizzy's never seriously called him that specific nickname. That was a Lou name to use and it sounded odd coming from her. He doesn't get to finish his inquiry into the odd moment before she closes the space between them and kisses him hard, pulling him in by the lapels of his suit coat.

She takes her time, using this contact to get a good read on him. All she had to go by before now is what Dean's wife looked like. If she's going to get what she wants she needs to know more… or really, all of it. She needs to  _be_  Lizzy.

Downloading his past with his wife… or L, as he calls her… she almost freaks when she realizes who he is.

He lied. He's no businessman. He's a hunter in a cheap ass suit. A married hunter. He wasted her entire night when she has deadlines to meet and to add to that he's here to kill her and her kind. This bastard is going down, she thinks as her anger at his dishonesty and how it affects her starts to really settle in.

Once she knows what she needs to know to sufficiently make this grift work, she ends the heated kiss and pulls away, looking at him with a smile and total sappy love in her eyes.

"Wait… L…." Dean stutters as his brain tries to catch up with what's happening. "The hell are you doing here? How'd you even know where I was?"

"Called Sam," she easily answers, knowing a whole lot about him now. "He let me know."

"But I just talked to you hours ago on the phone…."

"We were only a state over," she shrugs with innocence.

"Where's Sammy?"

"With Lou."

Dean nods, accepting the answer.

"I drove here alone. We need…  _us_." She prays she's saying the right things. "I didn't like how we left things."

"Me neither," Dean says, sitting back down in his chair while looking at her hands as they weave into his.

"And I think… that we need to…  _reconnect_ ," she says, emphasizing that last word for effect.

Dean smiles and huff a laugh. "I would love nothing more than that… trust me." He eyes her over to prove it. "But I think we need to talk some things over first."

"No," she tells him quickly.

"No?"

"I didn't come here for just a few hours to talk," Lizzy's voice tells him as she steps forward, her eyes on his lips deliberately and obviously. She places his hands on her ass before running her fingers over his shoulders and around his neck. As she plays with the short hair at the base of his neck she says in a sultry voice, "Unless the talking is about what I plan on doing to you once I get you alone."

She runs her tongue along the seam of his lips and he groans low and quiet with the move. It's been so long since she's tried anything like this with him and it's working far too well. He's jumping internally to take her on the floor of the bar right then and there.

But he has reservations.

"It's just… there's a lot I have to say… and…."

"Hot Shot?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up," she tells him and presses her lips to his once more, this time letting her tongue slowly massage his in the most sexy, enticing way she can muster.

"Shutting up now," Dean says before kissing her again, his hands pulling her closer out of instinct. God damn, she feels like perfection in his hands, her warmth so inviting and her mouth… fuck he needs her.

And he catches the scent of her once she's pressed against him completely. She smells… like flowers. He doesn't know what kind but it's definitely flowers. She never smells like flowers. Ever. That's not her thing. His Lizzy has always been strawberries, vanilla, and something extremely comforting.

And she can feel him pulling away, making her worry.

"L, this is… I didn't expect this. Like, at all," he admits.

"We're… crumbling," Lizzy admits to him, keeping her arms around his neck. "And expected is clearly not working. So this is my peace offering… or, my Hail Mary pass or whatever."

Dean's mouth quirks up in the corner. "Seducing your husband in a martini bar is the Hail Mary?"

"No..." she smiles and puts a hand in her trench coat pocket. When she pulls it out she holds up a pair of very lacy black panties. " _This_  is my Hail Mary." She then smiles wide as she pushes them into the breast pocket of his jacket.

And Dean watches with his jaw hung low with shock. "I… I… seriously?"

Lizzy just smiles.

"Are you naked under that coat," he questions quietly, eyes narrowed with total hopeful surprise.

Lizzy leans into his ear to whisper, "Why don't you come with me and find out, baby?"

Eyes bursting out of his head, Dean locks his sights onto her brown ones and can't believe what he's seeing. "That is  _some_  peace offer."

"You like?"

"Oh, daddy like," Dean answers and practically hops out of his seat, making Lizzy giggle slightly.

"Well then… come with me, daddy," Lizzy grins before taking his hand and turning away from him, leading him to the front doors. The second she's facing away she rolls her eyes at his lame words.

"Where to?" Dean questions despite not exactly caring.

"We're getting a room," Lydia tells him, ready to hit the closest hotel in the city and get this done, looking to get revenge on not only a dishonest man but a hunter there to catch up with her kind while she's at it.

* * *

Every good Amazon knows the importance of playing the game right to get what she wants. Men are simple for the most part. You push the right buttons, say the right things, flirt the right way… and boom, putty in their hands.

Dean is no different, despite the few changes she's had to make in her usual routine to get to him. He's visual, needing the site of his wife pushing her boundaries and giving him something new in order to drop his guard enough to just go along with her. He also needed reassurance. Deep in there is a wounded little boy that wants to be loved. On the way to the hotel a few blocks over she told him more than once that she still loved him and just wanted to fix how broken they are… since she could tell that's all he needed.

It worked like a charm.

So now, as she checks them into the decent hotel they came across randomly, she looks back over her shoulder at him. She's leaning against the wall next to the elevators, waiting for her. She catches him checking her out yet again, undoubtedly picturing her in all her glory underneath the trench coat she's wearing. When he reaches her eyes again they're burning for her, that being the only thing giving him away as his stance is casual, ankles crossed and hands in pockets.

She smiles and hands over a credit card.

And Dean's heart is still going a mile a minute. How did this happen? He's still very confused but he has to admit he's not felt this way about his wife in a very long time. It's refreshing and it gives him a hell of a lot of hope.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Dean shoots Sam a text.

_Out for the night I think. Don't wait up. And thanks, Sammy. I owe you one._

He sends it off and re-pockets his phone, not planning to look at it again for the night. He's got better things to look at, like his fucking beautiful wife walking right for him in her form-fitting trench coat that shows off her long bare legs… reminding him that she's wearing nothing much else underneath. God fucking damn.

"Let's go," she says, winking at him.

"Let's," he responds in a flirtatious way and pushes the button to call the elevator. They stand side by side, looking at each other in the gold reflective surface of the elevator doors at they wait, smiling like teenagers in anticipation.

The bell rings and the doors slide open. Silently they get in by themselves, Lydia pressing the fourth floor button. When the door closes the flood gates open.

Launching herself onto him, Lydia pulls her arms around his shoulders and crashes her lips against his, Dean yanking her in hard as his back hits the wall. His hands are everywhere, remembering her body quickly with how long it's been. Damn, she's perfect. So perfect.

And Lydia has him good. This couldn't have worked out more perfectly. A hunter to mate with? Strong, sharp, good at what he does… he's the best candidate she could have hoped for.

Dean reaches lower as his tongue quickly snakes into her mouth, his hands meeting the bare skin of the backs of her thighs. His palms slide upwards, testing her promise. He finds the smooth round skin of her perfectly shaped cheeks… and no panties whatsoever.

"Fuck, you're awesome," Dean tells her before nearly devouring her mouth again, his lips unwilling to leave hers for more than a second.

Lydia just giggles in response while pulling his head down to her some more, continuing to kiss him exactly how she believes she should. She can read his experiences, see in her mind the times he's been with his wife Lizzy, and she uses it her advantage. So far he hasn't questioned her. All she has to do now is keep him burning this hot and she'll get what she wants in no time.

The elevator dings once more and the doors open. Dean pushes off the wall of the car and separates the two of them. Lydia takes his hand and pulls him, heading right for the room she rented. She sees it just a few doors down and reaches it in no time, their feet moving quickly with anticipated want. Taking out the key card, Lydia slides it into the lock while Dean's arms come around her waist from behind. As she can feel his lips landing on the side of her neck Lydia looks down, watching Dean's hands untie the knot of her coat belt. Yes, she smiles. Right where she wants him.

Quickly she spins around to face him, yanking his face down to hers.  She plants her lips on his while backing through the door, making his frenzy continue.  They barge into the room together, Dean kicking the door shut while Lydia unceremoniously shoves his jacket down his arms.  She lets it fly to the floor and the second it’s off she’s pulling his tie open, yanking it through the collar of his crisp white button down. 

Dean’s eyes look at her when he pulls his lips away from hers for a second, the dark and excited look of awe all over her.  She’s really going for it, needing him so much that she’s on the attack.  And it’s turning him on more than she’s turned him on in so long.

When he reaches for the buttons of her coat Lydia shoves him away, staring him down with something predatory when he gives her a surprised expression, his feet stumbling backward into the room.  She then grabs the buttoned front of his shirt and tears it open, a few buttons popping off and bouncing across the carpet.

“Jesus,” Dean says with surprise, wide eyes glued to her.

Tugging his arms through the sleeves of his shirt, baring his entire front of his torso to her, Lydia then pushes him back once more, this time making Dean back up a few steps with the force.

“What’s gotten into you?” Dean says with still running wonder over this woman in front of him.  She feels like his Lizzy but her actions are nothing he’d ever expect from her right now… not that he’s complaining.

“You… hopefully,” she gives her snappy retort with a sultry tone, swiftly unbuttoning her coat before letting it drop to the floor behind her, her naked form standing there with nothing more than her red pumps.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean sighs out, his knees weakening with the sight of her there.  Her light skin so perfect, her tattoos standing out and reminding him of the badass she really is, her curves begging to be touched… his mouth waters as he grasps his belt and opens it as quickly as he can and toes out of his wingtips.  He drops his pants to the floor in one swift move before standing there in just his boxer briefs, breathing heavy as he waits for her next move.  She’s made it clear that she’s in the driver’s seat and for once he’s not going to complain in the least.

Lydia walk up to him and immediately grabs the waist of his boxers.  “Nothing.”

She pushes them down to the floor quickly before standing tall, eyeing him as sincerely as she can manage.

“Damn it, I’ve missed you,” Dean says to her, reaching for her jaw to pull her in and kiss her again.  He only expects her to go with it or at least return the sentiment with some form of ‘I missed you too’.  Instead he gets a shove in the chest one more time.  He falls onto his back on the bed in the room, letting out a sound of surprise when he does. 

“I know,” Lydia says with full confidence, crawling over him instantly.  She can tell he truly does miss his actual wife but right now that doesn’t matter to her so much.  She has a mission to complete, just like her sisters.

Dean moves backwards up the bed as she meets him, straddling his hips quickly.   Dean reaches out for her hand, twining his fingers with her to get just an ounce of that connection they used to have back, but Lydia doesn’t need that from him.  She’s not Lizzy so she doesn’t see or feel that love he does.  Instead she presses his hand into the pillow beside his head and keeps it there with her strength.  She leans over him, making him relax back under her, kissing him again and directing their every move. 

“L,” Dean quietly says his nickname for her, ducking his head down under her jaw and kissing her neck.  She leans away from it, not particularly enjoying it, and brings her free hand into his hair, fingers looking to sooth him and keep him content right now.  Dean doesn’t complain despite finding the move weird, knowing Lizzy usually loves when he does that. 

Lydia rocks her hips on top of him a couple times, grinding into him and pushing him along faster.  The longer she’s in bed with him the bigger the chances are that he might start to see how different she is than his wife when intimate.

“Lizzy, I….”

“Stop,” Lydia says, pressing her finger to his lips and interrupting his profession of love for her.  She doesn’t need that crap.  She just needs one thing from him.  “Don’t talk.  We talk too much.”

He looks at her with total confusion.  Lizzy always talks too much.  That’s what she excels at the most.  Since when does she not want to talk?  Even when in bed together?

“I just want….”  She leans down over him, the tip of her nose just brushing his.  “You to fuck me.”  She punctuates the end of her sentence by licking his lips upward.  “Can you do that?”

This is normally where Dean would have a witty (or at least what he thinks is a witty) comeback for her but right now, but with the trench coat with nothing under it in public/surprising him out of nowhere/can’t wait to get alone while in the elevator/attacking him with her naked body in the nearest hotel situation she has put him into has possibly rendered his brain completely useless at this point. 

Dean just nods like the lost, helpless man he is in this situation and does what he knows.  On autopilot, Dean wraps his arms around her, pressing hands into her back as he rolls them over.  He wants her under him.  He wants to take her, cover her completely with himself, protect her, and show her how damn much he still loves and needs her.

But that’s not in Lydia’s plans.

He’s surprised when Lizzy stops him from reversing their position.  She pushes him back, using strength he forgot she had to keep herself over him, controlling everything.  While straddling his hips once more, Lizzy’s eyes look into his and he has a moment of skepticism.  Should they be doing this?  They always default to sex even when things are bad between them and not once has it fixed anything.  It just got some tension out and as soon as they were done the tension started building up once more.

Yet when Lizzy’s hand reaches down behind her and runs her fingertips up his length teasingly he suddenly can’t remember what he was just thinking about.  It couldn’t have been that they should stop, no fucking way.  Her small, tempting hand wraps around him and he returns to basic needs.

“God, fuck,” Dean lets out as his eyes close, missing the triumphant smile Lydia has as she watches his face twist in pleasure. 

Reaching between her legs, Dean can instantly feel how wet she is already.

“Ready for you, baby,” Lydia tells him, holding him upright as she lifts her hips.  She sinks down onto him, taking every inch with her eyes closes, knowing she’s just so close to her goal. 

“Uh… L,” Dean sighs with sheer relief when she envelopes him like always.  She’s always so warm and inviting, so perfectly homey, that a lack of this specifically is what can make him the most homesick.  He looks up at her, her bright brown eyes locked on his as if they’re studying him, and he reaches up.  Fingers grasping for the gold, rhinestoned clip holding her hair up, Dean pulls it out.  Her hair falls over her shoulders, the long dark tresses framing her face.  He smiles.  There she is.

Lydia leans down, her lips seeking his once more to keep him occupied.  Distraction is key. 

And Dean falls right in line.  His lips press against hers, feel hers, and he remembers why it is they’re so damn good together.  They’re perfectly compatible, the two pieces of the puzzle, and the fights and frustrations start to wash away.

Lizzy’s voice hums out a small, content moan as she starts to move.  She doesn’t take her time, no build up.  She moves with purpose right away, as if starving for him. 

Dean’s ok with that.  He’s been so hungry for this for so long that he’s more than happy to let her get to it quickly.

“Dean,” she says quietly against his lips, making him open his eyes and look up at her.  Her eyes, the bright chestnut brown color he grew addicted to years ago at Bobby’s house peer right back at him and he somehow feels honored.  She still chooses him over every other guy on the planet.  That will always blow his mind.

“I missed you,” Dean lets himself get honest one again as he brings his hands up in to her hair.  He grabs her head and holds her close. 

She smiles oddly at that.  “I know you did,” Lizzy responds, pressing her lips to his again as she gets everything she needed from him.

* * *

 


	15. The Mistake of All Mistakes (Part 2)

_**This is my take on the episode 'The Slice Girls'.** _

* * *

 

Around one in the morning Dean arrives back at the motel he and Sam are camped at during their hunt. He takes out one the two metal keys they were given for the room and heaves a tired sigh. He needs to sleep. Maybe a couple hours will make him feel better and help sort his head out after a very good yet very weird night. At least he and Lizzy got along and he feels like the weight on his shoulders has lightened a bit….

"The hell did you do!?"

Dean's eyes go wide at the greeting he gets from his brother, Sam standing tall from his bed the second he walks into the room.

"Good evening to you too," Dean jokes flatly with the rudeness while shutting and locking the door behind him.

" _Dean_ ," Sam says his name in warning. "Tell me what the fuck you just did."

"You already know what I did," Dean answers with a proud smirk, thinking he must. Lizzy said she contacted Sam so he assumes she told him her plan.

But the way Sam reacts by running both hands through his hair while pacing the room makes him think that maybe she didn't.

"Damn it!" Sam shouts with complete upset with his very stupid brother. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

"Sam, could you unbunch those panties for a fucking second here," Dean requests with a bite in his tone as he shrugs out of his suit jacket. "It was a good night. Actually… it was _great_."

Sam's jaw drops. "It was great? It was  _great_!?" He marches right to him, getting in Dean's face. "That's what you have to say about what you just did!? I, I thought you were better than this!"

"Better than what!?" Dean shouts back, his eyes wide with total confusion.

Sam freeze in place and stares at his older brother like he's completely lost it. "How could you do that?"

"Do what?" Dean still isn't getting it.

"You're not twenty-fucking-two anymore, Dean!" Sam fires out. "And Lizzy loves you!"

"I know she does…"

"Then what the hell are you gonna tell her, huh!?" Sam lets him have it. "You're not single, Dean! You're married!"

"Yeah, which is why I spent the night banging my  _wife_ ," Dean says despite Sam's attempts to intimidate. The room goes silent as Dean eyes Sam over, Sam returning the confused look with a narrow-eyed one of his own

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sam questions, taking a step back as his voice lowers. "I get a message from you saying you're out for the night and… honestly, you're smiling like you got laid."

"Didn't L text you?" Dean wonders, having been told she did.

"Lizzy?"

"No, the other woman we know that I call L," Dean answers sarcastically.

"Uh, nooooo…."

"She said that's how she found out where I was," Dean further explains, the eerie feeling he had when Lizzy left the hotel coming right back awfully fast.

"Dean…  _I_  didn't even know where you were," Sam reminds him. "Wait, wait, wait… hold on. You're telling me you saw Lizzy tonight?"

"Yeah," Dean answers, walking around Sam to get to the refrigerator in the room to grab a beer. "She came into the bar I was at, we went to a hotel, things happened…." He sighs with a sudden smile, cracking his beer open. "Good things happened, mm." He stares off into space, sipping his beer and recalling the night.

"Ok, focus, Heff," Sam shakes his head and keeps on track, something very off about this situation. He faces Dean and sees him casually leaning against the kitchenette counter, shoulders lowered and his entire form relaxed for the first time in weeks. He's definitely had sex. "So let me get this straight... We don't tell the girls where we are ever, right?"

"Right."

"Yet Lizzy showed up in the town we are in  _tonight_  claiming she text me to find out where we were? And I told her?"

"Well, yeah…. So you really didn't text her?" Dean wonders, the odd lie she told him not like her at all.

"No, man. I haven't heard from her in weeks," Sam admits, hands on his hips and brow wrinkled as he thinks. "Why would she suddenly be ok with risking her and Sammy's life like that?"

"Sammy wasn't with her," Dean explains.

"What!?"

"No, she… left him with Lou wherever they are," Dean tells him.

"She would never do that," Sam counters, sure that if Sammy had a chance to see his dad Lizzy would make it happen.

"She would if she needed some adults-only time," Dean smirks and winks at Sam.

"Ok…." Sam trails off, not believing it for a second. "This feels weird."

"It's not so weird," Dean admits, pushing off the counter and kicking off his 'business' shoes on his way to his bed. "We had a pretty big blow out today."

"What else is new?" Sam rolls his eyes and watches Dean flop onto his bed.

"It was… bad," Dean emphasizes without going into detail. "She made a move to make things better."

"So you talked?" Sam says with hope.

"Ah… actually, no. We didn't," Dean huffs a laugh when he thinks about it, pulling his tie loose.

"She just came for…."

"The bueno sexo."

Sam doesn't even cringe at the terrible joke Dean attempts. He's too concerned to. "Does that sound like Lizzy to you? To do that?"

"No… but nothing else had been working between us so I guess it was time to try some new courses of action," Dean shrugs it off, still in too good a state of mind to care all that much about the details. "And I'm not complaining."

"Still don't get how she figured out where we were," Sam says mostly to himself, not able to get his brain off this detail.

"She's good. And I'm sure Lou helped her out so… nothing those two can't do if they work together."

"That's true…."

"Shit," Dean complains out of nowhere when he pats his empty slack's pocket.

"What?"

"Left my flask at the hotel," Dean says. "I'll have to go pick it up tomorrow."

"Or, you know, ditch it for now?" Sam suggests, looking to lessen Dean's alcoholism as of late.

"Nah, it's Bobby's. I have to go get it." Dean will never leave that piece behind. It was Bobby's trusty flask and every time he takes it with him he feels like his man on the inside is still with them. It's somehow very comforting and if it holds the key to taking the edge off of everyday life in it… bonus.

"Do it in the morning," Sam says, grabbing his phone and sitting at the table in their room.

Dean lounges back and takes down his beer while watching TV. Sam, on the other hand, is feeling too weird about everything so he decides to text Lou.

_Hey. Just curious, have you and Lizzy been together all night or did she run off for a little bit on her own?_

He sends it, hoping to get a quick answer, but he won't get one until later tomorrow morning.

* * *

"Morning," Dean says to the hotel desk clerk as he walks up to him. "I, ah, was wondering…."

He stops when the man holds his index finger up to Dean without looking at him. He keeps typing furiously with one hand and Dean rolls his eyes at the rudeness. Why does he always get the worst people to deal with?

Looking around with a sigh Dean's face lightens when he sees the plate of fresh baked chocolate chunk cookies on a glass covered plate on the other end of the long desk. His eyebrows lifts lightly once and he makes a step towards them.

"Hello, sir," the clerk greets and finally meets Dean's eyes. "Welcome to the Hilton. Checking in?"

"Uh… oh, uh, no," Dean stutters out, his hopes of grabbing a snack now dashed as he has to speak to the rude man in front of him. "I was here last night and I think I may have left something in the room. A flask. It's old, dented…."

"Which room?"

"513. I was visiting a… lady friend of mine," Dean responds with a smirk and some seriously proud swagger.

"Ms. Clark already checked out very early this morning," the clerk mentions.

"Clark, huh?" Dean smiles. He didn't know the name she used.

"Yes, and unfortunately for you she did not leave anything at the front desk for you."

"Ok, alright. How about I just pop on up there and have a peek, huh?" Dean jerks his thumb to the elevator and starts for it.

"Sir, that room has been cleaned already. If they found anything it would have been returned to Ms. Clark upon check out."

"Damn," Dean complains, moving back to his place in front of the desk. "She must have it."

"That would be my best guess. If you call her I'm sure you can get your flask back."

"I'll do that," Dean says, knocking on the desk a couple times and walking for the plate of cookies. He pauses and points to the treats. "May I?"

"Usually we reserve those for the guests but feel free, sir," the clerk smiles and looks at his screen.

"Thanks," Dean responds and grabs a cookie quickly. Taking a bite he moans, the baked good just perfect. "Mm, these are awesome," he says with a mouthful.

"Your friend Lydia would agree with you," the clerks smiles wide in response.

Dean freezes. "Who?"

"Lydia Clark, sir. You're, ah… lady friend," he smiles slickly back and heads back to work, typing away furiously on his computer. "She loved them. Took two when she came back to check out quite early this morning."

Dean turns for the front door, chewing his bite as his heart pounds. First he finds out that Lizzy never contacted Sam last night yet found him at that bar just minutes after Lydia, the girl he was flirting with wrongly, left. Then he has a very strange, yet very excellent, encounter with his wife before she ditches, the whole thing very unlike Lizzy as of late. And now… what were the chances that Lizzy would use the same fake name as the girl he was speaking to at the club to check in to the hotel? And if she left town last night why would she check out this morning?

"What the fuck is going on here?" Dean asks himself as he leaves the hotel, the uneaten delicious cookie going into the trashcan on the city sidewalk.

* * *

"I'll be back later," Dean promises Sam while on his phone with him while sitting in his car parked outside of the nice brick-front home. He looks at the address on the scrap of paper in his hand and then back up to the impressive home. "I know, I know," Dean rolls his eyes. "I just gotta get my flask back. No, I have no idea how she could have gotten the flask by accident but I'm telling you this is the name they gave me. I'm just gonna pop in, see if she has it, and head back."

Dean gives up reasoning with his brother right there and hangs up. He pockets his cell and gets out of the stolen car he's currently using. He straightens his suit coat, puts his keys in his pocket, and heads for the front door of Lydia Clark's house, internally praying that the red head he met yesterday won't be inside it. He called the number on the business card she slid to him after discussing what she did for a living but the umber was disconnected. He tracked her down as she's the only Lydia Clark I the book in town.

The doorbell rings inside the good sized home and Dean takes his hand away from the button. He shifts awkwardly on his feet. The eerie feeling he's had all morning won't leave him and whenever the Spidey Sense tingles he's usually never wrong. Hunter's instincts are strong and as he waits, hearing someone shuffle around and rush for the front door inside, he whispers to himself, "Please don't be the red head. Please don't be the read head. Please don't be the red head…."

And then the door opens.

"Fuck me," Dean complains in a hushed tone to himself when Lydia from the bar appears in front of him.

Her eyes look at him with shock. She pauses with the sight of him. "D-Dan?"

"Hey. Uh, it's Dean," Dean awkwardly waves at her from the top step despite being just a foot away from her. "Hi, Lydia."

"What… are you doing here?" Lydia wonders, fear in her tone as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"Ah… so, weird thing," Dean starts, unsure of how to explain all this. "Um, this is gonna be an odd questions, but… did you happen to stay at the Hilton last night?"

Her face drops with recognition and Dean can see through her immediately.

"Why would you ask that?" she wonders, backing away a step with sudden fear.

"Well, funny story, I stayed there last night too," Dean explains quickly. "And I left something there… and they said that you might have it."

"Why would I have anything of yours?" Lydia questions defensively.

"Mix up with housekeeping?" Dean suggests lamely, knowing that isn't it. The knot in his stomach grows as he says this. The more he's thought about the situation the more he's sure something very fucked up is going on all around Lydia. "Um, the point is, I left a flask there and they said you might have it."

There's recognition in her eyes. "Yes. Uh, they gave it to me by accident."

Now it was Dean's turn to give her a wide eyed stare. "They did?"

Lydia's face pales a bit. Maybe she shouldn't have said that. "It was so beat up and old, I almost tossed it out but figured it might be worth something. Since it's antique, you know?"

"Yeah, well, the guy it belonged to was beat up and old, too. But I was very close with him, and I'd, uh, I'd hate to lose it. Hey, uh… how the hell did you come across it anyways?"

Her voice fails as she can't come up with anything at first. When Dean's face switches to impatient with her lack of answer she forces one out. "I don't know. It was just given to me."

"Huh," Dean hums suspiciously.

"I'll get it for you."

Getting the distinct feeling that she wants him to stay on the stoop, Dean walks into the house after her. This whole fucking thing is too weird. He needs to know what's going on.

"So, how you been?" Dean asks, looking for small talk to occupy her while he looks around the very nice home.

"Since last night? Really busy," Lydia answers, opening a random drawer in an end table in her living room, she pulls out Bobby's old flask. She then hands it to him. "Here you go."

"Oh, wow," Dean says when he sees the crib set up in the front room, a little girl holding onto the railing and standing up, looking at him with a grin. "I can see why you're busy. You've been babysitting, huh?"

"No," Lydia answers with a slight smile on her face.

"Yours?" he questions, putting the flask in his inner jacket pocket while walking over to her.

"Uh-huh," she explains.

"You didn't tell me you had a little girl," Dean says, the grin on his face as he looks at her, the cute little girl's bright eyes looking up at him.

"Not exactly a good pickup line, is it?" Lydia lets her know.

"Nah," Dean understands, pulling one of the little girl's hands off the railing and letting her take ahold of his index finger. "What's her name?"

"Emma."

"Hi, Emma," Dean greets and Emma looks up at him with the name recognition. "Your first?"

"Yes."

"Yeah… your first kid, there's nothing like it," Dean says to her with experience. "No one really prepares you for what it's gonna be like. The sleep deprivation, the diaper bombs, the… the sleep deprivation."

"She's been easy," Lydia assures.

"Well, they grow like weeds so make sure you appreciate every second." His voice is far away at the moment, knowing he's missing so much of his own child.

"You have no idea."

"You'd be surprised," Dean tells her, smiling. He then looks back down to Emma and has a moment. The way the sun comes through the window and lights up the little girl's eyes makes him give pause. Her eyes. They're a bright green. A green he knows well.

Stopping him from letting that thought get too far, his cell phone rings.

"Oh, sorry," he apologizes to Lydia. "I got to take this."

He walks into the main room and answers it.

"Hello?"

"Mm. Hey. Where are you? It's a flask, not the holy grail."

"Hey, man, I'm a people person, all right?" Dean explains, his eyes still searching the premises suspiciously. "I'm engaging in some social skills."

"Look, would you get back here?" Sam asks of him. "We're due at the crime lab."

"Mom, get me out!"

Dean's face drops when he hears a little girl's voice.

"Shh, just a minute," Dean hears Lydia respond and he peeks back into the living room from the foyer he's standing in.

"Dean?" Sam calls out.

"Hang on," he tells his brother as he lowers his phone and watches in on the mother and daughter with total weird curiosity.

"Who's that guy in the other room?"

Dean's eyes widen with shock. Emma's small body is turned away from him. He can only see the back of her head as she faces Lydia.

"Shh," Lydia shushes her again, a hand running over the back of her head.

"Who is that?" the small voice Dean's now sure is coming from a little girl that is too young to talk asks once more.

"You there!?" Sam's voice calls out from the phone but Dean ignores it.

"Shh! Don't talk," Lydia softly scolds. "We'll discuss it later."

"Hello!?" Sam tries again.

"Let me call you back," Dean hangs up and heads back into the living room.

Lydia straightens up and looks at him with a plastic smile. "Everything alright?"

"Have to head down to the… office," Dean lies. "They need me there. Running late."

"Right," Lydia says, unimpressed. He gets the feeling she doesn't believe him.

"How old is she, did you say?" Dean asks, looking down at Emma again. She has red tinged hair just growing in, big wide green eyes, and a full set of lips that disturb him to a degree. They look like Sammy's.

"Oh… seven months," Lydia answers, making is unintentionally sound like a guess.

"Huh," Dean keeps his poker face in place while his heart pounds in his chest. "Just a little older than mine."

"Hm," Lydia hums with a lack of interest. "Why don't I show you out so you can get back to work?"

"Sure." He follows her out. As much as he wants to stay and look into things that are creeping him out… he's too creeped out.

"Have a nice day, Dan," Lydia says to him as she shuts the door.

"It's…." Dean goes to correct her but she shuts the door all the way before he could. "Dean."

Shaking his head with confusion, he rushes out to his shitty car and sits behind the driver's seat. After just a few seconds of contemplation, Dean decides he's not going anywhere. He's staying right there and checking this out. Wherever Lydia and Emma go today, he goes.

But he doesn't need to go anywhere. Dean will see, hours later, a little girl leave with a group of women. A little girl around the age of eight. Named Emma. That kisses her mother Lydia goodbye.

And while waiting Sam calls to chew him out for not meeting him like he said he would and let him know Lou said she's been with Lizzy nonstop for days. Lizzy never left to go anywhere last night according to Lou.

What the fuck is going on here?

* * *

"I know Bobby's got a Grecian encyclopedia of weird in here," Dean comments, digging through one of Bobby's old boxes of books he had stored out in the world that they retrieved. "I saw it last time I was looking through this stupid... Would it kill him to have a system?"

"He  _has_  a system," Sam tells him, putting down his coffee mug after a big sip. "His files are set up like his brain." He then huffs a laugh at the table behind his laptop, webpage after webpage open on it, all about Amazons and Greek mythology now that they've possibly nailed down their monster of the week.

Dean rolls his eyes, takes out his flask, and sips away. "You got anything?"

"Uh, yeah," Sam answers, starts reading from the site he found the most useful. "There's this whole crazy side to Amazon lore that Professor Morrison didn't even mention."

"That's 'cause he doesn't believe in it, which is a real handicap when you're trying to deal with it." The bite of irritated sarcasm isn't lost on Sam as Dean sits down on his bed, the book in his hand sitting in his lap.

"Right. Um, apparently, there was this long, bloody war. The Amazon population was decimated, so they made a bargain with Harmonia to replenish their ranks and make them stronger."

"Well, I'd say throwing grown men through walls was stronger."

"Yeah. Well, basically, they became more than human. Harmonia turned them into monsters."

"Can you kill them like humans?" Dean think aloud. "Or is there some kind of trick?"

"Uh, doesn't say. No idea. I guess it could go either way."

"Well, that's helpful. What else?"

"The lore says they reproduced quickly," Sam says with a wrinkled face of concentration. "As in, after mating, they gave birth within 12 hours."

Dean straightens up his hunched over posture with interest at that.

"The babies grew incredibly fast, then the aging process becomes normal," Sam continues. "Which is one way to make an army, I guess. The mating cycle is every two years. They send out all the women who have reached child-bearing age."

"Which lines up, 'cause this happens every couple of years in different towns, right?"

"Yeah," Sam nods. "And we know for sure that at least some of the vics hooked up with strange women days before being killed Amazon style."

Dean drops the book to his side. "Hey, uh… didn't you say those guys in town hooked up with chicks they met at the same bar Lizzy found me at?"

"Yeah," Sam answers without looking over to him as he opens up a second webpage.

"Huh…."

"And then there's this crazy site," Sam continues on. "That has some different theories on Amazons."

"Like?" Dean asks, not wanting any more evidence that this whole situation is seriously fucked.

"Like… they can be vindictive. They don't like to be lied to. And they will take out their revenge if they feel threatened."

"They sound… kind…."

"Uh," Sam stops for a second and looks at Dean with worried eyes. "The idea that they have the ability to shape shift while in heat is on the list of fringer theories."

"In heat…" Dean's question dies on his lips. "Fuck." Dean takes a deep breath as the picture gets clearer. "Fuck." He takes out his cell phone and texts Lizzy as quickly as he can.

_Did I see you last night?_

"What are you doing?" Sam asks when Dean focuses on his phone.

"Praying for monogamy," Dean comments with a frightened, little boy tone that makes Sam give a very confused look. Before he can respond, Dean's phone beeps.

_What does that mean?_

"Answer the damn question, L," Dean grits out to himself as he quickly types out another text.

_Did you come visit me last night?_

He sends it off and peers at Sam, seeing quite the alarmed expression on him.

"You're… you're freaking me out here, Dean."

"I'm freaking my damn self out."

The silence grows to something oppressive in about two seconds flat but luckily Lizzy is in a responsive mood today. She sends a reply swiftly.

_No, Dean. I haven't seen you in weeks… yet again. But the fact that you had to ask is scaring me._

Dean drops his phone onto the book he discarded next to him. He washes a shaky hand down his face when reality slaps him in it.

"Dean?" Sam questions, hating the feeling he's getting from his brother.

"I met a girl last night," Dean starts to break it down. "She sat down at the table I was drinking at and… and, and we talked. We… talked…."

"You  _flirted_ ," Sam says accusingly, knowing what he's trying to tell him.

Dean closes his eyes. "Yes." He then looks at Sam, hoping for the smallest ounce of sympathy. "L and I… we fought on the phone on my way to the bar. It was bad, Sam. It's _been_  bad, you know this."

"So you go hook up with some other girl!?" Sam asks, standing up with fire in his soul.

"I didn't hook up with her!" Dean counters quickly, also standing up. He immediately puts his hands on his hips, fear beating his anger. Hands on his hips, he second guesses himself. "At least I don't think so... or didn't think… shit."

"The hell does that mean, Dean!?"

"It means… I might have… possibly been put through… a, a switcheroo?" Dean almost asks, the disbelief too strong.

Sam huffs with frustration. "You better start making sense here."

"Fuck, Sammy," Dean says before breathing in deeply. "Her name was Lydia. We talked, she thought we were… but she was wrong. She asked to go back to her place and I said no."

"Why would you even talk to her?" Sam has to wonder.

"Because… it was nice," Dean admits his downfall. " _She_  was nice. After months of Lizzy hating me…."

"She doesn't hate you."

"It was nice for once to have someone hear me.  _Want_  me. And that… that sounds incredibly pathetic when I hear it aloud." Dean starts to pace a little, grabbing Bobby's flask again and downing whatever was left in it.

"So what happened?" Sam says, calmer than before. He can tell this is not Dean's fault already. He wouldn't be so scared if it was. When his brother messes up he owns it as much as he's sad to do so. When he's been fucked with and he has no control is when he gets like this. Frightened, like this.

"I tell her the truth," Dean says. "I tell Lydia I'm married and nothing is gonna happen and… she leaves. She just left the bar. And then…." He shakes his head as if trying to come to terms with everything. "God, it was like maybe ten minutes later that Lizzy walks in the door wearing nothing but a black trench coat and looking to get me to that hotel…. She said you'd told her where I was."

"I didn't know you were at the Cobalt Room until this morning when you told me," Sam rebuts. "And she never contacted me. I haven't talked to Lizzy in days."

The helpless face Dean gives Sam is pitiful. "Sammy, I think I fucked up."

They just stare at each other, thinking it all over, and Sam gets how tricked Dean's been now. "So… say that was really Lydia…."

"Sam," Dean shakes his head. "I went to Lydia's today. She had my flask. And, and…. Last night, I swear, she said she didn't have any kids. And today... she's got a little baby in like fruit-fly time. That baby turned into a little girl just as fast."

"Wow," Sam awes when he can't truly comprehend it all. "So maybe you're… you're, uh..."

"Don't say it," Dean warns a finger pointed at Sam warningly. "Fuck." He breathes hard. "Fuck, Sam. Emma, the girl. She had… green eyes. Her lips… fuck she, she looks a little like Sammy…."

"Look, if that kid's yours…."

"I said don't say it!" Dean yells right back, everything hitting him full blast. He rubs his forehead and plops down onto his bed again, his back lower than before. "She's gonna kill me."

"If you're lucky," Sam huffs and sits on his own bed, facing Dean. He knows Dean means Lizzy. "If you're not she'll just chop your balls off."

"I can't believe…." Dean starts to say but stops. "What do I do?"

"I don't know."

"Sammy… damn it," Dean grabs his knees with a white-knuckled grip. "I'm gonna lose them."

"You're not losing anyone," Sam denies right away.

"I am," Dean refuses. "She's never gonna forgive me."

"It wasn't your fault…."

"Won't matter," Dean shakes his head again.

"We'll explain everything," Sam tries to reason, knowing he'd do anything to help his brother at this point. "She'll see."

"She'll say I should I have known," he explains, already sure of how Lizzy will see this. "And I should have. It was her but… it wasn't."

"What'd you mean?" Sam questions.

"I mean… she acted different," Dean explains, looking right at Sam for the first time since he'd sat down. "I figured it was part of the whole… rekindling thing she was going for. But she was…." He makes a sound of confusion. "She took charge. She went after me in a way… it wasn't her usual."

Sam just listens, knowing Dean has to get this out.

"And she smelled different," Dean's eyes close as he says. "She always smells like cherries and vanilla. Always, since the day we met her. But yesterday she smelled like some girly, frou-frou flowers or some shit. It was weird. And… she didn't bring Sammy." His eyes open and lock onto Sam again, the sobering thought suddenly making much more sense. "If she came to visit she'd never do it without Sammy. It's too important to her that I be in his life as much as possible for her to come by for a quickie and leave. Fuck, I should have known."

"Dean, you got duped," Sam tries to spell it out. "And you need to focus. We have to deal with this."

"How?" Dean asks. "I mean, kill Lydia? I'm all for. But Emma?" The desperation in his face is clear as day to Sam. "That's my kid, Sam."

"She's a monster," Sam turns it around.

"You know, some people would've said the same about you a few years ago. And I could never…." Dean sighs heavily. "She's… she's mine. How do I… just, how do I do that?"

Sam closes his eyes with loss. He doesn't know what to say. Dean's been a father, he knows what it means to have a child already and, Amazon or not, that's his family.

"Well, before we do that we need to know  _how_  we do that," Sam says to him. "And as of right now we can't even…."

From behind him they both hear the rustling of papers. When they look to the bed covered in Bobby's reference books and files there's a specific page sitting on top of the one book Dean had just had in his lap.

"Sam," Dean says, tone changing completely.

"Yeah?"

"Those papers just moved."

"What?!" Sam asks with inner fear.

"I didn't touch them," Dean says, pointing to the parchment page now on top of the book he'd had.

Sam goes on his instincts this time. He pulls out the EMF detector from his bag and switches it on. Immediately the mechanism whines loudly, every red light flashing brightly.

"It's all over the place," Sam comments, astonished by the reading. He walks around the room, checking each area. "Redline. Redline…." He stops when he gets to the open window and drops his hand. "Oh… and power lines by the open window. Where there's a breeze…." He turns off the detector. "That could have moved the papers."

"Did you feel a breeze?" Dean questions, knowing he hadn't.

"It doesn't matter, Dean. The readings are useless."

"Hey… maybe, uh…." Dean shakes the flask in his hand.

"We burned him."

"So what?"

"So… what are you suggesting," Sam wonders, asking Dean to grow a pair and say what he thinks.

"I don't know," Dean returns with, not ready to speak his theory out loud. "What are you?"

Sam shakes his head no. "Concentrate on something else."

"Why?"

"Because it's not Bobby!" Sam snaps.

"Could be," Dean counters, needing to think about it.

"No, it  _couldn't_  be."

"Why not?"

"Because we  _want_  it to be," Sam makes clear as he snatches the parchment page that suddenly appeared on the book.

"Maybe it's useful," Dean shrugs.

"It's in a pile of 'maybe it's useful'." Sam looks the page over. "Besides, it's in Greek. Nobody reads Greek."

"Yeah, except Greeks," Dean says, walking closer to Sam. "Oh, and Bobby."

"And Professor Morrison," Sam gets an idea and ditches the Bobby conversation for the moment.

"Really?"

"I'm going, Dean," Sam runs for his jacket and the keys to their current stolen car. "You stay here, keep the door locked. Don't go anywhere. I mean it."

"Fine," Dean rolls his eyes and walks for the refrigerator.

"Get yourself armed, huh?" Sam suggests before opening the door.

"I'm fine, Sam," Dean says, cracking his beer and pounding half of it in one go. His nerves are shot and he's on am Amazonian hit list. And he's a cheater now. Awesome.

"Yeah," Sam says, shutting the door behind himself. He heads down the hallway, adjusting the collar of his jacket. "You look it."

* * *

He shouldn't have opened the door, he knows that. And he shouldn't even be talking to her, he knows that too. But  _should_  doesn't really have a place in this situation right now. This situation is far too fucked for all that.

But in his heart, Dean's a father. He always has been and now that he has a son it's truer than true. He can't just ignore Emma's existence, especially when she shows up at his doorstep with pleads for help.

"They stick you in there, and you trust them," the redheaded, very pretty girls tell him as they stand in the motel room doorway simply looking at each other. Her bright green eyes look so sad and helpless. "It's all you know. And you don't question what they want you to do… terrible things. That's why I had to leave. They tortured me."

When she holds up her burnt wrist Dean visibly winces.

"They told me I had to endure pain so I could be strong like them. But I don't want to be like them."

"Okay," Dean says, cringing internally as his brain screams at him  _bad idea_  but he ignores the alarm bells going off in his head. "Come on in."

Once Emma walks into the room, Dean stows his gun in the back of his jeans and closes the door, locking it with the security chain. He needs just a couple minutes with her to talk, to see what this is all really about, before Sam can get in. He can pick a lock fast though….

"Have a seat," Dean says and gestures to the bed closest to the door. Emma sits. "Okay," he starts with a dry mouth and high anxiety level as he stands a good solid five feet from her, observing how she does look a great deal like both Lydia and himself. "Let's assume that you're not... like them. Yet. What do you want me to do?"

"Get me away from here," Emma tries. "You're a good man. My mother told me that."

"I seriously doubt she said that," Dean denies right away, knowing Lydia figured him out and doesn't believe for a second that he's a good person. "And if you knew me, you would seriously doubt it's true."

"They told me you're a hunter. So maybe you'll understand about me. Maybe you can protect me. Just long enough so I can get away. Then I'll leave you alone. I know you don't want me."

"Alright, let's not... go there, okay?" Dean stops her from saying things like that right away. He never 'wanted' Sammy when he was conceived but he really couldn't live life without that kid. "It's not about want here. This isn't a matter of..." He gestures between the two of them at a loss of what to say. "You get this isn't a normal situation, right?"

"How would I know? Just a day ago I wasn't even alive."

"Good point…."

"Now here I am. My mother threw me into that place. And my father... well... You get this is my last chance to have anything  _normal_  ever, right?"

Dean's heart leaps in his chest. Normal. She wants normal. She doesn't want to be a monster. He doesn't want her to be one either.

"I hate to break it to ya, kid… but my life isn't exactly normal," he huffs a very sad laugh.

"But don't you wish someone could give you that?" Emma turns it around. "If there was a person out there that could give you the freedom to live a regular life… wouldn't you hope that they'd give that to you?"

"Really laying it on thick there, Emma," Dean comments as he looks her over some more, unable to stop doing so. He can see himself in her and it's freaking him out as much as it's making him somehow… proud? "You look exhausted."

"And starving. It's been a tough sweet 16," Emma tells him with a similar levity as Dean just showed her. "So you believe me?"

Dean nods in response.

"You'll help me?"

"If you really want help."

"I do," Emma nods. "A family that isn't about forcing me to kill my father wouldn't be so bad."

"I can't… just let you in," Dean explains to her. "I have people to protect."

"What do you mean?"

"I have my own family…."

"You already have a family?" Emma asks with genuine surprise.

"Yes."

"Are you married?"

"Yeah…."

Emma doesn't miss the sadness in his tone. "Well, since I exists I guess that isn't going so well right now."

"Doesn't matter," Dean answers, washing a hand down his face when he's reminded of the rest of his issues caused by Emma's existence. All of which is not this girl's fault.

"I'll just be in your way," Emma denies right off. "I don't want to ruin your life. Just help me out and I'll disappear. I won't cause problems for you…."

"Emma, stop it," Dean says, eyes closed briefly. "I wasn't saying… you're not ruining anything." He looks at her sternly, waiting for her to challenge that sentiment but she never does. She just keeps looking tired and worn. "What happens when they find out you're missing?"

"They may have already found out. And they'll hunt me down."

Dean nods at her and heads for the refrigerator, opening it up.

"Look, I know this is gonna be hard, but if I'm gonna get out, I have to do it now."

Dean leans down and looks into the refrigerator as he contemplates how thick Emma's laying the sympathy on. Something's not right. "We got cheese and a leftover burrito."

"Doesn't make a difference," she tells him as he pulls a long blade from her sleeve when she sees an opportunity with his back turned. But she finds out how she underestimated him when he whips around and pulls out his gun lightning fast, aiming for her instantly.

"You were asking if I believed you?" Dean says to her, his heart already hurting with the fact that he, ever so slightly, did believe her. Or at least he wanted to.

"I was told you'd be a challenge."

"And I figured you'd chat me up... try and catch me off guard. Almost worked," Dean admits. "I was expecting your mother."

"Don't you mean… your wife?" she bites back, clearly knowing all about how he was tricked by Lydia. "It's not her place.  _I_  have to kill you."

"Is that what they told you?" Dean counters, just buying himself time. He doesn't want to do this. He knows she's evil but… she's his.

"It's what I am," she says with pure nonchalance.

"Well, then, I should just kill you right now."

"Sure. But you could have done that 30 seconds ago."

She sees right through him and that knowledge scares the crap out of Dean.

"It's weirdly hard, isn't it, Dad?" Emma pushes him further. "It is for me."

"Knock it off," Dean coldly warns.

"How could it not be? You're my father."

"Hey! We're not gonna do that!" he get angry at her, using the blood bond to screw with his head.

"But it's true." Emma's face softens and play off his instincts. "You're the reason that we're standing here. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. So now someone has to kill someone."

"No one has to kill anyone here," Dean tells her with certainty.

"Oh no?"

"No. No, Emma… just leave."

"You know what? So far, my childhood's been kind of disappointing…." He sees her grip on her knife tighten with her step closer to him.

"You haven't killed anybody yet. Walk away."

She just stares at him. "Walk away from my family?"

"We're not… family," Dean struggles to tell her.

"Yes we are," Emma responds, stepping closer again with Dean not even flinching.

"Family isn't just blood, kiddo," Dean tells her. "And if you leave right now… I won't go after you. I won't look for you."

"I can't," Emma explains, Dean swearing he can hear disappointment in her voice. "I don't have a choice."

The motel door flies open, hitting the wall with force. Sam bursts through the doorway, gun drawn. Emma spins to look at the commotion, her eyes turning red when she sees the threat.

Her head whips back around to Dean. "Please don't let him hurt me."

"Em…."

Dean doesn't even get the girl's name out of his mouth all the way before Sam shoots her three times. The Amazon falls onto the ground stomach down, her face to the floor as s pool of blood begins to spread out from under her lifeless form.

Sam looks at his brother, seeing Dean's face. Relief… and devastation. The mix is haunting and terrible, Dean's emotions all over. When he lifts his head to catch Sam's eyes he just nods once, mouth slightly agape with shock.

It all happened so fast. Emma arrives, told a sob story, tried to kill him, and then died at the hands of her own uncle. She was a monster… but she was a Winchester. She was  _his_.

Dean has no freaking clue how he's supposed to feel right now. All he knows is he feels like shit over it all.

* * *

 


	16. The Danger of Truth

_**Two Weeks Later** _

* * *

"Dean!"

He hears the voice but chooses to ignore it.

"I know you're awake."

 _No I'm not_ , he thinks to himself. Sleep is easy. Being awake is not.

"Damn it, Dean! Get up!" Sam yells to his brother and once more he gets ignored. He walks to the motel bed and slaps his brother's bare foot that's hanging out of the bottom of the comforter right in the sole, making him flinch.

"Ungh," Dean groans out, everything hurting and just horrible. The taste in his mouth alone is not unlike the scent of death he's encountered numerous times in his line of work. His head is splitting, his stomach a queasy mess, and his tongue is sandpaper. He's dying. He might actually be dying this time. After everything that's happened maybe the chance to ditch all the guilt for once would be nice….

"Cut the shit and wake up," Sam says sternly and Dean can feel a pillow hitting him in the back of the head as he's face down.

"No," Dean complains and hugs the pillow Sam tossed at him around his head, burying himself and reaching out for the ease of sleepy blackness some more. When sleeping he doesn't have to feel any of what he does when he awake so the choice is far too easy.

" _Yes_ ," Sam counters in a complaint that sounds far too young little brother for his comfort. "You can't just hide away from her, Dean."

"Watch me."

Sam sighs and hangs his head, hands on his hips as he stands at the foot of Dean's motel bed. "I'm not gonna watch you do this shit. You keep running like this you're gonna get yourself killed in a hunt… or me. And for once I'm not ready to die."

"I wish you would so I can get some fucking sleep around here," Dean bitches under the pillow still.

"Good one," Sam rolls his eyes, bitch-face in full effect, and marches for his brother. He yanks the pillow off his head and tells him, "No more crap. You  _have_  to call her."

"Not calling her," he answers, pressing his face to his own pillow again. He swallows hard, the three word answer pairing itself with a strong wave of nausea.

"Stop being a fucking coward and call her!" Sam declares and Dean can feel the blankets lifting on one side of his body before something is pressed into his hand.

"Fuck you, Sam," Dean says without an ounce of real power behind his words. He's tired and miserable, he's afraid every second of his waking life and he's fucking sick of it. He doesn't need Sam's forceful interference added to his mountain of crushing guilt he feels every single day since Lydia tricked him and Emma was killed right in front of him.

"You can say whatever you want but I'm not gonna stop until you make that call."

Dean sits up, the room spinning as he does, swallowing the saliva that floods his mouth when the nausea doubles in strength. He looks in his hand and sees his cell phone. "You're not..." Dean pauses, letting the wave of sickness and dizziness pass. "You're not my fucking babysitter, Sam. Leave me alone."

"I did that," Sam bitches right back, his arms flying out from his sides as he looks down at Dean. "For two weeks I let this go and it's just getting worse. You're either gonna drink until you kill yourself or you're…."

"Uh… guh," Dean chokes out a couple times before launching out of bed swiftly, his mad dash to the bathroom just quick enough to have him hunched over the toilet bowl in time.

Biting the inside of his cheek so that he gives his severely hung over brother a moment to throw up in semi-peace, Sam finds himself at a completely loss. He's not willing to deal with this bullshit. Dean's the one that fucked up and instead of be an adult, fess up, and work through it, he's been drinking himself into a coma every chance he gets. And considering how much the man drinks daily it's saying a lot that he's hung over at all.

"Uh, fuck this," Dean can be heard grumbling out when the toilet flushes a couple minutes later.

Sucking up his anger and stubbornness comes with Dean acting like this, Sam walks to the refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of water. He then makes it to the bathroom doorway and stands there as Dean hunches over the sink, spitting a mouthful of water out after rinsing.

"You gotta know you can't live like this," Sam comments in a much calmer, nicer tone this time.

"I don't know jack shit, Sam," Dean counters as he grips the edge of the bathroom countertop, peering quickly at himself in the mirror. He looks like utter shit. His eyes are dark circled and sad, his cheek bones look more prominent than ever, his pale skin looks worse in the florescent, cheap lighting, and overall he looks like a man with no will to live.

Then again, once Lizzy finds out what happened and leaves him he actually might not have much of a will to live. Not without her.

Dean pushes away from the sink with disgust and heads for Sam, swiping the bottle of water as he passes him.

"Leave me alone. I'm fine," Dean says in a roughed up, depressed tone. He cracks the water open and take a long pull as he plops down onto the foot of the bed, his feet planted onto the carpet below. He then runs a hand through his hair with pain and sickness.

"Yeah… that one doesn't work anymore," Sam says taking a chair from the table in the room and setting it right in front of Dean. He sits down, rests his elbows on his knees, looks at his disheveled and desperate brother with clasped hands and a wrinkled expression, and asks, "How long you gonna let it play out like this?"

"Not looking for a sister of the traveling pants session here." Dean gulps more water and groans with how awful he feels. How did he manage to get this hung over?

"But you're a grade A disaster," Sam calls him out. "To the point that talking is all you got left. Dean, you can't live like this."

"Try me," Dean responds with, looking down at his feet rather than meet his brother's eyes.

He's testing his patience, Sam knows that, but avoidance has always been Dean's default. It's one of those left over personality quirks Dean has along with loving crappy food, sci-fi movies, and big rainbow Slinkys that he never had the chance to grow out of in their weird and cut-short childhood. Dean deals with his mistakes as any child would; deny-deny-deny.

"She deserves to know and you deserve to have a little peace of mind," Sam tries some more. "The longer you keep this in the worse it's gonna get."

"The longer I don't tell her… the longer I still have her," Dean counters.

Sam shakes his head with disbelief. "Dean, just a month ago you told me you thought you two might not make it at all, that you were thinking about ending it. Now you want to save your marriage at the cost of your wellbeing?"

"Whatever it takes," Dean says, looking Sam in the eye as he means this statement more than anything.

"Dumbass, you're ruining your marriage right now by not telling her," Sam makes a solid point. "She knows you're avoiding her. She hasn't heard from you in two weeks and whatever this is that you're doing?  _That_  will kill your marriage far before Lydia could."

"She won't forgive me for it," his brother confidently says to him, the shame and embarrassment soaking his voice.

"You haven't given her a chance to," Sam counters. "Right now, you keep this up… Lizzy is gone. She's a smart girl and, despite loving you with all she has for some reason, she won't put up with this for much longer."

Dean looks away, not willing to hear this.

"You guys can get past this…."

"It'll never be the same," Dean says to the whiskey bottle on the nightstand that he's so badly wanting to run to right now. "She'll never look at me the same and I can't deal with that."

"Or…" Sam starts to play devil's advocate. "Or, like so many times before when you've fucked up, she'll get past it because she loves you." The face Dean gives him in return lets him know he's not buying it. "Ok, or you're right and she looks at you differently than before for a while until you can fix it and build back your trust. Lizzy has always surprised you. Man… she's always come around with you. Give her a fucking chance here. You have to… or you can drink yourself to death and leave both Lizzy and Sammy alone in this world. Is that what you were going for?"

Dean grits his teeth and sets his jaw, his eyes darkening as he gets really pissed off at Sam for that one.

"Hey, I got through to you finally," Sam comments as he grabs Dean's phone from the comforter where he ditched it to throw up and presses it into his brother's hand. "Call her. Now."

"Sammy, I…."

"No, no, no, no, no," Sam shakes his head. "No excuses. Call her right now… or I will."

"You wouldn't," Dean denies with a lowered brow.

"For her? I definitely would," Sam answers back, knowing he'd never let Lizzy suffer in silence for one more day. He can't take any more calls or texts asking how Dean is and why he won't talk to her. He can't let her deal with worry and unknowing any longer. "But it'd be much better if she heard it from you. Just do it, get it over with."

Dean grips the cell phone tighter, trying his hardest to build up the courage needed to call his wife to explain his infidelity. Lizzy is a good woman that he never deserved in the first place, he still fully believes that. It would make sense if  _she_  cheated on  _him_. He's a jerk half the time and he's a mess of Winchester proportions. She's the light and love that he's never earned himself. But for him to be the one that cheated? There's no justifying that. There's no way to explain that.

"I can't," Dean chickens out and pushes the cell phone back into Sam's hands. "I can't, Sammy."

And the tone of pleading sadness is all Sam can handle.

"Fine," Sam angrily responds as he pulls up Lizzy's number on Dean's phone.

"What are you doing?" Dean asks and gets ignored as Sam brings the phone up to his own ear. "Sam, what are you doing?"

"Hey Lizzy," Sam greets her when she clearly answers the call. "Dean's right here. He wants to talk to you."

When Sam holds the phone out to Dean, Dean panics. Swallowing hard around a dry throat, his heart quickens with fear. He's never been so damn scared of a phone in his life.

"Dean?"

He can hear Lizzy's voice call out his name and for a quick second he can almost pretend the sound of her voice is as comforting as it used to be. He used to call her on the road when he'd miss her, her voice calming and making life instantly better. He misses that. He may never get that back again.

Dean snatches the phone and goes for it. Sam's right, he knows it.

"L," Dean says into the receiver eyes closes with fright.

"Dean, Jesus," Lizzy says with relief and anger mixing together. "Where the hell have you been? I've been trying you for weeks. Are you ok?"

He sighs and pauses, mentally preparing for a barrage of honesty to leave his mouth and ruin his life. "I'm… I'm not dead. Yet," he answers in a depressed tone.

"Yet? What does that mean?" Lizzy wonders, panic coming through clearly. "What's going on?"

Dean watches Sam head for the door, his jacket on. With one final look of sympathy, he leaves the motel for Dean to get his confession over with.

He lets out a breath and closes his eyes tightly. "Lizzy, I… I… shit. L, I fucked up." That's a good start, one that has him feeling just a touch lighter already.

There's a quick silence before she asks, "What do you mean?"

"I made a mistake."

"What kind of mistake? Are you hurt?"

Of course this would be the one thing she would be concerned over. Lizzy would never assume he did something like cheat on her even despite his past. Instead she defaults to his wellbeing.

"I'm not hurt," Dean explains quickly. "No, I'm… I need to tell you something but you gotta promise me one thing."

"What?"

"That you'll listen to the whole story before you fly off the handle," Dean requests.

"Shit. What did you do?" her voice drops an octave and she grows suspicious quickly.

"You gonna listen?"

"Yes, I'll listen. What's going on?"

Deep breath in. "When we last talked…."

"When you told me you needed to figure out if you wanted out of our marriage?" Lizzy challenges.

Dean bites his tongue and doesn't take the bait. "I was pissed and… it hadn't been a good several months between us so I did what I always do."

"Ran to the nearest bar."

"Yeah," Dean nods absently. She knows him so well. "And… I drank. And I talked."

"Ok…."

"To a woman."

And the line goes silent. He knows he's basically already confessed to her.

"Is this why you haven't talked to me in two weeks?" she pries, thinking she has the whole picture already in place. "You feel guilty and avoided me after fucking a stranger?"

"You haven't heard it all…."

"Oh, what? You want to tell me all the details?" her voice starts to show her pure rage and her vindictive tongue. "You want to tell me how much better she was than me? Or how…?"

"L, stop it," Dean weakly requests, rubbing his eyes. "You promised you'd listen to it all."

He can hear her breathing hard, clearly trying to contain her growing anxiety.

"I turned her down," Dean explains. "We talked for a few hours and when it turned serious and she asked me to come home with her I said no. I told her I was married and I wasn't about to cheat on my wife."

"Why didn't she know you were married after a few hours of talking?"

"I just… didn't tell her."

"And she didn't check for a ring on your finger?"

Dean doesn't answer this and once more his silence tells it all.

"Oh God." She gets it. "How long have you not been wearing your ring?"

"Just that night," Dean confesses. "After I talked to you… L, I was so pissed. You got a mouth on you and… it hurt, ok? It hurt. And, and it scared me. And that ring suddenly felt like it was suffocating me…."

"You took your ring off," Lizzy says with shock. "You couldn't wear the one thing you have with you that links you to me."

"I put it back on as soon as Lydia left the bar… alone," Dean explains to her right away.

"Oh, her name's  _Lydia_ …."

"Don't get caddy. I turned her down when she propositioned me. I wasn't going to betray you like that, even if we were falling apart."

"So what's the big problem here?" Lizzy asks with impatience. "If you didn't fuck her then why are we having this conversation?"

"Because… I was tricked."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I was tricked. Lydia tricked me."

"How?"

"Ten minutes after she left I was getting up to head back to the motel when…  _you_  walked in."

" _Me_!?" Lizzy asks with total confusion.

"Yes, you."

"Dean, I don't even know where you and Sam have been for over a month now!"

"And I know it wasn't you  _now_ … but at the time… I thought it was you."

"Start making sense," Lizzy demands through a shaky voice.

Dean licks his lips and hesitates, hating Sam more and more every second for making him do this. "Lydia was an Amazon. We were in town looking for the lot of them because they were killing single men. She tried to make me the next victim but I didn't fall for her shit. And… so… she came back to the bar looking just like you. They can shift. The dark hair, the brown eyes, every tattoo, every scar… she was  _you_."

Lizzy doesn't answer and he knows she's trying to process it all.

"I think she read my mind or something because the next thing I know I'm talking to you in person. You're telling me you wanted to fix things and extend a peace offering after the fight we had."

"How would she know about that?"

"I have no idea," Dean admits. "But she took your form and I was so sure… I was certain you were there and you were  _trying_. It felt good that you wanted to fix things… and, and I went with it."

"You had sex with her?"

"I thought it was you," Dean repeats. "L, I just… I wanted you so bad…."

"You fucked an Amazon? You fucked a  _monster_?"

"Yeah."

The silence between them is new. There's been the opposite of silence in their conversations for months now. It's been loud and angry and insulting… but Dean would take that over this silence any time. This is terrible.

"How… I mean, you…."

"There's more," Dean cuts her off, knowing now that Sam was right and everything had to come out. "The Amazons weren't here to just kill dudes they duped into having sex with them. They were breeding."

"You need to stop talking," Lizzy tries to end it there. "I don't need any more layers to this shit cake you're baking up"

"They were looking for viable men to breed with," Dean keeps going despite her request. "Lydia thought I was a good candidate…."

"Dean, I swear to you if you don't shut up right now this is completely over."

So Dean stops talking. He lets the silence once more be as she thinks.

"You… you flirted with a woman. You took your ring off and  _flirted_  with another woman at a bar after a fight on the phone with me. Screw everything else in this story and tell me… why? Why did you do that? If you didn't go out there looking for another woman's attention this would never have happened."

"I just wanted to get drunk. I had no intention of talking to anyone. She approached me…."

"And you didn't turn her away!" Lizzy shouts at him. "You led her on for a while before the guilt got to you. It took a good amount of time and an offer for a quick fuck for you to feel bad enough to turn her away. I knew were we in trouble, Dean… but I didn't know how much until now."

He can't answer to that.

"And now… fuck. You cheated on me. And now you have another kid on the way?"

"No," Dean denies. "I don't have another kid."

"But you said…."

"She's gone."

"Lydia? You killed her?"

"No… she got away," Dean tells her, hearing Lizzy's upset from his end. "But Emma's dead."

"Who's Emma?" The pause on the other end explains it all. "Ok. So… you had a monster baby. With another woman. Yeah. You thought we were done before? We're done now."

"Lizzy, just take a second with this," Dean starts to immediately plead. "That night I knew I was wrong to say that we were done.  _I was wrong_."

"You were  _right_ ," Lizzy confirms for him. "What you did… and then you ignored me for two weeks instead of come to me with this. You didn't feel confident in us enough to tell the truth right away. I don't know what hurts more right now. You needing to flirt with another woman, the cheating, the kid… or the fact that you hid from me after it all happened."

"I wasn't hiding. I was being a chicken shit because… L, I can't lose you. You and Sammy are all I got…."

"No, we aren't. Because you don't even got that now," Lizzy tells him. "I'm getting out and I'm taking Sammy with me. And I'm done with you."

"L…" Dean tries to plead with her but she cuts him off.

"You and me? We're over, Dean."

"Lizzy, just take some time to think before…."

"Before I toss out what we have?" she finishes for him. "You already did that!  _You_  made the decision to end us, not me! Don't put that on me!"

"L, stop! Just think for a second. I don't want this to end us. I want…."

"Too  _fucking_  bad," Lizzy says, her voice suddenly choked. "God, Dean… you were all I ever wanted. You and Sammy, that's it."

She full blown crying now and Dean's heart rips in two.

"I can't believe this is happening," she says and it sounds like she's talking to herself.

"It doesn't have to happen," Dean keeps begging her.

"Yes it does," she sobs into the phone.

"L, don't do this," he's begging her now. "I love you and I fucked up. I can prove myself to you. We can get past this…."

"Goodbye, Dean," she departs.

"L!" Dean shouts into the phone and gets no response. "Lizzy!"

When he looks at the screen it shows that she ended the call.

_Goodbye, Dean._

The phrase echoes in his head as he launches the phone into the wall, it shattering to pieces with the violent outburst.

* * *

Her actions are hypocritical, she knows that. She's doing just what she got mad at her husband (ex-husband?) for doing. But at this point fuck hypocrisy. Fuck being the strong one of the two of them. Fuck being a good wife and a stand-by-her-man kind of gal. Fuck being smart, being good, and making the right decisions every step of the way. Good ol' Lizzy is tired of being good ol' Lizzy.

Instead, she wants to get the hell away from everyone.

So here she is, in a shitty, nearly empty dive bar in the current town she and Lou are camped in (which town she forgets… shit, what the fuck state are they in today?) sitting at the splintered bar with a Jameson neat in her right hand. With her left thumb she spins her wedding rings around her ring finger as she stares at them, trying to figure out if they even belong there or not anymore. She loves those rings. They mean so much to her for more than being a symbol of her marriage. Bobby handed them down to her from his wife, Karen, and she's always cherished that. Bobby loved his adopted daughter so damn much and she knows she can never part with these rings because they remind her of him.

But then again they're supposed to be a symbol of her love for Dean… a love that was always returned tenfold until right now. That was one of the happiest damn days of her life. The day she committed herself fully and by name to the one man she'd love over all others until the day she dies. She still believes that. There will never be another guy that she could possibly love more than Dean. It's just a shame how everything has turned out.

Now these rings feel wrong somehow. Like they no longer belong on her finger, like it's a lie to see them there.

For now she drops the issue, keeping them on while she tries to drink away the shock of it all.

Her husband cheated on her. Nothing has hurt quite like this. They've been through so much good and so much bad in their time together but this is a new level. In the past he left her, sure. But back then they hadn't had the chance to develop into the giant love they had. Back when they were young and brand new she just thought he didn't love her like she loved him. It hurt, it got dark for her for a little bit, but that was always something in the back of her mind after meeting him. She knew what Dean Winchester was like. She knew it was a possibility that he'd get bored and leave. Granted, he left to save her the pain of his Hell bound death instead of fucking floozies, but still….

This time… the pain is unbearable. She put her full trust in him, she let every inch of her guard down, and she gave herself to him completely. Yet here she is, right where Lou of five years ago said she would be. She's been let down, betrayed, and cut so deeply she isn't sure there's a repair for this.

And now her poor Sammy, the light of her whole damn life, is going to grow up in a broken family. She knows people do this every day and turn out to be wonderful, happy, successful people but she never imagined this for him. With everything on his plate by simply being a Winchester she knew how difficult the road would be for him but she never thought for a second she and Dean would be a part of that sweet little boy's strife.

Lizzy can't picture it at all. Sharing her son for birthdays and holidays, having to give him over every other weekend, or more likely when he's got time to take off from his hunting schedule, and having to work with the former love of her life to split Sammy's time.

She presses a hand over her eyes and regains her control when she can feel the tingle of forming tears behind her eyes. She will  _not_  cry in public.

Instead she inhales deep, sucks it up, doesn't let Dean make her lose it, and she takes a big swig of her whiskey.

"Rough day?"

She closes her eyes with annoyance. She figured that if she kept her head down and eyes lowered no one would bother her. She figured wrong.

Looking to her right side she shares a forced smile with the man sitting a stool away. "Rough life." She then turns back to her drink and kills it in one big gulp.

"Damn," the guy laughs. "And here I was thinking it was just me."

Lizzy scoffs with a wrinkled face of disbelief. Is this guy seriously trying right now?

"Ok, I get it," the man says after a few moments of no response from her. "Here to be amongst people but not here to talk. I shall leave you to it." He then taps out a rhythm on the bar with his nervous fingertips and leaves her alone.

She hears the man next to her mumble his order in another couple minutes but she's not paying attention. Instead, she's spinning her tumbler in her hands. Her head hurts. It's been hurting since she left the motel, telling Lou she needed a few hours to herself and to watch Sammy. The second she was left alone with her thoughts and fears her headache decided to show up.

Without a word, the bartender lifts her glass from her hands and places a fresh whiskey in front of her. She looks up, thankfulness in her eyes and quietly says, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me," the gruff, bearded man says and nods his head to her neighbor. When she looks to the side the stranger is lifting his own glass, a darker whiskey neat, and nods at her.

Lizzy picks up the tumbler and nods back. "Thank you."

"You look like you needed it," he responds and they both tip their glasses to the other and take their own large sips.

Once more the silence grows, only the quiet juke box playing 'Stormy Monday' in the background. She wishes she was in the mood to say more. The guy is so nice to buy her a drink like that, clearly knowing she needed more booze on a day like today. As much as she doesn't really feel like speaking, maybe he should.

"I find that whiskey either makes a shitty day better or a shitty day worse… but by the time it makes it worse I'm so drunk I won't realize it anyways." She looks to the side and waits for a reaction from him. He looks at her surprised that she spoke, already having made the conclusion that she wasn't going to do such a thing.

"This is going to sound quite sexist, and I apologize ahead of time for that, but hearing a woman as beautiful as you say that… feels very wrong," he comments to her

"Yeah, well, in my experience fate doesn't really give a shit about what your outside looks like," Lizzy comments right back before looking down at her drink. "Or the inside either, really." She takes a sip down and the man watches her.

"So you believe in fate?" he asks, turning in his stool to face her a little more as Lizzy stays squarely to the bar.

She has to think about her response for a moment after the day she's had. "I used to. I don't know anymore."

When she turns her head to actually look at the man next to her she sees something surprising. In the middle of a dive bar, in the middle of a week day no less, there's a highly attractive man drinking not unlike she is. He has light wash jeans on that have seen better days and an off-white Henley just tight enough to show off his build but loose enough to be comfortable. His dark hair is cropped short, his bright hazel-brown eyes are striking, he has beautiful lips, a chiseled jawline, classic good looks, and his darker skin makes her wonder what his parents had to have looked like as he's quite the specimen. She wasn't prepared for that.

"Now, personally, I never used to believe in fate as anything besides a directive," he tells her, the very slight smile on his face surprising. "But I changed my mind about three years ago."

"What's her name?" Lizzy asks knowingly, making the man smile wider.

"Uh…" he pauses, thinking. "Casimira."

"Seriously?" Lizzy asks with a wrinkled face.

"I know, I know. But it, it means… peacemaker. Really, the name is quite beautiful." He stops there.

She can feel the sadness from him so she moves on. "I never had a beautiful name. She's lucky."

The man looks at her funny. "So now I must know… what is your name?"

Lizzy pauses here as she thinks it over. She hasn't used her real name in months, nearly a half a year at this point. But what's the harm in just this once? This feels safe, she and Lou haven't been tracked in a long time, and she's getting a very harmless vibe from him.

"Elizabeth. But usually people call me Lizzy."

He smiles warmly. "That's a beautiful name too."

"It's… average," she comments. "There are a million Elizabeth's out there."

"But its meaning is what makes it beautiful. It means oath of God."

Lizzy peers at him with surprise, recalling when her good friend, her guardian angel and invisible protector, once told her the same thing after denying her request for him to use her nickname. "How'd you know that?"

"It's my sister's name," he quickly responds.

"And what's your name?" Lizzy wants to know now, intrigued by the stranger.

"Trey," he answers. "Uh… it just means three."

"Like the number three?"

"Yep."

"So I'm Oath of God… and you're Three?" Lizzy crack her first smile of the day.

"I guess so," he answers as she laughs slightly. "But if the meaning behind my name makes you laugh then being named three is worth it after seeing where you were when I sat down."

Lizzy stops laughing and nods her head. "That was smooth."

"I hope so," he laughs right back. "No, no. Actually I wasn't looking to be smooth. I don't think you're in a place to get hit on and I'm not exactly prepared to do the hitting on."

"I'm that obvious right now, huh?" she questions, knowing she is.

"When I first saw you over here you looked like you ate a bag of lemons."

Her smile drops then. "Pretty much." She takes a good solid sip of her whiskey.

"I have been there," Trey says back before huffing a laugh. "In fact, I'm still there."

"What'd Casimira do… if you don't mind me asking," Lizzy pries, now curious about the guy sitting next to her.

Trey looks to her with something just so sad in his eyes. "She… let a lot of people down. Made some decisions she shouldn't have. Betrayed us all… betrayed  _me_." He sighs heavily. "And I used to believe in her so much, you know? I used to think she was… I thought she was going to save me from everything my life had become… which wasn't great. Instead she… just left…."

Peering at him with pure understanding, Lizzy can relate. "I understand you better than you could know."

"What happened with you?"

"He cheated on me," Lizzy says to her Jameson. "He… we've been apart for a while, doing long distance, and… he fucked a girl he met at a bar."

"Ouch," Trey responds with.

"Yeah. Cliché, isn't it? But what can I do, right? Guys will be guys."

"Hey now, don't lump me in with him," Trey jokes. "I have never cheated on anyone."

"I apologize then," she says to him, lifting her glass and sipping in his honor.

"Thank you," he smirks a little. "And I'm sorry he did that to you."

She gives him a funny expression. "You don't even know me."

"So?"

"How do you know I'm not some horrible bitch that was terrible to him? How do you know I didn't deserve it?"

"No one deserves that kind of betrayal," he comments quickly. "That kind of disloyalty is a sin."

"You're religious?"

"I used to be very," he comments. "But even if I lost a lot of that faith I still think some of the lessons hold very true."

"Fair enough."

"And… I may not have met you before today but you feel like a good person. I can sense that you are an honest and loyal woman. I'm sure you didn't deserve this."

Lizzy suddenly feels the lump in the back of her throat growing dangerously large. She washes it away with more whiskey and sighs when she realizes she drank the whole thing.

"I'm gonna be drunk before I know it," Lizzy laughs sadly and drops her glass.

"And that's why God made taxis," Trey explains and raises his hand to the bartender. "Another one for the beautiful woman over here."

"Ok, enough with the beautiful." Lizzy rolls her eyes at the comment.

Trey looks at her funny. "You know, I remember a time when calling a woman beautiful was a compliment."

"Well, your kind ruined that, didn't they?"

"My kind?" he asks with shock and maybe fearful worry.

"Men," she clarifies and he relaxes. "Calling a woman beautiful has turned into hitting on a girl. Usually it's followed up by a crude line about sex or the guy is just looking for some ass. You've conditioned us to think that that's the only reason we'd get such a compliment."

Trey nods his head. "It does make sense now, that over time that evolution would happen."

Lizzy lets out a small laugh with the way he answer her.

"What?" Trey asks.

"You just… you reminded me of a really good friend of mine for a second there. With the way you said that," she explains. "He was always so technical and, I guess, basic without being stupid when he spoke."

"He was a smart man?" Trey questions.

"He sure was… maybe too smart for his own good." She pauses when the bartender hands over another drink. She nods in thanks and picks it up. "I think that's what got him killed." She takes a large sip.

Trey gives her a moment with the confession. "You've had a rough run, huh?"

"Rough isn't rough enough a word, Trey my boy," Lizzy answers and immediately cringes. She sounded like Dean too much for her own comfort level on that one.

"You know, my father used to have this saying that my older brothers always told me," Trey starts with a calm and loving tone. "God only gives the difficult lots to those that are strong enough to handle them."

The way she stares at him makes him think he's said too much.

"I didn't mean to offend you…."

"No, no," Lizzy stops him from feeling remorse. "You just… you sounded like my friend again."

"He really does sound very smart then," Trey says in a light tone, making Lizzy laugh slightly.

"He had his moments," Lizzy answers back, missing Castiel more than ever through this. Her security blanket would be very nice right now. Comfort is something she's been missing for quite some time.

"Was he religious?"

Lizzy smiles oddly with the question. "He… marched to the beat of his own drummer. Made his own belief system."

"That's… strange."

" _He_  was strange. And it was sweet. And comforting," Lizzy tries to explain but knows she could never properly put to words what Castiel was like. "Sorry. I'm making no sense."

"You're making much more sense than you think," Trey says to her and the look on his face makes her believe he isn't bullshitting her.

"Eh, we all have friends that are weird, I guess."

"We do."

Looking down at her whiskey once more, Lizzy feels that loss. She feel the loss of three significant people very recently. First Cass, then Bobby… now her Dean.

"You know, I gave up on Casimira when maybe I shouldn't have," Trey starts confessing to her. "I saw her going off the rails and I just couldn't stay by her side."

"Substance abuse?" Lizzy questions with a wrinkled forehead, trying to keep up with him.

Trey pauses and thinks. "She was a bit drunk on something, yes. And her ego inflated to a place where I couldn't get through to her. She felt she was untouchable and I… I had to let her go. I had to give up." He picks up his glass and takes his first big sip during this conversation. "But I regret giving up."

"Why?"

"Because I completely lost her. I lost the one I believed in when all else was taken from me," Trey answers. "Are you ready to lose the one you believe in more than any others you have because of a mistake?"

She doesn't answer that. Her brain can't figure out the answer.

"I just think… if you trusted him once, the man that cheated on you, then you could trust him again."

"You don't even know me," she reminds. "Or him."

The way Trey cocks his head to the side makes her shiver a little. It's too familiar.

"Maybe I don't," he answers cautiously. "But I can get a good read on people just by talking to them. I just think that being as strong as you are… maybe you can fight through this and fix things."

"How do you know I'm strong?"

"You told me you lost a good friend and possibly your marriage recently. But you speak about it and you don't cry. You are strong, I know it."

"Fair enough… but how do you know he deserves a second chance… and how did you know I was married!? What are you, psychic?"

"Not psychic," Trey laughs a little, the sound warm. "You're wearing your rings still. That's a good sign."

Lizzy looks at the jewelry and sighs.

"And I don't think you would settle for anything less than a good man. Strong women rarely let weak, pathetic, lying men into their lives."

"Then how do you explain the situation I'm in?" Lizzy asks him. "If he's so good… then why did this happen?"

"Even the best, most righteous men slip now and then," Trey explains to her. "It's how they deal with that slip, how they choose to repent and make full amends, that defines what kind of man he truly is. If he gives up on you, lets this mistake take over… then maybe it wasn't meant to be. But if he tries, if he wants to apologize and re-earn that trust then maybe you should seek to forgive." He smiles at her. "Marriage isn't something you can just toss away."

"Trust me, Trey. I would never throw away my marriage unless I am sure it's broken beyond repair."

"Well, is it?"

And her throat nearly closes with the thought. She has no idea if it's broken beyond repair. She has no idea what Dean's thinking or if he'll even try to do damage control or not. They were so bad before this even happened that she can't assume anything at this point.

Instead of try and speak again she sighs and kills her drink in one quick go. Lizzy then puts her glass down and looks at Trey. "Thank you for the company."

"You're leaving?" he says with surprise and what she detects as some sadness.

"I'm going to head to the bathroom," she tells him, pulling money from her back pocket and placing it on the bar to cover her first drink and tip. "And then I'm heading back before I get so drunk I make an ass out of myself."

"Understandable."

"Thanks for the drinks," she says while standing up. "And thank you for being so nice."

Trey smiles. "You deserve it."

"You're really kind," Lizzy says to him, pulling her jacket on. "If Casamira never saw your potential then she didn't deserve to have you on her team, just saying."

Trey nods once and looks completely forlorn.

Lizzy heads for the bathroom and as she goes she passes a middle-aged gentleman in a booth, the only other person at the bar at eleven in the morning.

"Uh, my God. Would you look at that," the slightly 23qa1 `drunken man says to himself loud enough for her to hear. "Darlin', with an ass like that whacha doin' here all alone? Why don't come sit with me, huh? Get to know me?"

Now, normally Lizzy would take this as an invitation to kick some seriously rude ass, especially when her life is as stressed out as it is right now. But she's too tired for that now. Far, far too tired.

"I'll pass," Lizzy says and disappears into the ladies rooms.

"C'mon, girl!" the man yells after her while laughing. "Fuck me, what a gal. What I wouldn't give to…."

"You shouldn't speak that way to her," the man is interrupted. Suddenly Trey is standing directly in front of his table and he never saw the man making his way over. "You have no idea who she is."

"I know who she is," the drunk man comments, sipping his beer. "She's my girl if I give her the right price." He laughs something gruff with his own personal joke.

Trey isn't hearing this. "You'll regret calling the mother of our savior a whore," Trey says as he leans over the table, reaching a hand out to the man while his eyes start to light up a brilliant blue.

"The fuck you talkin'…."

Before the drunkard can finish his question Trey's hand is pressed palm first to his forehead. Instantly he screams out as light pours from his eyes. In a flash of white, blinding light the man in dead for his indiscretions. Trey just wasn't able to handle the way the man treated someone like Elizabeth, a woman he's been rightfully in awe of for years, and he needed to seek justice for it.

"Castiel, you should be cleaning up this mess," Trey speaks to himself, still angry at his friend and leader for getting himself killed and not being able to watch over the mother of their Seconding Coming like he was supposed to. "Elizabeth needs you. This is  _your_  job."

When the bathroom door starts to open Trey panics. He looks around him, noticing the bartender is out back and no other patrons are in the place. He flies off, bringing the dead man with him.

Lizzy exits the bathroom and looks around, shocked to see both the rude man and the kind one gone. She shrugs it off and heads back for the motel, ready to suck it up and see her little boy again. And think.

And think a lot.

* * *

He gave Dean a couple hours to talk to Lizzy and sort out his head after what couldn't have been a very good conversation. Sam's well aware of how badly Lizzy's bound to take the news of what happened with Dean and the Amazon but the secret was eating Dean alive. He needed to let it out. Now it's time for the fall out and to rebuild. And, after seeing what's happened to his brother and sister-in-law over the course of the past several months, Sam thinks this might even be for the best. Now they can really tear it all down, see the flaws, and start fresh.

Or just end it if there's nothing to rebuild.

He's praying for the first option.

So with a six pack in hand from the liquor store across the street and a couple of takeout burgers from a local diner that touts the best burger in the state on a neon sign in the window, Sam takes a deep breath and heads into the lion's den.

When he pushes the motel door open his heart completely drops.

"Dean!?" Sam says his brother's name when he doesn't see him within the disheveled room but when he says the name someone moves, Sam catching the sight of Dean's spiked hair just peeking up over the edge of the farthest bed.

Sam drops his peace offerings on the table, shuts the door quickly, and rushed to his brother.

"Jesus, what the hell, Dean?" Sam asks with full concern when he gets a good eyeful of the man sitting on the floor between the bed and the wall, his back to the side of the mattress and box spring. He's still wearing what he fell asleep in last night, a pair of torn old jeans and a t-shirt that's seen better days. His head is hung and slow moving, the rest of his body lax and motionless. And his hand is a mangled mess, blood seeping into the thigh of his pants where it rests lifelessly. His entire body language reeks of sagging depression and loss. "What did you do?"

"You shouldn't a' made me call 'er, Sammy," Dean slurs out through the blanket of drunkenness. Sam's eyes look to his left side, an almost empty fifth of cheap whiskey sitting by his good hand. He knew that bottle had been nearly full when he left. He should have taken it with him. Stupid, Sam!

"Aw, come on, man," Sam complains, knowing just how well everything went already. "Let's go." Leaning down, Sam brings his arms under Dean's and around his back before lifting him onto his feet. He practically drags his large sized sibling into the bathroom before plopping him onto the toilet once he kicks the seat cover down. "Well, at least I know why your hand looks like that," he complains, gesturing to the shattered mirror above the sink.

"You suck," Dean tells Sam, leaning forward. He props his left elbow onto his knee and rests his tired, swimming head into his good hand.

"I think most people would agree that  _you_  suck in this situation," Sam counters as he picks up the trash can and, with his hand pulled inside his jacket sleeve, he begins to sweep the glass shards on the vanity into it to clear the space for first aid purposes.

"It's ov'r," Dean's voice tells him in the most pathetic way Sam's ever heard. Dean rubs his eyes. "It's fuckin' ov'r. She's leavin' me."

"She's not leaving you," Sam denies instantly.

"Said so…"

"What?" Sam asks, the mumbling incoherent.

"She said so! She said she's leavin' me!" Dean yells and looks up at Sam, his face a mess of drink and devastation. "You made me tell 'er an' now I don' have her." This time his voice is back to desperation

"Bullshit," Sam once more denies and grabs their first aid kit from the nearest duffle bag.

"S'true," Dean hangs his head again. "I fucked up… an' I lost 'em. Lost 'em both."

"You and I both know Lizzy just says whatever will hurt the most when she gets pissed."

"Not even pissed," Dean tells him. "She shoulda been pissed but she ain't pissed. She's just… disappointed. An'… sad. Real sad. God… Sam, I fucked up."

"We all fuck up," Sam explains and picks up Dean's hand gently, looking for glass pieces in his skin.

"I fuck up in the biggest ways poss… possible. E'ery time…. She deserves better an' me."

When Dean looks away to face the big orange and green flower-patterned shower curtain instead of him Sam knows Dean's emotions are rolling in every which way with the amount of booze he drank and the severe loss he feels.

"Yeah, that's probably true… but we've always known that," Sam tries to joke as he pulls a tiny piece of glass from Dean's knuckle before dropping the tweezers. He then wets a washcloth to clean out all the cuts.

"Don' know what I'm doin'…."

"What do you mean?" Sam asks on, not sure what Dean's speaking about right now exactly.

"Wha's the point?"

"Point of?"

"Life. If I don' have L… an' she doesn' let me have S'mmy… I have nothin'."

"You still have them," Sam keeps trying to give hope. "We'll both talk to her, we'll keep trying until she listens and knows you never meant for this to happen."

"What do I do wit'out her?"

And Sam takes second to pause, knowing just by the way his voice came out that Dean's lost it. His emotions won over.

"You'll get her back," Sam says with a hand on Dean' shoulder. He's shaking.

"No," Dean's head shakes. "I won't."

"Why are you so damn sure about this?" Sam finally asks, grabbing a long roll of gauze from the kit. He'll stitch up anything that won't close right while he's blacked out. Dean won't feel it at that point anyways. "What the hell did she say to you?"

"Said I don'… have her," Dean explains, his hung low again as he presses his free hand to his forehead. "An' she's taking Sammy. She's done wit' me."

"She said those words?" Sam challenges while working. "She said she was done with you."

Dean nods while looking at the tile floor, not hiding the tear drops that sneak out of his eyelashes and land on the front of his jeans.

"Well… I call bullshit," Sam decides as he tucks the end of the gauze in and stands up. "You need to sleep this off. It'll look better when you're not completely tanked."

"No… I can't… if I can't…."

Dean sighs when he makes no sense. He doesn't even know what he's trying to say at this point. He's just too drunk and depressed to want to do anything at this point.

"On your feet, man," Sam directs and hooks an arm under one of Dean's. He hauls the man to his unsteady feet and helps him walk without stumbling face first into anything. Once they reach the bed furthest from the door Sam lets Dean go, dropping him onto the mattress. "Rest up. We'll figure this out when you're sober."

"Never gonna be so… sober again," Dean comments under his breath as he moves up the mattress and rests his head heavily onto a pillow.

"If I have anything to do with it, you will," Sam grumbles right back as he heads for the bathroom to pick up the mess Dean left. No need to slice Dean's damn feet open too.

"'M sorry," Dean quietly says and Sam doesn't think that the apology is for him at all. He knows it's not, actually. "Sorry…."

Blowing out a hard breath, Sam ignores the pathetic voice in the other room and keeps himself busy until he knows Dean's out.

It only takes all of five minutes.

Sam grabs his phone and heads for the front door.

* * *

"What the hell did he do?" Lou asks with fire the second she answers her phone, Sam's name on the caller I.D.

"Is Lizzy there?" Sam questions first of all as he sits sideways out the passenger side door of the Impala out front of the motel room.

"No. She marched outta here looking wicked fucking pissed and told me to watch Sammy," she answers, her nephew sitting on her hip as she paces the floor. "I know they've been fighting and shit but this… she looked… what the fuck, Sam!?"

"Watch your language," Sam says after hearing Sammy's babbling voice in the background, knowing the boy can hear her. He sighs heavily. "Lou, we got our work cut out for us."

"What does that mean?"

"Can you… are you holding Sammy right now?"

"Yeah."

"Can you put him down?" Sam requests, taking precautions.

"You're  _so_  testing my patience," Lou lets him know as she shuffles around the room, dropping Sammy into his set up play pen. She then stands tall, free hand on hip, and prepares herself. "Start talking, Giant."

"Dean was tricked," Sam starts to rush through the bullet points. "We came to a town for a hunt. Amazons were killing men but we didn't know they were Amazons. Dean went out to get drunk after fighting with Lizzy on the phone and one of them targeted him. She… morphed into Lizzy, basically, and…."

"He fucked her," Lou already knows.

"Yeah."

"Holy shit," Lou lets out with amazement. " _Wow_."

"I know."

"I just… I didn't expect that," Lou tells him, sitting on the bottom edge of her bed in her own motel room.

"Neither did he," Sam tries to stick up for Dean.

"And he told Lizard the truth?" Lou questions.

"He was falling apart," Sam says while looking across the parking lot at a maid going room to room cleaning. "He was a mess and I made him confess. It was eating him alive."

"I never thought…." Lou pauses and tries to wrap her head around things. "Man. What the fuck? I mean, I knew things were bad between them…."

"He didn't do it on purpose."

"Doesn't matter," Lou denies either way. "I know Lizzy. All she's hearing is the fact that Dean didn't recognize that she wasn't his wife. He should have known. How could he not know?"

"I have no idea," Sam rubs absently at his forehead. "But it gets worse."

"How!?"

"The Amazons were breeding. That was the point of all this. They were making a new generation of warriors… and they used him for that."

"He fucking fathered another kid!?" Lou asks with audacity.

"Lou,  _he didn't know_ ," Sam reminds her before she gets too pissed. "Try to remember that you see Lizzy hurting with their distance every day but Dean hasn't been a whole lot better. They're both just… he's been awful."

"I hear that," Lou rolls her eyes as dealing with Lizzy has been no cake walk since the fighting between the couple started up.

"He was desperate for her," Sam explain, knowing it's true. "Dean would do anything for her still. After it happened, when he still thought it had been Lizzy… he was happy. He looked more relaxed than he has in months. I thought things were gonna turn around with them…."

"Fucking hell," Lou cuts him off when she starts to let the predicament settle into her head. She glances down at Sammy as he plays with his toys, the boy always happy and always easy enough unless hungry. "Are they dead?"

"They're dead enough."

"Ok then… we need a plan here."

"What do you expect us to do?" Sam questions. "This isn't our relationship."

" _Thank God_ ," Lou returns with. "But we can't just sit by and let this happen. There's a good chance Lizzy gives up on him here."

"Seriously?" Sam panics a little.

"Lizzy's been on the edge for a while now. Cheating on her? I don't know, man. I don't know if she can handle that."

"It was a mistake… and he was tricked."

"I know that," Lou responds and goes quiet for a moment.

On opposite ends of the line Sam and Lou both take a second to let their minds run.

"I don't know what to say," Lou admits.

"Me neither," Sam responds, watching as the cleaning lady fifty feet away leaves a room and heads for another. The image of Lucifer decides to show up right then and there, of course. He's been showing up more and more lately.

"Sam?" Lou asks, having heard his sharp intake of breath suddenly.

He doesn't hear her as he watches Lucifer smile at him and wink as he walks up behind the cleaning lady. With a hand grabbing her hair hard, he thrusts his other hand straight through her back and out her stomach, the woman's face horrified as she looks down to see it. Sam flinches with the violence of it all.

"Sam!?" Lou calls out and he blinks, the image cleared from his mind. Instead he sees the cleaning lady looking at him funny.

"Yeah? Yeah, I'm, I'm here," Sam tells his girl, immediately on damage control. "I'm, I'm listening."

"How bad is it getting?" Lou wonders, already aware of what just happened. She always knows when he's zoned out and the Cage is showing up in reality. She can just tell, even over the phone.

"I'm fine…."

"Say that again and I'll beat your ass into nothing the next time I see you," she threatens, a true edge in her tone. "Truth, Giant."

"It's…." He starts to lie but knows it isn't worth it. Plus, didn't he just tell Dean to be truthful? "It's worse."

"How much worse?" Lou pries on. Yes, Dean and Lizzy are a mess right now but that's something that  _they_  need to deal with. She and Sam can help but they're adults. Her priority is Sam and his head right now, especially when she is the one person that can make the hell-vision better and they've been forced apart for now.

"Just… worse," Sam answers simply.

"Please don't try and make this better, not for me. Start talking, honey. What's going on in your head?" Once more, Lou's hard edge disappears into a loving, concerned, and quite warm one for him.

Sam sighs heavily, not wanting to talk about it really. It's horrible enough. But it is getting worse day by day. And he doesn't know how long before this takes over his life, which is a horrifying thought.

"I see him… ten times a day," Sam tells her. "Sometimes he kills people around me, sometimes it's me… sometimes it's you."

Lou stays silent and listens.

"Last night I dreamed about the Cage. You were strung up and I had to watch… everything," he pushes through his need to stop so that he can get this out. Lou deserves to know what he's dealing with and, in turn, what  _she's_  dealing with. "I was yelling to you but… I couldn't move, couldn't get to you. So I concentrated when I realized I was asleep and forced myself to wake up… but when I did… Lucifer was still there. In the motel room. Torturing you in front of me. I couldn't escape it this time."

He can hear Lou push out a lungful with fear and shock.

"Giant, Jesus fucking Christ," she says to him.

"I know. It's bad," he admits. "But with everything on our plates…."

"Shut up about everything else.  _Nothing_  is more important than your head," she stops him. "Can you sleep at all? Since he's gotten into your dreams so hard?"

"I get what I can when I can," Sam shrugs off. "But that's nothing new."

"But you said it's getting worse…."

"Lou, there's no doctor for this. I can't just… go to therapy and, and work on it," Sam reminds. "What do you want me to do here?"

"I don't know," her voice cracks a little.

"Don't get upset. I'll be ok," he promises, never wanting her to get so worried over him.

"I'm coming there," Lou says with certainty, her voice still choked up. "Where are you?"

"No, you're not," Sam refuses right away.

"You need me…."

"So does Lizzy," Sam reminds her. "I've got at least a few more days' worth of handling this on my own. You need to look out for her right now and make sure Sammy's good. After that… then we'll talk."

"I don't like it," Lou tells him. "I want to be with you. I should be helping. And I know Dean. With his own bullshit piling up he's not paying attention to this part of you."

"I promise you I'm going to be ok," Sam says lightly. "Give me… a week. We'll meet up in a week and I'll show you that I'm ok enough. Deal?"

"Yes… because I have no fucking choice," Lou laments.

Sam huffs a small laugh.

"Shit," Lou complains as she looks out the big motel picture window to see Lizzy walking back to the room. "Lizard's back."

"You better go."

"Yeah," she sighs and agrees. "Giant, I… I'm worried about you. You tell me if it gets worse? Even a little?"

"Of course," Sam lies right away.

"I…."

"Yeah, I know," Sam laughs a little, knowing what she's trying to say. "Love you too. Now go talk to Lizzy."

"Hey, uh… with everything going on… thanks for, you know, not sucking as a boyfriend," Lou blurts out before Lizzy can walk into the room.

"And thanks for calling me boyfriend," Sam jokes with her right away, always thinking it a minor miracle when Lou can admit to being in a relationship in any way, shape, or form.

"Don't be a dick about it," she tells him but Sam can even hear the smile on her lips with the insult she doesn't really mean before the line goes dead.

* * *

 


	17. The Ward (Part 1)

**_This is my take on the episode 'The Born-Again Identity'._ **

* * *

 

"This is the place," Lizzy says when she sees the sign for the institution at the end of a paved road. "Turn here."

Lou stays silent as she pulls into the lot on the side of a large white building that's seen better days. They park their stolen shit-box of the week and Lou's on her feet instantly. She doesn't wait for Lizzy to grab Sammy out of his car seat in the back before running for Dean standing by the front entrance.

"What the hell is going on!?" Lou shouts before even getting to him. "How is he!?"

"He finally cracked in half," Dean answers, his face long and sad as he washes a hand down his jaw. She comes to a full stop in front of him with sheer fright in her eyes. "It's not great."

"He told me he was ok enough to make it another week. I was gonna see him in a week and figure this out," Lou tells him, getting pissed at herself for believing him. "I should've went with my gut."

"There's no way you could've known this would happen," Dean tells her, hands on her shoulders to make her really listen.

"He's such a fucking liar," she looks ready to cry.

"He lied to everyone," Dean says, glancing behind her to see Lizzy carrying Sammy their way. "That's what he does. He lies about what's slowly killing him."

"How did he land here?" Lou wonders, showing her true upset and devastation.

"He… hasn't slept in days. He got all confused and walked in front of a moving car."

"What!?" Lou panics. "Is he ok!?"

"Nothing he can't handle," Dean sighs, Lizzy now standing next to Lou. They make eye contact for a moment but say nothing. They haven't really talked since Dean's confession as Lizzy wouldn't answer the phone. She didn't know what to say or think so she avoided her problems like she usually does.

"Why hasn't he slept in days?" Lou pulls his attention back to her.

"He said Lucifer won't let him," Dean explains, sighing heavily and taking his hands back. "They've tried everything to knock him out and it won't work."

"Oh God, I need to go see him.  _Now_ ," Lou says, her heart in her throat with her worry over him.

"They'll only let in one at a time right now. He's in a locked ward," Dean explains, glancing quickly at Lizzy. "Just go to the front desk. Talk to Susan and let her know who you are. I told her you were coming. Just… say your name is Louise Winchester."

"Why?"

"Uh, immediate family only so… you had to be married."

"Oh, ok," Lou nods and heads for the door, pausing to look back at him. "Thanks, Dean. Thank you."

"Just go see him and when you get booted head for the cabin," Dean tells her. "We'll meet you there. L can stop by tomorrow."

Lou looks at Lizzy to silently ask if it's ok that she not get to see Sam today.

"Tell him I love him and I'll see him tomorrow," Lizzy smile sadly and nods.

"I will," Lou nods and runs through the doors.

Once it's just the two of them, Lizzy and Dean look at each other awkwardly. Dean called Lou and not her when everything went down so they really haven't said a word to each other yet.

"How are you?" Dean asks and wants to cringe with the lameness of the question. Years together and a child and here he is at a loss of what to even say to her.

"Ok," Lizzy shrugs as she shifts Sammy in her arms, turning him to face his dad and holding him out. "Someone missed you."

"Ah, hey big man," Dean says with excitement through his sheer worried state. His brother is on the brink of death from exhaustion but this is his son. He never sees his son. Taking Sammy in his arms, he pulls him in hard and kisses his chubby little cheek. "Getting huge, dude. Eating everything in sight, right?"

"Absolutely," Lizzy answers and actually smiles, happy to see the two boys together again.

Dean sighs and feels better now, Sammy with him where he belongs. His smile only lasts a couple second though. He then remembers where he is and why and the wrinkled expression of pain returns.

"We'll find an answer," she says as she shoves her hands in her back jeans pockets out of awkwardness, reading his mind right away. She can still read him like always, that's never changed.

"How do you know there is one?" Dean asks, knowing he told Sam he'd figure it out and only sharing his worries with her, like always.

"I just know that after everything… Sam's not going out this way. No fucking way."

"Language," Dean comments, looking down at Sammy and knowing he's old enough to start picking things up.

"He's not," she repeats. "Let's head to cabin. You need to fill me in on everything happening with him. Then we can start searching. We have Bobby's whole network to call and I have a couple names to contact too. Between all of us someone has to know something, right?"

Dean smiles so small. She does that for him all the time, build up his confidence and optimism when he's running on empty. She makes him think anything is possible when he needs to be told so the most.

"Yeah, let's go," Dean says, running a hand over Sammy's head and pressing a kiss to his forehead before making his way to his car with his family.

* * *

Walking very slowly up to the door she's been directed to, Lou breathes evenly and deeply in order to keep her shit together. She has no idea what she's about to step into with Sam right now. All she knows is that he's gone nuts and she's really,  _really_  scared about it. This is a very new situation for her. She's never dealt with mental instability before. All she knows is she has to be there for him. Sam's already proven himself to her several times over. He's been faithful and wonderful and nothing short of loving and better than she could have hoped for. Now it's her turn.

Lou stops before entering, looking in through the wire-grid window. She ignores the barebones, barely acceptable room conditions in favor of honing in on the man sitting on the edge of the very small, twin-sized bed.

Her heart breaks in that moment. Sam sits here, his long hair disheveled, his face cut and bruised, his body slumped miserably and his eyes hollow and zoned out. He looks awful and nothing like the larger-than-life man that he really is.

That's not her Giant. That's a shell of her Giant, what he used to be having been taken from him bit by bit by his memories of Hell.

"This is so unfair," she mutters to herself with a hand pressed over her mouth.

She pauses to gather herself before entering and as she does she watches Sam lift his head, his eyes focusing on the empty air in front of him as he angles his sights upward.

"It's, it's not bad," Sam voice roughly answers, his entire being sounding drained. He clears his throat. "Um… three."

Lou freezes in place, the fear suddenly far more consuming that it was just a second ago as she stands on the other side of that door still.

"I'm, I'm not."

He's speaking to the air. He's talking to the images in his head. Never before now has she seen this. In the past he'd zone out, sure. Maybe mutter to himself as he tries to talk himself out of what he knows are fake images his brain produces to fuck with him. But this… how does she fight against this? He thinks what he sees is real and there's no way for her to counter that.

"Yeah. I, I guess I have a high threshold."

"Oh my fucking God," Lou huffs out with alarm. He's completely in his head.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asks to the space in front of him as his face wrinkles with confusion.

And the atmosphere in the small white room changes completely. Sam gets to his feet as his expression drops to utter terror. He backs away from the empty space like a wounded animal retreating from its predator.

"Just stay the hell away from me."

She can't let him deal with this alone anymore. Lou pulls open the door to the room and slowly walks in.

"Giant?" she softly calls out in the sweetest, calmest voice she can manage. She takes a few cautious steps in as Sam lets his eyes drift to her.

"Oh no," he laments when he sees her. He turns back to the barred window and leans his forehead against the cool metal. With closed eyes, Sam tries his hardest to make her go away. "Not this again. Come on…."

"Sam, it's me," Lou says, another couple steps forward.

"You can make her go away," Sam now squeezes his lids closed, concentrating. "Just focus."

"But I'm here," she tries some more, giving up the cautious stuff and walking right for him. "It's the real me."

"Don't fall for it," Sam keeps up his self-dialogue as his hands each grip a metal bar with tight, white-knuckles fists. "Not again… not again…."

"Honey, please look at me," Lou practically begs of him, desperate to break through his mind.

Sam doesn't respond. He just takes a deep breath in and out of his nose.

"Damn, dude," Lou complains and decides that caution isn't working. Screw being nice. Lucifer isn't playing nice and easy so why should she? Knowing it's risky to do so Lou reaches up and pulls Sam's face to her. "Look at me, Giant."

Sam visibly flinches as he keeps his eyes closed.

"Sam, please? Just trust that it's me this time. I came to help. You knew I would, right?" she questions and Sam's face further scrunches up in pain.

"Not real… not real…." Sam quietly says his mantra.

"Fuck this," Lou gives up and pulls him in, pressing a serious and adoring kiss to his lips. She doesn't let him pull back when he tries at first and quickly enough Sam doesn't fight her. Instead he actually leans into her a little, his lips pressing back as he starts to believe in reality.

When Lou ends it she keeps a strong hold of his jaw and opens her eyes, looking at his expression. His eyes stay closed but his forehead evens out and becomes unwrinkled.

"It's really me," she whispers quietly to him, making him feel like she's creating this little bubble of just them within his own personal Hell. "Did you really think I was gonna leave you hanging here alone?"

Finally Sam opens his eyes slowly, still afraid on the off chance that Lucifer is fucking with him again, but when he gets an eyeful of the woman in front of him he cracks the slightest of smiles.

"Hi," Lou greets.

Sam just nods and tries his hardest to not let his emotions take him. He presses his lips together slightly when he gets choked up by the fact that she's here to help. She's actually here, no head games. She's real, he felt it.

"Come here," she says with a sympathetic smile. She pulls him in tight, her arms around his middle, and Sam's come around her shoulders quickly, damn near crushing her with the strength behind the embrace.

She can hear him makes several struggled breaths over her shoulder as he's overwhelmed in the moment. She shakes her head slightly, looking to the ceiling and wondering how she's supposed to handle this. It's so much. It's so bad.

"It's ok, Giant," Lou tells him, her hands rubbing his back through the thin, simple white t-shirt.

Sam doesn't move or back away. Instead he keeps his hold on her, never ready to let it go. It feels like this is the first time in days he's been totally sure of something in far too long.

_Aw, so nice of her to stop in for the proper goodbyes, huh Sammy?_

Sam's eyes slam shut again with the sound of  _that_  voice. He was given two whole minutes without it when Lou walked in and it was pure heaven.

As she lets him hold her close she can feel the flinch run through his body out of nowhere. They aren't alone.

"Tell him to shut his ass up," Lou dangerously says to Sam, beyond pissed at the fallen angel at this point. Granted, she knows he's in the Cage and nowhere near Sam but his lasting impression is crushing her man. It's not right. "I never get to see you. He doesn't get to interrupt my visit."

_Shut my ass up!? So rude…._

"I don't think we have a choice," Sam says in a completely down tone as he pulls away from her. He lumbers quietly over to his bed and sits on the edge, looking at her once settled. "Lou… I…." He gives up. What is there to say anymore?

The physical pain in her chest bites her hard. That huge, strong, and so bold man that she's completely in love with doesn't remotely look like him anymore. And his will is completely crushed.

"You're not doing that," she tells him, walking right up to him. She stands tall and confident despite her confidence waning more and more every second.

Sam's confused by her. "I'm not doing anything…."

"Exactly!" she says, getting a little angry. "Stop doing nothing. Stop assuming it's over. I can already tell that's what you're doing."

"I can't fight this anymore," Sam lets her know, his tone broken and showing every ounce of pain he's in as he looks at the tiled floor.

"Why not?"

"I'm… I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I don't have it in me."

"Not even for me?"

When Sam looks up his whole body goes stiff.

_Yeah, Sam… not even for her?_

Lucifer smiles at Sam as he stands behind Lou to the side, his hand on her shoulder. He smirks wide and raises his free hand, the gleaming metal of the knife in it making Sam get angry for the first time in days. He's been too tired to be mad but right now, threatening to show Lou once more getting hurt, Sam's actually finding a new emotion besides helpless.

"Oh, no. What?" Lou questions when she sees Sam's posture straighten and his eyes lock on whatever he sees over her shoulder.

_You know, carving her is always just so… well, it's so God damn fun, ha._

"Don't," Sam grits out, Lou's heart pounding with worry even further.

_And that's exactly why it's so fun._

Lucifer laughs hardily as he plunges the knife into Lou's lower abdomen.

_Because it's what gets to you the most._

He then yanks the knife upwards, gutting Lou right in front of Sam's eyes.

"No, no, no, no," Sam mutters out as his eyes grow panicked and wide.

"Sam!" Lou shouts at him, stepping forward and pressing a hand to either side of his head. "Sam! Giant, come on!" She shakes him but his eyes stay focused past her, on whatever it is horrifying him right now.

Sam doesn't hear her calling out to him. Instead he hears her gurgling voice struggling to not drown in her own blood as Lucifer laughs manically behind her.

When Sam never snaps out of it Lou does the one thing she can do that has worked in the past.

Hastily, Lou climbs into Sam's lap, straddling him and pulling him in hard. She kisses him again, holding him by the sides of his head and not letting him back away even though he tries. This is all she has in her arsenal at this point and she'll use it without thought.

"Please come back," Lou says to him, her mouth still lightly on his. She kisses him again but with the same results. Nothing. "Sam? Please?" she whispers just to him. "He's not here."

_You know that I am, Sammy…._

Sam's eyes remain closed as he listens to the taunts in the background and he refuses to look up and see what Lucifer might be doing to Lou again. He's seen every incarnation of Lou's torture and death in the past and he's certainly not ready to relive all that.

_Open those peepers, Sam. We've got work to do._

"Damn it," Lou says as the need to cry starts creeping into her soul. She pulls her lips away from his, the realization that the one thing she had that could keep Lucifer away isn't working anymore. "I don't know what to do here."

This time Sam hears her. He hears her over Lucifer's cackling and he opens his eyes in time to see Lou cover her own face with her hands, her back hunched forward.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Lou asks herself, her voice giving away that she's overwhelmed with sadness.

Somehow her sadness got through to him. Sam can hear just her, only her. Lucifer is gone for a moment and he couldn't be more thankful for that.

"You're doing it," Sam tells her and Lou hazards a peek at him. He's looking at her. Those words were meant for her.

"I'm just sitting here not able to help," she cries to him, wanting to keep helping. "What am I doing?"

Sam's face wrinkles with thankfulness as he pulls her into him, hugging her hard once more. "You give a shit."

"Of course I give a shit!" Lou nearly shouts as she lets one of her hands bury into his hair and keep his head pressed against hers. "I love you! Sam, I can't lose you to this!"

Sam doesn't respond to her. Usually this is where Winchester men lie their asses off and claim everything will be fine when they don't actually know if everything will or not. But he can't lie to her right now. Things are too dyer. And he's too terrified of leaving her.

"We finally get this back," Lou sobs out, her face turned to him as she speaks into the crook of his neck. "We finally get each other back… and now this? This isn't fair."

"Nothing is ever fair to us," Sam states simply enough. "You should be used to it by now."

"I'll never be used to being without you," Lou admits very quietly, the words so hard to say but absolutely necessary to say. When her hand is forced she can find it in her to say things she'd normally be far too freaked to.

And to that Sam sighs and keeps holding her right there, not at all ready to do that to her.

Lou takes a deep, unsteady breath. "Please don't go…."

* * *

"Oh, well… I am  _so sorry_  to have bothered you," Lizzy sarcastically responds and hangs up on her call, slamming her cell down onto the table with frustration. "Fucking jackass."

She sighs, her hands on her hips as she looks across the kitchen table to Dean and Sammy. The little boy fell asleep about an hour earlier and hasn't moved once ever since. He and Dean caught up, babbling baby talk together as Dean helped sort through who they can contact for help with Sam, and that proved to be awful tiring.

"Another dead end?" Dean asks while scanning through Bobby's journal, looking at the last phone number left to try.

"You know, for knowing so many hunters… he really knows a lot of rude ones."

"Then cross those fingers," Dean comments, punching in the number and holding the phone to his ear. He waits. And waits. And gets the voicemail box. He leaves a message as Lizzy's face falls lower. "Yeah, hi. Uh... my name's Dean. I'm a friend of Bobby Singer's. I'm, uh, looking for some info. If you could call me back at 785-555-0128. Thanks."

He then draws a line through the name, all eight names now crossed off the short list he pulled from his father's contacts. He then closes up the journal and tosses it a foot away onto a table, washing a hand down his jaw with frustration.

"What now?" Lizzy asks, unsure of where to look for answers now.

"I… I got nothing," Dean admits, looking down at Sammy.

"Great," Lizzy responds in a down tone, heading for the refrigerator.

Needing to stand up, Dean gets up from his chair and starts to pace the cabin. His brother's life is in serious jeopardy and they've already hit a wall.

"Maybe Garth will have something when he calls back…" Lizzy starts to say but gets cut off by the sound of something falling to the floor.

They both pause and look, seeing that Bobby's journal, which had been lying in the middle of the table, has somehow fallen onto the cabin floor.

"I didn't touch it," Dean says despite it being obvious as he's a good ten feet away.

"I figured," Lizzy says without a bite. "How?"

"No idea," Dean answers, walking to the journal and picking it up. A business card for Mackey's Taxidermy fell out. When he checks the back there's a cell phone number hand written on it. He puts the journal back on the table and holds the card up for Lizzy to see. She grips the beer she got for him tightly in both hands. "I think something made it fall. Or… someone."

He just stares at her waiting for a response of disbelief.

"Who?" Lizzy asks, just wanting to hear him say it.

"Maybe..." He swallows hard and walks to her. "Maybe Bobby?"

"It's not," she tells him for sure.

"You say that like it's fact."

"Because it is," she cringes internally when she says it. "We burned his body."

"And we've seen ghosts come around after a proper send off before."

"I know but it's not him. I… checked." She closes her eyes briefly with the admission.

"What do you mean?"

"I got out a talking board," she blurts out. "The beer you were sure you drank weeks back? I know you didn't drink it. I was…." She rolls her eyes. "I was keeping track."

"You count my drinks?" Dean wrinkled and insulted expression stares back at her.

"Before noontime, yes," Lizzy says without anger, not ready to fight anymore. When she last talked to him and told him hastily it was over she decided that day to not fight anymore with him. "The point is… it freaked me out. And it made me think… so I gave it a whirl. I got no answer. He's not around, Dean."

"Maybe he wasn't in a chatty mood at the time," Dean guesses.

"No. If he's gonna speak up for anyone…."

"You think it'd be you?" Dean wonders, not really sure if that's true.

"It'd be Sammy," she corrects with full certainty. "He was with me when I tried to contact him. I still got nothing."

Dean nods, thinking she's smart for bringing Sammy and right that Bobby's not around. "Then I guess that's that," Dean shrugs, looking down at the business card again. "No Bobby."

"No Bobby," Lizzy echoes sadly. She remembers feeling just so sad when he never responded to her talking board reach out. As happy as she is that he moved on… she misses his so damn much.

Dean studies the card again, really looking at it. He can't shake the feeling that this holds answers for him. His Spidey senses are going nuts.

"You're calling the taxidermist?" she asks him with confusion when he starts to dial the number into his phone.

"Desperate times call for weird ass phone calls to strangers." Dean glances at her as he puts the phone on speaker and places it on the table, listening to the ringing sound.

"Mackey."

The fact that the guy answered right away surprises Dean at first. "Hey, uh… Mackey. This is Dean Winchester." He leaves it at that in hopes his name alone will mean something to the guy. If it does then he's a hunter.

"Winchester, huh?" Mackey half chuckles. "The hell did I do to get a call from a man with that last name?"

Dean smirks ever so slightly with just one corner of his mouth with that comment. He still feels the little tinge of pride when someone says something like that. It's the few and far between times that he feels proud of what he's done with his life. "You knew Bobby Singer."

"Yeah, I did," Mackey's tone changes from pleasantly surprised to down and somber in a second flat. "Hey, real sorry about that."

"Yeah, me too."

"I know what you and your brother meant to that man. Damn near bragged about ya every time I saw him. He was proud of you two, just like John was."

"You knew dad?" Dean asks with surprise.

"Worked with him and Bobby once. A Vamp nest out in Okeechobee," Mackey says, pausing quickly. "Good thing you boys got each other and are tough as nails. You had a rough run of it."

"Putting it lightly," Dean brushes off and moves on, not ready to open that can of worms and emotions. Bobby's death is far too fresh for that still. "Look, I found your number in Bobby's journal and for some reason thought you could help me out."

"Whacha need?"

"I need… well, I need a miracle," Dean huffs a little as he plops down into a chair, his elbow on the table and free hand rubbing at his tired eyes, Sammy still asleep in his other arm. "My brother needs help, the kind of help doctors aren't able to give him. I know most faith healers are a crock of shit and all but…."

"You're lookin' for miracle kinda help?"

"I know, crazy… but yeah."

"You know, I might have something for you," Mackey cuts in. "There's this guy. He goes by Emmanuel. He kind of roams. First started hearing about him a couple of months back. How he was healing the sick, curing the crazy."

"Uh-huh," Dean says and leans forward a little, Lizzy doing the same as she sits across from him to listen.

"Naturally, I think something in the milk ain't clean. Find this sucker, punch his clock. Right?"

"Right," Dean agrees totally.

"Heard the best way to get to him is through his wife, Daphne, out in Colorado? So, I go. Tell her I'm going blind. It's true. My right eye's burnt out. She says, go home. He'll come. So, I go. I set every trap, every test in the book."

"That's what I would have done."

"Emmanuel shows. He passes every one. There ain't nothing weird about this guy. Except... he's the real deal."

"What do you mean?" Dean wonders, not ready to believe it.

"He touched me and my eye was fixed. Look, I don't believe in much that don't suck your blood but I wouldn't tell you this if this guy were a maybe. He can help Sam with whatever he's got happening. I don't doubt it."

Lizzy looks at Dean and lets out a massive sigh. A lead. A lead that can maybe save Sam.

"Colorado, you said?" Dean checks with him.

"I'll shoot you the address," Mackey promises.

"Good," Dean says. "Yeah, uh, thanks, Mackey. You're a life saver… literally."

"Best of luck to you guys."

Dean grabs his phone and locks eyes with Lizzy. "Guess I'm going on a road trip."

"Let's do this," Lizzy says with a hopeful smile and gets up to grab their bags that they just brought into the cabin hours ago.

"Where are you going?" Dean nearly scoffs.

"We're going to Colorado," she says with confidence.

" _I'm_  going to Colorado," Dean corrects.

"We," she fixes right back. "Lou is in no place to be separated from Sam right now. She can stay here and update us on how he's doing. You need back up."

"The mother of my child and my son that's not even a year old, though? Not good backup."

"You heard Mackey," she says and picks up her bag, Sammy's diaper bag, and Dean's duffle. "He's a good person and he healed him. There's minimal risk here. We're safe… and I want to check this guy out myself." She shrugs and heads out the door.

Dropping his head back when she leaves the cabin, Dean looks at the ceiling. "Damn it." Not only is this a bad idea for the safety of his family (they don't even know what Emmanuel is yet), but he and Lizzy haven't been alone in nearly two months. They have yet to talk over everything that happened with the Amazon and their marriage, as far as he knows, is over. This is going to be unpleasant at best.

He then drops his head and gets an eyeful of his boy sleeping peacefully.

"Well, at least we get to hang out for a while," Dean tells him with a suddenly bright smile despite everything else around him sucking terribly. "I'll take some heat from your mom if I get that."

* * *

"Ma'am, I need to ask you to leave," an orderly quietly asks when she comes into the room to do final rounds for the night.

Lou's worried and forlorn face looks over at her from where she sits at the top of Sam's small bed. She's sitting Indian style against the metal headboard, Sam's head in her lap as he lies on his side curled up, his hand clutching hard to hers.

"You sure?" she wonders in a whisper, fearful that she really does have to leave him. "I'm… this is the first time he's slept in days."

The orderly looks down at Sam with wide, shocked eyes. Sam's actually sleeping. The man she's watched for days just waste away slowly, that didn't react to the most powerful sedatives they could give, is actually resting.

"I…" she starts to say in a stutter, watching Lou's free hand card through his hair softly, Sam's breathing even and rested even though his face is wrinkled with torture.

"He's only been out for ten minutes," Lou explains in a pleading tone. "And this is far from a solid REM cycle. It took me all day to get him here. If I move he'll wake up. I don't think you or I can afford that."

The orderly blinks a few times. "How did you do that?"

"He…." Lou shakes her head, unsure of what to say as an answer at first. "Um… he loves me." She smiles at her with a contorted smile, so proud and in love with him yet so frightened for his life that tears start to well up in her eyes. "And I just… I love him. And he's…."

"Say no more," the woman stops her instantly. "I'll go finish my other rounds and hold off as long as I can."

Lou's shoulder drop and she relaxes. "Thank you," she returns with her own exhaustion. "Thank you, really." Accepting help from any and every one along with being really, truly honest about how she feels about Sam keeps getting easier and easier within this terrifying situation.

"Just… I'll keep the door closed. And stay here until I get back."

"Ok," Lou says and watches the orderly leave.

She focuses on Sam again, his body still a bit tense but he's resting. He's actually resting. She never thought she'd get him to this place after having been with him for a good chunk of the day (something she's pretty sure was an exception for her since Sam seemed calmer with her around) but small miracles can happen.

Taking a deep and shaky breath, Lou looks around the room. Sam's lived in filth and cheapness and less than he deserves his entire life… but this place is the worst. It's so bare and so unkempt. She can't believe he's here,  _they're_  here. After everything….

Sam breathes in deeply once, his eyes flying open and body rushing off the bed and away from Lou in a flash.

"Sam?" she asks, watching her man press his back into the corner of the room, the full panic all over his face as his eyes focus on her but clearly don't see her. "Giant, what's happening?" She gets off the bed and walks towards.

"Stay away from me!" Sam booms out, his eyes on her.

"Sam, it's me!" she says, this becoming an old statement by now.

"Get away!" he shouts once more, looking ready to attack.

Lou puts her hands out, palms first in a surrendering motion. "Ok, ok," she nods, using a calm voice. She makes one slow step backwards. "I'm backing up."

"No!" Sam nearly screams and takes a swing at her, Lou ducking out of the way.

"Sam! Stop!" she shouts at him but just can't break through his mind-fuck. He comes at her again, swinging and attacking with full strength.

Lou dodges everything she can manage but eventually he backs her up to foot of the bed. The back of her legs hit the metal frame and she falls onto her back on it. He swiftly pins her down and aims for her throat. "Leave me the fuck alone!"

Lou's eye bug out of her head as he starts to choke her out, her body scrambling and trying to hit him and get him off but the huge man that he is, she can't fight him.

The look in his eyes, the murderous, angry, crazy look, is what scares her the most. She knows he's not going to stop. She knows this is it if he doesn't snap out of it.

And suddenly the pressure on her neck is gone.

Two male orderlies burst into the room and grab Sam, wrestling with him as he attacks. The female orderly from before pulls Lou to her feet and out the door. They watch from the doorway. One takes a solid punch to the face before they can get Sam down on his bed, using the restraints hooked to the bed legs to secure him before he hurts anyone else or himself.

"Oh my God," Lou says to herself, watching Sam shout and fight, his madness to a whole new level. His threats of killing them as his voice near growls with animalistic ire rings in her ears and reminds her that this might be it for the one man she's managed to get close to in her entire life.

"Are you ok?" the orderly checks on her as Lou's eyes are glued to her mentally failing boyfriend. This is a side she's never seen of him, she never knew existed of him. Insanity and irrational anger paired with a lack of coherent thought… Sam's past insane. She shouldn't be here. She should be back at the cabin looking for answers. She should have left already.

"I have to go," Lou says, rushing down the hallway of the hospital towards the exit. She rubs at her sore throat, Sam's grip having done a number on her, but she doesn't care. She takes out her cell phone to call Lizzy and sees that she has a couple voicemails, one from Dean and one from Lizzy explaining their plan.

* * *

"Shit," Lizzy closes her eyes and hangs her head in the passenger seat as she speaks to Lou on the phone, Dean's wide eyed look of concern alternating rapidly between her and the road. "Well, for now all you can do is continue with research. Garth called me back but had nothing for me…. No, he was a dead end too. And I called Mari but I haven't heard back yet…. Me neither. She's worrying me."

"What's happening?" Dean whispers and Lizzy holds up her index finger for him to wait.

"I'm hoping this Emmanuel guy works out myself. I don't think an old friend of Bobby's would lie to us…. Well, just go back in the morning…. I know, Louie. I know. But just be there for him and chances are an episode like that won't happen again."

"Episode?" Dean asks quietly to himself, his heart pounding with worry.

"Yeah. I know," Lizzy says in a down tone. "Just do what you can and hopefully this trip of ours works out. Go get some rest or something…. I love you too, Louie. I will. Bye."

"It's worse, isn't it?" Dean questions right away, having picked up enough from the one side he could hear.

"He attacked her," Lizzy says without any fight left, pocketing her phone. "He got about ten minute of sleep…."

"How'd he do that!?" Dean asks with total shock.

"She didn't say but I'm sure it had something to do with Lou being there," Lizzy wisely surmises. "But when he woke up he got confused. They had to restrain him and she got booted for the night. She's going back tomorrow and looking through her contacts tonight. And researching."

"So, in other words, she's banking on this Emmanuel guy as much as we are?"

"Yeah, basically."

The same silence that was nearly unbearable for the first hour of the drive starts to quickly settle upon the crappy old Toyota and Dean's not ready for that. He remembers when a car ride between the two of them meant easy conversations about absolutely nothing of consequence. He loved that. He'd never say that aloud but he did love that. It was effortless and stress-less to be with her. It was one of the few things that could set him to default.

But that's clearly gone now.

He clears his throat and throws caution to the wind. He has to at least try, right? If not for himself then for that boy of his somehow still asleep in the backseat. He needs a happy and united family with him through all he has in his future.

"So...?" he starts and his voice dies right away. He has nothing to say.

"Hm?" Lizzy asks, looking at him and waiting for him to continue.

"Ah… how've you been?" he lamely gets out, the properness of the question making him hate himself instantly.

Lizzy laughs with disgust. "Living the dream."

Her sarcasm bites deep.

"No, I mean it," Dean tries harder this time. "How are you?"

Lizzy looks at him with dumbfounded confusion. "Not even sure how I'm expected to answer that."

"Truthfully would be good."

"I'm worried about Sam, mostly," she says. "And I'm tired. The running is starting to take its toll."

"And that's it?" he presses harder.

"Well, if you want the truth… I'm fucking pissed off," Lizzy answers, doing as he requested. He wants the truth then he gets it. "I'm angry most of time. And just… really sad."

"I hear the sad part," Dean tells her and Lizzy sits there while biting her tongue hard, not spitting out the comeback she wants to say. He shakes his head and washes a hand down his face for the millionth time in weeks. "I miss you."

The casual way he says it doesn't hide the truth behind it.

Dean waits for her to speak next and she doesn't. When he peers at her she's focused on the passing nighttime scenery. He can see she doesn't want to talk it all out even though they haven't spoken since he told her the truth about the Amazon. But they need to talk.

"L, I'm sorry about all this," he pushes on. "I never meant…."

"It's ok," Lizzy tells him without looking at him. "You don't have to do the whole grand apology thing."

"I don't?" he asks with shock.

"Why bother?" Lizzy says as she plays with the hems of her long sleeves. "I know you regret it. I know how sorry you already are. It just… it doesn't change what happened."

"If I could take it back I would."

"I know that too," she nods slightly.

"But?"

"But… nothing. It is what it is."

Dean pushes out a breath. "So what now? This is what we are? Just… a couple of people forced to stay in each other's lives and we don't try and fix everything?"

"I guess…."

"I don't accept that."

"You don't have a choice," Lizzy shrugs with her defeatist attitude.

"But you do," Dean reminds her. "You hold all the cards  _and_  the ball is on your side of the court. And you choose to do nothing?"

"Yeah."

" _Why_?"

"Because you didn't know!" Lizzy shouts when it gets to be too much. "You had no fucking clue!"

"How could I!?" Dean tries to defend himself. "L, she looked just like you…."

"But she wasn't me," her voice returns to broken. "I thought you knew me better than anyone else on the planet. I thought you and I were special and, and we had something no one else could understand. Maybe I was naïve and really childish for believing that but I did. And this whole thing proved how wrong I was."

Dean looks over to her and sees how serious she is about this.

"She kissed you and you didn't  _feel_  that it wasn't me," she explains. "You were  _inside_  of her… and you couldn't  _feel_  the difference between your wife that loves you more than…" She pauses, thinking twice about admitting how much she still feels for him, but says it anyways. "More than she ever could have imagined possible… and a fucking monster."

"You're right," Dean admits. "You're absolutely right. I should have known."

Lizzy takes a deep breath, happy to hear that he can see it her way. It gives her hope that they can remain cordial through this breaking up.

"But I refused to."

"What do you mean?" she asks with confusion.

"I mean… I fucking missed you. I know I was the one keeping you away but, L… come on. You know that being without you was awful, even if we were fighting. And when I saw you walk into the bar…." He remembers it, the feeling of his heart stopping with just her image. "I hadn't been that happy in a long time. I just wanted you back. I looked past the different shampoo and that you didn't bring Sammy with you and the weird way you  _didn't_  want to talk… because I just wanted you so much. I convinced myself that it was you because I couldn't handle it if it wasn't you."

Looking to her he can see her actually listening.

"Things have been so bad…." he keeps going.

"I know."

"And I just wanted you back."

Lizzy closes her eyes so he can't see her roll them. The level to which they've shattered is starting to look highly unrepairable.

"And in wanting me back… you lost me for good."

He can't breathe. "You don't mean that."

"I'm sorry, Dean…."

"No." Dean grits his teeth and grips the wheel harder.

"I just…."

"You said you'd never leave me," Dean fires out at her, bringing up the promise she's made over and over to him.

"And you betrayed me. I made that promise to you when I thought you could never do what you did."

"I didn't know!" he excuses.

"And now we're just going in circles," Lizzy tells him, not wanting to do that.

"We're not done." It's a statement more than a hope or question.

"I know you don't want that…."

"Don't. Don't say that shit. I'm not giving up," Dean prevents her from speaking. "You can think this is done all you want but we're  _not done_. I fucked up big time and before that we both did here and there… but this isn't done. I… I still love you and I'm always gonna love you. So I'm not giving up. I'm  _never_  gonna give up on this."

Lizzy sighs and leans into the side door, not speaking. His determination is nice and all but she's done. She's tried to tell him it's over and clearly he's not going to listen. She just can't handle the fighting and the pain anymore. No more missing him, no more arguments, no more hurting each other with words, and certainly no more wondering if he's about to cheat. He can fuck who he wants. He's not attached anymore. That way… it can't hurt her if it happens again. He'll have been within his rights as a single man.

And Dean turns up the music, ready for conversation-less driving as he plans out what he's going to do to get her back for good. He needs to prove to her it's still there. They're still Dean and Lizzy and that cannot change… no matter what happens.

* * *

 


	18. The Ward (Part 2)

_**This is my take on the episode 'The Born-Again Identity'.** _

* * *

 

Early the next day Dean pulls up to the street the mysterious Emmanuel lives on. He pulls over to the side of the road and cuts the engine, making Lizzy stir in her spot next to him.

"Hm?" Lizzy hums and sits up, wiping her mouth of any drool. Dean hides his laugh at how cute she looks in the moment. She looks over at him funny. "What?"

"Nothing," Dean face drops immediately.

"You laughing at me over there?" she wonders as she rubs her eyes and breathes deep.

"No," Dean shakes his head and denies but when she looks at him with a bullshit-calling face he fesses up. "Sorry, I just… you woke up and were all… sleepy eyed and everything…."

"I don't look my best in the morning."

"Yes you do," Dean corrects her with a light tone. "You look… cute."

Her wide eyes look at him with shock. "Did you just say the word  _cute_?"

"Shut up," he quickly responds.

"Whatever, dude," Lizzy chuckles a little before looking at their surroundings. "We there?"

"I drove past the place a few houses down. Seemed… quiet. And suburban as all hell."

"Huh, regular guy with irregular powers?" Lizzy wonders aloud.

"Or monster hiding in plain sight," Dean comments, reaching behind his seat for his weapons pack, glancing at Sammy asleep in his car seat. "He slept through the night pretty well."

"He does that now," Lizzy nods. "Thank fucking God."

"He lets you get some solid sleep these days then?"

"Most nights, yes," Lizzy admits and Dean smiles as he plops the bag on his lap.

"Good," Dean answers and pulls Ruby's knife from the bag, stashing it inside the inner pocket of his jacket.

"You think you'll need that?" Lizzy thinks as Dean keeps gearing up, his gun in his pants already.

"Never know," Dean returns. "Better safe than sorry."

"True, but maybe… uh," Lizzy stops mid response and presses a hand to her chest when the odd feeling shows up suddenly.

Dean pauses and wrinkles his brow. "You ok?"

"I'm fine. I just…." She inhales deeply. "I felt something. Something I haven't felt in a really long time."

"What?"

"It's like… it feels like when Cass would show up or be nearby," Lizzy explains. "Remember how I'd always know when he was coming in hot?"

"Yeah, but L he's…."

"Dead, I know," she nods very sadly. "That was weird."

"So… you think there's angels nearby?" Dean asks, worried about the idea.

"Could easily be," Lizzy nods as she reaches into the bag on his lap, pulling out an angel blade.

"Good idea," Dean says and steals the sword from her.

"Uh…."

"You stay here," Dean says quickly and opens the car door with a squeal.

"Wait!" Lizzy gets angry. "I came here to back you up!"

"So stay here and get ready for a quick get away," Dean tells her. "And get Sammy some breakfast, would you?" He winks cockily at her.

"He's still sleeping," she bites back.

Dean looks into the back seat and gets an idea. Reaching back through the open door, Dean grabs Sammy's little leg and gives it a good shake. "Hey, bud. Wake up, Sammy."

"Are you fucking crazy?" Lizzy asks him with full anger.

"Just crazy enough to keep you here and safe while you watch this little guy. Hey, dude!" Dean says with a happy tone, smiling when Sammy opens his eyes and looks at his dad. "Mom's gonna watch you and get you some breakfast. You be a good man about it."

"I fucking hate you," Lizzy shakes her head as she knows it's just mere minutes before Sammy cries with hunger just like every morning.

Dean pauses as he looks at her. Sadly, he seriously responds, "Yeah. I know."

The door of the car shuts and leaves Lizzy and Sammy there. Dean wastes no time in marching back down the street the half block he parked away. The whole time his heart pounds. This has to work out. Emmanuel has to be real.

He's just short of crossing his fingers the entire walk.

The house is pleasant and lovely, the front steps swept with potted flowers on them leading to a perfectly quaint older home that's been immaculately kept up. In his mind he's always thought this is the kind of place perfect for Lizzy and he to raise their son in. A sweet, quiet neighborhood with unassuming houses and a place they could proudly call their own. It hurts so badly to think that just months before they were on their way to this and now… now his wife that he loves so much doesn't even want to stay with him.

He pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind. Sam needs him. His priority is saving his brother so there's no time to wallow in the could-have-beens right now.

Walking up the steps to the house, Dean reaches the door and knocks. Rather quickly, the door opens and a man walks out onto the front porch with him.

"Hi," Dean greets awkwardly. "Uh, is this, uh, Daphne Allen's house? I'm looking for Emmanuel."

"Well, you found him," he smiles kindly and pulls the door shut behind him. "Daphne's resting. If you don't mind." He gesture to the porch, asking him to stay outside.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Dean agrees easily, backing up a few steps. "Um… so, I was hoping, uh…." As he struggles to start the odd conversation, Dean glances over to the window into the living room when some movement catches his eye. He sees a woman inside, bound to a chair with a gag tired around her mouth. His face instantly shows his recognition that something is very, very off.

When he turns his attention back to 'Emmanuel', his eyes turn back.

Working on instinct immediately, Dean grabs the man and slams him into the front door.

"You were saying, Dean?" the demon sneers, shoving the hunter off of him.

"You know, I'd think twice," Dean comments when he can see the fight between the two of them brewing. "Or don't you know that your boss issued a hands-off memo?"

"Please," the demon laughs easily. "What have you done for him lately? Roman's head on a plate? No? Whatever Emmanuel is, Crowley's gonna want him a lot more than he wants you these days. So..."

As the demon starts towards him Dean pulls Ruby's knife out swiftly. The demon charges Dean and he stabs him in the stomach, the orange flashes lighting up within him. Quick, the demon dies and Dean gives him a good shove down the front steps of the unassuming house, the body tumbling until it lands on the concrete walkway below… at the feet of a man Dean hadn't seen standing there.

Locking eyes with the newcomer, Dean's breath get caught up in his throat. He knows that face. He knows that confused look on it far too well too. It's the face of a friend he's had to say goodbye to and accept as gone for good. His mind goes blank with panic.

"What was that?" Castiel's voice asks him once he looks up from the dead body at his feet.

* * *

Sitting quietly in the car, Sammy in her lap as she once more has her breast out so that her son can get a good hearty breakfast, Lizzy sigh with boredom. She came all this way to wait in a car? Fucking lame. Granted, she knows she's supposed to play the part of loving and safe mother but sometimes she misses the action. She misses the rush of fun.

Peering down at her boy she knows she'd give up everything for him so it's not that she regrets missing out on hunting or anything… she's just tired of the whole being left behind thing. It's getting old and it makes her feel incapable or maybe like the kid no one wants tagging along.

Her thought stop right there when the passenger side door opens up with a sharp jerk.

"Put the boob away and come with," Dean says to her as he leans down and looks into the car at her.

"The hell happened? You found Emmanuel?" she asks, ending breakfast early. She readjusts her clothing and wipes up Sammy's face as they speak.

"I found someone alright," Dean sighs. "And you need to see this."

"What's happening here?" Lizzy questions with total confusion.

"There's a reason you felt that… angel tingle or whatever the hell it was when we got here," he starts to explain while holding out his hand, helping her out of the car as she carries Sammy in her arm.

"Relax, big man," Lizzy soothes to her son as Sammy starts to get fussy. Never mess with Sammy's food supply. That's the rule and she just cut a meal short. "It's ok." She starts to bounce him as Dean shoves the car door shut. She looks at her husband. "So… he's an angel?"

"Yes."

"Great… so we can't trust him as far as we can throw him." She rolls her eyes with frustration. "It's never easy, is it?"

"We can trust him," Dean assures her.

"How do you know?" Lizzy nearly scoffs at him for such a statement.

"We know him," Dean tells her and she gives him one very confused look.

"Dean, every fucking angel we've known has been a total fu…."

"It's Cass," he cuts her off, quickly getting it over with.

"Cass?" she questions, her mind not ready to accept what he tells her.

"Yes. Emmanuel is Cass," Dean tells her. "He has no memory of who he really is. I have no idea what happened…."

"You told me you saw him die!" Lizzy yells at him, angry that she thought her angel was dead all this time.

"I thought I did!" Dean counters right back. "L, what I saw… I don't know how anyone or thing survives that. But he did. He may not have any memory of who he really is but… that's Cass back there. Trust me."

Her face turns into something akin to a scared little girl all of a sudden. "Dean… please don't fuck with me on this one…."

"I would never do that," Dean assures her with full sincerity.

"Oh my God," she huffs out with slight fear. He angel's alive. Her guardian, her friend, her trusted ally that was always there for her… he's still alive. "Oh my fucking God," she mutters again and starts booking it down the road.

"Lizzy, relax!" Dean warns her as he jogs up to her. "He doesn't know who he is. You need to take it easy on this one."

"I need to see him," she rushes out, her feet still moving swiftly.

"I know, ok?" Dean steps in front of her and blocks her. "Deep breath."

She listens and stands there on the sidewalk, inhaling hard while Dean pulls a cranky Sammy from her arms.

"Ok, good," he nods. "Now… you need to slow your roll. We'll get him back but right now… he seems like he's got no clue he's even an angel."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Lizzy breathes out unsteadily as she regains her composure. "Ok. Ok. I got this."

"You sure?" Dean asks, bouncing Sammy absently while holding onto one of his hands as he sits on his hip.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Lizzy nods rapidly. "I want to see him."

"Come on," Dean nods and leads the way.

Walking into the house without invitation, the three head right for the living room where Dean left Emmanuel and the woman that had been tied up.

"That creature hurt you," Emmanuel says with total concern as he unties the last of the ropes around the woman.

The second Lizzy sees him she clamps her hands around Dean's bicep, inhaling sharply once with the sight. It's him. There's no second guessing about it. His voice, his demeanor, his posture… that's Castiel.

Dean pats her hand with his free one, assuring her it's ok and he's with her on this.

"I'm okay," the woman smiles warmly at Castiel as she stands up from the chair. "But, Emmanuel... they were looking for you."

"It's okay," he attempts to reassure her, hugging her for a moment. Quickly he realizes that there are people in his house, standing by and watching. He backs away from the embrace and look at the family. "Hello. I'm Emmanuel." He walks to Lizzy when he sees her for the first time. Extending a hand, he smiles warmly. "You must be Lizzy, Dean's wife."

Lizzy just stares at him speechlessly, trying her hardest not to cry with sheer thankfulness in front of him.

"Are you alright?" he questions her when she never shakes his hand. His voice is the same even-toned voice as it always was.

"Yes. Yes, I'm…." She pauses and swallows hard before taking his hand. "I'm Lizzy. It's really good to meet you."

Castiel smiles once more at her before turning to the little boy in Dean's hold. "And this must be your son."

"This is Sammy," Dean says to the man that should already know that.

"He's just precious," Daphne says as she comes closer to them, looking the child over with happy eyes. "Uh, such a beautiful family."

"Thank you," Lizzy says back, her voice evening as the shock is still there but lessening enough for her to try and act normal.

"May I?" Daphne asks, holding out her arms.

"Oh, uh… sure," Dean says back and lets her takes Sammy. "He's a little cranky though. We interrupted his meal time."

"Oh, I don't mind," she grins wide and pulls the boy into her hold, Sammy letting her without worry. "I love children. Emmanuel and I hope to have some of our own one day."

Dean and Lizzy both freeze with shock at the comment. "What?" Lizzy asks.

"Yes," Emmanuel smiles and wraps an arm around Daphne's shoulder while looking at Dean. "Thank you for protecting my wife."

"Your wife. Right." Dean glances at Lizzy, seeing just how lost the angel is.

"I saw his face. His  _real_  face," Emmanuel says, clearly disturbed by the moment.

"He was a demon," Dean lets him know, gauging the response he's about to get.

Castiel's face drops. "A demon walked the Earth."

" _Demons,_ " Lizzy corrects.

"What!?"

"Oh, whackloads of them. You don't know about...?" Dean stops before he finishes. The depth to which Castiel's memory has disappeared is suddenly very clear. He's forgotten absolutely everything.

"You saw the demon's true face," Daphne says to her husband with awe. She then looks to Dean and Lizzy. "Emmanuel has very special gifts."

"Yeah," Dean responds. "I, I've heard that about... Emmanuel. That you can heal people up."

"I seem to be able to help to a certain degree," Castiel admits. "What's your issue?"

"My brother."

"He's dying," Lizzy jumps in.

"What does he suffer from?" Castiel asks.

"He's… it's his mind. He's been crumbling for a while and…." Dean doesn't know how to finish the statement.

"He can't sleep," Lizzy helps him out, knowing how painful it is for Dean to speak about his struggling brother. "He's been affected mentally by hallucinations so strong that all sedatives don't seem to have an effect on him. Basically he can't rest and his body is breaking down slowly but surely with it."

"I see," Castiel says with a wrinkled expression, looking to his wife and back to the couple. "This sounds like it needs immediate attention."

"He might not have much time left," Lizzy says, glancing at Dean and hoping his reaction to that isn't too terrible. She can see his jaw muscles flex but he keeps up a good exterior.

"I owe you," Castiel says. "You saved my wife's life. Seeing your brother and attempting to help him would be the very least I could do."

* * *

"You know, Sam," the taunting voice of his torture master says as Sam lays on his side, his back to Lucifer as 'Wake Up Little Susie' plays for the hundredth time. "You're actually keeping it together better than I thought. Kind of... the way someone pinned under a bus keeps it together."

"None of this is real." This is Sam's mantra that's been saying in his head over and over for so long now… but it's getting less and less effective.

"And yet... you know what really sucks?" Lucifer chides as he lights another small firecracker and tosses it to the floor, the jarring sound snapping loudly and making Sam jump. "It doesn't really matter. Because I won. Your madness won. I mean, look at you. It's hard to believe you were the guy that saved the world once."

The door to the room opens and Sam hazards a glance to see who it is… and hopefully that person is real this time.

Lou walks in with a tray of food and a cautious smile.

"Oh great," Lucifer rolls her eyes and sighs like a rude child. " _Her_  again. Is she always gonna interrupt us like this?"

"Hey, Giant," Lou grins a little and shuts the door behind her.

"Hey," Sam says to her as he slowly sits up, his lack of energy obvious with his sluggish speed.

"I got the orderly to let me bring this," Lou says and places the food by the metal table at the side of the bed before sitting on the edge of the mattress facing him. "How are you… or is that a stupid question?"

"I'm… I don't fucking know," Sam tells her, seeing Lucifer flip her off as he sits on the desk behind her.

She just nods understandingly and presses a kiss to his lips in greeting, lingering for a moment. When she pulls back Sam's eyes are still closed. She already knows that he's trying to will Lucifer away with the embrace. Sadly, when he opens his lids and his focus slips past her she knows it didn't work.

"What's he up to today?"

"He's…." Sam flinches hard when another firework goes off. He exhales and answers. "He's just being his usual self. Not letting me sleep."

"Well he can cram it. This is my time," Lou says with confidence as she grabs a half of the sandwich from the tray and places it in his hand.

"Don't piss him off," Sam warns, his hollow eyes just looking at the food.

"Mmm!" Lucifer hums. "Sammy, what'll it be today? Maggots again... or, uh, tapeworm?"

"Not hungry," Sam says with a weak smile and hands the food back to Lou.

"Don't care," Lou responds right away and presses the sandwich half back into his hand. "You're gonna need to fuel up for when Dean and Lizzy get back here with help."

Sam just looks at her with surprise. "What?"

"They went after this guy… he's got this weirdo power to heal people…."

"No," Sam shakes his head in refusal.

"What?"

"No way."

"What the hell? This guy sounds pretty legit…."

"I said no," Sam denies once more. "That kind of help never comes without a price."

"At least meet the guy. If not for yourself then… you know, do it for me."

The way she looks at him, so sincerely and hopeful, he just sighs and hangs his head.

"We've been down this road. It's all snake oil, Lou. Just, please, don't get your hopes up." He looks at her and grabs her hand in his where it's resting on the comforter. "Lou… I just…. I'm sorry this is happening." He hangs his head once more, this being the default place for it lately. "You don't deserve to lose anyone else."

"I'm not losing anyone," Lou says with a dangerous edge.

"I know, I know," Sam pushes the unrealistic ideal aside. "But just in case… I want to say thank you."

"Oh shit," Lou says with an eye roll and tries to take her hand back, Sam's grip not letting her. "We're not doing this."

"You don't have a choice," he answer with determination to say what he needs to.

"That's it, Sammy. Put your foot down for once with her," Lucifer cheers on from the desk. "She's been wearing the pants for far too long."

"Shut. Up," Sam whispers to himself, trying to wish the devil away with no success.

"Sam?" Lou asks with confusion.

"Look, you've… you've made my life good." He looks up at her and she doesn't protest this time. "Not many people have been able to do that for me."

Lou shrugs. "That's what I'm here for."

"But you don't even have to be here. I would understand if you weren't. You didn't sign up for all this."

"Sam, where else would I be?"

He huffs a tired laugh. "Anywhere else."

"No. I love you too much to be anywhere else." That one came out all too easily.

"And I love you too," Sam nods. "Which is why… it's really the only reason why I have any fight in me left at all. I don't want to do this to you."

"Then don't."

"Not my choice," Sam says to her. "I knew what I was doing when I dove into the Cage. I didn't know it'd lead to this specific situation but I knew it was never going to lead anywhere good. The past months have been borrowed time. I'm just really glad I got to have you at all, even if it was short."

Lou looks away when she can feel herself getting far too emotional for comfort once more. "You gotta stop being so fucking sentimental one of these days. You know I fucking _hate_  crying."

"I'd regret not saying these things if I didn't," Sam explains simply enough.

"Just shut up, huh?" Lou complains lightly as she moves up towards him and tucks herself into his side. He brings an arm around her back and they stay there, Lou breathing evenly to prevent herself from crying as she ignores all the flinches Sam makes over whatever it is Lucifer is currently doing to him.

* * *

"There you go, little boy," Lizzy smiles as she sits in the backseat next to Sammy's car seat. She handed over a bottle for him and, since he's gotten a better handle on the whole motor skills thing, he holds it himself. "Alright, that should last you all of two minutes or so," she jokes while running her fingertips over his head, still so in love with her boy that quick, normal moments like this still get her square in the heart.

Castiel, or Emmanuel, turns back to watch as Lizzy gives over the bottle and Sammy immediately starts eating, downing it fast and furious as always.

"He seems quite tenacious when it comes to food," he quietly observes.

"Like father, like son," Lizzy comments.

"You're a lover of food, Dean?" he questions to the driver, making Dean furrow his brow.

"Ah, you could say that," he nods, hating that Castiel doesn't remember. Cass had come to know most things about him and seeing everything gone from his memory is weird. So, he moves on. "So, Daphne… she's, uh, your wife?"

Castiel smiles fondly. "She found me and cared for me."

"She found you?" Lizzy asks, her eyes switching focus between Dean in the rearview mirror and the back of Castiel's head.

"Oh, it's a...strange story."

"I like strange," Lizzy grins and he looks at her with calm and happy eyes.

"You may not actually like it," he laughs a little.

"Believe me, we will," Dean assures and he can see that Cass is about to give in.

"Alright, well… a few months ago she was hiking by the river and I wandered into her path, drenched and confused. And... unclothed," he looks down with slight embarrassment. "I had no memory of where I'd been or why I was in the condition I was in. She said... God wanted her to find me."

"So you don't even know your real name then?" Lizzy points out.

"No, I do not."

"So who named you Emmanuel?" Dean questions.

" Bouningbabynames dot com," Castiel answers with a keen smile, his body turned sideways in his seat so he can see all the car's occupants.

"Well, it's working for you," Dean lets him know, the irony not at all lost on him.

"Thank you," Castiel responds as stiffly as ever. He glances once more at Sammy and smiles with clear fondness, his eye line always falling on the child. "How did you decide on Sammy for your son?"

"Not Bouncingbabynames dot com," Lizzy laughs a little, comfortable talking to the angel despite the long time it's been since she's seen him and the odd circumstances they find themselves in. She and Dean silently agreed to keep this whole charade up until they knew more about Cass' situation and they knew it was safe to spill the truth… or they were forced to. "We named him after Dean's brother."

"That's very kind. He must have been flattered."

"You have no idea," Dean tells him, recalling the face Sam made when he found out their plans for a name during Lizzy' pregnancy. That was well worth calling his son Sammy in itself.

Castiel smiles at Sammy. "He's a happy child. I can tell."

"How can you tell?" Lizzy wants to know.

"He radiates positivity… and light. I can't really explain it," he tells her, eyes narrowing on Sammy. "And you're good parents. He's well cared for and healthy. Pair that with happy and I'd say that's a difficult job very well done."

Dean and Lizzy share a glance in the rearview mirror, one that shows how uncomfortable that comment makes them considering the situation they're currently in.

Clearing his throat, Dean moves them on. "Must be weird… not knowing who you are."

"Well, it's my life," Castiel brushes off. "And it's a good life."

"Yeah but you have no idea who exactly you are," Dean points out. "What if you were some kind of... I don't know... bad guy?"

Dean can practically hear Lizzy rolling her eyes with her anger at him in the backseat. She should be more pissed off at the angel for the mess he's created. Dean's pissed. He's insanely pissed. He may have a solid friend in Castiel but if it weren't for his rogue, terrible decision making the Leviathan wouldn't be around. And he might be in a house in Broken Bow with a happy wife and a very quiet and good life for him and his family. That's a bitter pill to swallow… and he hasn't just yet.

"Oh, I... don't feel like a bad person," Castiel responds, sounding sure of it.

"I'm sure you're not," Lizzy emphasizes her words, making it clear that she thinks Dean shouldn't push it, not yet. "I mean, maybe you made some poor decisions in the past… but that doesn't mean you're a bad guy."

"I don't understand…." Castiel starts to say, thinking it weird that the stranger is making such assumptions.

"I think if someone makes some seriously terrible bad decisions, not listening to his friends when he should, and he then basically ruins the world… then yeah, good intentions or not, he's a bad guy," Dean tells her, eyes contact through the mirror.

Lizzy shoots him an angry look. "He was trying to help our son."

"He could have ended the world," Dean quickly counters. "And a marriage while he's at it."

"Oh, I'm sorry… someone  _else_  made you stick it in another woman?" Lizzy pushes right back. "That is  _your_  fault, no one else's."

"I'm confused," Castiel tells them as his eyes keep flicking between the two of them.

"Don't be," Dean tells him. "It's our shit."

"We're just projecting," Lizzy tacks on, sitting back and looking out at the passing scenery as she always does when frustrated.

There's a short, stuffy silence in the car before Castiel says, "I feel your relationship is challenged right now."

"Putting it lightly," Lizzy grumbles in response.

"Which is surprising," Castiel keeps talking. "The initial feeling I got from you both is that of… goodness. And love… a strong and exceptional love. Especially you, Lizzy."

"Me?" she questions, knowing it must be the link they've had for so long that he's experiencing. She's been feeling it ever since they drove to his house. He must feel it.

"Yes. I don't know why but… I feel connected to you," he admits. "I think maybe… maybe it's that I can sense how good a person you are. You exude warmth and love."

"Well, you pegged her," Dean comments, looking only at the road. "That's L alright."

"Yes. I think so," Castiel comments, smiling at her. Lizzy smiles back, seeing the shades of her angel in there somewhere. Maybe he's less fierce and warrior like but he's been losing that part of him slowly the more he's hung around humans. Castiel then turns back around and faces the road. "How far away are we from your brother?"

The sudden shift in his attention and demeanor proves that he's still Castiel.

"We're gonna be driving for the night," Dean tells him. "Get comfy. And catch some sleep."

Castiel looks at him, nods with a tight lipped smile, and settles into his seat. He leans into the side passenger door and closes his eyes, oddly comfortable with the strangers and the car of theirs that he's in enough to try and sleep for a while.

* * *

"I'm a lawyer, huh?" Sam asks her with his quiet, sleepy, yet slightly amused through the glum voice while lying on his side in his bed. The institution tends to run cold so he's under his covers with Lou curled up, her back against his front. She clutches hard to the long arm around her middle, the need to hang on as long as she can coming through physically.

"Isn't that what you wanted to do?" she questions, smiling lightly as she can nearly pretend that the better things they speak about are possible somehow.

"I wanted to make a difference," Sam admits, eyes closing as he drops his chin on Lou's head and inhales, her hair smelling sweet. She must have borrowed Lizzy's shampoo but he's not complaining. That fresh, fruity smell has come to mean comfort to him over the years so it's welcomed and refreshing compared to the somehow stale yet sterile smell of the mental institute.

"You have," Lou reminds him, thinking his life has been righteous enough as it turned out.

"Eh, I'd beg to differ, Louise," Lucifer comments from behind the couple where he sits on the floor laying solitaire, Sam ignoring the tormenting images as much as he can. "For every saved person I'd say there's a good handful that croaked because of Sammy boy here."

"Not sure I agree totally," Sam tells Lou, agreeing with Lucifer more than he'd like to.

"I'm not about to attack that giant pink elephant of emotional damage in the room so… moving on," Lou says quickly, saving the conversation before it can be torn to shreds by his self-doubt. "I can see you having a really beautiful penthouse in some swanky building in a great city… some place that can live up to the incomparable legend of Sam Winchester, Attorney at Law."

"Incomparable?"

"Absolutely," she says, shifting a little closer to him even though they're already flush against each other. "You'd be a killer."

"But I'd be defending the innocent," Sam stipulates, hearing Lucifer gag behind him.

"The innocent have deep pockets too… sometimes… whatever," Lou laughs a little at how off she is in this made up world. "The point is I can see you being very successful. And having a really beautiful and modern place in a high-rise."

"In Los Angeles," Sam decides.

"You!?" In L.A!?" Lou scoffs and laughs a bit. "No fucking way."

"I'd have to be in L.A," Sam explains to her.

"Why's that?" she wonders, looking over her shoulder.

"Oh here it comes… my lunch…." Lucifer complains with the pending corniness.

"That's where you'd be," Sam tells her without question.

"Why would I be in Los Angeles?" she wonders.

"You'd be famous," Sam tells her as she rolls over to face him, his arm still around her middle. "You'd be a singer and songwriter… probably more lucrative with the writing because I hear that's where the real money is but you'd perform too. Have a few C.D. that did pretty well, maybe a hit single at some point."

"You have a very high opinion of my musical prowess, my friend," Lou says to him, her arm around his neck as they look at each other. "Not sure I'm good enough for that."

"In my eyes you are and that's the game, isn't it? Make up the other's non-hunting, fake future?"

"Fair enough," Lou smiles slightly, her heart fluttering with him right now. "But how would you have ended up in Hollywood?"

"I… I met a girl at a coffee shop," Sam figures it all out, knowing he'd need some serious imagination to get Lou and him together without hunting. He's pretty sure he'd never have met her otherwise. "In Kansas City, where I'd been working at the time. I went for a walk on my lunch break…."

"Oh gross… I'm gonna…." Lucifer says before throwing up on the tile floor, nauseous from the lame and over the top sappy moment they share.

Sam doesn't give a shit. If he's going to die at least he's going to spend it thinking happy thoughts with someone that makes him utterly happy.

"I needed coffee so I stop at the shop near my building. The girl in line in front of me ordered the same thing as me…."

"I would never order a triple red eye," Lou cuts him off, her fingers carding through his unruly hair as they lay there. "I like life too much to drink those."

"A venti soy vanilla latte," Sam says, remembering her ordering those a few times in the past. "So I jumped in and asked for a second one, same thing, and put it on my tab."

"Super smooth," Lou says, impressed.

"I'm only smooth in my own imagination," Sam jokes lightly, not smiling as he's too tired for that.

"Yeah… but I like uncomfortable, jerky, sweaty-and-stuttery-around-girls you. It's fucking hilarious."

"You're so mean," Sam tells her, eyes closing as she continues to comb through his hair. It's so soothing and nice.

"Uh, pay attention to me, Sammy!" Lucifer wines like a child and Sam shuts him out of his small and really quite nice world he's building with Lou. "This is so… fucking… boring!

"We begin talking and hit it off. We sit at a table and spend the next hour just… talking. You're in town for a gig and invite me. I go and find out that you're an amazing singer."

Lou's glad Sam's eyes are closed when she blushes hard with the compliment.

"Just… a gorgeous voice. We grab some drinks after the show and I fall for you that night."

"That quickly?" Lou asks. "Must have been a hell of a one night stand."

"Who says we hooked up that night?"

" _Sam_."

Sam manages a slight, almost indiscernible smile with her disbelief in him. "Yeah, you're right. You would have talked me out of my pants pretty easily."

"Absolutely," she says, hugging him in tighter. He's been more relaxed than he has been all day with this conversation so she keeps it going. "Alright, so we bang and I head out on the road again… then what?"

"Then… we call each other now and then. Stay in contact," Sam says. "And you get a deal."

"Record deal?"

"Yeah."

"Good man, Giant," Lou comments with his optimism in her. "Do I invite you out for the album release party?"

"I'm your date."

"Perfect," she says, kissing his cheek.

"And after that I move in with you," he says. "I find a practice in L.A. and stay busy and you go out on tour… but we're happy. We have a good life and we take trips to see the world when we can together."

"Bali."

"Ireland."

"Tahiti… bathing suits and drinks on the beach…."

"London."

"Italy," Lou says. "And we have  _real_  pizza and  _real_  wine."

"Costa Rica. We hike the rainforests," Sam tacks on.

"And that's it?" she asks. "We just… live the sweet life together until we retire?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Sam nods slightly with his cheek on the pillow.

"Huh…."

"What?" Sam opens his eyes, looking to see what he might have missed in their fake life.

"I don't know," she admits with narrow eyes. "I expected… more."

"More what?"

"I kind of… expected you to say marriage and kids and the whole nine."

"You don't want that."

"Would you? If everything was different?" Lou pushes.

He knows she's never going to want to get married at this point but that doesn't mean he doesn't. "I would marry you," he admits, knowing he might scare her.

"Is that something you want?" she wonders, looking right at him. "In real life."

"Uh… honestly, I always figured I'd get married one day… when I got out and when to Stanford." His eyes shift behind Lou where he sees Lucifer impatiently tapping his foot and staring at Sam with upset for his being ignored. Sam looks back to Lou. "I was gonna ask her to marry me."

"Who?"

"Jessica," Sam tells her. "I'd… hell, I went shopping for a ring."

"Wow," Lou says with shock, never thinking this was in his past.

"But… doesn't matter now," he tells her. "Life is nothing like what it was back then."

"But if it were different and we were together… you'd want to get married?"

He thinks for a moment, looking at her and knowing how strongly he feels for her. "Yeah. I think I would."

Lou just nods her head and can't speak. She's denying him something he wants because of her fright and, even if it's only been a few months, she feels terrible about that. She suddenly hates her cheating father and the damage his infidelity has done to her even more than before, if possible.

"Don't get upset," Sam tells her when he can read her. "I don't need that. I'm just happy to be with you, no legal documentation needed."

"Yeah…." Lou trails off, still sad at the issue presented in this conversation. "What about…." She sighs. "What about kids? I know you said that you'd never have them while hunting but would that be part of your life? If that was possible?"

"Yes," Sam answers very quickly and without needing to think.

"That was an easy answer." Lou sounds surprised.

"That was an easy question," Sam turns it around. "What about you?"

"Never liked kids all that much. Kids were always Lizzy's thing."

"You don't have to be a kid person to want to be a mother," Sam comments. "And when they're your own I can only imagine you love them more than all the others out there."

"I would hope so," Lou says lightly.

"I didn't really think too much about kids before Sammy. It wasn't really… I just didn't know what it could be like. But now…." Sam sighs heavily. "Now I think about it a lot more. I think about life and what it would be like to just never have kids. To never have that…."

"You want that," Lou states, sure of it just by the way Sam sounds. Her heart nearly explodes in fear.

Sam can read the fright he just put in her just by looking in her eyes. She sure tried her hardest to hide it but she can't. So he huffs a cynical laugh. "Doesn't matter. Chances of me getting out of this room are pretty slim. Why worry about much else?"

Lou's face scrunches up with sadness. "You're really sure about this Emmanuel guy not panning out, aren't you?"

"I'm sure about not getting my hopes up," Sam tells her, flinching hard when Lucifer appears standing right behind Lou at the side of the bed.

"Where is he?" she asks, already knowing.

"Behind you," Sam says, never letting his eyes drift off of hers.

She presses her lips together quickly before leaning into him, kissing him hard enough to hopefully will away the torturer behind her.

It doesn't work.

"Mm!" Sam says sharply, pulling back from the kiss before shouting, "No!"

"Sam," Lou says right away, sitting up and pressing her hands into his shoulders, making him lay back.

"No! You can't have him!" Sam yells out, his eyes big and terrified. "Not  _him_!"

"Giant, you gotta snap out of it," Lou says, her voice raising with alarm. "You can't yell like this."

"Sammy! No! Not him! Take me!" Sam shouts up at her, clearly not seeing her but seeing Lucifer and whatever it is he's currently doing to their nephew. "Take me! Leave him alone!"

"They're gonna come and restrain you," Lou says hopelessly, knowing the orderlies have to already be on the way with his shouting. She knows it's over. "Sam, please…." Her voice is weak and so low.

"NO! No! Dean! Dean, help!"

Right as he starts shouting for his brother, two men burst into the room and head right for him. They pull Lou off of him and she stands by as Sam fights them. His weakened state makes the fight no contest… making Lou bite her bottom lip to stop the sadness. Her Sam can usually take at least two men on and come out with nothing but a couple bruises.

Lou leaves the room and stands with her back against the wall so she can't see inside the door. Listening to Sam shout of for help and scream about keeping Sammy from whatever pain Lucifer wants to give him… she can't take this. She can't just listen to this anymore.

With wet eyes she leaves the corridor, her hand pulling her phone from her pocket. If Sam was coherent enough to even recognize her right now she'd have stayed but she needs air. And her sister.

* * *

 


	19. The Ward (Part 3)

* * *

"We're on our way," Lizzy assures with a depressed tone after getting the update from her sister. "You gotta just hang in there with him…. I know, Louie. I know it's hard."

Dean looks to Lizzy in the backseat through the rearview mirror with sheer worry in his eyes.

"Louie, he needs you…. And trust me, Emmanuel is… he's the real deal. If anyone can help it's him."

Dean watches Castiel hide a slight smile of pride that people are believing in him.

"We'll be there in about six hours. We just have to stop and walk Sammy around a little. And grab some food." Lizzy sighs and nods to herself. "I love you too. Be strong, Louie. You got this."

She hangs up the call and rubs her face.

"He's getting worse," Dean states more than asks while looking out the windshield.

"By the second," Lizzy hates to tell him.

"Then we make a quick stop at the next fill-up joint and we don't stop again until we get there."

"Works for me," Lizzy answers, her concern high after hearing the fear in Lou's voice. Of the two of them, Lou's the better at hiding fear. She's failing miserably at it right now.

It gets quiet for a moment before Castiel starts talking. "So, your brother..."

"Sam," Dean quickly tells him.

"Right. Sam. What's his diagnosis?"

"Well, it's not exactly medical," the hunter tells him, washing a hand down his face.

"That should be fine," Castiel answers, his voice light and unconcerned. "I can cure illness of a spiritual origin."

"Spiritual?" Dean scoffs.

"Emmanuel, someone did this to him," Lizzy speaks up. "Someone cracked his brain pretty much in half."

"You're angry," he returns with, hearing it in her voice and feeling it from her soul on out. When Castiel turns to look at her he can even see it in her eyes.

"Hell yeah, we're angry," Dean tells the angel. "Dude broke my brother's head."

Castiel's head cocks to the side as he thinks. "He betrayed you, this  _dude_. He was your friend?"

"We thought he was family," Lizzy says, looking down at her hands in her lap and refusing to look at Castiel as she says it.

"Yeah, and now he's gone," Dean grits out, his clear grudge against everything Castiel did still there and very strong. As much as he's happy to have his former friend with him he's pissed. No one lies to him and damages his brother without catching some serious heat from Dean.

"Did you kill him?" Castiel asks.

"What!?" Lizzy blurts out, the idea of killing her guardian just so insane to her.

"I just… I sense that you two might kill a lot of people," Castiel admits despite not being afraid of them.

Dean and Lizzy share a look of awkwardness before Dean speaks up. "Honestly, I,I… I don't know if he's dead. I didn't hurt him, neither did Lizzy. I just know that this... whole thing couldn't be messier." He sighs with a soul-deep tiredness. "You know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. You know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... I always could. What Cass did...? I just can't. I don't know why."

"Well, it doesn't matter why," Castiel assures him, fully unaware that it is him they are speaking about.

"Of course it matters."

"No. You're not a machine, Dean. You're human," he tells the clearly hurting man in hopes that he can help alleviate the pain a little. His past sounds hard and depressing. "Your friend's name was Cass? That's an odd name."

"He was an odd dude," Lizzy huffs a laugh quietly in the back.

"Yes, well, I like to think odd doesn't necessarily mean bad…."

"His odd-ness was… oddly charming," Lizzy admits, easily finding her way towards a more forgiving place to be even with all the shit Castiel pulled. Seeing him again is washing it all away easily. "I always felt safe with him. I think deep down, even though he screwed up… I think he was still a good guy."

"A good guy with an ego the size of freakin' Montana maybe," Dean grumbles, still too hurt to sunny-side this situation.

"We all have our faults," Castiel says simply enough.

"Some more than others," Dean keeps up his negativity.

"And you're one to talk," Lizzy challenges him. "Everyone fucks up."

"But not everyone sentences people to death by breaking their brain and slowly killing them!" Dean gets mad.

Sammy stirs in his sleep and Lizzy sighs. "Take it down. Sammy's out and I don't want to ruin that."

Dean grits his teeth and lets it go, creating yet another thick, tense silence in the space of the car.

* * *

"I can't give you any more medication," Doctor Kadinsky tells Sam as he lies restrained once more in his hospital bed, Lou sitting by his legs and her hand clamped around one of his strapped down ones to keep contact. "The potential for overdose is too great."

"The meds were never really working anyways," Lou nods her head and glances at Sam. "Might as well stop taking them."

Sam nods once sadly, knowing he'd rather not swallow pills that have no effect on Lucifer at all.

"Which leaves us with few options," the doctor continues. "I'm running out of ideas here."

"My sister should be here soon," Lou says to him. "If you can just wait… a half a day at the most…."

"We need to talk about surgical solutions," Doctor Kadinsky tells them.

"Surgical?" Sam asks, his voice low with total, all-consuming panic.

"Ooh!" Lucifer awes as he appears over Kadinsky's shoulder, his own lab coat on. "Lobotomy?"

"You're not cutting him open!" Lou protests immediately.

"It's okay," the doctor assures them. "And we're not talking lobotomy here."

"Darn," Lucifer laments.

"But there are other options out there," Kadinsky returns.

"You need to wait until my sister gets here," Lou denies once more, her panic rising. "She's got the whole medical jargon down. She was a med student for a couple years and we're not doing a damn thing until she's back."

"You may not have a choice."

"What does that mean?" Sam asks, his head still lifted off the pillow with anxiety.

"It means that I don't think we have time to wait for her," Kadinsky repeats. "You are a threat to the wellbeing of my staff with every violent outburst. I already lost one orderly to a sprained wrist yesterday."

"We don't consent," Lou refuses with a strong tone as she stands up. "You're not touching him. You need us to give the green light for surgery and we say no."

"Fine," Kadinsky nods slowly. "And I understand your reservations… but by law I still have power over you both if I think he's a threat to society in general… which I do."

Sam drops his head back onto his pillow, the exhaustion truly picking a terrible time to overwhelm him. His eyesight is hazy and the voices around him are echoing and muffled. This is it. He's really going to lose it now. He can feel it coming.

"Fuck that!" Lou yells. "You can't do that!"

"I  _have_  to do that," Kadinsky responds, looking to his two male orderlies and nodding. The men walk towards Sam and prepare to get him on a gurney that they wheeled in.

"What the hell!? What's going on!?" Lou panics completely.

"We are trying something, making sure it is absolutely necessary to opt for surgery. All other options will be exhausted first."

"What the hell are you trying!?" Lou asks, eyes trained on the completely out of it Sam being picked up and laid out on the gurney.

"Electroshock therapy."

"No!" Lou demands and she rushes to Sam, getting grabbed by Kadinsky.

"Some help here!" Kadinsky calls out, asking for help with Lou.

"Sam!" she yells out as they tie him down with thick leather straps across his body.

Another orderly runs into the room and heads right for Lou. With he and Kadinsky holding back the five foot, petite woman in a panic and on no sleep herself, even her hunter training isn't getting her far. "Giant! No!"

"This is for his own good," Kadinsky struggles out against her fighting.

"Don't do this!" she pleads to the doctor. "Please! Don't! Leave him alone! Don't do this to him!"

"He will be fine," the doctor assures. "We're saving his life."

"Damn it," she huffs with a destroyed voice. "Sam!" She keeps trying as he gets wheeled out of the room but it gets her nowhere. She already knows she's lost.

* * *

Bringing the car to a stop outside of the institute Sam is in, Dean gets out and looks down towards the entrance. He purposely took the higher road around the building so that they could scope it out before heading in. If a demon went after Castiel already while on their quick stop then chances are they're using whatever they can to get to him, including the Winchesters.

Unfortunately, he was right.

"Crap," Dean states as he looks through binoculars to the several people milling about below them. He sees a few pairs of black eyes among them.

"What is it?" Castiel asks, walking around the vehicle to meet Dean. The second he catches a glimpse of what Dean sees he inhales sharply with sudden fear. "Oh… their faces!"

"Shh," Lizzy says harshly, rushing to stand on Castiel's other side and grabbing his arm. "Don't let them hear you."

"Wha… what are they!?" he asks with panic.

"More demons," Dean answers, dropping the binoculars and turning towards their small group. "Damn it."

"Is it all of them?" Lizzy asks Castiel, pointing to the lurkers and asking if he can tell them. "Can you tell?"

"Yes." He nods with fright. "My word, their faces are so… they're hideous."

"With personalities to match," Dean comments, glancing at Lizzy as they silently know what has to happen now.

"Well, then, what do we do?" Castiel wonders aloud, clearly not getting any memory-jogs through seeing the demons.

"Can you give Dean and me a second, Emmanuel?" Lizzy asks and grabs Dean's hand, not waiting for a response before walking away to speak privately.

"We gotta get in there. He's our best bet," Dean tell her, glancing at Castiel behind them.

"I know. But do we just unleash him on the hoard?"

"You got a better idea?" Dean challenges.

"Well… no," Lizzy hates to admit. "But what if he gets down there and doesn't remember how to be… well,  _him_?"

"Then he had it coming anyways," Dean responds with stubborn anger, seeing the angel again making his pure rage at what he did come back.

Looking at him with disappointment, Lizzy reminds him, "We can't feed him to the lions. He might be our only hope here, Dean. We need him to fix Sam." She puts her hands on her hips. "Maybe we just tell him."

"You wanna tell him the truth!?"

"Yeah," Lizzy says. "At least if he knows…."

"You think it's that cut and dry? After everything he did to  _all_  of us? Really?" he questions, the fire still fully there.

"He fucked up royally, I'm not saying he didn't…."

"Oh, don't undersell it or anything," Dean cuts her off with total sarcasm. "You know what he did. And you want to tell him the truth of what happened and just hope that he takes it in stride? He could snap. He could... disappear. Who knows?"

"I gather we know each other," they hear Castiel's voice says and Lizzy squeezes her eyes shut for their own stupidity. Neither of them noticed him come close while they discussed what to do and now it's been done.

"We do," Lizzy nods, looking at him with something soft and longing in her gaze. She hates how much she missed him after all he's done but she truly did. "We know each other well."

"Then you can tell me everything. I'll be fine," he assures her. "I've been wanting to know who I really am for some time now."

"It's not pretty," Dean warns.

"It can't be that bad."

"How do you know?" Dean challenges right off. "You just met yourself. I've known you for years."

"And I've known you my whole life," Lizzy adds on. "Emmanuel… you can heal people because you're not human. It isn't a special power or anything like that."

"You're an angel," Dean blurts, tired of skirting the issue.

"I'm sorry?" Castiel says with utter confusion. "Is that a flirtation?"

"What!?" Dean fires out with the question. "No!"

"No, he's not flirting with you," Lizzy says with a slight smile, not able to ignore the sweet innocence he shows in the moment. Maybe he's salvageable after all. "He means you're an actual angel. It's a species. A very powerful one."

When Castiel looks at her with heavy disbelief Dean backs her up. "She's not lying. Okay? That's why you heal people. You don't eat. You don't sleep. I'm sure there's more."

The angel huffs a couple times, coming to terms with what they tell him. "Why wouldn't you tell me? Being an angel… it sounds pleasant."

"It's not, trust me," Dean spells it all out. "It's bloody, it's corrupt. It's not pleasant."

Castiel looks to Lizzy to see if the surlier of the characters he's in the company of is just being pessimistic and dramatic.

"No, he's not lying," Lizzy confirms for him. "He would know, so would I. We all used to fight together. You've been my guardian since birth and you and Dean…." She smiles lightly. "Damn near best friends, actually."

"We're... friends?" Castiel asks Dean, getting an eye roll and shrug from him. The hunter's indifferent attitude makes him think a little hard. And suddenly he gets it. With wide, horrified eyes Castiel asks, "Am I Cass!? Am I the friend that betrayed you!?" The silence they give him tells it all. "I… I had no idea. I don't remember you. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault that you can't remember," Lizzy goes in for the damage control.

"Oh no!?" Dean asks, knowing it really is Cass' fault.

"Look," she eyes Dean sternly before focusing on Castiel. "You got the juice. You can smite every demon in that group down there and… we need you to do that."

"But I don't remember how to… smite." The word even sounds funny coming from him.

"It's in there. I'm sure it's just like riding a bike," Dean tries to brush the idea off.

"I don't know how to do that, either," he tells them and sighs loudly, his face showing his fear. He looks down at the group of ugly-faced demons lurking around the entrance and realizes he has to do something here. He has to. He's clearly betrayed these people beyond anything he could have imagined. He owes them. "Alright, I'll try."

Castiel makes a determined line for the demons, his shoulders squared and dangerous.

"This ain't gonna go well," Dean says when he thinks he can see what's coming.

"Give him a second," Lizzy says as she heads for the driver's side of their stolen car. She opens the door, pops the trunk, and heads for it.

"What are you doing?"

"Being prepared," she tells him, reaching into one of the duffle bags and pulling out an angel blade.

Dean gives her a look of warning as she walks to stand next to him again, watching closely to the below action. She flips the blade expertly in her hand.

"If this goes wrong I'm backing him up," Lizzy says to Dean with a certain voice.

"L, you need stay back…."

"Save it," Lizzy tells him. "I wouldn't have you or Sammy without Cass. I wouldn't have Sam out of the pit and Lou back in my life… I owe Cass my life four times over the way I see it, even if he's been a massive fuck up. I'm helping him if he needs it."

Dean clenches his jaw and rolls his eyes, knowing how right she is and absolutely hating it. He reaches into his inner jacket pocket and pulls out Ruby's blade. He then just looks at her with something reassuring, letting her know he's in and he wouldn't let her back Cass up alone.

It earns him a rare-these-days smile from her.

"Let's just see what this tree-topper can still do first, ok?" Dean tells her, not wanting her to jump the gun on diving into the demon fight.

"Only if I have to head in, I promise," she nods, her eyes locked on Castiel as he walks right for the demons with tense shoulders and a lack of true badassery. It unnerves her that he seems so scared but that quickly changes when he gets going.

"Hey, I know you," one of the demons jests with glee when he sees the angel coming towards them. "You're dead."

"Yes, I've heard," Castiel responds coolly, his voice unperturbed as he reaches out for the front of the demon's shirt. With a fistful of fabric, he yanks the demon closer and holds him there as he presses an open palm to the demon's forehead out of sheer instinct. As bright white light pours forth from the demon's eyes and mouth, Castiel's mind flashes back to the first time he killed a demon on the Earth. He did just this to a truck driver that had been possessed and was lurking outside of a seven-year-old Lizzy's house as he had figured out who she was. He didn't hesitate to take that demon out and he isn't hesitating now.

Once the demon drops to the ground, eyes burnt out, he can feel the presence of two more just behind him. Turning swiftly around, Castiel presses a hand to each of their faces at the same time. As they burn out just like the first one did, he starts to remember it all. Pulling his friend from Hell as his goodness had started to truly tarnish and twist, saving his soul from damnation and certain ruin. Yanking Sam's soul from the pit to make right what had been done to him… and failing. Keeping Lizzy safe her whole life without her knowing, watching the little girl play with her half-sister in the yard as he made sure no threats would come upon her. The sight of the smallest Winchester the day he was born, seeing him and holding him hours after healing up his mother and saving her life… despite her dyer situation being his fault. Leaving Lou behind when he returned all other souls to Purgatory. Not being able to stop the Leviathan from escaping. Stopping the Apocalypse with the bravest and strongest humans on the planet… but then dooming the world while preventing the restarting of the Apocalypse at Raphael's hands.

Breaking Sam's wall and promising to fix him… and then never doing it.

Shoving one of the last two demons out of the way and making him stumble onto the ground on his back, Castiel sees the other attempting to run.

"I don't think running will save you," he comments evenly when he appears suddenly in front of the fleeing demons. He smites him without thought. Once he's taken care of, Castiel kneels to the floor and presses his hand to the fallen demon's forehead, burning him out for good and leaving the shell of the meatsuit it'd been wearing on the ground.

The man and woman that came to seek his help are his friends. His family. The little boy they had with them is the savior, or he's supposed to be, and now Castiel remembers it all. So much of it is his fault. He feels something threatening and heavy, something sad and awful… he thinks it's the dark shadow of guilt casting itself over him. He's never really felt it quite like this before but it only gets worse when he looks up the hill and sees the two people he calls his own standing there, blades in hand and ready to help.

Even now they were going to back him up. He wouldn't have deserved that it he failed.

He starts walking back and he can just hear Lizzy say to Dean, "That's my Cassie." She's proud of him?

When Dean can see the usual expression of blank wonder and determination on Castiel's face his heart jumps. He hates that he's so hopeful that the angel that truly betrayed him is ok but he does still care. He can't help it. "Cass?" he questions, looking to see where his head is.

"I remember you," Castiel says, his eyes flitting back and forth between the two of them. "I remember everything. What I did, what I became… why didn't you tell me?"

"Because Sam is dying in there," Dean tells him simply. It was an easy answer.

"Because of me," he says with shame and fear. "Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here."

Castiel starts to walk away.

"No way!" Dean calls out and grabs Castiel's shoulder. He pulls him back around to face the two of them. "If you remember then you know you did the best you could at the time."

"Don't defend me," Castiel says with wide eyes. "Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?"

"We know… and we're still not turning you away," Lizzy says to him. "Every one of us has things we've done that we aren't proud of and caused others to die. You're in good company with us, Cassie."

"You could never cause the damage and destruction I did," Castiel denies her.

"I also don't have angel powers. I'm sure if I could do what you can do I might have let that take over at some point," she explains. "You got confused… and you did everything you did to stop the Apocalypse from restarting and taking my boy away from me. Cass, you saved my family. You might have saved my son from his really fucked up destiny. I owe you my life."

Castiel's face softens as he listens to her. She's so kind and she can see the positive where there really isn't any. "You are a very kind person, Elizabeth. I truly am proud of the person you've become. You might be the one thing left I can have real pride in as you are the only good thing I've managed to with my life."

Lizzy smiles and bites the inside of her cheek. Now's not the time to cry.

"But that doesn't make up for the rest," Castiel says with disappointment.

"So make up for it now," Dean cuts in, reminding Castiel of why they are at the hospital in the first place.

"We didn't part friends, Dean."

"So what?"

"I  _deserved_  to die," Castiel insists. "Now, I can't possibly fix it... so why did I even walk out of that river?"

"Maybe  _to_  fix it," Dean tries to look on the Brightside, something he's not used to doing. "You can make up for all this."

"How do I even begin to do that?" Castiel asks helplessly.

"You make it up to Sam," Dean says to him. "He needs you. You're our last hope in saving him."

"You can do this, Cass," Lizzy insists.

"Your expectations of me may be overblown."

"Fuck that!" Lizzy nearly shouts with anger. "I know you. I know everything you've been capable of and you need to remember it all." She sighs when she isn't getting to him. Then she gets an idea. "Wait!" she says, eyes wide and excited as she hands Castiel the angel blade and runs for the open car trunk. She yanks her duffle bag out of the car and drops it onto the floor. While rummaging through it Dean and Castiel exchange confused looks.

Suddenly she stands up, a wad of tan fabric in her hand.

"You are an angel of the Lord," she starts to say with determination, walking back to him. "You are the one thing that has kept me safe my whole life. When I was younger I was happy and comfortable and I had a wonderful life… because you protected me. And now I have a family again after mine was taken. You gave me my sister back after I thought I lost her for good. You pulled my brother out of Lucifer's grips. You saved my life so that I could be the best mother I can to my son… Hell, you gave me my son! Castiel… I wouldn't be married to the bravest and most exceptional man on the fucking planet if you didn't yank him out of Hell when you did."

Dean face shows the surprise he has with her words. Most exceptional man? Does she still think that? Is that hope she's trying to give him?

"My brother needs help," Lizzy continues. "You went off rails and he's a mess because of that." She holds out the wadded up, wrinkled trench coat to him. "Now make it up to me and to the rest of your family that still loves you. Go help Sam."

Castiel pauses when he doesn't really know what to say at first. "I don't deserve to be in your family anymore….."

"Screw that," Dean stops the pity party. "When you fuck up, family is supposed to forgive you and move on. That's what family does." He stands next to Lizzy with her hands still holding out the coat. "So… you in this family or what, Cass?"

* * *

"Wh... where…." Sam tries to ask as his mind finally clears enough to assess the situation. Looking around the room he sees basic cinderblock walls of a basement room. He knows it's still the hospital when he sees a man standing next to the gurney he's strapped down on wearing the usual white uniform. "Where are we?"

"Electroshock therapy," the orderly answers easily, as if this medical procedure is something that's done every day. "Let's just get you settled. Don't be freaked. I've seen this help a lot of people."

"Umm, umm," Sam's head lulls from side to side, trying to clear up enough to understand. "But… Lou said…."

"She has no legal recourse here, Sam," he tells the hunter. "She's not your wife."

"How…?" Sam tries to ask but can't get it together enough. Whatever is about to happen is bad though, he knows that. "But… my, my brother…."

The orderly cuts his voice short by shoving a rubber mouth guard into his mouth. "Bite down."

As the machine turns on, the sound whirring menacingly, Sam starts to understand what's about to happen here.

"Ordinarily, they keep this thing set on low," the orderly says, turning up the juice on the electroshock machine. "But I was thinking we could experiment a little. What do you say, Sam?"

This sounds incredibly wrong and the panic starts to creep into Sam's gut.

The orderly pressed the electrodes onto Sam's temples and smiles. "Let's get that head strapped in." His eyes turn black with that and Sam starts to struggle against his restraints.

The orderly just laughs a little and turns back to the machine, ready to get going.

"Relax, Sam. You've handled worse than this before, right?"

* * *

Lizzy doesn't say anything as she watches Castiel pull his arms through the old trench coat sleeves but on the inside she's about as giddy as she can be. It feels so good to see the jacket where it belongs. Having hid it in the bottom of her duffle bag ever since Dean came back to Bobby's with it and no angel in tow, she always prayed she'd get to give it back to him somehow. She doubted it would happen but she always prayed anyways.

"Better?" she asks him, hoping he's getting back to where he should be mentally.

"A little, I'll admit," he says, leaving the trench coat open like always, rolling his shoulders out while wearing it.

"Well, it looks better than the suburban dad look, that's for sure," Dean half jokes with a small smile. The trench might still be blood and black goo stained but it's still a start.

"I held onto it because somehow… somehow I knew you had to be out there still," Lizzy admits to him. "I could always… I could just feel you somewhere far. You never felt gone to me. Never."

"I wasn't gone," Castiel says very simply.

"By all account you were," she corrects. "But I never could let go."

Castiel looks at her funny, the guilt still coursing through him with incredible strength. "I need to go help Sam."

He disappears.

* * *

"Amazing," the orderly awes as he watches Sam's form tense and violently shake on the gurney, the electroshock machine pumping electricity through his body. "You just take those licking's, don't you, kid? Well, if it's meat, you can cook it. You just got to turn up the heat."

The orderly turns to up the machine to full blast but finds someone standing in his way.

Without waiting a second, Castiel presses a palm to the orderly's head and smites him in record time, his body collapsing onto the ground with hollow, burnt eye sockets. The angel then rushes for the electroshock therapy machine and turns it off.

Sam's body stops convulsing and finally relaxes its ridged state when the current it cut off. Castiel quickly starts pulling the electrodes off his temples, pulling the rubber guard from his mouth right after.

"I should never have broken your wall, Sam," Castiel tells the truly shattered man before him. This used to be a strong, mighty, and more than brave hunter that he considered a friend yet now, because of his thoughtless and misguided actions, Sam's a crumbled pile of his former self. "I'm here to make it right."

Castiel touches Sam's head, attempting to heal him once and for all and put the wall back in place if he can, but Sam doesn't look any better once he's done. His form is still tired and sagging yet when he opens his eyes and looks up at Castiel there's nothing short of horror in his eyes.

"You're not real," Sam says to the smiling face of Lucifer, the face he sees instead of his former friend's.

"Oh, Sam..." Castiel laments, his heart crushed by the lack of change he sees in the man despite his best efforts. He did this. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

With Sammy in his arms, Dean rushes down the hallway of the institute, Lizzy running just behind him to the room Sam's been assigned. After Castiel disappeared and left them outside they knew they had to get in. Screw visiting hours and rules. They needed to see what was happening so they broke in through the back loading dock.

When they make it to Sam's room they find only Lou inside, sitting curled up in a ball on the only chair in the room.

"Where is he!?" Dean asks quickly, his voice a panicked mess.

Lou looks up at them, her eyes red and watery yet her expression angry and lost. "I tried, Dean. I'm sorry. I tried."

"Tried what?" Dean fired out with pure worry.

"He got violent again and they said they didn't need consent," she tells him, standing up and wiping her eyes before awkwardly crossing her arms over her chest. "I tried to stop them but they restrained me too."

"Lou," Dean says, his tone stern and serious. "What the hell did they do to my brother?"

She closes her eyes and a fresh set of tears leak out and roll slowly down her cheeks. "Electroshock therapy."

"What!?" Dean shouts at the same time as Lizzy steps forwards with her own fire in her gut.

"Are they fucking crazy!?" she shouts. "What are they, barbarians around here!?"

"I don't know but they were getting desperate," Lou explains, her own resolve so broken as she pulls her hands into her sleeves and wipes her face. "This was the last course of action before surgery."

"There won't be any surgery," a roughed up, low toned voice flatly responds as a gurney is wheeled into the room. A barely conscious Sam is struggling to keep his eyes open as his head rolls side to side with the movement.

"Sammy!" Dean calls out and strides right to him, checking him over with his free hand while never dropping his son, Lizzy stealing the boy from him to help out.

"Giant!" Lou starts to rush to him but stops short when she sees the man pushing him in. Her entire body freezes, alarm instantly in her entire system when she barely recognizes the man before her. She knows him in a way most never could. Her mind flashed back to seeing through his eyes as he wielded the strength of her soul along with several others, the godly power he used to do such unspeakable things. She was trapped with the worst Purgatory had to offer because of him.

Castiel doesn't miss the sudden total fright in her demeanor. He steps away from the gurney to focus on her.

"Don't..." she says, pointing at him as she takes a large step back from him. "Don't come near me."

"I'm not here to harm you," Castiel promises, walking a step closer.

"Yeah fucking right…."

"I know our past encounter was less that enjoyable…."

"Less than enjoyable!?" she furies out. "You fucking used my soul! Fuck you!"

"I have so much to make up for," Castiel looks to the floor with bashful shame. "What I did to you… I will always regret that. You are Elizabeth's sister and true friend. I never meant to hurt you."

"Are you always this full of shit?" Lou shakily asks, the back of her legs bumping into the chair she just got out of as she keeps trying to put more distance between them.

"Louie, stop," Lizzy asks, putting herself and Sammy between the two. "There's a shitload to hash out here but now is not the time. For now, Cass is our only shot to help Sam so you gotta let it go."

"What!? You lost your fucking mind!?"

"Trust me!" Lizzy yells at her, stopping her panic in its tracks. "We'll figure this out later! Can you just trust me right now for Sam's sake?"

Lou stops and thinks. Evil asshole of epic proportions… hard to trust. But not Lizzy. Never Lizzy and never with Sam's life in her hands.

"Yeah, I trust you."

"Good," Lizzy sighs. "Now let Cass do his thing and fix Sam."

"I'm afraid that may not be quite as simple as you put it, Elizabeth," Castiel doesn't want to admit as he walks back to the gurney, pulling Sam's arm and getting him on his feet with his angelic strength, helping him back into the bed in his room.

As he settles, Sam looks to his side to the chair that's actually empty. He can see Lucifer reading the children's book The Three Little Pigs.

"I see that third little pig was smart. Went out and got some bricks…."

"What do you mean, Cass?" Lizzy asks, her face dropping with worry.

"I can't heal him." The angel looks at the ground in shame.

"What the hell do you mean you  _can't?_ " Dean loudly asks, the fury building. Cass did this then Cass can clean it up. He said he would fix Sam.

"I mean there's nothing left to rebuild," Castiel gets the truth over with quickly.

"Why not!?"

"Because it crumbled, Dean," the angel says with much pain in his voice. "The pieces got crushed to dust by whatever's happening inside his head right now."

"You're saying there's nothing?" Lou asks, stepping cautiously closer to Castiel with devastation in her tone. She's too devastated to be scared of him right now. "That he's gonna be like this until… until his candle blows out?"

"I'm sorry," he apologizes to her. "This isn't a problem I can make disappear."

Lou struggles to breathe properly when it all hits. She's going to lose him. "No. No, you can't just get me back here only to let him fucking die. That's not how this works! Not like _this_!" she points at him. "He deserves better than this!"

"You're absolutely right," Castiel agrees with a meek voice. "Sam deserves a whole lot more than what's been done to him."

"What  _you_  did to him," Lou tells him with a dangerous inflection. " _You_  did this. So  _you_  fix him!" She steps closer as the fire reignites, her hatred for the being overwhelming her in the moment.

"I can't… and you know that." Castiel glances at Sam, his head cocking to the side when a thought occurs to him. "But I may be able to shift it."

"Shift?" Dean questions hopefully.

"Yeah," Castiel responds, mentally preparing for what he's about to do and what he's about to take on himself. "It would get Sam back on his feet."

When he takes a seat next to Sam on the bed Lizzy's stomach drops with worry. "Cassie, what the hell are you about to do?" she wonders to him, holding her son tightly to her side.

"It's better this way. I'll be fine."

Sam flinches when he sees Castiel… or rather, Lucifer as his head allows him to see it… sitting next to him.

"Wait, Cass, what are you doing?" Dean asks with full alarm.

"Now, Sam..." Castiel begins. "This may hurt. And if I can't tell you again..." He lifts his hand towards Sam's head. "...I'm sorry I ever did this to you."

The angel presses his palm to Sam's forehead. Sam's eyes glow a bright red as he groans in pain with the move. The red color travels from his eyes to Castiel's hand, all the while Sam gasps for breath. The red keeps moving up Castiel's arm, over his shoulder, up his neck and face until it settles in his own eyes.

Sam takes a deep breath, his eyes suddenly more focused than they've managed to be in days.

"Sam?" Dean asks, seeing his brother actually present, as he walks around the bed to the other side.

"Dean!" Sam responds, the same word that's so easy to call out and get comfort from just like when he was a kid. When Dean drops a hand on his shoulder he sighs in bone-deep, soul-relaxing relief. There's no Lucifer. There's no anything but reality. Hell left the building.

"Giant!" Lou shout his name and launches onto him, squeezing her arms tightly around his neck as she hugs him so hard it hurts.

"Lou," Sam whispers quietly, eyes tightly shut as his chin rests on her shoulder and his arms come around her form, yanking her in as close as he can get her. He's still there. He still has her. Now that's a miracle and he knows it.

As Lizzy stands by, smiling wide at Sam as he returns to them, his head already in a much better place, she watches as Castiel stands up sharply from the bed. "Cass?" she calls out to him but instantly he's backing up to the wall, his body pressed to the cinderblocks and face filled with utter terror. "Cass?"

Dean can hear her calling out to the angel and the situation away from the bed catches his attention. He can tell already something very bad is happening with Castiel and when he and Lizzy exchange nervous looks he knows they just found a new form of trouble for themselves.

"Cass?" Dean booms out as he walks up to the angel while Lizzy rushed to the bed, handing Sammy off to Sam and Lou.

Sam's face lights up brilliantly when he sees that sweet nephew of his. He takes the boy and sits him in his lap, and arm looped around his middle and his other hand linked in Lou's. Everything feels right for the very first time since he got back from the Cage. Years of feeling off and seeing and experiencing things that aren't reality… and now, finally, he feels like himself.

"Cass, man. Is that you?" Dean keeps trying to get through to the angel, his hand on his shoulder as he stands in front of him.

But Castiel doesn't see his good and trusted friend. He sees his long lost brethren.

"Hello... brother," Lucifer snarls as he stares right at him, smiling with something evil and sordid.

As Lucifer laughs and Castiel makes noises of true fear deep in his throat while freezing in place, Dean looks to Lizzy and the two of them know already. Castiel took the burden from Sam's mind and placed it on his own. Lizzy sighs heavily as the sadness spreads through her.

"Oh, Cassie," she says, reaching out to take his hand but Castiel flinches hard and scurries to the corner of the room, his face showing his desperation.

* * *

"I don't know," Sam says to his brother as he looks back at the institute's old, dark building. He's in his normal clothing, canvas jacket, flannel and all, and he's standing upright and normal. The transfer worked perfectly, just as they all assume Castiel wanted it to. "I mean, we can't just leave him."

"Well, we can't bring him with us," Dean points out. "Everything on the planet's out for us, okay? Word gets out, we can't protect him. Not really."

Sam gives him the patented puppy dog eyes as they speak over the roof of the Impala.

"Sam, this is safer. Every demon who knows about Cass is dead," Dean reminds him. "Plus, you know Lizzy'll keep an eye on him."

"Yeah, that's true," Sam nods his head. "She'd never let trouble find him here, not if she has anything to do with it."

"Lou ok sticking behind with her?" Dean asks, worried that they're parting ways too fast after finally fixing Sam up.

"She'll be fine," Sam nods, knowing she will. "I mean, don't get me wrong, she's always ready to hop in and go kill some asshats but hey, she loves her nephew and someone has to watch him during the day now."

Dean shakes his head with disbelief. "Lou… babysitter extraordinaire."

"Who would've thought?"

"Not me," Dean responds with equal surprise.

Sam huffs a laugh at that. "And she's shockingly cool about the whole distance thing while the Leviathan are out there."

"That's because she understands what dickbags the Levis are," Dean comments. "Wish L understood so well back when this all started happening."

"She'll come around, man," Sam assures, still only assuming they two of them will eventually figure it out. "Just gotta wait it out. She'll forgive you."

"No so sure about that," Dean comments, while looking at his keys in his hand for a beat before getting behind the wheel.

Sam follows him into the car, sitting in the passenger seat as always, and pulls the door shut with a squeal. "It's still that bad?" he wonders, shock in his tone.

"She told me she's done." Dean looks down in his lap for a second with the shame that comes with the statement. They started by cracking the foundation with verbal fights and distance and now he drove her away. He's embarrassed by the fact that he couldn't hang on to the one thing he needed the most. Out of all of things in his life Dean's dropped the ball on this wasn't one he could afford.

"She didn't mean it," Sam instantly denies.

"She did," Dean looks at Sam with absolute devastation behind his eyes. "Sammy, she's done. She's giving up on me. It's over to her."

Sam's jaw drops slightly when he hears this. "But it's not for you?"

Dean shrugs and looks out the windshield. "I don't blame her, really."

"That's not what I asked," Sam tries again. "Are you giving up?"

Thinking about how it's been the past day, being near her. Aside from the disagreements here and there he has to admit to himself it was still good to have her back in whatever little aspect he got. She spoke to him without pure hatred at times, she was honest, hell… he even got her to laugh while it was just to two of them on their drive at one point. Her laugh, God does he love her laugh. So bright and beautiful….

He's still so in love with her it makes him sick just thinking about driving away again, even with their current weird situation.

"Nah, I'm not giving up," Dean says to Sam. "I don't know how to let her go."

Sam nods and settles into his seat a little more, relaxing a bit. "Good. That's my boy."

"Shut up," Dean fires out. "What am I, twelve?"

"You say that shit to me all the time!" Sam nearly laughs.

"Yeah, but you  _are_  twelve," Dean makes fun.

"Jerk."

Dean glances at Sam with a little bit of pleasant surprise. He half grins when he gets to say right back, "Bitch."

Both looking out the windshield, the world still on their shoulders along with a plethora of other problems, something feels lighter. Neither could deny that and neither would want to.

* * *

"Well, you certainly have experience," Doctor Kadinsky comments with a happy voice while sitting behind his office desk, an impressive resume in his hand. "I'm impressed."

"Thank you," she responds with a very upbeat and proud voice.

"Tell me… why do you want to join our staff?" Kadinsky sits back in his seat and eyes her, his arms crossed over his chest and face smiling slightly.

"Honestly? I really just want to help the patients," she shrugs with a warm grin. "Watch over them, care for them, be there when I know so many of them don't have family that visit. Not to be immodest, but I feel like I'd make a great fit."

"I can't argue with that." The doctor stands up and offers his hand to her to shake on it. "Welcome to the team... Nurse Winchester."

"Thank you so much, Doctor Kadinsky," Lizzy responds, her heart finally slowing now that she knows he believes her fake resume along with her fake entire interview. She was flying by the seat of her pants the entire time.

"Why don't I give you a tour and let you meet some of patients," the doctor suggests.

"Oh, that'd be excellent," Lizzy responds, perking up. "As you read from my resume I tend to work very well with the special cases. The challenge of caring for a person that has not quite been diagnosed is quite fascinating to me. That and I believe they're the ones that need more attention than others and I don't mind giving it."

"Really?" Kadinsky asks, slightly surprised.

"Oh yes. I feel it's more rewarding work," Lizzy keeps her smile in place.

"Well then, Nurse Winchester," Kadinsky holds open his office door for her. "Have I got a patient for you to meet."

* * *

 


	20. Return from the Veil

**_This is my take on the episode 'Of Grave Importance'._ **

* * *

Blowing out a hard breath, Lizzy finishes checking Castiel's vitals as he lies motionless in bed. No change. Luckily Cass has had vitals at all for her to check. She would've had a hard time covering up why it is this man has no vitals yet is still alive otherwise. She wonders if that's a function of his vessel, Jimmy, coming through due to the poor current condition of the grace of the angel inside but she tries her hardest to not really think about it. She knows Jimmy had a life and thinking about that fact isn't something she can do.

"Liz?" a voice calls out and a rapid knock is heard on the open door. Lizzy looks up to see one of her coworkers, another nurse, standing there with a smile.

"Hey, Judy," Lizzy smiles right back.

"Figured I'd find you here," she says with a knowing expression. "You're awfully concerned about John Doe here."

Shit. She's on to her. "Yeah… well… it's sad, isn't it? The guy comes her on his own volition in a total psychotic break and ends up like this. He has no family, we don't even know his name… I think it's sad. And I think everyone deserves to have someone looking out for them."

Judy laughs. "You're so new to this."

"That I am," Lizzy answers knowingly. It's then that she sees the giant vase of flowers, all Gerber daisies in reds, oranges, and yellows, in her hold.

"Well, these came for you," Judy says, handing over the bouquet to her. "Edna signed for them downstairs and I was down there anyways. Brought them up."

"Wow, uh," Lizzy says, surprised by the arrival and takes the vase from her. "Thanks."

"You should be thanking the mystery man that sent them, not me," she laughs and starts to get nosy. "You know who they're from?"

"I have a good idea," she nods, knowing full well it's Dean. These look an awful lot like the flowers he gave her years back in California before their insanely wonderful, and one time only, date night.

"Oh man," Judy shakes her head. "This guy is totally in love."

"That he is," Lizzy says without excitement, placing the flowers on the table by Castiel's bed. Might as well spruce the place up for him, awake or not. The room is depressing.

"Well?" Judy asks impatiently.

"Relax, Judy," Lizzy huffs, puttering around to keep busy for the moment.

"Who is he? Boyfriend of something?"

"Or something," Lizzy answers simply, knowing she wanted more.

"Just a total open book, you are," Judy complains. "You come here out of nowhere, you don't talk at all about your personal life… you gotta give us something."

"Us?" Lizzy laughs.

"Yeah, the whole nursing staff is curious."

Sighing, Lizzy glances at the flowers and comes up with an answer. "They're from my baby-daddy."

Judy's silent for a beat. "You have a kid!?"

"Yes. I'm a mom," Lizzy answers, rechecking vitals to keep busy and hopefully end this conversation quickly. The less everyone knows about her the better at this point.

"And you never said anything!?"

"Didn't feel the need to. I'm kind of a loner."

"Well, your baby-daddy doesn't want you to be a loner," Judy rebuts.

"Yeah," Lizzy nods and ends it there.

"So… you had a kid with this guy and what, you want nothing to do with him?"

"It's… complicated," Lizzy tells her.

"Uh-huh," Judy says quietly, thinking. "Well, I say he better put a ring on it. You're clearly a good person and, for being a mom… you look amazing."

"Thanks," Lizzy rolls her eyes.

"Alright, better do my rounds," Judy says. "And heads up, I want pictures of the kid."

"Sammy," Lizzy says, her face smiling wide when she says his name. "My son."

"I want pictures at dinner!" Judy points to her and leaves the room, making Lizzy laugh. Judy meant well. Her nosiness is only there because she cares. She's been nothing but kind to Lizzy since she got there. At first it made her suspicious but once Judy was able to walk into Castiel's room after she's warded it to high hell then she knew she was just a nice person. Those do still exist.

Lizzy pauses a moment, pressing a hand to her chest as she looks at the flowers. Through her scrubs she can feel the wedding band and diamond ring where it hangs off of a chain she recently bought to wear them on. She didn't want to wear them on her finger anymore, not when things feel so awful between her and Dean, but those rings were a gift from Bobby. They were Karen's and that present has meant so much to her, just as much Mary's charm bracelet that she still wears around her wrist every day.

She feels guilty suddenly. The flowers, a very kind gesture from Dean, make her feel terrible that she took them off. He's trying, and she respects that, but her pain runs deep and she's not at a point that she can forgive just yet. Maybe she's a bitch for that since he was duped after all… but she can't bring herself to let it go and she can't force herself to not be hurt by it.

With a sign, Lizzy takes her phone out and dials Sam's number. She needs to update them on Castiel after the week he's had and she just plain needs to check on the boys as it's been a while.

"Lizzy, hey," Sam says quickly, making it obvious he's nervous. Dean must be with him and when Lizzy hears the Impala's engine roaring in the background she knows he is.

"Hey, Sam-I-Am," she answers. "Just checking in."

"How is he?"

"Comatose for a week now," Lizzy tells Sam on the phone while leaning against the wall of Castiel's room at the institution, her worry for him growing with every day he remains out of it. "I don't know what happen."

"So he just… went to sleep?" Sam questions as the Impala flies down the back roads on their way to meet up with Annie, an old hunting buddy that asked for their help with a haunting. "And that was it?"

"Pretty much," Lizzy nods, Castiel's form lying motionless in bed. At least his face is calm as he lays there, seemingly carefree when that can't possibly be the case. "I checked on him before lights out and then the doctor called me the next morning saying he's been dead to the world. He's breathing on his own and health-wise he's good… it's just as if his mind said fuck this and shut down instead of deal with the torture."

"If I had that option when I was dealing with it I'd have taken it too," Sam assures her.

"I'm just worried about him now," Lizzy says. "I mean, I was before but now I can't even ask how he's doing or try and get him to explain what he's seeing. It's frustrating."

"Just remember that he's an angel," he tells her, trying to calm her nerves. "Chances that he'll pull through are really high considering that."

"I know," Lizzy smiles a little, appreciating what Sam tries to do for her. "So where are you two headed to?"

"Bodega Bay. Helping an old friend with a haunting."

"California?" Lizzy wonders, trying to remember when that is.

"Yeah."

"Huh, Dean must be happy," she jealously responds, wishing she was heading somewhere that nice.

"Yeah, uh, he is… why don't you talk to him," Sam says quickly.

"No, Sam, that's fine…."

"L, hey," Dean's voice comes across the phone and she winces. Great. More discomfort in her life.

"Hi," she greets awkwardly. "How are you?"

"Can't complain too much," Dean answers. "You?"

"Staring at Cass all day waiting for him to wake up," Lizzy tells him. "It's about as exciting as watching paint dry."

"Or grass grow?"

"Exactly."

"Well, thank you for doing this," Dean says to her. "You're really taking one for the team and I know Cass has to appreciate it."

"He's family," she simply explains. "So, uh… be safe. Enjoy the west coast…."

"Do you have to go?" Dean questions, his tone sad as he can feel Sam's annoyingly sympathetic eyes staring at him.

"Should get back to work," she tells him. "Need to get Cass fed and check on a few others."

"He doesn't eat," he reminds her.

"The doc doesn't know that."

"Ah," he understands. "Hey, um… did you get the flowers?"

Lizzy looks at the arrangement on the side table, noticing for the first time the small envelope sticking out of it. She walks to it and plucks it out while answering, "Just a few minutes ago. Got the other nurses all jealous and nosy."

"Nice," Dean says, his voice showing just how conflicted he is about her reception of the gift.

"They're very pretty, thank you," she answers, opening the envelope and pulling out the folded note inside.

_These reminded me of one of the best nights I've ever had because I was with you. I'm only ever happy when I'm with you. I'm sorry for everything, L. I love you, you know I do.  
-Dean_

"Glad you like them," Dean says back, the slight excitement he dares let show through in his voice isn't lost on her.

"Look, I gotta go. Not supposed to be on the phone during work hours. Just wanted to give an update."

"Yeah, right… you're a working stiff right now." He jokes and huffs a laugh but sounds so damn sad that she's about to end the conversation. "I'll talk to you when I can… I guess."

"I'll call you," she says emptily.

"I miss y…." He heard the line go dead. She didn't hear it. "You." He closes his burner phone and tosses it with total frustration over his shoulder and into the back seat. "Thanks for that Sam. That was about as pleasant as a kick in the jewels."

"You said you were gonna try so… I let you try," Sam explains himself.

"A lot of good it did," he bitches.

"Did she like the flowers?" Sam asks, having caught Dean exiting the flower shop after he'd send Sam into the neighboring diner to grab dinner.

"Yeah, sure. About as much as she likes toothpaste or a friggin' lamp."

"I love lamp," Sam says quietly to his hands in his lap, seeing the opportunity to lighten things even a tiny bit.

Dean turns to stare at him for a split second. "My marriage is failing and you think you're a fucking comedian all of a sudden?"

"I'm not funny?" Sam innocently asks.

"No. Never."

"It'll get better, man," Sam swears to him. "Just hang in there and keep trying, prove to her you're not giving up."

"Yeah…."

* * *

Entering the Van Ness house once more, Sam and Dean know that Annie has to be in there somewhere. What they didn't ever expect to find is the dead man standing in front of them in the foyer, trucker hat and all.

"Hi, boys," the grumbling and annoyed voice says to them, assuming this is just another encounter in which the Winchesters won't be able to see him. He's lived like this for months now. It's highly frustrating.

But when neither of them continue on nor speak to each other as if he isn't there, he pays attention. When he glances back at the two brothers they're standing stock still and seemingly staring right at him.

"Bobby?" Dean questions with total shock.

"Wait," Bobby says, equally shocked to hear his own name spoken to him. "You can see me?"

Neither answer because they can't.

"You're staring, you know," he tells them. "Annie's here, too, by the way."

"Hi, Annie," Dean greets to the empty air.

"H-hi, Annie," Sam says.

Bobby jerks a thumb at the space next to him. "She says you both look uglier than she remembered."

"Bobby, h-how'd you stay here?"

"Yeah, well, uh..." Bobby starts, walking to a small table in the large foyer, opening the drawer with ease and grabbing out his old, dented flask he's stolen from Dean. He tosses it back to the hunter. "Suck on that, Swayze."

Sam's face gapes with recognition suddenly. "That's why you never answered me. I tried calling you. The, uh, talking board, the works… but I was always alone. Dean always had that thing in his pocket. That's why the EMF only went off half the time." He huffs a laugh at his own stupidity. "We thought we were going crazy."

"So, so, what happened?" Dean questions to the man he was positive he'd never see again. "Did you get stuck or, or what?"

"I  _wanted_  to stay."

" _Bobby_ ," Dean gets angry right away.

"I need to help," is the man's simple answer.

"Not if it means you have to... be this," Sam says cautiously, hurt that Bobby would stay here as a spirit because of he and Dean.

"Well, life wasn't comfy. Why should death be?" Bobby jokes.

"Lizzy's gonna kill you," Dean tells him, certain she'll want to at least kick his ass for this one. She's going to be so pissed.

"That'd be a touch redundant, don't you think?" Bobby jests lightly.

Dean sighs heavily and shakes his head, not liking how flippant Bobby's being about this terrible decision he's made.

And Bobby's face falls when he thinks about it. She is going to be very disappointed in him, he knows that. He knew that when he told that reaper to fuck off. She, of all of them, will be the worst about it.

"Now, come on," Bobby changes the subject. "Annie and I found all the bodies. Let's put 'em to rest. And keep my damn flask away from the fire... obviously."

* * *

"I'll miss her," Bobby comments to the boys, leaving the mansion and looking back at it. They burned Annie's remains, putting her to rest like she wanted, but he was fond of her so it's still a blow.

"Me too," Dean agrees.

"Yeah," Sam adds in.

"Well, you didn't know her like I did," Bobby says with playful knowing, thinking he's got something over them in knowing Annie. He knows  _all_  of her.

And Dean just laughs uncomfortably and Sam clears his throat with guilt. They don't tell him that Annie's got a thing for hunters.

"Well, uh…" Dean starts, pulling out Bobby's old flask and unscrewing the cap. "Here's to Annie. She got the hunter's funeral she wanted." He takes a big sip to bid her farewell. "Kind of like the one we thought we gave you." He eyes Bobby over.

"Dean," Sam gives warning but, of course, Dean doesn't listen.

"What were you thinking, Bobby?" Dean lets his disappointment fly. "You could be in Heaven right now, drinking beer at Harvelle's. Not, not… stuck…."

"Stuck here with you?" Bobby finishes with insulted disdain. "We still have work to do. I just thought that was kind of important, Dean."

Neither brother misses how quickly Bobby gets angry. He's been short with them before but it usually takes much more than one comment to get him there. The signs are all there.

"It's not right, and you know that," Dean still pushes it.

"Sorry. You're right," responds Bobby, his caustic tone showing his anger. "What was I thinking?"

He flashes out and vanishes.

"Nice job," Sam sarcastically says to his brother, blaming him for making Bobby leave so quickly.

"Shut up, Sam," Dean says and grumpily pulls out his keys, this new development rubbing him the completely wrong way. He yanks open the Impala's door and plops behind the wheel, Sam following him as they prepare to leave.

"So, what do you think we should do?" Sam wonders once he settles into his spot.

"We  _did_  what we should do," Dean tells him, gripping the wheel tightly. "Now I don't know."

"I mean, do you think it's possible we could… I don't know… make it all work somehow?" Sam suggests, not ready to part with their father figure again if he can help it. Seeing Bobby again felt like coming home. It felt good and not a whole lot has felt very good lately.

"I have no idea. Maybe," Dean starts to rationalize, wanting to make it work but already knowing better. "I've never heard of it. But you know what I do know? It ain't the natural order of things."

Bobby silently watches on from the backseat, staying out of their sight. He keeps a steadfast face as he does.

"Because we're the poster boys of natural order?" Sam challenges, knowing neither of them should speak on the issue.

"I don't want to be," Dean turns it around. "Do you?"

"No," Sam laughs sadly with his answer.

"And when L finds out about this shit?" Dean shakes his head. "She already had a hard enough time getting over losing him. She finally accepted it and, and got over Sammy not having a grandparent."

Bobby's face drops. Sammy. He'd been distracted by trying his damnedest to get the boys to see him, to used his ghost juice properly, that his anger when he couldn't clouded everything else. Sammy. He misses his lil' idjit suddenly.

"Yeah," Sam nods, knowing the connection between Lizzy and Bobby had gotten very strong through her pregnancy. They were thick as thieves at the end there and the love Bobby developed for the little boy was immeasurable. "We gotta be smart about how we tell her."

Bobby makes the decision for then right then. They won't have to tell her. He will. Focusing whatever there is left of his mind on Sammy, Bobby blinks out and disappears from the car.

"Everything is supposed to end," Dean comments, his anger at Bobby's terrible postmortem decision making just killing him in the moment. "You know, he was supposed… and now... What are the odds this ends well?" He sighs with loss. "What are the odds?"

* * *

"Hey," Lizzy greets in a tired voice as she pulls her set of keys from the doorknob and walks into the small, shabby house she and Lou were able to somehow convince the landlord to rent for the time being. She drops her keys in the bowl on a small table by the entrance and shuts the door behind her, locking it up tight. She walks over the rug in the entrance that covers the devil's trap painted there and looks right at Lou in the open living room.

"Thank fucking God!" Lou says with exasperation as she stands up from the brown, worn couch with excitement. "Finally! An adult!"

"Ha-ha," Lizzy patronizes right back, rolling her eyes and she drops her jacket onto a wooden chair in passing. "You're fine, Louie."

"Incoherent baby babble is not fine," she rebuts, picking up Lizzy's leather jacket she just dropped and threading her arms through it. "And I need a drink and some very late night dinner."

"Heading out then?" Lizzy asks, walking for the playpen in the room to peek in. Her boy is sleeping peacefully, his little face relaxed and sweet. It makes her smile. It's a rare thing that she smiles these days and really only Sammy can do that to her.

"For a little. I'll get you something…."

"Chicken-y," Lizzy finishes for her, looking over her shoulder at Lou.

"Chicken-y it is," she smiles and puts her phone in the jacket pocket, feeling something already in there. She pulls out the mini envelope and looks at it. A single, capitol letter is written on it in what is clearly Dean's handwriting. "What's this?" she asks, pulling the card from the envelope.

"Oh, uh…." Lizzy shakes her head as Lou opens the card and reads. She didn't even try to stop her because why bother. "Dean sent flowers to work."

"What!?" Lou asks, reading the note that's surprisingly sweet and sadly full of effort.

Lizzy just shrugs as Lou reads. Her sister looks at her with wide eyes when done.

"Who the fuck is this guy!?" Lou wants to know, holding up the note with shock.

"Told you he was different now," Lizzy smirks a little, always liking the whole told you so moments with Lou.

"Guess so," Lou says with wonder, rereading the note.

"Then again, he banged some other chick. That's not so different than the guy you used to hate," Lizzy points out.

"Yeah, I guess," she trails off, the words on the small card so honest and as open and truthful as Dean can possibly get. Lou knows how hard it is for him to do things like that so she knows what it is she holds in her hand. A damn near miracle. "But he didn't mean to."

"And I'm sure a lot of men never meant to cheat on their wives," Lizzy laughs a little, pulling out her breast pump after a long day at work. She has some bottles to make.

"You gotta see things the right way sooner or later," Lou bites out and pockets the note card. "Alright, I'll be back in a bit."

"Not too late," Lizzy asks. "I might pass out if you take too long."

Lou holder her hand up in scout's honor. "One drink!"

"Yeah, sure," Lizzy laughs lightly and rolls her eyes.

Leaving quickly, Lou jumps into the car and starts it up. As she sits there for a second she thinks about everything happening between Lizzy and Dean. It's a fucking, unmitigated disaster.

And honestly, she's doesn't want to kill Dean.

At first, yeah, sure… she's was going to castrate him for what he did. But then she sat with it for a while, thought about it, heard the apologies from Dean, saw him trying his hardest to make up for it… and she's starting to see how much he regretted this move.

Before she knows it, Lou is parked in front of a pay phone in town outside the dive bar she intended to grab a drink at and maybe make some cash on a game of pool or two. She's dialing the current number she has for Dean's cell phone and waiting as it rings, the flower card still in hand.

"Lou?" Dean's voice answers the phone. "Everything alright?"

"Tell me about the best night you ever had with Lizzy."

"What!?" Dean's voice questions with shock.

"Tell me," Lou asks of him again. "Get me on your side. Why was it one of your best nights?"

"Lou, fuck… I'm not gonna talk about this with you."

"You want Lizzy back then you want me on your side, trust me," she reminds him sternly. "Best night. Go."

She hears him sigh heavily. "Hold on." Lou then listens to the sound of Dean groaning with complaint, telling Sam he'll be right back, and then the slam of a door. She knows they were at a motel at that point at night which means they must have wrapped up a hunt early. A couple seconds of what she can only assume is Dean pacing or walking to a quieter spot and he finally talks. "So I take it you read the note I sent  _specifically_  to Lizzy."

"She left it in her jacket pocket. I borrowed her jacket. So sue me," Lou fires right back. "I'm not the one on trial here. Start talking. Why did those flowers make you think of Lizard?"

He sighs again and she can practically hear his embarrassment. "A few years back Sam told me I kinda sucked at being a husband or whatever and he was right, so… we were in Santa Barbara and I took her on a date. I gave her flowers that looked a lot like the ones I sent her."

Nodding to herself, Lou tries to imagine Dean on a proper date… and can't. "Having a hard time picturing that but ok."

"Hey, I can actually be a stand up gentleman when I try."

"Yeah. Sure. So what made the night so amazing," Lou keeps pushing him.

"I don't know… we just… it was nice," Dean says in his awkward way, feeling uncomfortable talking this way with Lou. "We went to a restaurant, had some drinks after, spent the night in a really nice joint that Sam found online. I think they called it a boutique hotel or some shit."

"Not answering my question."

"What do you want from me, Lou?" Dean gets mad. "You're clearly after something."

"You're trying to save your marriage, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, I want that too," Lou tells Dean.

"Seriously!?" he disbelieves. "I figured you get the divorce papers drawn up for us."

"You're not really married, dumbass," she reminds sharply. "Plus… I may have, maybe… changed my mind about you."

"What was that?"

"You heard me, douchebag."

"Never thought I'd see the day," Dean laughs a little.

"Shut up for a second, huh?" Lou fires out, leaning against the glass wall of the phone booth. "Look, I've seen you with them both. Dean, you're a good father, a  _great_  father. And you're shockingly a good husband too… when you're not banging your wife's doppelganger."

"Fuck you, Lou…."

"Sorry!" Lou apologizes for the way it comes out. "I know you never meant for this to happen. And I know you're insanely sorry. I've never in my life seen Lizzy as happy as she was when with you and Sammy, not even growing up when life was rainbows and sans-monsters.  _You_  are what makes her life good, you and Sammy. I think dismissing you and giving up is the wrong move on her part."

"It is," Dean replies. "Thank you for seeing that."

"Now… before I stick my fucking neck out and possibly get my ass kicked by my very own sister for you, you better tell me why it is this thing is worth saving. Why was that night worth mentioning in your last-resort bouquet?"

There's a pause on the line, the silence taking over for a moment.

"Because without her I have no fucking reason to live the life I live," Dean admits. "Without L… what's the fucking point?"

"You have a son, Dean."

"And I will do everything in my power to stay alive and be there for him. I will never let that kid down, ever," Dean answers, his tone protective. "But I'll be living in misery if she's not with me. The thought of having to share Sammy… make schedules and, and be cordial when she drops him off with me for the weekend… that's makes me sick. I can't do that. I have to have her every day, as my girl, and not just as the woman I have to pretend not to think the fucking world of every time I see her. L and me… we're supposed to be together. And  _nothing_  can change my mind on that."

Lou keeps quiet, never having heard Dean speak this way before. Not once.

"That night… she was… I've never seen L like that," he explains. "She was stunning… and not because of the smoking dress she wore. And those heels, uh…."

"Focus," Lou says, getting him on track as she knows her payphone time is running low.

"She smiled for hours," Dean recalls, her teeth never hidden the entire night. "She was so fucking happy. And that night…." He stops short and takes a second to compose himself. "Lou, I'm not living without that. Call me fucking crazy, or selfish for wanting her for myself, but my life is worth dick if I can't have her. And I know,  _I know_ , that she's not gonna be happy unless she's with me either. You can't ever convince me that this isn't mutual."

_This call requires a coin deposit to continue…_

"Shit!" Lou says, reaching into her pocket to grab another quarter, coming up empty. "Dean, I'm out of change. I'm getting cut off."

"Yeah, alright…."

"We're gonna fix this," Lou promises. "I'm gonna do whatever I can… but you gotta come back and visit ASAP. I can only do so much."

"We can head back in a few days," Dean tells her, wanting some time to figure out the Bobby thing before he and Sam return.

"That'd be a good idea," Lou tells him. "Prove you're not done. Keep fighting. And see Sammy as much…."

_Your call has been disconnected. If you'd like to make a call…._

"Fuck," Lou complains and hangs up the handset with a slam. She gets out of the phone booth and hoofs it quickly to the bar, ready to drink and think for a second. She believes Dean one-hundred percent. Never in her life did she think she'd ever support someone that cheated, especially if they cheated on her sister and best friend, but there's an exception that proves every rule, right?

* * *

"Dinner is served," Lou announces at roughly eleven at night.

"About time!" Lizzy bitches as she gets up from the floor where she's been playing with a still awake Sammy.

"What the hell is he still doing up?" Lou asks as she shivers with the low temperature in the room. "And why is it freakin' freezing in here?"

"Sammy's thrown off from the very long nap he took this morning," Lizzy answers and steals the bag of take-out containers from her sister. "And the heat, I have no idea. Think it's busted and in this old building? I wouldn't be surprised."

"The thermostat's on?"

"Yep."

"Damn," Lou says, never taking off Lizzy' jacket. "I'll call Hal tomorrow if it's still acting weird.

"Thanks," Lizzy smiles and sets up on the coffee table in view of Sammy. "Ready to eat?"

"Always!" Lou cheers, sitting down next to her sister. They start laying out their food, stealing fries and pickles from each other as they do.

Sammy makes a noise of frustration and struggle from the floor.

"Poop time?" Lou questions.

"Nope," Lizzy laughs, watching as Sammy struggles to reach for the stuffed elephant toy a couple inches away. "Just can get to his current favorite toy."

Lizzy gets off the couch and onto the floor. She reaches out to slide the toy closer to Sammy but before she can even touch it the stuffed animal moves across the floor on its own and into Sammy's outstretched hand.

Eyes wide, Lizzy freezes in place. "What the fuck?"

She on her feet in a second, dashing for the front door stash of weapons.

"Whoa, what's going on!?" Lou asks, alarmed right away.

"The elephant moved," Lizzy says, a shotgun in one hand and a canister of salt in the other.

"What?" Lou wonders, standing quickly as Lizzy tosses Lou the shotgun loaded with salt rounds.

"I was going to give it to Sammy when it moved itself to him," Lizzy says quickly, making a salt circle around Sammy. She and Lou both step inside of it and Lizzy picks her boy up, resting him on her hip.

"Would explain why it's so fucking cold in here," Lou remarks, her eyes looking all around. "Figures we'd find a haunted house to rent."

"Alright! Whoever's here better have the balls to show themselves!" Lizzy yells out to the room, pressing a hand over Sammy's outer ear and pulling his head into her shoulder, blocking him from a shotgun blast if it comes to that.

Nothing.

"Come on, you coward!" Lizzy yells. "You're gonna touch my son then you better be ready to eat rock salt!"

"No exceptions for family?"

Turning sharply behind themselves, Lizzy and Lou come face to face with Bobby as he stands just a couple feet away from them, outside the salt circle.

"B… Bobby?" Lizzy asks, her eyes bugging out and her heart in her throat. It's him.

"Yeah, hon," he says, a slight smile in his voice as he looks right at her. "It's me."

"What…. I mean, wh… what…."

"The fuck, Bobby!?" Lou finishes for her. "You're dead!"

"As disco," he smiles, looking at Sammy with something just too sweet in his expression.

"We burned you," Lou keeps going as Lizzy's speechless for a moment. "Hunter's funeral."

"You did," Bobby nods.

The girls go silent as Bobby keeps his eyes on his grandkid, Sammy just looking around the room and not really aware of what's truly happening in the room.

"How's my lil' idjit there doing?" Bobby questions with a sweet, loving smile but gets ignored.

"Why are you here?" Lizzy asks, anger and fear mixing into an unsteady tone.

"What do you mean?" he questions right back with confusion.

"Bobby, what the hell?" Lizzy gets upset. "You shouldn't be here. You should be… why aren't you up top? With Karen?"

"You kids needed me," Bobby says simply, his hands held out to his sides. "So… here I am."

"Oh God," Lizzy sigh with his answer.

"Bobby, this was… this was the wrong decision," Lou tells him, backing Lizzy up.

He looks hurt immediately.

"We need you. Of course, we need you," she clarifies. "But you did your time. Life was… hard, Bobby. You didn't have it easy. Go live the sweet life now that you can."

"Go find Ash," Lizzy tells him. "He's up there and he figured out the heaven code. He can find Karen for you…."

"I stayed for you," Bobby nearly growls out, getting mad quickly.

"And we love you for that," Lizzy says, smiling with tears in her eyes. "You know we do…."

"Funny way of showin' it," the older man grumbles, getting more heated.

"We want what's best for you," Lou says, still trying to get through to him.

"And you don't think I want the same for you ingrates!?" he fires out, a light bulb from the lamp nearest him blowing out with his burst of angry energy. Lizzy, Lou, and Sammy all flinch with the breaking sound accompanied by the darkening of the room.

The two girls just look at Bobby with shock, unsure of where to go from here.

"You don't want me comin' 'round, then tough," Bobby keeps going. "I've given up everything for you. I gave up my life looking into this Levi crap so that you all could have a safe life away from huntin' someday. You don't want me comin' here then too damn bad!"

"That's not what we're saying," Lizzy cuts into Bobby's mad rant. She hands Sammy to Lou and very cautiously steps outside of the salt circle, standing in front of Bobby to prove she isn't afraid of him. "Are you kidding me with that? Bobby, after everything you and I have been through together… how could you possibly think I'd ever want you gone?"

"Then what's the problem?" Bobby grumps right back.

Lizzy's eyes fill and her throat gets thick. "We care about you. We want you to be happy."

"I ain't happy unless you kids are happy."

"Oh," Lizzy hangs her head and presses her hands over her face for a moment, the sight of the sickly, ghostly Bobby hurting her so much. She looks up at him with a tear-streaked face. "Please, Bobby. Just go. We care about you too much to let you stick around like this. Go find Caleb. Go find Ellen and Jo and tell them we're hanging in there. Have a fucking beer with John…."

"They ain't you!" Bobby's eyes darken and his fists ball up at his sides.

Lizzy tenses up and she can hear Lou inhale sharply with fear behind her.

"I love you," Lizzy cries, her eyes pouring down her face. "Don't be mad at me."

Without a word more, Bobby blinks out and disappears. The room warms up quickly and the two women look at each other.

"Damn it," Lizzy lets out, her eyes closing for a moment as yet another wave a tears rush down her cheeks.

"Oh holy fuck," Lou says with shock, watching Lizzy press a hand over her mouth as they both take a moment to think about what just happened.

"I need to call Dean. Lizzy rushes for her phone as her hands shake. When something this big, this wrong happens, she still knows who she can run to and trust to help.

* * *

Tapping her foot a mile a minute, Lizzy waits as the other line rings. After just two Dean picks up. He must have seen it was her calling.

"L?"

"I just got a visit from an old friend of ours," she tells him, her voice still shaky and choked a bit.

"Shit," Dean says away from the phone before coming back. "You saw Bobby?"

"How did you know?" Lizzy asks with shock.

"We just saw him for the first time too," Dean tells her.

"Oh God, are you guys ok?" Lizzy checks on them, knowing how difficult it had to have been for them. Bobby has been in their lives since they were young children. He was the father that their own father never had the capability of being once Mary died. He was far past important to them.

"We'll be fine… or at least better than you," Dean comments with a light, concerned tone. "You don't sound ok."

Lizzy pauses as she presses a hand over her mouth hard, trying to contain her breakdown so she can talk to him. When only a sniffle comes out instead of a verbal response she knows she gave herself away.

"Baby, I'm sorry about all this," Dean tells her, looking to comfort her the best he can from far away.

"I'm fine," Lizzy lies to him, wiping her face with her free hand. "I'll be fine… it was just… hard to see him."

"I know," he assures her. "Sam and I were just talking about what to do about him… and we don't know what. We're headed your way to discuss it. We figured it'd be best to look out for each other and make these decision together."

"You're coming here?" she asks, slightly sad at hearing that. She was enjoying the time apart to sort her head and think things through. It was easy.

"Yeah… that's ok, right?" he asks, getting the feeling that maybe it's not.

"Well, yeah. That's fine. Why wouldn't it be?" Lizzy once more lies. "Sammy's missed you. It'll be good to get some time in with him."

She can practically hear Dean swallowing down all the disappointment he has that she only mentions Sammy missing him.

"And it'd be good to see you too," Dean pushes it. Pushing it is all he has left. When things started to crumble he bit his tongue more often than not. It didn't work.

Lizzy just huffs awkwardly. Dean just moves on.

"Hey, uh, Bobby told us he's been holding onto that flask of his I took. That's what's tying him here," Dean starts thinking out loud. "But I have it with me."

"Ok…."

"So how the hell did he get to you guys?" Dean asks her. "If he's attached to an object and I have the object…."

"What made him able to jump your ship and board mine?" Lizzy finishes. "That's fucking weird."

"Never heard of that before."

"Me neither." She thinks it over quickly. "Let me do some digging. I'll see what I can find and Lou can search while I have to work."

"How's our patient doing?"

"Still passed out, just like this afternoon," she says. "I'm worried about him."

"He's an angel," Dean assures. "He'll be fine."

"But you're not here," Lizzy says back. "You don't see him just… laying there. For a week he's been completely out. I've never seen Cass look this vulnerable. Honestly it scares the shit out of me."

"We'll deal with it if he doesn't wake up in a while," Dean promises her. "We're not gonna leave him there… even if he deserves it."

"I don't know… I'm kinda having a hard time staying mad at the dude that's comatose because he took Sam's Cage-burden from him."

"Sam wouldn't have had that issue if Cass didn't break the wall in the first place," he angrily counters.

"I'm not so sure. Sam's wall was cracking before Cass busted it down in the first place. Maybe he just sped it up."

"He tried to end the world."

"He tried to end Raphael… for Sammy's sake," she gently reminds. "Cass is one giant ball of flaws but faulting him for that is just hypocritical. We're all a mess, just like him. We make mistakes and sometimes we have to fight to forgive."

Dean sees an opening and takes it. "You're right. We all make mistakes. Every single one of us."

And now Lizzy sees the opening she gave him. "Dean…."

"And sometimes we have to fight to forgive," Dean keeps going. "L, I… I made a mistake. I'm not a perfect person, in fact I'm as far from perfect as a person can get. But the word sorry doesn't even come close to showing the remorse I feel for what happened."

"We were crumbling anyways…."

"And we both let that happen," Dean says. "But I'll take the blame for that too. I don't care. Blame me for everything that's gone wrong between us. The rest is up to you, L."

When did this conversation turn into them again? Lizzy's so sick of talking about their problems.

"You just gotta figure out how to forgive me."

"Easier said than done," Lizzy comments quickly. "When do you think you and Sam will be getting here?"

Dean's heart drops when she moves on as quickly as possible. "Tomorrow. Should be in by five-ish."

"I have a late shift," she tells him. "I'll be back around eleven."

"I'll see you then."

"Yeah. Bye, Dean."

She hangs up and sighs heavily. At least he gave her nearly twenty-four hours' notice to mentally prepare.

* * *

 


	21. Last Ditch Effort

* * *

Walking back from the grocery store, pushing Sammy in a stroller that's hanging with bags of food, Lou turns her head when a car comes down the dead end street she and Lizzy have been living on. When the old, half-broken down Pinto passes her she can hear 'Sex Type Thing' playing loudly over its speakers as the driver lifts a hand out the open window, greeting her. She can see the long hair of the passenger in silhouette.

Lou smiles wide, her pace picking up instantly. "Oh, Sammy-boy. Your auntie is about to get lucky."

As she practically jogs the rest of the way down the street to their small house, her heart pounds. Sam. She hasn't seen enough of him at all since this Leviathan shit started and she certainly didn't get much time with him after Castiel fixed his broken head. She won't complain because she gets it and all but the idea of seeing him right now… too good to be anything but awesome.

"Hi, boys!" she yells to them as she comes up the driveway, both of them getting their bags from the trunk.

Sam smiles wide when he locks eyes with her. With a duffle bag over his shoulder he heads right for her. On his way past he greets Sammy with a brush on the cheek with his index finger. He'll let Dean see his son first before Uncle Sam steals him. Right now, there's one person he wants to see.

"Hey," Sam says with a smile as he bends down to kiss her hello. He nearly falls forward onto her when she yanks him down to her hard, pressing her lips to his harshly and with total excitement. He wasn't ready for her to turn the kiss into something so aggressive while out on a front lawn and in front of their nephew but then again… why wouldn't he expect that from her? "Whoa," he says against her lips as he tries to pull away and she doesn't let him, kissing him again. "Easy, Lou." Sam laughs pushes her away a bit.

"Mm, missed you," Lou says with a certain tone as she eyes him over. He's looking damn good as always and for once he's rested. He looks back to his former, pre-wall-crumbling self.

"I can tell," he jokes, still smiling as he swipes his thumb over his lips, removing her lip gloss.

"Hey, dude!" Dean says in the lightest, calmest voice he's used in weeks as he leans down and unbuckles Sammy from his stroller. He picks him up right away and kisses his still slightly chubby cheek before holding him in tight. Sammy's big eyes look right at him, their color looking slightly greener to him than last time he saw him, before his little hands start reaching up. When Sammy touches his jaw at first it's gentle, but then he pulls his arm back and nearly slaps his hand on Dean's jaw. "Whoa! Hey!"

"Oh, yeah," Lou nods, her arms now around Sam's middle as they both look over at Sammy. "He's in this, like, slapping phase or something. He's done that to me a few times this week."

"Jesus," Dean complains, rubbing his jaw as he looks at his son. "Maybe we should take you on the road. You could beat up some baddies for me. What do you think?"

"I think you shouldn't suggest that in front of Lizzy," Lou warns. "Even if it's a joke."

"Yeah, probably a good idea," Dean responds sadly.

"It is if you want to get back on her good side," Lou nods and Dean looks at her with thanks. "Alright, let's get this crap in the house."

"Sure," Dean says, bouncing Sammy a little bit as he looks down at him. He can feel the smile on his face. Almost feels weird.

"Come on, big guy," Lou says up to Sam as backs away from the hug. "Sooner this stuff gets put away the sooner my hands are free for other things." She winks and smacks his ass hard as she walks for the stroller.

Sam's surprised face as he jumps with the slap makes Dean roll his eyes.

Once everything is inside, duffle bags by the door and groceries away, Dean sits onto the floor with Sammy, putting the boy in his lap as he plays with a stuffed elephant from his pile of toys.

"Here," Lou says, handing him one of the three cold beers she pulled from the refrigerator.

"Uh… no thanks," Dean says, thinking twice. Lizzy's been on him about his drinking for years, even more once Sammy was born, so in the hopes to improve their relationship as much as he can manage he stays sober.

"Seriously?" Lou eyes him funny.

"Yeah. I'm good," Dean defensively responds.

"Suit yourself," she laughs a little. "So quick pow wow on Bobby?"

"Uh, Dean? The flask?" Sam worries as Lou plops down on the couch next to him and hands over a beer.

"In the car."

"Good," Sam nods. "So… we don't know what to do."

Lou leans into his side and twists open her beer. "Me neither. And everything I've read pretty much just tells us what we already know."

"He'll stick around until he goes vengeful?" Dean takes a while guess.

"And then we have to put him down, yeah," she answer. "And I for one am not sure I have it in me to do that."

"None of us do," Sam assures her and takes a big swig of beer.

"So… all together, we have nothing," Lou sums it up.

"Right now, no," Sam tells her. "So for now I say we just… I don't know, work with him. And keep a close eye on him."

Dean sighs and shakes his head. "Until he attacks one of us because he's gone completely nuts."

"What do you suggest, Dean?" Sam says with tired loss. "Because I'd love to hear something better."

"I know," Dean gives in. "I know, I just… I worry about him."

"We all do," Lou says, the room growing quiet. "And we might have figured out why it is Bobby can get to us easily."

"Really!?" Sam asks with high interest.

"Yeah. Just kinda… deductive reasoning," Lou says. "Before you got here he showed up this morning when it was just me and Sammy in the house. The entire time he was here all he did was fuss over the kid… did he have enough to eat? Shouldn't I bring him outside for a while? It was fucking annoying."

"Language," Dean says, brow furrowed and face angry.

"I can think of something else that's annoying too," she snaps back and he just gives her a look.

"So? What do you think he got himself tied to here?" Sam focuses her.

"Honestly? Sammy."

"Sammy!?" Dean asks with worry. "He's got himself attached to Sammy?"

"I think so. It makes sense really. It's the only thing he's concerned over every time he shows up around here."

Dean just closes his eyes for a minute to process. "Well, we can't just up and burn my son to get rid of a ghost."

"This just got way more difficult," Sam laments, drinking a sip of beer and sitting back with worry.

"Yeah. So for now we play the don't-piss-off-Ghost Dad game and cross our fingers," Lou sums up. "It could get ugly but if we keep our eyes open we'll see it coming when he turns."

"That's all we got," Sam nods.

Once that's as settled as it will be for now, Lou looks at Sam silently and gives him the silent 'hey, what's up, handsome'. She raises her eyebrows once at him when he very clearly doesn't get it and he gives her a confused look. "So thick skulled…" she mutters to herself as she takes both of their beers and places them on the coffee table. She then stands up and pulls on Sam's hand to get him to join her. "Well, it looks like you two are nice and comfy," she says to Dean as he plays with Sammy. "He's gonna cry any minute now and need to be fed. Bottle's in the fridge and he'll need a small bowl of baby cereal. Just read the box for instructions."

"Uh, ok?" Dean questions as he watches Lou yank Sam by the arm and drag him down the hallway, Sam giving Dean a slightly confused, maybe even scared, look over his shoulder.

"I just… need Sam to… check something in my room for me!" Lou calls out as they move. She shoves her bedroom door shut behind them immediately and stands back, looking at Sam with something burning and animalistic.

"Smooth," Sam jokes with a small laugh as he watches her yank her jacket off her arms and toss it to the floor as quickly as she can.

"Strip," she tells him in a rushed tone, her t-shirt already pulled over her head and her black lace bra now visible. Sam has to swallow hard with the look of her perky breasts framed by the lingerie as her long blonde hair is falling in her face yet not deterring her one bit.

"Whoa, uh… hi, nice to see you too. How've you been?" he says with a surprised laugh, pressing his hands into the sides of his thighs with nervousness.

"Ugh!" Lou complains aloud, unbuttoning her jeans. "Hi. I'm just great. How are you?" she sarcastically responds. "You wanna waste time talking or get down to business?"

"Business?"

"You wanna fuck me or what?" she questions with impatience for his nice ways.

"Do I wan…? Uh, well… yeah," Sam stutter through as he watches her tight jeans slide down her smooth legs, revealing the lacy black underwear she has on underneath. "I mean, of course… ha."

"Then loose the fucking clothes," she smiles wide, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement. "We'll talk after I use you."

And there it is. The switch flips and Sam's right there with her. And yes, he really does want to fuck her. And yes, he really wants to get used by her too.

Sam drops his jacket in a jerky flash and starts in on his jeans, fumbling a little with his own jittery excitement. Never before Lou did he ever find this much fun and anticipation with sex. He's always been a nervous wreck with women, maybe since he was never around any pretty much his whole life, but with Lou it's ok. She loves the awkward man that he is when objectified or lusted after. She thinks it's adorable. And he always gets past it quickly with her. There's never those few weird first moves when with her. The second he knows what's about to actually happen he can get comfortable and trust that she's about to give him a good time and never turn down anything he's ever wanted. Plus, she always makes it crystal clear how very much he's wanted.

She's a hell of a woman.

Kicking his jeans off right after toeing out of his boots, he nearly trips and he can hear Lou giggle lightly with his unintentional antics. It's similar to the beautiful laugh she always gets out right after a really good orgasm. He plans to hear that sound again soon. And more than once.

Sam gets his legs free and grabs for the bottom edge of his shirt, pulling it a little more gracefully over his head.

"Oh my God," Lou lets out, eyes locked onto his torso as she unhooks her bra and lets it join the ever growing pile of clothing. "All this time away, I almost forgot how fucking hot you were." She laughs light and airy at her own joke, thumbs hooked through the sides of her panties at her hips.

Sam grins slightly with her jesting but his smile fades into a serious look of real, true lust when she drops her underwear to the floor, her freshly shaven self now in full view.

He takes every inch of her as he stands there. "You are… so beautiful."

He swears he hears her growl when she marches for him, pushing her palms roughly into his bare chest. His back hits the door hard with her strength and he looks down at her intently, her face flushed with want.

"You don't have to suck up, Giant," Lou starts, her fingers already grasping the waistband of his boxer briefs. "You're already guaranteed to get laid."

She drops to her knees unceremoniously, taking the last item of clothing that either of them had left with her. Sam steps out of his boxers as he watches her lick her lips, actually lick her lips, while his near-painfully hard cock springs free right in front of her face.

As the feeling of true adoration suddenly and shockingly hits Sam, he quickly yet very gently cups her face in his hands, her eyes looking up and locking onto his. Those bright blue irises stare back at him with complete worship and oddly placed innocence considering her position at the moment and he can't remember actually feeling so worthy of anything at all, especially another person. She somehow makes him feel like he deserves this and that's quite the miracle in itself.

"I really love you," Sam tells her, his voice showing nothing but simple honesty instead of the syrupy sap that could come with such a statement. It was as if he had declared it for the first time all over again.

Lou's mouth turns up in a sweet smile for a split second as only something so pure could stop the freight train that is her libido at a time like this. "I know you do," she says without an ounce of cockiness before placing her hands lightly on his hips. She leans into him with need and licks a soft, wide stripe up the underside of his manhood. As he sighs quietly with it, his hands sliding upward and into her hair, she can feel him twitch on her tongue.

Eyes angled way up, Lou watches his expression as she takes him into her mouth as far as she can manage with his size. She's not a large sized person but Sam sure is and she may be more experienced than she'd like to admit but her Giant is more than the average man. He's her  _Giant_  for good reason.

Sam groans deeply as his head falls back, hitting the door with a dull thud. Her mouth is killer. Warmth surrounds him as she works, her skills impressive. Sam's had his fair share of mediocrity when it comes to this as he knows he's a challenge. Some women in the past were just too downright intimidated to even bother trying anything oral with him. But not his cute little Lou. She's a man-eater in a petite, adorable package. The unassuming appearance might be one of the things he loves most about her. She's his secret. No one could know how insanely predatory and sexually open she is just by looking at her. Instead the world probably thinks he has this beautiful, sweet little girlfriend that's got to be nothing but lovely.

He kind of likes it that way.

"Oh, God," Sam sighs, squeezing his eyes shut when she wraps a hand around the bottom half of his dick, the length that she couldn't possibly fit in her mouth, and begins stroking in time with her head bobs. "So good."

The sound of Sam's voice when like that, blissed out and low, is basically auditory porn to Lou. She found out long ago that when Sam's feeling good, the kind of good that should be illegal, his voice goes somewhere sinful. Every moan, every short, basic word his brain figures out how to utter, turns her on all that much more. In every sense of the statement, Lou gets as much out of Sam's pleasure as Sam does.

His hands still in her hair, Lou can feel her head being slowly pulled away from her work. When she looks up at Sam with confusion he just huffs out a couple breaths as he recuperates from the feeling.

"It's been a while," says with a smile. "Wasn't gonna be able to hold out much longer."

Lou grins right back and gets onto her feet again. "Who said I wanted you to hold out?" She then jumps up onto him, her arms around his neck and legs around his waist.

Sam grabs her thighs and holds her there, staring at that bright blue color he considers damn near mesmerizing as she clings to him. "You said you wanted to fuck me."

"No," she playfully says to him, moving in for a solid kiss. "I asked if  _you_  wanted to fuck  _me_. That's different."

"So you don't want me to?" Sam challenges lightly, kissing her neck as he grasps onto her ass and lifts her up a little higher to give him access.

"Eh," she says while shrugging indifferently, joking with him a little.

With that answer, Sam turns them around sharply, shoving Lou back first into the door. He reaches a hand down between them as his mouth travels its way up to her ear. "You don't really want  _this_?" he quietly asks in a low rumble as he eases himself into her.

Her face lifted to the ceiling as she moans out with pure relief to finally feel what she's been dying for for weeks, Lou's entire body shudders with it. "Oh I want," she corrects easily, giving in without second thought or pride. Her playful ways end right there when she gets everything she needs. "Oh fuck, I want all of it."

Sam stands still and watches her desperation take over as he keeps her pinned to the door. Her hips rock involuntarily as she works herself on him, needing to feel more. She can't take his motionlessness.

"Move, Sam," she asks with something so needy it makes his brain start to melt a little. "Come on. Fuck me."

Sam bring his face in close to hers, lips nearly touching hers, and he teases, "You  _sure_  you want this?"

" _Sam_ …." Her voice gets a little dangerous there, not liking the patience he's trying to force from her.

He smiles quickly once before pressing his lips to her, kissing her deeply with the heavy amount of desire running through his system at the moment. At the same time he begins rolling his hips upwards and into her, making Lou hum with pleasure immediately.

Breathing hard now, Lou gives Sam one burning look, their noses brushing every other thrust, and the corners of her mouth turn up just slightly. "Fuck, I missed you."

Sam huffs a laugh and dives in again, kissing her with everything he has in him. For both of them it's quite new and strange to honestly miss someone as much as they miss each other when away. But at the same time as it feels odd, there's a very wonderful comfort that comes with having a person miss you as much as you miss them. The mutual feeling is beautiful in its own right.

"The bed," Lou says against Sam's mouth before kissing him again, locking her arms around his neck as he pulls her away from the door.

Hands pressed to her back, Sam has to end the kiss to look at where he's going. He's never been to this house before so he doesn't know the layout. Tripping or bumping into something would kill the mood and the mood is way too good to kill right now.

"This place isn't bad," Sam says to her once he gets a very quick eye full. It's a decent sized room and she has a queen sized bed. Good deal.

"Whatever," Lou laughs a little as she's dropped onto her back, Sam going right with her. "Not the time to talk real estate." She takes him into another serious kiss before pushing him away a little. "Ooh! I want you to fuck me from behind!" The way she says it is as if the thought just occurred to her and it was the best idea she's ever had.

Sam's eyes go wide as she turns around on the bed without an ounce of shyness, her ass completely exposed to him. Her lack of shame still floors him from time to time and right now, the way she leans down onto her shoulder and cheek to offer herself to him, he's once again in awe.

"Mm, come on, Giant," she eggs him on, her right hand traveling down between her legs. She begins touching herself, her hand massaging slowly as she waits. Lou's smart. She's aware of exactly what she's doing to him by creating this show. "Want you."

When she bites her lip again Sam climbs onto the bed swiftly. He kneels behind her and takes just a few seconds to appreciate her small, tight form with his hands. She's so soft, smooth,  _girly_  despite how tough and strong she is. Sam's rarely had such a strong female presence in his life and now that he does he knows he wouldn't ever want to go without it again. Not just for the sexual benefits, of course, but right now, with her bare, marred yet still insanely gorgeous skin on his fingertips it's all about the sexual benefits.

"Still can't believe you're here sometimes," Sam admits to her, leaning over her back to press a kiss to her cheek, then the back of her neck before lightly biting her shoulder as he slides into her again, Lou's voice gasping right away.

"Oh, I'm here, honey," Lou says in a thick, lust-coated tone as he eyes close. Her free hand reaches back behind her and lands atop his on her hip as he works into her at an easy, moderate pace. She weaves her fingers into his and grips hard with her promise. "And I'm not going fucking  _anywhere_."

With a grin, Sam leans down and kisses her hard for that. It's weird, but he believes her. Every girl in Sam's life, from girlfriends to hook ups to friends to his own mother, has left. They're always taken from him. But Lou will be the exception if there is one for him. She will be the one to last, to stay alive and stay with him if it's at all possible. He can feel it.

"Oh… yeah, Sam," Lou moans out, her voice climbing in volume.

"Shh," he shushes her a little without stopping. "Not alone in the house."

"Don't care, fuck. Oh God," Lou keeps going but her voice lowers down to a more acceptable place. Only because he wanted her to.

His body pressed against her back, Sam keeps his hips rolling into her using his well-studied and wisely gathered knowledge of the female form and Lou more specifically to give her everything she wants. He treats her body like a test, pulling forth everything he's learned in order to ace it. Sure, it's nerdy and he'd catch hell from everyone he knows for the way he approaches sex, but not since his first few fumbling forays into the activity has he ever garnered a complaint or left a woman unfulfilled. Sam's good at this. He's made sure of it.

Kissing her mouth, feeling her full lips against his, Sam can practically feel Lou's brain shutting down with pleasure. She's carefree and so uninhibited when it comes to sex, and so the fucking opposite of him, that he's come to admire it about her. No, he doesn't love that she's seen far too many men before now, but he does appreciate her honesty. She's not ashamed of her love for sex. Instead she embraces it and, in the process, has really started to change Sam's view on the activity too. Right now he should be feeling weird about ditching his brother and nephew to go reacquaint with his girlfriend. Instead he's here, having far too much fun and not at all thinking about the nephew he hasn't seen in a while or that Dean could easily hear them if he turned off the TV.

"Oh fuck. You're not leaving anymore," Lou pants out, her voice a moaning mess. "I want this every day."

Sam smiles wide with the comment before groaning out, everything building steadily. He kneels upright and pulls out of her.

"What are you…?" Lou starts to question with slight disappointment but instead yelps out when Sam grabs her ankles and flips her over far too easily.

Lou rebounds off the bouncy mattress a bit as she giggles out. Sam reached for her legs and spreads them without pretense. A palm to each thigh, he licks a long, broad stripe between her legs.

"Fuck me! Oh God!" Lou instantly lets out, her head tilted back in true bliss as his tongue circles her clit several times. "That fucking tongue. You're gonna kill me."

"This is gonna kill you?" Sam playfully asks as he looks up at her with a quick grin, his tongue once more flicking out.

When she gets an eyeful of his face, the bottom half hidden from her completely as he works, the wave of electric sexual turn on shoots through her. That face is perfection, she could look at him all day and never once get sick of how honestly gorgeous he is, and seeing his eyes lit up with excitement for once is damn near too wonderful to be possible.

"Yes, and you can orally slay me later during round two," Lou promises, knowing how much he loves to give that to her. "But right this second you better get up here and fuck me. That's what I need right now."

With a grin, Sam doesn't listen right away. He gives her clit one more solid suck and her hips jump. She gives a sound of complaint within a sound of enjoyment and digs her fingers into his hair. Pulling his head, she yanks him up towards her.

"Ow," Sam says with surprise.

"Shoulda just given me what I wanted then," she tells him and bites her bottom lip while reaching down to wrap her hand around his cock.

Sam nods quickly before once more grabbing her ankles. He pushes her legs overhead and bends her nearly in half. "You're gonna pay for that."

"Oh,  _please_  make me pay for that," she giggles.

Sam pushes himself back into her and this time there's no niceties. There's no more frantic yet slow burning hello sex. He slams his hips forward into her with pure intent and pure aggression… the kind she loves. This is now fast and rough and Lou gets exactly what she's after.

"Oh, fuck me," she moans up to him, once more her hand shamelessly returning to her clit. "Sam, fuck!"

He doesn't speak and he doesn't stop. Instead he keeps a steady, hard pace and watches, studies. Lou's voice gets louder, a surefire sign that she's nearly done for, and Sam just keeps watching. She's at her best like this. Everyone has their default disposition in life. This is hers. She's magnificent.

"Oh God. Oh God!" Lou calls out, completely forgetting where they are. There's no way Dean isn't hearing her now. She doesn't care. "Sam, I'm gonna… Sam, I'm gonna…."

Eyes slammed shut, mouth wide open, Lou lets out a howl of bliss, finding everything she's needed most during these past few hellish months. Leaving him constantly, always on the road, always hiding out with her nephew and sister… she needs this. She needs her Giant.

"Oh God, Lou." Sam's voice is much quieter. His low rumble gets punctuated with his own groan for pure satisfaction as he lets completely go, pushing deep inside of her. He lets her legs go and drops down on top of her, strong arms coming around her smaller form and pulling her tight. He presses his cheek to her thick blonde hair and breathes hard. "So good. So fucking good."

"Oh my God," Lou says with nothing short of wonder as her face presses into the crook of his neck, letting him cocoon her with their massive size difference. There's something about how huge he is, not just in his pants, that sets her off and gives her comfort at the same time. Sometimes she looks at him like a huge sequoia just begging to be climbed and conquered. Other times she sees the oversized, huge teddy bear that she always wanted but never got as a kid. Either way, whatever mode he's in at the moment, her heart gets that full, indescribable feeling that fuels chick flicks. It's lame yet somehow beautiful.

"Good to be back," Sam huffs out, getting his breath back little by little.

"So…  _fucking_ … good," Lou giggles out just like always. Her small yet strong arms circle his neck as he lifts his head to look right at her. "I missed you so much." She then laughs at herself, knowing she never picture her own voice saying such things ever.

Sam grins like a dummy at that, ducking down to kiss her. His lips meet hers and it's still scorching hot, their need for each other growing day by day. Every time he sees her he feels like he's grown the care about her more, his need for her deeper. It's terrifying… and wonderful.

Moving slowly, Sam parts their lips and looks right at her, something purely sexy still pouring out of him. "I love you."

Lou's brows lower with the display. Her heart nearly stops in that moment when she realizes something very big and very unexpected. She loves him too.

Yes, she knew that already. Lou knew she loved Sam years ago, that part is not actually anything new. But what is new is the depth of it. She instantly recalls all the things Lizzy used to say about Dean and how she felt about him even from the jump. Back then Lou didn't get it, thinking that Lizzy was insane, but suddenly every single insane emotional admission her sister ever said about Dean doesn't seem so insane. In fact, it seems saner than anything. It makes complete sense to her.

Lou's mouth opens but then pauses, still slightly scared of the heavier stuff. But she barrels through it in the end and says to him with all the sincerity in the world, "I can't live without you."

The look she gets from him in return is damn near comical, all big eyes and shocked features. His jaw hangs low a bit and he just lays there over her, arms still around her.

Swallowing hard with his silence, Lou gets uncomfortable. "Say something," she asks of him, her eyes darting around them nervously.

"I don't know what to say to that," Sam says with a sweet smile as he huffs a shocked laugh. He rolls onto his side and keeps them tangled up on the bed, limbs around each other, and he holds strongly to her, making her unable to flee this time. When she speaks so freely there's always the chance she'll run and hide. Not this time. "But I'm really glad you said it."

As his fingers lightly brush her hair out of her eyes, continuing to card through even after her face is unhidden, once more her heart fills right up. She's in so deep with him, she knows it, but she's getting less and less scared of that as the days go on. She's getting comfortable with love and with being loved, even this strongly.

With a truly happy smile Lou buries her head under his chin and cuddles in close. She takes a deep breath and lets him keep holding her right there. It feels so good to be here, to be some place too few women have been and have had the luck to understand. She thinks quickly of Jessica, of how she got to know this. It cost her her life and maybe Lou should be scared about that. But she's not. She's comforted by it oddly. It's unfair what happened to Jessica and it was tragic… but she didn't know what Lou knows. And she didn't have the luxury of a dead Yellow Eyes.

Everything happens for a reason. Her mother always said that. Through being with Sam Lou's starting to actually believe that too. Maybe they had to meet as young kids out on the road, both lost and wrapped up in their own bullshit. Maybe she needed Purgatory to change her and he needed to experience the pain of her death to be where they are now. Everything they've seen and experienced has made them exactly who they are right now and who they are fits together so well it's almost perfect.

They were meant to be like this. Sam and Lou. It all makes sense in this moment to her.

Tilting her head up and looking at Sam, Lou goes to say something to the effect of what she's currently realizing. The epiphany is too big not to share but when she attempts to explain it nothing comes out. How does she even put to words all of that anyways… at least without sounding like a ranting nut job?

Once he sees her try to speak and she can't, Sam shares a smile and a very small, inoffensive laugh. "I know," he nods, grinning like a teenaged idiot. She just stares back confused. "Just… you don't have to say it. I know. Ok?"

The sincerity in his voice and expression make her believe that. She nods and returns to her place curled into him, happy he let her off the hook this time. At least he understands her.

And Sam wasn't lying. Maybe his train of thought wasn't exactly the same but the conclusion was similar. It's been forever since he's felt like this, since Jess. Maybe never. He knows how much he cared about Jessica. Her death nearly killed him with the path it put him on, he cared that much… but this is different. This love with Lou is different. And truthfully he really doesn't think he could live without her either. The thought of ever losing her again is terrifying.

He's in deep, the kind of deep that he used to make fun of Dean for. Dean was always horrified of what his feelings for Lizzy could do to him. Sam would just say he was being a scared-y cat and being afraid of a real relationship… but he was just far too scared of having to be alone after having her. Dean could never handle that.

And now Sam gets it. Finally.

* * *

Fuck.

It's her first thought when Lizzy pulls into the driveway of her rented house to see a Pinto already there. She parks behind it, cuts the engine, and sighs deeply.

Dean's here.

The sharp sadness that comes over her at the idea that this is the first time they're reunited with her reaction being that she's dreadful of it. Right now she should be sprinting for the front door, wide smile plastered on her face as her heart beats so fast it nearly hurts.

But she's scared instead. She's scared that they'll just fight. She's scared that they won't see eye to eye still or that he'll spend their time trying too hard. She's scared to reject him yet again when he undoubtedly tells her how sorry he is. And worst of all, she's scared of her weakness.

That man will always be her soft spot. She loves him beyond rational reasoning and she always will but this is so unhealthy and so hurtful that it's easier to be without him.

But she's been so lonely. His side of the bed is always cold. There aren't arms holding her when she wakes up and there's no deep rumbling voice telling her everything is ok, whether it's true or not. There's no support, no common bond, no way to make her heart skip a beat when those green eyes look at her a certain way… it's just cold.

And she's scared she'll seek the warmth of him before they fix anything.

"Such a pussy," Lizzy calls herself out and gets out of the car. She's the one that made the decision to walk away from this relationship so she needs to face it. Reap what she sows.

Quietly, Lizzy opens the front door and walks in. The house is silent at the moment and with three adults and a baby inside she's quite surprised by it.

Kicking off her sneakers and dropping her purse on top of the pile of duffle bags by the door, Lizzy makes her way into the house. "Hello?" she calls out softly and gets no answer.

When she walks towards the living room couch and gets a good look she knows why. She finds Dean lying on his back, stretched and passed out. He has Sammy all curled up on his chest, the little boy on his stomach and equally stretched out, his father's hand on his back to keep him put.

Arms crossed as she stands there, Lizzy has to smile as she observes them. They're comfortable, content, and they look so much alike these days she's almost pissed. Her little boy really has nothing of her aside from the dark brown hair that's just now growing in. His full little lips, his ears, hell… the way his face evens out as he sleeps it just like that of the older man he's with.

Sitting on the floor in front of them, she takes a deep breath. Lizzy's heart hurts so badly in this moment it kills her. This glimpse into the could-have-been is painful. Mom off to work, dad at home with their boy… it's domestic and simple and everything she's ever wanted. She wishes this was life and the reality of it being the opposite is shatteringly heart breaking.

Lizzy lightly brings a hand to her son's head, her fingers running over it with true fondness, and that was enough to wake the hunter of a father he's asleep on.

"Mm, uh," Dean comes awake quickly, his hand tightening slightly around his boy.

"It's me," Lizzy whispers lightly, keeping his alarm down.

"L… hey," Dean says, forcing his eyes open before squinting with the light. He lifts his head and looks around. "What time is it?"

"Eleven-thirty," she lets him know, reaching out for Sammy.

"Leave him, leave him," Dean asks as he lays back once more, not wanting to move. "He's out for good. Don't mess with a good thing."

"Fair enough," Lizzy says to him, already knowing she'll just try again when Dean passes back out. She wants Sammy in bed and getting a good night's sleep since he probably had an off day with Dean and Sam's return. Too much excitement and all.

"How's Cass?" Dean asks with a sniffle and some closed eyes.

"He's still out."

Dean nods.

"It's awful quiet around here," Lizzy comments. "Lou take Sam out to a bar or something?"

"They're holed up in Lou's room," he explains simply.

Lizzy glances down the hall and back at her husband. "Kinda quiet for that."

"Uh, it wasn't earlier," Dean complains, his hand absently rubbing Sammy's back. "Be happy you miss it… twice."

She scrunches her face up with dislike. She's heard enough of Lou in that situation in her life. She's well aware of what she's missed, thankfully.

"I'll let you sleep," Lizzy says to him, getting up from the floor. Dean's eyes fly open and he reaches his free arm out to her, grabbing her shoulder.

"Stay," he asks of her. "I'm up."

"You're dead tired," she calls him out easily. "When was the last time you slept?"

"I'm fine," he lies, it being a couple days since he's gotten any real rest.

"You're not. Sleep, it's ok," Lizzy says to him.

"Don't wanna waste time," Dean shakes his head, forcing his eyes open. "Don't know how long I can stay before we can be traced."

Lizzy doesn't crack a smile at all. He's being sweet but she's not sure how to react to that sweetness anymore. "Let me just get some late dinner for myself. I'm starving."

"Ok. I'll wake myself up. We can just… hang out," Dean says hopefully and she doesn't have the heart to shut him down.

"Alright," she forces a smile and gets up. She walks into the kitchen and pulls out some leftover chicken parmesan from a couple nights ago. She sets up a plate and pops it into the microwave, leaning back onto the edge of the counter and waiting. And prepares for polite conversation with the man she still loves but can't be with. Mentally she reminds herself that she needs to keep calm, not let her anger over everything take over. Her hurt is still there and she's working on it… and she can't give him false hope. She doesn't see a way to fix them anyways at this point.

Looking up when she hears a door open in the hallway followed by large footfalls, she smiles. Sam's up and about.

"Wow," Lizzy says when he walks into the kitchen, his long hair a knotted mess and only his boxer briefs on.

"Lizzy! Uh… um, hey," he smiles nervously says, shocked to see her there. His hands come down and cover over himself as if he were naked out of sheer anxious embarrassment.

"I see you and Lou have been… reuniting," she laughs a little, amused by his squirming.

"Yeah, yeah, uh… you could say that," Sam answers, looking around sharply before finding the courage to look right at her.

"Relax, would you?" Lizzy says to him casually. "I lived with you for years. I've seen you in less."

Sam's stone cold serious face shows up. "You walked right into the bathroom," he accuses, remembering one specific incident.

"You didn't lock it," she shrugs as the microwave goes off.

"The lock was broken and you knew that!"

Lizzy laughs. "Yeah… maybe I did," she winks at him and opens the microwave to get her dinner.

"Perv," Sam calls her and makes a line for the refrigerator.

"Come on, I'm kidding," Lizzy says, grabbing a fork. "It was an honest mistake… plus I saw you naked way before then…."

"Yeah, stop," Sam asks of her, not needing to recall he and Lou getting caught mid-fuck way back when.

Lizzy huffs a quiet laugh to herself before pausing and looking at him as he pulls a couple water bottles from the fridge. "I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah?" he asks over his shoulder.

"Yeah. I missed you," Lizzy admits. "Things are… weird right now. And when they used to get weird or hard, I always had you."

"You have Lou now," Sam explains away his backing off.

"So do you," she points out. "But she's not my Sam-I-Am."

Sam pauses and looks right at her. She's hurting so badly and, despite her efforts, he sees it. "You talk to Dean yet?"

"He's half out of it," she laughs.

"Look, don't get pissed at me but… I'm not gonna go all big brother on you and let you dump your problems on me this time… not until you sit down and talk to Dean."

Lizzy rolls her eyes.

"Stop it," Sam says to her. "I love you. I do. And I don't say that very often to anyone. But we don't have anything to talk about until you try first. You gotta talk to him."

"You're picking sides, are you?" she tries to joke to cut the tension.

"Lizzy… he's my brother. I'm always on his side," Sam reminds her. "And I know everything he did and I know you. You're done, I get it. But you need to talk to him."

Covering her face with her hands, Lizzy shakes her head. "I'm so tired to talking, Sam. I'm… so fucking tired…."

And she's wrapped up in strong arms before she can finish her thought. He's acting tough, giving her that tough love he thinks she needs, but he still adores her like the sister he never had.

With a deep sigh she tries to control her emotions as she brings her arms around his middle. It's almost odd how their positions have flipped. For years it was the sad, mourning man being comforted by the happy in love girl. Now he's actually happy, happier than he's been in  _ever_ , and she's miserable.

"I know you're tired," Sam tells her, her arms pulling him in tighter with need to be comforted. "But you'll regret it if you just walk away now."

"It still hurts, everything we've said and done to each other…."

"I know that."

"We're just gonna fight more."

"You don't know that."

"I do," she swears. "And I can't fight with him anymore." She sighs and feels the tears forming but blinks them back. "I still love him and I know that if I don't stick to my guns now I'll never leave him."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Sam questions.

"If we're still this toxic then… yeah. It's a really bad thing. I won't raise my son in that."

If Sam ever questioned her strength as a mother he certainly never would again. She's willing to give up Dean so that her son could have a happier, conflict free upbringing. Her own happiness means nothing to her anymore.

"Give him a chance," Sam still begs of her as he backs off, his hands on her shoulders. "He doesn't want to fight. I promise, that's the last thing he wants. And with the way things are left… it'll either fix things or give you the closure you both need… even if I'm really hoping for a fix."

She nods with the dread in her heart. With a sniffle she looks him over. "This would have been a lot less awkward if you'd thought to put some clothes on before coming out here."

"Yeah," he blushes. "Figured you weren't home yet and the house was quiet. Why bother?"

"Yeah, it'd just get in the way of round three, right" she smirks and laughs a little, getting Sam to loosen up.

"You suck," Sam tells her and head for the hallway with the bottles of water in hand.

"Hey, here," Lizzy stops him and reaches into the cabinet by her head. She grabs a couple granola bars and tosses them to him, Sam catching the awkwardly with already occupied hands. "Fuel up. I know Lou. You'll need it."

"Thanks," Sam actually laughs at that.

Sam disappears again and leaves Lizzy to her dinner. She takes one look at the plate of food and loses her appetite. With the conversation she has to have looming over her head she's no longer hungry. She wraps up the food again and heads for the living room.

Once more Dean's sound asleep. She knew he'd been lying about how tired he was. Exhaustion is obvious on him.

Going much slower this time, Lizzy gets Sammy up and into her arms. He barely wakes and snuggles into her easily, knowing it's his mother out of instinct. Lizzy then goes to her room and settles him into his crib. She then gets ready for bed but before tucking in for the night she returns to the kitchen for some paper and a pen.

When done, Lizzy heads back into the living room. She looks Dean over, the man's face serene and just simply beautiful. He's a gorgeous person, someone she used to have such pride in being with. Her heart pulls in her chest as she remembers how loved she used to feel by him.

Dropping the folded piece of paper onto his chest where Sammy had been lying, she then creeps back to her room for the night.

_We need to talk. No fighting, no blaming, no apologies… just talking. I have the day off. We're taking Sammy to the park._

* * *

 


	22. Drifting, Drifting Away

* * *

The walk to the park was cordial and kind. Dean kept up his efforts to prove his worthiness to her (no drinking, offering to do everything for Sammy, etc.) and Lizzy never once showed her hurt or upset. It was pleasant.

After a half an hour of wandering, they've found themselves at a playground that's mostly empty during the weekday. As Lizzy sits on a swing, digging her heels into the dirt beneath her and rocking forward and back, she watches Dean heading over to her with Sammy. The boy's been trying his best to pull himself up on his own on the foot of the couch lately and she knows he's bound to be walking any day now. For now, however, he needs a little help that dad's only too happy to give.

"Look at this friggin' kid walk!" Dean says with excitement, letting Sammy grab his fingers hard and keeping him upright as they make their very slow and uncoordinated way to her one baby step at a time.

"It's happening fast and furious," Lizzy smiles wide at her son, his happy face bright as he makes his way with pride. "He's figuring it out way too early for me!"

"He's gonna be running all over the place soon."

"Don't remind me," she smiles. "The second he does my life is going to get way more difficult."

_Her_  life. Dean heard that loud and clear. "Well, between the two of us we'll keep him in line then. I mean, two hunters used to going after shifty demons? He doesn't stand a chance," he tells her, scooping the little boy up and holding him in the air above his head. "You're outnumbered, little man."

Sammy smiles with the elevation and Dean grins right back, a true and natural smile that he's seldom had lately. It's shocking how good he feels just being with his son. Just that morning, sneaking into Lizzy's bedroom and grabbing him before she woke, they spent quality time moving blocks around the carpet, crawling absolutely everywhere, and eating baby cereal and banana chunks. His son's like a different person every time Dean sees him. New milestones are reached and his leaps in mental development are nearly shocking.

Every visit he has to get to know his boy all over again. He's just growing too fast.

Tossing him high in the air again, Dean's face nearly breaks with his happiness. Sammy's personality is clear as day now, the boy happy and always ready to laugh and grin with his smile containing just a couple bottom teeth. He's silly with the way he plays and interacts with people but he can be a bit rough too, a perfect combination of his parents. Dean got walloped again that morning while lying on the floor as Sammy played over and around him. He got a tiny fist to the eye, the unintentional strike making him tear up. The boy's got an arm!

After tossing him a third time, Dean pulls Sammy down and blows a raspberry on the boy's cheek, making Sammy's voice squeal with laughter. Once Dean's done laughing himself, he takes a deep breath and pulls his son into his side, Sammy's head leaning against his shoulder with clear comfort and love.

"He misses you, Dean," Lizzy laughs, watching him take a seat on the swing next to her while sitting Sammy in his lap facing out over the rest of the playground.

"Yeah… well I miss him more," Dean admits without an ounce of sappiness, running his hand over Sammy's filling out head. "And I missed this whole hair growing in thing. He's got brown hair."

"He does! Can you believe it?" she says with a giant grin.

"He  _had_  to have something of yours in there somewhere," Dean says back. "You know, it's a shame he doesn't look more like you."

"No kidding," she laughs and rolls her eyes.

"Seriously," Dean tells her, looking right at her with sincerity. He means it.

"It's ok, I'm getting over it," she tells Dean with a smile as she lightly and jokingly pinches one of Sammy's pudgy cheeks. "Looking like the Winchester men? There are some much worse fates."

Dean just smirks a little and leans down to drop a kiss on Sammy's thin, dark hair. "So… how are you settling into all this?"

Lizzy nods. "Pretty well, honestly. The house was kind of gross and Lou and I had to clean it top to bottom when we moved in but the neighborhood isn't bad and the town is kinda cute. My work schedule sucks but hey… I'm not really a nurse so I can't complain."

"And you haven't run into any of our usual… problems?" he eyes her narrowly, looking for the truth.

"They don't know where we are," Lizzy grins a little. "The Levis are smart but our false I.D.s seem to be better. And you tossed your phones a few states over before you got here so… you and Sam stay out of anywhere super public in town and I think we'll be ok here for a couple days before you head back out."

"Good," Dean's shoulders visibly drop when he feels better immediately. He already doesn't want to head back out but at least he kept the monsters from their doorstep.

"Relax, Dean. We're ok here," Lizzy quietly promises. "You have enough to worry about. Our safety isn't one of them this time."

Dean huffs a disbelieving laugh. "That's new."

"That's awesome. And Frank's  _really_  awesome," he nods. "Sammy's happy and safe. That's what matters."

"What about you?" Dean questions, turning to lock eyes with her. His heart beats a little faster when he sees her eyes, that beautiful chestnut brown that has always meant comfort and love since he's met her. "L… are you happy?"

Her face looks slightly surprised by the question as she looks away from him, eyes scanning the playground. "I… no. No really. I'm happy when I'm with him." She glances at her boy. "But I'm not happy. Not in general."

"What would make you happy?" Dean tries.

"Seriously?" Lizzy laughs a little.

"Honestly… what would make you happy?" Dean wants to know.

She gives it some serious thought, sitting a moment. "A time machine."

He looks at her in question.

"I want what I had back," Lizzy says. "It was never perfect and it was never totally safe and smart… but I want my old life back."

"When you were back home?" Dean asks, unsure of what she means.

"When I was with you," she admits. "Before mistakes and hurled insults and distance and… total miscommunication. When we were good, we were  _really_  good. I mean, the whole screwed up world was jealous of what we had."

"Or at least the Carver Edlund fans were." Dean jokes through the heavy.

This gets an actual, quiet laugh from her. "Yeah…. But now… so much has happened. So many words have been said, actions were done and they can't be undone… just so many things have gone wrong… I don't know. I don't know if time machines exist for us."

"You always say we're so broken but… what's broken here?" Dean asks, needing to understand it all her way. "I know I need to regain your trust. I know that. But I can do that. I'll spend the rest of my life doing that if that's what it takes and you know I will. But, past that… what's so wrong with us?"

Her face falls as she looks at him.

"L, what am I missing here?" Dean questions, feeling the fear creep in.

"We don't work anymore," Lizzy tells him as honestly as she can. "We try to just simply talk and we end up fighting. We don't hear each other and the only time we do is when we're putting each other down and trying to inflict the most damage on the one person we're supposed to be in love with. There's nothing healthy about that."

"But we haven't fought in so long."

"Because I stopped trying. Dean, I stopped trying altogether. You didn't notice?" Lizzy's expression shows the pain she feels that he never realized how done she was with the conflict. When he doesn't answer she knows he didn't. "We're at the best we've been in so long right now… because I gave up. What does that say about us?"

Dean looks out over the park and avoids her eyes for a moment, processing everything she tells him. He wishes she wasn't so right. "We're soul mates."

"And how far is that label supposed to carry us?" she challenges lightly, her tone still calm and even. "It's just a label. It's just our heavenly duty that we've already accomplished." She nods down at Sammy.

He shakes his head and looks to her, that pleading, sad, and desperate look in his eyes that always breaks her heart. "You told me you'd never leave me."

Face wrinkled with sorrow, she says, "I know I did."

"You're breaking your promise."

"I know," her voice gets choked. "It kills me that I'm doing that."

"Then don't," he practically begs of her, his arm around Sammy's middle tightening with his desperation.

"I  _won't_  create a toxic environment for him," Lizzy says, looking down at her boy as he babbles on quietly to himself. "If it weren't for him… I'd let the fighting keep going as long as I was with you. I wouldn't give up if it wasn't for him."

"So you want him to have a broken home instead?" he has at ask, completely confused by her.

"Broken and peaceful is better than taped together and angry. Broken is better than one in which mommy and daddy end up hating each other and fighting in front of him every day. He deserves the best we can give him and right now that's… that's not us being together." She presses a hand to her forehead. "Oh God, I can't believe I'm saying these things."

Dean watches her as her back hunches and the first tears fall down her face.

"I still love you," she tells him, her heart on full display. "Dean, I will never stop loving you."

"Then don't," Dean asks of her as he reaches to her with his free arm, locking her hand in his. "L, don't do this. We can make this work without fighting in front of him."

"I don't have it in me to fight with you at all anymore," she tells him, gripping his hand even tighter. "I don't have it in me to be with someone that won't come home and just be home. It can't work like this, not for me. I never see you. I never get to be with the one person I want to be with and after everything that's happened… I don't know."

"I'm trying to keep you safe," Dean explains for the millionth time.

"And in keeping us safe… we destroyed  _us_."

Running his thumb over her knuckles, trying his best to sooth her in any way possible, he can feel the absence of her wedding rings. She's  _been_  done. She gave up long before this moment. He lost her already and he simply refused to see it.

"I'm so sorry," Lizzy all out sobs. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Stop it," Dean tells her, his own eyes watering over as he looks at her. This is it. They're done. It's real.

"I love you so much… but in our completely fucked up lives… love isn't enough to make this work. It's just not enough."

Dean stands up from his swing and places Sammy into his stroller next to Lizzy. He's not going to try and change her mind. She's made her decision and Dean has always had the utmost respect for Lizzy if nothing else. She's the most level headed, loving, smart, and kind person he's ever had the pleasure of simply knowing. The fact that she was with him at all still blows his mind. If she wants out so that she can somehow find peace in life then he has no right to ask her to stay. He knows how damaged and flawed he is so maybe she really is better off without him.

Lizzy feels Dean taking her hands and pulling her to her feet. The hole in her heart consumes her as she lets him help her up and pull her in tightly. His arms around her, she lets out a sob that she's been holding onto for months. This is exactly where she prayed this wasn't going. It's nearly impossible to think that this, their relationship, is over.

"I'm always going to love you, L," Dean tells her without question as his own eyes overflow, his chin on the top of her head. "I'm always gonna be there for you. You're still gonna be  _everything_  to me."

"I'm sorry," she says again, the guilt crushing her. "I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you. You deserve someone better than me, someone that would never do this to you …."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"You need someone that will always fight for you."

"Knock it off. We're both to blame," he simply says, knowing they both played their part in this along with all the outside influences. "You're probably doing the right thing."

"I love you. Always," she says and falls into a fit of sobs that renders her speechless for now. She just takes the moment in his arms, absorbing whatever it is that she can during these last few minutes of  _them_.

And Dean stays there, afraid to let her go. He knows that as soon as he does she's gone for good. That's it. Dean and Lizzy are no more.

He's having a very hard time accepting that.

After some time Sammy starts to fuss and Lizzy pulls back from the embrace, wiping her face crudely with her hands. "We need to get him back…."

"Uh, is it ok if you do that alone?" Dean asks, his voice thick and struggled. "I need some time."

She fights the second wave of utter sorrow with his request and holds on to her limited composure. "I'll bring him," she nods.

Looking away from her as he turns around, he says a quiet, "Thanks." He then starts to walk while washing a hand down his face to get rid of just how hurt he is by all this.

Silently, backs to each other, Dean heads one way on his rambling walk alone that has no end to it and Lizzy takes her son on the path to their home and their lives that they're trying to build.

* * *

"Yo, bitches!" Lou yells out from the kitchen when she hears the front door open and close. Sam just gives her a look with the silly way she greets them as he sips his beer at the kitchen table.

When no one answers they both get confused.

"Hey!" Lou calls back, forgoing the sandwiches she was making them for lunch to check on whoever that was. When she gets into the living room she finds Sammy in his stroller in the middle of the carpet, his fussing as he's getting hungry growing in volume, and Lizzy sitting on the floor next to the stroller with her head in her hands, sobbing. "Crap," Lou complains and sits onto the floor.

Sam knows this is no good. He was praying that this visit wouldn't end up looking like this but he gets it already. She ended it.

"Sweetie, talk to me," Lou asks of her sister as she sits directly in front of her. She pushes her long hair back, swats her hands away, and looks right into her red eyes. "What happened?"

"It's over," she sobs hard from the depths of her soul. "Fuck, what did I just do?"

"Oh shit," Lou complains and pulls Lizzy in tightly.

Hearing his cries coming fast now, Sam heads for his nephew and picks him up out of his stroller. He bounces him in his arms and heads for the kitchen. First on the list, feed Sammy. The boy clearly is hungry and he doesn't need to be around his mother when she's like this. Lizzy needs a moment. Then he's going to put him down for a nap and go find Dean. He's got to be out there somewhere moping miserably and he hopes it isn't at a bar just yet.

"Come on, Sammy," Sam says quietly to his nephew, walking down the hallway. "Let's get you fed."

"Louie, oh God," Lizzy cries out with hopelessness. Clutching to her very best friend, she lets it all go after months of almost constant keeping it together, the strength it took unreal.

"You're ok," Lou lies, not sure if it's at all true. "It's all ok, Lizard. We'll figure everything out. You did what you had to do."

"I love him so much," she sobs desperately. "I love him. Fuck, I hate our lives. This is so unfair."

"I know, honey," Lou answers, keeping her composure the best she can. Her sister is hurting so badly with this that it's killing her right along with her.

"I still love him…." is the last thing Lizzy manages to say before she falls into a state that doesn't allow talking. She just bawls until there's no more tears left to shed.

* * *

He has absolutely no idea how long he's been wandering around the moderate sized park for. It's getting dark now so it has to have been for hours. It's getting cold, the November air sharp and biting when it blows, and despite knowing his cheeks and ears are a bright red by now he can't think about going back. Not yet.

Dean takes a seat on a wooden bench and rubs his face. Reality is still trying its damnedest to creep into his head but he refuses to acknowledge it as truth. The whole conversation feels surreal. But it happened and it is the truth of his life right now.

He lost her.

She wants out.

His Lizzy can't be with him anymore.

In his life, Dean's failed at many things before. Hell, he's failed at most things. But this was the one thing, the one beautiful and perfect thing he had that he'd never screw up. How could he? All he ever needed in life was his girl once he had her. She was everything that made muddling through this bullshit, brutal life worth it.

But she broke her promise and she left him.

_I will never leave you._

How many times did she say that to him? He couldn't count it if he tried. She loves him, he doesn't doubt that and he will  _never_  doubt that. Elizabeth Noonan loves Dean Winchester and it says so in the fucking stars… so this outcome just will never make an ounce of sense to him and making any form of real sense to it will be a lifelong struggle for him.

And the idea that that she'll never be by his side like she has been ever again hits him and the wave of pure sorrow comes right back. He scrunches up his face with the pain and lowers his head, rubbing at his forehead with his elbows on his knees. She'll never call and say she loves him with the sound of a smile on her face. She won't kiss him hello after long weeks on the road, she won't be excited to see him, she won't ever eye him with lust or attack him when alone, he'll never feel that insanely safe and satisfying feel of her skin against his, her mouth pressed to his, and even worse than losing that whole connection… the three of them will never be a solid, united unit of love and family ever again.

The loss of that for his Sammy is the strongest blow of them all.

Dean sniffles and wipes a hand down his face to get rid of the tears once more. When he does he sees the looming silhouette of a tall, shaggy haired man walking towards him with his hands in his pockets and shoulders up with the wind. He should have seen this coming.

Usually this is where Dean cleans it up, composes himself, and pretends that everything is fine enough. But not this time. Sam's truly seen the worse of him in their lives and this time he doesn't have it in him to try and hold it together. He'll play that role when he returns to the house later. Right now he still needs to get some of this out.

Without a word and without making eye contact, Sam takes a seat on the bench next to Dean, leaving a good half of a foot between them. He sits back as Dean leans over again and hangs his head, this time not covering it over with his hands.

Sam's hand drops down onto his shoulder and rocks him just a bit and Dean's eyes spill over yet again. It's been a long time since he's found himself in this emotional place, a very long time.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam says to him quietly, almost as if afraid to say it at all. He's well aware that out of everything they've seen in life, everything they've lost and been hurt by, this is the one thing that could easily undo his brother. Dean's strong, stronger than damn near every human on the planet, but this is his weakness. There's no way to patch this up and push on.

Dean rubs a hand over his hair and doesn't look up, his voice choked and his back hitching as he starts to lose it all over again.

And they don't talk. Dean and Sam Winchester are not much for talking, especially Dean, and right now there's nothing Sam could come up with that would make any fucking dent in repairing it all, so they stay silent. The younger brother stays strong by his older brother's side, hand on his shoulder and his strength being lent to him as much as he can.

And Sam can see how impossible moving past this moment is going to be for this entire family. He can feel awkward phone calls, even more awkward visits, and the ever-horrifying sharing of the Sammy. This is a so messy and confusing….

After what could be another half an hour and the sun setting over the park, Dean stands up suddenly, washing his hand down his face yet one more time as he composes himself. It's time for the patented Winchester fake-strength and 'everything's fine' outward demeanor to take over after one hell of a miserable afternoon.

Sam stands up with him. "You good to head back?"

"Yeah," Dean nods and clears his throat, Sam watching as the mask gets slipped right back on. The open, hurt, and sad expression Dean was showing melts away to the default face he shows on the average day.

Sam shakes his head and gives Dean a pat on the back of the neck twice before pulling him towards the path back to the small rental house. They walk side by side, shoulders nearly brushing as they both keep their heads down and hands in their pockets against the cold night.

* * *

Awkward dinner barely eaten, the night together in the house feels strange and foreign. The usual warmth and comfort is gone for now but Dean still got plenty of time to spend with his son so all in all the worst day of his life has ended at least with some positivity.

Sammy. His saving grace. That little boy is the one and only reason he isn't drunk on a barroom floor by now. If he did that, the usual run and drink, he would miss the precious little time he has with Sammy and that would be a true disappointment. Sure, getting hammered would dull the pain enough to manage it and maybe fall asleep tonight but Sammy matters the most. And he loves his little guy far more than anything else… or maybe anything else except for one other person.

Humming low, Dean paces the floor of the living room with his boy's head resting on his shoulder. Sammy's been all out of whack with his and Sam's visit and with the tension even the happy-go-lucky baby has to feel around him so it's late and it's far past Sammy's bedtime.

When he checks his little face Dean can see Sammy's eyes closed with his cheek smashed to his shoulder, mouth open. He's passed out. Dean smiles at this, loving how comfortable his son still is with him. He feared that Sammy wouldn't remember him after Lizzy threw that idea in his face months back when this Leviathan shit storm started… but his boy never lost the connection to his dad that he had almost instantly developed.

Placing him slowly and quietly into the playpen in the living room, Sammy doesn't stir at all. He keeps right on sleeping as Dean drapes a blanket over him and lets him sleep for the night, choosing not to tuck him into his crib. He wants his boy in the living room with him for the night. He wants to be the first face Sammy sees when he wakes up the next day.

The small and serene innocence Sammy holds when sleeping like this, not a care in the world, is what gets Dean to stay there, standing over him with wonder.

"I've let a lot of people down in my life… but you'll never be one of them," Dean promises his son, knowing that as his one and only truth right now as he sees it. "I let your mother down but I'll never repeat that mistake with you."

Fixing his blanket a few more times despite it being just fine where it is, Dean takes a deep breath and walks down the hallway. He knocks on Lizzy's door and waits, the odd moment not lost on him. He's never knocked on a door and needed permission to join his wife (his ex-wife?) in any situation before. This weird feeling is not something he can ever see himself getting comfortable with.

"Yeah?" her voice calls out quiet and meek and Dean turns the knob and opens it halfway.

"Hey," he greets, looking at her there in her bed. She looks so alone by herself, the blankets up to her waist as she sits up with her phone in her hand. She's in her usual tank top and he'd bet she's only wearing a pair of underwear under the covers. He'll never get a peek at her body, the one body that's never failed to bring him to his knees when he sees it, ever again. That fact slaps him in his face hard in that moment.

"Dean?" she questions, her face looking to him with confusion when he just stands there looking at her.

"Sorry, I… sorry," he says with complete discomfort. "Just letting you know I put Sammy down. He's in his playpen and I was hoping it'd be ok if he stayed there for the night."

"Ok," she nods, no real expression on her face.

"I just… we had such a good morning together…."

"Dean, it's ok," she says, an entirely fake smile on her face. "I want you to have as much time with him as you can. You're a really good dad and I see him all the time. It's fine."

"Thanks," he says, unsure why he thanking her at all. Shaking his head, Dean leans against the door frame and shoves his hands in his pockets. "God, this is so fucking awkward."

"I know," Lizzy sighs sadly. "I'm… I'm sorry about all this." Her eyes water just a bit more and Dean's not ready to see that again.

"Don't… L, don't do that," Dean asks of her. "It's bad enough."

"I just can't… I hope you're not gonna hate me now," she says with fear.

Lowering his brow, Dean just looks at her with surprise. "I can't hate you. Even if I want to right now… I'll never be able to hate you."

The way she exhales shows him how much pent up fright she had over that.

"I know why you're doing this," Dean lets her know, holding tightly to the iron mask he put back on at the park. "We don't work right. We just… don't. We can't keep hurting each other and still be good parents. You always said it's all about Sammy from now on and you're right. We need to be parents first."

She shares a relieved, split second smile before looking away from him, afraid to start crying again.

"Alright, get some sleep," Dean says to her and knocks on the door frame twice, turning around and heading for the couch… his new place within whatever home Lizzy will have him visit for the rest of their time.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?" he turns back to her.

"I, uh… I never got to show you some things," she says, holding up her phone. "I have pictures and some videos I couldn't send when you were between phones."

Dean huffs a small laugh and walks back into the room, quietly closing the door behind him, not looking to wake up the rest of the house. Lou and Sam retired early to give Lizzy and Dean time to figure out what exactly their relationship is these days and Sammy's passed out from a long day.

Lizzy gently pats the mattress next to her as she moves over, giving him room. Dean takes a seat next to her, smelling a quick whiff of her shampoo and pretending it doesn't make his heart skip a beat still. Her fingers fly over the screen of her phone as she pulls up a folder of pictures, handing it over.

"We tried peas for dinner and blueberries for dessert last month," she tells him as Dean looks at the screen, Sammy's face all screwed up with green puree smudged across his mouth. "As you can tell, the peas were not a hit."

"Peas suck," Dean says as if that were the obvious answer, his face in a small grin for the first time since they spoke around noon.

"Your son agrees," she says, smiling also as she swipes across the screen, another face of pure disgust on Sammy as he sits in his highchair, more green mush on his face.

Dean huffs a laugh and starts swiping through the pictures himself. After the peas there's a happy face, eyes wide and lit up as he has a purple smudge on his cheek.

"That's when we moved on to dessert," she explains.

"So… blueberries are a good thing," Dean sums up, the next few pictures much happier than the first few.

"You tell me," she says as she presses play on a short video when it comes up.

_Ok, so first experiment with blueberries is a success!_

He watches the video of Sammy with Lizzy's voice in the background. The little boy reaches for the rubber-coated spoon himself.

_Oh, you can handle this on your own now, big man? Ok, but don't make a mess._

It's said in jest as Lizzy clearly knew he was about to make a disaster happen. Lizzy holds out the jar of blueberries to him, just a little bit of the puree in the bottom of it left, and Sammy works hard to put the spoon in the opening. His eyebrows lower and forehead wrinkles as he works against his still developing motor skills. His concentrated face looking a lot like that of Sam's when highly focused, Dean briefly thinks.

_Come on, you got it, dude._

His mother cheers him on as Sammy gets the spoon into the jar. He then takes it out, no food actually getting scooped onto it, and he brings the spoon to his mouth. When he manages to get it into his mouth Lizzy and Lou's voices cheer for him for a job well done. He did it all by himself.

_Yeah! You did it! Good job, Sammy!_

Sammy smiles wider than wide when he knows he did a good job and claps his hands together twice, never letting the spoon go.

_Do it again! Go ahead!_

With mom's encouragement, Sammy does it two more times, dipping his spoon into the jar and not-eating anything off of it when he succeeds, getting cheers every time. He looks so insanely satisfied with himself and happy that when the video ends Dean realizes his cheeks nearly hurt with the proud smile on his face.

But Lizzy can see his hidden sadness over having missed the moments like these and she feels even worse now. She ended their relationship when he's got the whole world on his shoulders.

"God, I'm such a bitch," Lizzy says out of nowhere, making Dean's head sharply turn to look at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Everything happening, the world going to shit… You have so much pounding down on you right now and… and I go and add to it all," Lizzy says with the guilt that comes with doing what she thinks is right at the time. "I really am sorry, Dean. Hurting you like this is not something I want."

"I know that," Dean tells her, believing her completely. "But it had to be done and you've always been the kind of person that can pull the trigger when others couldn't. Maybe this needed to happen but you know  _I_  was never gonna end it."

"You couldn't," she says, knowingly.

"No way," he says, looking at her with nothing but truth. "And I still don't know..." He stops himself and huffs with loss. "I guess I just don't know anything anymore. This was the one thing I believed in."

"I'm sorry I took that away from you then."

" _We_  took it away from  _us_ ," he corrects her, knowing she shouldn't just blame herself.

Knowing she shouldn't do so at all, Lizzy places her hand to his jaw, looking him hard in the eyes. "I'm really gonna miss you." Her lower lids rim with tears as she tells him this.

"Don't," Dean asks of her, the sentiment hurting nearly as much as the feel of her hand on him. He lightly grasps her wrist and pulls it slowly away from him. "I can't do that."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"I can't," she says, covering her face with her hands. "I can't stop feeling like this is my fault."

Not able to stop himself, Dean reaches an arm out and brings it around her back. He pulls her into his side like second nature and lets her lean her weight on him, she sniffles quietly, keeping her crying to a minimum after a very emotionally taxing day. She can't have much left in her. He knows he doesn't in himself.

"I'm scared," she admits.

"Right there with you," Dean returns, the big admission hard for him to say. He's point blank shot the devil himself in the head and he was less scared then than he is right now.

When Lizzy looks up at him, her eyes sad and begging for answers that he doesn't have, there's something still there. They both can feel it. It doesn't matter that the world has ruined them, made them a mess that they can't clean up. There's love still buried in there, the kind of love that they can ignore and shove down but can never truly get rid of. It's forever in them and, even if the world doesn't seem to want them together, they both know that if everything were perfect they'd still be happy.

When she sighs heavily to keep her sorrow in check, Dean pushes his unspoken boundaries and presses a single affectionate kiss to her forehead, the pull to comfort her making him do it.

Her eyes close with the feel of his lips, soaking it in just in case it's the last time she ever gets to feel that. When he looks down at her something shoves her into action. The fear in her chest along with that still burning need for him that she knows she has to give up on makes her do it, even though she knows how wrong it is.

Lightning fast, she moves into his space and presses her lips to his. Her brain sends mixed signals and she can practically feel the presence of an angel and a devil on each shoulder, both giving their opinion of the matter. The devil's winning.

Shock washing over him, Dean doesn't react. He lets her kiss him but he doesn't kiss back because he knows how dangerous it would be to do that. What the hell is she thinking right now?

Swiftly pulling away when she realizes what she's done, Lizzy presses her fingers to her lips with surprise. "Shit," she says quietly, the panic in her eyes as she stares back at him making his heart melt. She couldn't help it. "I didn't mean to…"

He shuts her up when he pulls her hand away and rushes forwards, crushing his lips to hers. He gave up so easily. It felt too good to experience that kiss and, even if it's so wrong and so backwards considering their situation, he wants this. He wants this one more time while he's fully aware that it is the very last time he gets to have her. He wants to remember it all from the way she moves against him to the taste of her skin to the smell of simply her. He wants it burned in his brain so that he always remembers how good it once was.

Clearly, from the way Lizzy's hands clutch as his face to keep him closer as she thoughtlessly climbs into his lap, she's feeling the same way. Neither are fully ready for the break and both still have that fire in them, the attraction that had them wanting each other from the first second they saw each other. Dean's hands weave into her hair as he feels himself get a little possessive, gripping tight enough to ensure that if she starts to change her mind, to end this last goodbye, he's prepared to make sure she's persuaded not to.

That's not a worry, however. Lizzy's the first to start in on the clothing. She pushes his flannel shirt off his shoulders and down his arms hastily. He pulls his arms through the sleeves and reaches for her tank top, pulling it overhead. Topless, Dean sighs with desire at the sight of her. His eyes go right to the simple gold chain around her neck, the one he's never seen before, and recognizes what hangs there.

"You never got rid of them?" Dean asks, having assumed her wedding band and diamond ring were in a duffle somewhere as she attempted to forget them.

She looks to him like he's nuts. "Why would I ever do that?"

Dean shakes his head slightly and huffs a surprised laugh. She's not letting go completely because she can't. At least he doesn't feel so alone through her rejection of him all of a sudden.

"You're  _not_  something I want to forget," she assures him, her voice soft and sincere. She looks at him and nods, asking if he understands her.

He does. Dean nods back once before his head lowers swiftly to bury between her breasts. The smell of her skin, vanilla and warmth, surrounds him as he kisses between the valley of her breasts, the softness of her body everything he needs right now.

Somehow this is still easy. Once they've given in to need and desperation to experience something good for just a little bit it's far more than easy to let go of the hatred, the anger, the fright, and the sour taste their marriage has left them with. Instead, for one last moment in their shitty, confusing, and painful lives Dean and Lizzy let themselves have something beautiful.

"Need you," Lizzy tells him, his mouth leaving her breast to land on her mouth again with her words, kissing her like the hungry man that he is right now. He's never needed anything more than this. With his tongue sliding against hers, remembering how comforting the taste of her toothpaste and the warmth of her body can be at the end of a long and terrible day.

Flipping them over, Dean doesn't let her control anything. She's had far too much control as it is. She's the one deciding that they're over, that they need to separate, that they truly don't work anymore, and he doesn't really have a choice. She's strong willed and he recognizes when he's lost his battles with her. But he has to have control somewhere. If she's ending this then at least he gets to punctuate their relationship in the way he wants to.

Once on her back, looking up at Dean with pure, simplistic want, Lizzy reaches under his t-shirt to press her hands flat against his sides. Sliding her hands upwards and absorbing the hard, scarred planes of his torso, she helps him out of the soft, old cotton shirt. With it gone she takes a deep breath. It's been so long that she's seen him out of his hunter's armor that she nearly let it slip her mind how perfect he is. There's something interesting about Dean and how this one book can accurately be judged by its cover. Dean is a mess. He's scarred from his past experiences, broken and healed so many times over, now and then the injuries unable to be healed right. Much like his emotions, sometimes the damage can't be fully repaired as exemplified by the bum knee, marred skin, and off-angle fingers. Yet somehow, through the tired eyes and even more tired soul, the scars and breaks, the damage from everything he's been put through… Dean Winchester is still complete and utterly beautiful. He's gorgeous. He's righteous. He's everything he thinks he's not.

Lizzy knows that people look at Dean out in the world and instantly think he's just perfection… and they'd be completely right. He has his flaws but still, in the grand scheme of things, this is as close to perfection as a human soul can get. He is everything she admires in humanity.

With her lips only, Lizzy once more apologizes to him for breaking his heart like this. A hand to the back of his head, pulling him to her, she gives herself to him completely as it's the only possession on Earth that she has that's worth anything. It's all she has to give and if she gets to give this to him one more time then maybe he'll really understand that she loves him still and always will.

And Dean takes it all. He greedily kisses her, taking her and pushing the really sickening thought of other men someday getting this from her. As her fingers navigate the button and zipper of his jeans the idea grows quickly in his brain, some other guy's hands on her smooth skin, getting to discover just how absolutely stunning and exceptional she is. Lips that don't belong to him on hers, ears other than his hearing her beg for things with her sultry, deepened voice, someone else feeling her outside  _and_  in….

"Uh-huh. No," Dean sits back on his heels and backs away from her, washing a hand down his face as she lets go of the grip she has on the waist of his jeans, the pants now halfway down his ass. "Damn it," he says to just himself and hangs his head.

Laying there, looking up at him with a concerned face, Lizzy once more feels the need to apologize. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started anything. That was selfish."

Letting his eyes drift up her nearly naked form, Dean focuses on her eyes. "That's not it." He breathes deep and shakes his head. "Just… having a hard time…." He licks his lips and stalls but tells the truth of what his mind came up with. He has to be honest with her. "I started thinking about… you moving on and… I, I don't know to handle that."

"Moving on?" Lizzy asks, not sure why he's thinking that way.

"Someday this'll happen… and it won't be with me," he admits. "That thought? That makes me sick. I swear, if you get with some other guy you better not tell me about him. Because I'll kill him. I won't want to but I will."

He says it with such honesty and conviction, and with zero threat, that she believes him one-hundred percent. Dean would kill another man, an innocent one, if he found out she was with him. But the thing is, the idea of being with another man makes her equally as sick.

"I know that's… insanely hypocritical…."

"I get it."

Dean sighs when she says that, relieved that she doesn't just want to call him out on the fact that he himself did that.

"And you don't have to worry about that," she admits. "The last thing on my mind is finding someone new. That's not how I deal with things."

"You're not gonna be a nun the rest of your life, L," Dean calls her out.

"And you aren't gonna be a monk," she smiles lightly and sadly. "I know how you cope with misery. I have no illusions about you. I know there's a good chance that soon enough you'll be out on the road looking for a pair a tits to take away the loneliness for a night…."

"That's what you think of me?" he questions with hurt.

"That's what I know of you," she says sweetly somehow. "You can separate your emotions from sex. You can make it about quick relief. Right now… I can't. It's not an insult to me, it's… just the old you. The single you."

"I'm not about to go chase tail," he tells her with pure insulted upset.

"I'd have no right to ask you not to," Lizzy says. "This is my decision and I have no right to expect anything from you because of it. If you want to go deal by being the old you I'd get it is all I'm saying."

"I hate that guy," Dean quickly tells her. "I don't want to go back to being him. I was ok with never being him again."

Lizzy just nods, accepting what he admits. "That's good."

"Why? What does it matter?" Dean asks her.

"Just because we don't work as a pair anymore doesn't mean you no longer mean the world to me. I still want you to grow and be a good person," Lizzy makes sure he understands. "You're still the man that gave up everything for me and our son. You're still the same man that never gave up on me even when I gave up on you. I know I'm the bad guy and you're the good guy. Dean, you'll never be less than a hero to me. Please… please, go try and see yourself like I do. If that's something positive that comes out of this then… somehow this breakup is worth it to me."

Dean doesn't respond. There's nothing anyone can say or do, not even Lizzy, to make him believe he's as good as she thinks he is.

And Lizzy can already see that. So she doesn't fight it. With a hand to his cheek, she smiles softly. "I'm sorry I tried this. It's wasn't right. It's really unfair of me to try and… get anything from you after what I did today."

Dean looks at her funny, surprised by the apology.

"Look, take the bed for the night," Lizzy offers as she reaches for her tank top that's crumpled and discarded on the pillow next to her. "I know you couldn't have had a great night on the couch."

"L, I don't…."

"It's fine," she smiles falsely, preparing her shirt to put it back on. "I'll wake you up the second Sammy's up so you don't miss any time…."

"Stop," Dean tells her, a hand to her shirt as he stops her from putting it on. He stares at her second, making up his mind. Is this really a good idea or desperation at its worst? He knows the answer so he ignores it. "Tell me the truth. Did you really want to do this one more time?"

Lizzy's mouth opens as she contemplates. "I think I'll regret it if I didn't."

There's a heavy pause as he tries to understand her. "Why?"

Lizzy huffs an uncharacteristic laugh with that. "No one has ever made me feel half as good as you can. And no one ever will. So if this is the last chance I have at serious, real pleasure… I want it. I want to end something this good and big and… life changing with something…." Her voice lowers. "Absolutely mind-blowing."

"Tell me I won't regret this," Dean fires out, desperate for her to give him the permission he certainly doesn't need but would feel much better if he had.

"You won't regret this."

Dean launches himself at her, ripping her shirt out of her hands so she can't put it back on and leaning his full weight into her body as he forces her onto her back again, his lips attacking her with a hungry, voracious appetite he hasn't had in years. If this is it then this is going to be memorable and long and beyond everything she's come to expect from him.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter left. Please subscribe to me if you'd like to get an email alert when the next, 20th story in my series gets published. Thank you.


	23. Goodbye

* * *

The sun is up, the room is peaceful, and Lizzy hasn't felt this good in so long she can barely recall the last time.

In her hazy, sleepy mind, everything comes back in flashes. She knows they had a conversation, one in which she down right begged him to give her one more really, intensely good night and Dean, luckily, obliged her.

His lips on hers, moving softly but with such intent that she's sure she felt like the only woman on the planet for a while there. The way his eyes followed the lines of her body, every inch of it as he clearly tried to memorize her. The feeling as he traced every curve with his fingertips teasingly before using his lips to do the same. She sighs at the ghostly tingle of his mouth on her neck, her chest, her thighs, her pussy… she flashes hot for a moment when she can practically hear his gravelly voice tell her all honey coated that he'll miss the taste of her. And the way he fucked her… oh, no, the way he honest to God made love to her three times over several hours… she now knows the meaning of the word sublime.

Sighing contently, Lizzy rolls onto her other side to curl up next him out of habit. It's quiet, no baby crying, and no place to be.

The sheets are cold when she reaches out and when her eyes open the pillow next to her is empty.

She's alone and it feels downright terrible. And this is the most basic reminder that this is life now. She wanted to end their poisonous relationship and this is the fallout from that. Biting the inside of her cheek, Lizzy takes a deep breath. Accept it. This is life. This is the path she decided to take. It's just a shame that the first time in a very long time she's felt like she's been able to make a choice and steer her own ship… this is the choice she had to make.

Taking the second to compose herself, pushing the sorrow down and preventing yet more tears, Lizzy rolls out of bed despite preferring sleeping all day in a cocooned depression and gets dressed.

Jeans and a comfortable, oversized old t-shirt on, she heads out into the house. There's no one in the living room so she checks the kitchen, smiling wide when she gets there.

Sammy in his highchair grins when he sees her, his hands slapping the tray several times with excitement.

"Good morning, sweetie!" he smiles wide as she walks over to him, glancing at Dean in the kitchen chair next to Sammy with a baby spoon and jar of apples in hand. He gives her a tight-lipped, somewhat saddened smile as she moves for their son. "Wow! You missed a few times, huh?" she laughs and uses his bib to wipe down all the applesauce around his mouth.

"Not exactly a clean eater, this one," Dean comments, licking a glob of apple off his index finger knuckle.

Lizzy doesn't mention how damn much that tongue, flicking out to waste no food, makes her shudder internally with memories. "Not at all… holy crap! Did he eat all that?" she questions, looking at the second empty jar of baby-apples on the counter.

"He, uh… he might have had some help," Dean answer guiltily, his expression giving him away.

"Ah. I see now. This stuff is just short of pie filling after all," Lizzy smiles genuinely this time as she grabs a canister of baby wipes and starts cleaning off Sammy's sticky hands. "So… last night…."

"Do we have to talk about that?" Dean asks, clearly not wanting to.

"I guess not," Lizzy nods, cleaning up the highchair tray silently for a moment. Once it's clean she pulls the tray out and lifts Sammy up, kissing his cheek to greet him for the day. She then looks at Dean, really looks, and can see how much he misses her already. The longing and the pain are in his eyes, no attempt to hide it happening. "It was perfect," Lizzy says simply, Dean knowing she's referring to the night before.

He just nods once, agreeing that it was perfect, but he doesn't speak. He can't. It's too hard to think about never having that back again.

"Someone stinks," Lizzy says in a silly voice to her son when the smell hits her. "Wow. Diaper change time."

"I'll do it," Dean quickly says and stands up, pulling Sammy from his mother's hands.

"Be my guest!" Lizzy laughs a little.

"I, uh… I was thinking about going back to the park today… if that's ok with you," Dean asks, the awkwardness from the previous day coming right back. "I wanna get more time in with him before we leave."

"When are you leaving?" Lizzy wonders.

"Probably tomorrow… if I can actually pull Sam out of Lou's clutches."

"Good luck," Lizzy jokes lightly. "Yeah. That's cool. Dean, he's your boy too. You don't need permission to go to the park with him."

"Ok," Dean smiles a little before looking at his son with a wider, much more genuine smile. "Alright, smelly ass. Let's get you out of that diaper."

He leaves the room and Lizzy starts to make come coffee. As she waits for it to brew, leaning back into the kitchen counter as she's alone and doesn't need to watch Sammy all day, it dawns on her. Dean and Sammy will be hanging out… and she wasn't invited. She needs to share, whether she wants to or not, but knowing her men (Can she even put that label on them anymore? Dean's no longer hers.) are out there having fun without her feels wrong.

There is way too much adjusting that needs to happen with this change and she really doesn't know where to begin.

* * *

"What time is it?" Sam asks, stretching out. His arms over his head, long legs hanging off the end of the mattress, Lou stares him over with yet even more awe. He's in his boxer briefs and nothing else and they've spent the last day and this entire morning in her bed, only getting up for short trips to eat a meal, check on the other members of the family, or head to the bathroom. They've just been lounging, talking, napping… and other things….

Sam finishes stretching out and rolls onto his side to face her, catching her eye line as it travels his form.

"Seriously?" he asks with amused annoyance.

"What?" she questions with faux innocence, her focus snapping onto his eyes.

"We've been naked for pretty much a day and you're still not over it," he laughs, his eyes trained on hers so that she can't call him out for looking her over too. It's hard though, considering she's wearing just a small, black, lace-trimmed pair of panties that barely cover her up. He's been letting his eyes wander a lot too but he tries not to make it so glaringly obvious.

Her face drops. "Your ignorance is annoying."

"Ignorance?"

"Why in fucking hell…" she starts, her fingertips trailing lazily down his chest. "Would I ever get over  _this_?"

Sam doesn't respond. He instead looks away as his cheeks flush slightly.

"Holy shit!" Lou delights, sitting up and looking at him accusatorily. "Did you just blush!?"

"What!?" he nearly panics with embarrassment.

"You did!"

"No, I didn't," Sam denies, sounding like a shy, awkward child.

"You big fucking girl!" she laughs a big and pushes him square in the chest. "I didn't realize I was a lesbian these days."

"Shut up," Sam says to her with sudden shyness, rolling onto his back again to avoid her. She always does this. It's that weird, annoying little sister quality that she brings to the table. She loves to poke and make fun… and he hates it as much as he loves it. He hates it because it makes him feel awkward. He loves it because she told him that this is how she deals with the men she likes. She's like a third grader still. "You need to grow up at some point."

"And what, may I ask..." she begins, crawling on top of him and smiling as she leans down to kiss him. When she's done she looks in his eyes, only an inch away from them, and with her lips still pressing to his she finishes, "Would be the fucking fun in that?"

When her lips fully land on his once more, her hips rock against him once and Sam can see where this is going… yet again.

"You could seriously do this again?" Sam asks her, a hand coming up into her hair as he kisses her right back.

"You can't?" she scoffs, knowing he's fine.

"What about lunch?" Sam asks even though he never stops kissing her. "And Sammy?"

"What about lunch and Sammy?" Lou wants to know, working her hips against his again, looking to get his interest fully peaked.

"Lou, stop," Sam says in a quiet and very amused by her laugh. He holds the sides of her head and lifts her off of him. "I want to see Sammy before I leave."

"Why do you need to do that?" Lou asks and Sam just gives her a knowing look. "Uh, you suck," she proclaims while rolling off of him like a huffy, disappointed kid.

"And why's that?" he challenges. "Because I can't stay in bed all day when I want to see my nephew?"

"I hate that you're a good uncle, you know that?" she says to him as he gets out of bed, staying on her back and purposely giving him a view of everything she had to offer.

Sam absently licks his lips when he sees her. His girl… tiny yet strong, covering in battle wounds… she's still somehow just insanely sexy. But he pushes that away and reaches for his jeans. "You love it," he flatly says back.

"Yeah, I do," she absently returns and gets up from her bed too. "How do you think it's going out there?"

"Weirdly," Sam says in a downer tone. "It's so strange."

"No shit," Lou says, her voice showing her disappointment. "I did  _not_  see this coming."

"Who would've?" Sam retorts and then sighs heavily. "What the hell do we do about all this?"

"Nothing," Lou shrugs, clasping her bra in place as they both speak and get dressed. "They're adults. They know their relationship and we have to trust they're doing the right thing." Looking at her jeans as she puts them on, Lou pauses. "Does it freak you out?"

"That they ended it?" Sam questions, pulling his shirt overhead.

"Yeah. I mean… they were the strongest thing I've ever seen. And they didn't make it. So…."

"What chance do any of us have?" Sam finishes, knowing what she's thinking already.

"Exactly," her downer tone confirms for him. Once her sweatshirt in on and left unzipped, she looks square at him while he buttons up his plaid shirt. "How the hell is anyone supposed to make it if Romeo and Juliet can't?"

Sam wrinkles his face. "Romeo and Juliet died after, like, a day together."

"You know what I mean," she says to him, her face serious.

And he does know. She's worried about them and how they plan to make their own relationship work if Dean and Lizzy couldn't. Fully dressed now, Sam walks right for her. He takes her cheek in hand and leans down, planting a serious, meaningful kiss on her lips. Lou falls right into it, leaning her weight into him a little as she seeks him out more. When he ends the kiss, he looks right at her. "Don't worry about that."

"Why?"

"Because we're not married," Sam says simply. "We have no kids. We're just… us." He shrugs. "We're not them."

This doesn't make Lou feel any better and he can tell.

"Look, we're… good. Ok. We don't set expectations. You understand that we can't be together every second and so do I. It'd be nice if we could…"

"So nice," Lou admits, longing for that already with how deep they've quickly gotten once she got back to him.

"But you aren't gonna leave me because of it, right?" Sam asks.

"Hell no," she smirks.

"We have an understanding," Sam sums up. "And it works for us for now. The second it doesn't… we speak up. We figure it out together.  _And we don't have kids_!"

"Done!" Lou sighs with relief, knowing she certainly doesn't want that right now, maybe ever.

"I'm serious," Sam adds on. "Kids are not in the cards for us. Not with our lives."

"I'm agreeing!" Lou smiles, somehow feeling the relief wash over her. She loves her nephew to the moon and back but a little one of her own? Terrifying! "You know that scares the shit outta me anyways."

"Yeah I know," he says with obviousness.

"Even if… you  _do_  want that…." She touches a nerves with this, she knows it.

"Want and need are different," Sam simply responds.

"Touché," Lou nods. "Plus, I'm not a mom."

He looks at her funny for a second. "Well, you wouldn't suck at it…."

"I don't want it," Lou shakes her head, hammering her opinion home for him.

He doesn't say anything for a beat, the pull to be a father still there for him, left over from when he'd talk about the future with Jessica, but he's too smart to think that opportunity will come about with the lives they lead. "And I am well aware that we can't do that to a child, not consciously."

"Perfect!" Lou says with happiness that this is all out in the open. It makes her relax that she won't have to deny him something he wants on top of the fact that it's a serious wedge that could come between them… one of the only ones at that.

"We'll be fine," Sam promises, another peck to the lips. "As long as we're honest and we talk to each other instead of fight… we're ok."

"I agree," Lou grins wide at her Giant.

Sam smiles back and heads for the door. "I'll see you out there?"

"Yeah," Lou responds, grabbing a brush and a hair elastic, walking for the mirror above her dresser. She brushes her hair and puts it up for now, noticing the kinked mess it's become over the past day. When she does, she looks herself over. For once she looks happy, her face slightly smiling and her eyes bright and rested. Her whole posture is more relaxed and she hasn't had any Purgatory nightmares or flashbacks in a while now. The place she's in, the place  _Sam's_  put her in, is shockingly good.

She then sees the top of a scar, the old stab wound from her first weeks in Purgatory, just peeking out from the top of her tank top and for the first time she doesn't cringe. In fact, it barely bothers her anymore.

If Sam can look past it so can she. If she has Sam… not much else can bring her down.

* * *

It's quiet. Lizzy at work, Sam and Lou out grabbing groceries and dinner, Sammy asleep… Dean's got an entire house to himself. It's an odd feeling. With being on the road with Sam constantly and the size of their family always under the same roof when not on the road this is a rare occurrence.

And right now, it isn't one he wants. His thoughts are too loud when he's not distracted.

So Dean says fuck it. He's been on his best behavior since he arrived and what the fuck good did it do? He's now short a wife and miserable.

Second beer down, Dean places the empty on the coffee table and channel surfs, looking for news on Roman Enterprises and any of their affiliates. Figuring out this whole Dick thing isn't going so well. Dig sites and secretive factories being built… curing cancer? None of it adds up.

After finding nothing Dean gets up to go to Lizzy's room. He plans to steal her laptop to do some research on what Dick's latest moves have been but he pauses before he leaves the living room. The odd sounds he suddenly hears make his heart stop. Crinkled static and a disembodied voice come out of the baby monitor laying on the couch. Fear hitting him like a tidal wave, Dean takes off.

"Sammy!?" he calls out, rounding the corner into Lizzy's room when the boy is asleep in his crib but he skids to a stop when he gets there. "Bobby! What the hell!?"

"Shh," Bobby says quietly, looking down at Sammy's sleeping form with a warm smile on his old, weary face. "Don't wake him again, ya idjit. Just got him back to sleep."

"You… what?" Dean asks, confused as all hell.

"Meet you in the living room," Bobby says, blinking out and disappearing before his eyes.

Dean huffs a shocked breath, his pulse racing. "Never gonna get used to that." He marches for the living room as his father-figure asked and finds him standing there in the middle of the room, picking up an empty beer bottle as if it's nothing to do so when just a few days back it was impossible for him.

"Ain't you on babysitting duty?" Bobby questions him with an angry face, dropping the bottle with a clink back onto the table.

"What do you want, Bobby?" Dean asks, his nerves high.

"Some sobriety while watching yer kid would be nice," he responds, giving an attitude Dean wasn't ready for.

Gritting his teeth quickly, Dean puts his hands on his hips. "It's been… a rough couple days. Ok? And I ain't drunk so stop judging."

"What the hell is so wrong about the past couple days?" Bobby asks, concern in his tone instantly. He may be angrier now, and too focused on all things Sammy or Dick Roman, but Dean is still his kid. He's still needed by his adult family sometimes.

Dean tries to speak but not a whole lot comes out. He sighs instead and looks away, ashamed of his place in life right now.

"Boy, what did you do?" Bobby questions, getting a certain feeling from Dean. When he was younger Dean would act the same when he broke something or screwed up in general and didn't want to fess up.

"I lost her," Dean simply puts and clears his throat harshly.

"You lost who?" Bobby questions, not understanding.

"L. Bobby, I… I lost her."

"She's at the hospital watching Cass…" Bobby states, not being dense so much as not getting it because Lizzy and Dean were solid.

"No, no… she ended it," Dean says, looking away as he walks to the couch and plops heavily down on it, shoulders dropped. "She doesn't want us anymore so… it's over."

Bobby stares at Dean with disbelief. "That ain't so."

"Hate to break it to you but I'm a screw up, Bobby," Dean tells him. "I know you like to pretend I'm not but I am. I lost her and it's my fault. I screwed up."

"Nah, I don't think that's true," Bobby tells him, sitting on the couch a solid cushion away. "You screw up plenty but this is one thing you wouldn't screw up."

"Tell that to the Amazon," Dean says to mostly himself.

"What?"

"Nothing," Dean sighs with depression.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Bobby asks with determination. "Start talking."

"Ugh, Bobby… I am  _so_  sick of talking…." Dean starts to complain, a hand washing down his tired face.

"Too friggin' bad." Bobby starts to get angry with Dean's self-imposed guilt trip. The man still doesn't talk. "Alright. Fine. I'm gonna sit right here until you tell me everything."

"Oh yeah, sounds healthy," Dean rolls his eyes. "I'm just gonna have a therapy session with my dead 'uncle'." He uses air quote around the work uncle. "Super normal."

"Since when have you ever been in the fucking vicinity of normal?" Bobby challenges. "I don't care if you like it or not. You're gonna talk and I'm gonna listen. For once just do that, Dean. You might be surprised at how much you get out of letting some shit go."

Dean stares hard at Bobby, the challenge he sets before him not normal for the gruff hunter. Yes, he's talked to Bobby before and yes, he's felt better after… but this is bigger than ever before.

But his life is more screwed than ever before too. Maybe he should just say fuck it and talk.

"Fine… but you asked for it," Dean warns fairly and Bobby just nod in return. Washing a hand down his face again, Dean looks at him and fights the urge to shut down. "Leviathan are fucking pieces of shit."

"Amen to that," Bobby agrees wholeheartedly.

"And Lizzy and I… we're not as strong as we thought…."

* * *

Getting home at eleven-thirty as per usual, Lizzy walks into the house and finds it oddly silent for how many people should be in it. No TV on, no one on the couch, no Sammy up babbling or crying… what the hell?

Lizzy drops her purse by the door and heads for her bedroom, peeking in when the door is open a crack. She gets an eyeful of Dean sprawled out stomach down on top of the comforter, passed completely out. He has a food-stained white baby cloth on his shoulder still and she smiles. He looks like he had a long but good day with Sammy and really, what more could she ask for? Her son and his father will always be close and she's going to make sure of that. Dean's a really wonderful dad and her Sammy needs him.

Grabbing clothing from her drawers, Lizzy leaves the room and gets ready to go to sleep. Dean can have her room for the night. That's fine with her.

Settling onto the couch after another night of having to watch Cass remain comatose, she's tired as all hell. She didn't sleep much the night before and she's ready to catch up. Turning off the lights, she lays down and pulls a warm blanket over her. Eyes closed, sleep starts to overcome her quickly.

That is… right up until…

"Get up!"

Lizzy's eyes fly open as she jumps a foot, looking right up at the face of her father figure above her.

"We need to talk!" Bobby angrily says to her, yanking the blanket off of her form, it flying across the room before hitting the far wall and sliding down it.

Shaking, Lizzy sits up. Her mouth hangs open with fear as she looks at Bobby, his face the kind of lowered and hard madness he usually reserves for the pieces of shit they hunt and absolutely never for her.

"Bobby, what's wrong?" Lizzy asks him, pushing back until she's in the far corner of the couch.

"The question is what's wrong with  _you_?" he fires out instantly. "How  _could_  you?"

Ah-ha. He's mad at her for ending it with Dean. A hand pressed over her eyes with a big sigh, she says with pure exhaustion, "Bobby, I can't do this right now…."

"Tough shit!" he says to her with fire in his voice. "How could you do this to that boy? Don't you think he's had enough heartache in his life? You really feel the need to make it worse?"

And now she starts to feel the fire of anger in her own soul. "You think I  _meant_  to hurt him?"

"Sure sounds like."

"I thought you knew me better, Bobby," she tells him, disappointment in her tone. "I thought you knew I would never hurt him unless I absolutely had to."

"You cold… cold hearted bitch," Bobby says while glaring at her. "He was right."

"That's not it and I'd appreciate you not assuming you know  _anything_  about what's happened between us," Lizzy sternly says back, suddenly forgetting about his ghost status. It's still Bobby and she knows her Bobby. When he was alive she'd never put up with this from him so why should she now?

"I know  _everything_."

"How?"

"I talked to Dean!" Bobby booms out when his frustrations hit the roof all too easily.

"And that's just one side of it!" she yells right back at him.

"That's all I need to hear!" Bobby tells her. "I've known that boy all his life! He wouldn't lie to me!"

"You've known me for years too…."

"Not well enough, apparently," he spits back. "Never thought you could do something like this!"

"So that's it?" Lizzy demands. "You just hear what  _he_  says and call it a day? I'm the bitch? You know nothing!"

"I know enough!"

"You weren't here!" she screams at him, her fists balled as she stands up, seeing red. "You've been gone!"

Bobby pauses there, both staring at each other with utter horror and anger.

"You fucking left me," Lizzy points out. "You died, Bobby. You fucking left me here with these monsters in the world and Dean never around and, and Sammy… you left Sammy." Her voice heightens with her emotions.

"I ain't leavin' you and I certainly ain't leavin' that boy of yours," Bobby explains.

Lizzy breathes deep and composed herself a bit. "Please don't just assume I'm the bad guy here. I already feel guilty enough."

"You gave up, Liz," Bobby says to her, his voice still edged with upset. "I didn't raise no hunter to be a quitter. You can't just quit on him."

"I didn't just quit on him…."

"That's what it looks like," Bobby says. "And to me it seems that's how he feels. Dean's crushed by this, completely crushed.  _You_  did that to him."

Lizzy hangs her head as Bobby doesn't comfort her this time and instead makes her horrible guilt so much worse. "I know, Bobby…."

"He was so good to you," Bobby keeps going. "He changed, for you. He was honest, for you. I ain't never seen him like that before."

"I know that too…."

"And you're just gonna make him return to that drinking, no confidence having, cheap-women fucking mess he's always been before you!? I don't want to see that happen! He's a good man!"

"I know that!" she screams in his face, getting much closer than a human should be comfortably with a ghost. "I know what I've done! You don't need to tell me how much I suck over this!"

"Whoa! Hey!" Dean's voice is heard saying as he rushes into the room, finding Lizzy and Bobby in a shouting match. "What the hell is going on here!?"

"What did you say him!?" Lizzy marches right for him with absolute anger in her eyes.

"What?" Dean asks with total confusion.

"The fuck did you say to him?" she asks again, shoving him in the chest. "Did you tell him that I'm just some cold bitch after all this!?"

"What the fuck? No!" Dean denies, looking at the wily woman with fear. "I didn't say anything like that!" He looks to his undead ally.

"Well you didn't make her out to be innocent," Bobby says simply enough.

"I didn't call her a bitch," Dean denies. "I never said anything like that. Bobby, tell her I didn't say that!"

"Sounded like she was pretty quick to end it to me," Bobby shrugs. "And you sounded real hurt. And you blame her, I know you do, son."

Dean's face falls completely. "Bobby," he says, nearly begging him to not hang him out to dry on this one. He really didn't speak so terribly of her at all. He doesn't think she's a bitch or was anything but doing what she thought she had to. He didn't agree with it but he respects her too much to crap on her behind her back, especially to someone like Bobby. "What are you doing to me here, man?"

"She needs to see what she's done. You two are supposed to be together and happy. I ain't never seen hunters as happy as you two and that can't just disappear."

"But we're not happy together right now," Dean backs Lizzy up. "We don't work right now."

"So you work through it like married couples do! You don't give up like she did!" Bobby fires out.

"I'm trying to do what's right here," Lizzy excuses. "I want Sammy's life to be free from fighting and hostility…."

"You're breaking up Sammy's family is what you're doing!" Bobby yells. "This is ridiculous." He then blinks out and disappears, leaving them be for now as he got too fired up to deal with them.

When silence returns to the living room, Lizzy turns to Dean, staring at him with full blow anger.

"I didn't say any of that," Dean tries to get out in front of her fury but he's too late. The damage is done. "L, come on…"

"Cold hearted?" Lizzy asks with complete disbelief in him. " _Bitch_? Are you serious!?"

"L, I didn't say those things!" Dean keeps trying, his innocence honest but she's not buying it.

"Then where did Bobby get it all from?" she pushes. "You  _did_  talk to him, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but…," Dean answers, readying for the tirade. "He came to me, he asked what was going on, I told him what happened."

"And you told him this was all my fault?" she questions. "That I broke it off all on my own and that's it?"

Dean looks away, trying to recall what it was he said to Bobby. Maybe he only said the recent stuff. Maybe he should have emphasized how toxic they'd become.

"Did you forget to mention cheating on me!?"

"No, I just…" Dean sighs. "I may have glossed over it a bit." She looks at him with serious audacity. "L, that wasn't exactly a high point in my life. It's…."

"Fuck this," she spits back and starts to head for the hallway. "I can't believe this shit…."

"L, stop," Dean calls out and grabs her elbow to keep her there.

"As if I didn't feel guilty and terrible enough," she says when he spins her around to look at him. "As if I wasn't already completely destroyed by losing you… I have to get chewed out by my dead…  _Bobby_. And then I have to hear that you blame me solely for everything? After  _you're_  the one that cheated?"

"I don't think you're only to blame. This is on both of us," Dean says in a calm and sincere voice.

"Then where did he get all that from?" she questions.

"I don't know. Look, I'm worried about him," Dean says truthfully. "We all know what happens to spirits stuck here…."

"So… you're blaming this all on Bobby's anger?" Lizzy asks. "Lame, Dean. Really lame." She pulls her arm back and heads for her bedroom. "The couch is all yours."

"Lizzy," Dean calls out her name but the bedroom door shuts. "Damn it…."

* * *

Everything is tense, wrong, and just miserable.

The morning was terrible. Lizzy barely looked at him as Dean went about feeding, caring for, and playing with Sammy. He needs to ship out with Sam and disappear again, leaving a couple possible trails behind in three different states to throw off any Levi's tracking them. The two didn't speak, nonetheless interact, with Lizzy always leaving the room if Dean was in it.

This is not good.

And now, shitbox-of-the-week packed up and Sam making his was out of the house with Lou, it's time to say goodbye.

But, with Sammy perched on his hip as he reaches up and touched his dad's five-o'clock shadow, Dean's really not ready to go.

"Alright, last chance," Dean tells him, grabbing his little hand and bouncing him a few times. "It's now or never, dude. Come on… da-da. Da-da."

Sammy just looks at him and doesn't respond at all.

"Come on, Sammy," Dean nearly complains, desperate to make sure his boy isn't about to forget his daddy. He's been working on this since he arrived for his short visit. "Da-da. Just say it. It could be a while before I see you again. Da-da."

Again, Sammy just looks at his father with confusion.

"Ah, never mind," Dean says, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "It's fine. I still like you."

"You gonna come back in a few weeks?" Lizzy asks, her arms crossed as she walks towards Dean in the early December cold.

"Uh, I don't know," Dean admits. "We'll see how it goes, I guess…."

"Dean, Christmas is in three weeks," she reminds him. "It'd be nice if you could be here for Sammy's first Christmas, don't you think?"

"Shit, you're right," he says quietly. "Alright, we'll be back, I promise."

"Yeah," Lizzy half believes as she holds her arms out, Sammy instantly leaning out towards her by habit. Dean's heart drops a little the moment he's no longer in his arms.

By the car, Sam ducks down and gives Lou one final, quick kiss that doesn't last long… not wanting to rub his really great visit in his brother's face.

"I'm gonna miss you," Lou says with a low, sultry tone.

"All of me or just parts?" Sam huffs a laugh and her eyes widen.

"Giant!" she says with excitement and smacks his arm. "I'm totally rubbing off on you!"

"Maybe," he laughs lightly, closing the trunk. She leans into him and hugs him around the middle, Sam hugging back.

"Call me if you need me?" Lou asks.

"Who'll watch Sammy?" Sam questions back.

"Ugh, we'll figure it out," Lou rolls her eyes. "I'm so fucking bored. I watch Sammy all day and that's it. I need to kill something soon! So bad!"

Sam gives her an understanding look. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks," she says and pulls him down to kiss him solidly goodbye.

And Lizzy watches them interact as Dean speaks, her heart just shattering that the closeness they've developed is exactly what she's losing. Call it jealousy but Lizzy can't help it.

"You with me?" Dean questions, pulling her back.

"Hm? Uh, yeah," Lizzy nods. "Just try and make it for Christmas Eve so you can be there in the morning. And don't worry about presents. I can take care of that."

"Oh, right," Dean nods, not having thought about separate presents as a thing. He just figured the three of them would eventually have great Christmases with lots of gifts, big meals, and a home with a tree. This… this is hard to imagine. "Thanks."

"Yup," Lizzy says curtly, looking down at Sammy and changing her attitude quickly. "Can you wave bye-bye to daddy?" She takes his wrist and makes him wave to Dean. "Bye-bye, da-da! Say bye-bye, da-da!"

"Bye, buddy," Dean says quietly, leaning down to kiss the boy's cheek as his chest hurts. He misses him already but Dean locks up that misery and shoves it down. Three weeks isn't so bad and he can handle it. He'll do anything to get back in time for Christmas with his one and only son.

He then looks to his… hm, to Lizzy.

"I'll call ya," he simply says and turns his back, heading for the car. He gets roughly three steps away when he hears it.

"Da-da-da."

Freezing for a split second, Dean sharply turns around and stares at Sammy with wide eyes. He's pumping his little hand up and down in the air in a sort of wave as he looks at his father, his baby voice still babbling the sounds Dean's been trying to teach him the past few visits nonstop.

"Da-da. Da-da-da-da…."

"Oh my God!" Lizzy smiles wide when her eyes connect with Dean's and forgetting the terrible past few days instantly.

"He said it," Dean awes, face stone with shock.

"Da-da," Sammy says again as he reaches his hand out to Dean, seemingly putting together the connection of the sound he's making and the person he knows so well. "Da. Da-da."

"Dude!  _Dude_!" Dean shouts with excitement, rushing over and pulling Sammy into his arms, Lizzy more than happy to let him do so with the massive moment. "You're awesome! Holy crap!" Lifting Sammy in the air over his head, Dean looks up at his son, his little boy, with a level of pride that's never been felt by him before.

"Damn it," Lizzy says, only slightly disappointed. "You win I guess." She smiles at Dean, proving her let down is very minor if that.

"Of course I did," Dean says jokingly, pulling Sammy's wide-smiling face down to him to kiss his cheek. "He's my Mini-Me. My dude!"

"What's happening?" Sam asks as he walks over with the commotion… and the excitement that comes with seeing both Lizzy and Dean smile after the past few days they've had.

"Say it again, Sammy," Dean goads on his boy, bouncing him a little as he angles him towards Sam. "Come on. Who am I?" He points to his own face while looking down at Sammy. "Who am I? Dada?"

"Da-da-da," Sammy repeats the sound as he reaches up towards Dean's mouth with his little outstretched hand. "Da-da."

Sam's eyes couldn't grow wider as Lou joins them by his side. "You're kidding? He just said that right now!?"

"Yeah," Dean huffs a surprised laugh of shock.

"That's amazing," Sam comments, grinning himself.

"Oh man," Dean laughs a little, grabbing Sammy's hand and blowing a raspberry on his palm. "So glad you didn't wait another five minutes to say that."

"Da-da-da-da," Sammy keeps rambling on, getting that the sound he's making is creating happiness around him. He winds up his arm and smacks Dean right in the face with his excitement.

"Uh!" Dean jokes, the hit not really so bad, but he reels his head back anyways and makes a groan of getting hit hard. He then looks right at Sammy, unstoppable smile on his face, and his heart plummets. This was such a great moment, a huge moment… and now he has to leave. This is the last thing he wants to do.

Sighing hard, Dean pulls in his boy and hugs him good, suddenly feeling a whole lot worse about leaving him. His face tells the story about everything he's feeling right now.

"I wish I could stay, bud," Dean tells his son, leaning his cheek to the top of Sammy's head. "I want to stay."

Lizzy swallows hard, knowing how damn much he means that. He'd put up with the fire and growing anger between them constantly if it meant just a few minutes a day with his son. He really is a great father.

"He knows that," Lizzy assures him as he has a hard time giving back Sammy. "I promise. He does."

Dean just lets the slight smile flicker across his face at that before it drops. He's so tired of this life right now.

"Dean, hey," Sam cuts in quietly, not wanting to ruin anything but having to. "We should head out."

"Yeah…" Dean comments, looking at Sammy. He sighs again, one last kiss to the baby's forehead before he shifts him in his arms and holds him out to his mother. Lizzy takes him, her face apologetic.

"I'm so glad he decided to say that before you left," she tells him in all honesty.

"Me too," Dean says with a somehow lighter load on his head, the world seeming a lot less shitty now that he's experienced that. This kid is a wonder.

"He loves you," Lizzy reminds him. "A whole lot. He was so happy with you here."

Dean nods once, not wanting to respond.

"We'll see you at Christmas?" Lizzy wonders, wanting to remind him one last time that he should show up.

"Yeah," Dean nods. "For sure." He grabs and shakes Sammy's hand one last time, the separation nearly impossible for him. "I wouldn't miss it."

"That's really good to know," Lizzy tells him, something suddenly kind behind her voice. The way he reacted to their boy's first words, the word dada, was heartwarming. It reminded her that they have their problems, sure, but deep down she still adores this man. He has his massive flaws and so does she… but together they used to be wonderful. She saw that in the moment when they could share their excitement and deep love for their Sammy.

Dean doesn't know what to say in return to that but it is good to know that she wants him here again. He's sure they'll fight in the future, and it won't be easy, but that's the mother of his child and he still couldn't respect her any more than he already does.

And he still, without a doubt, loves her with everything he has in him.

Pushing every boundary he knows they've silently set for themselves, Dean leans in and presses one simple, sweet kiss to Lizzy's cheek, her body flinching just slightly with the surprise. When he pulls away he can see that she's conflicted but mostly thankful that he still felt he could do that.

He then looks right at her, his heart on his sleeve when she gets a good view of his eyes, and he says, "I'm gonna  _miss_  you."

Lizzy watches him immediately turn towards the car with a furrowed brow and clenched jaw and start walking before she could respond. Her mouth opens to respond, say something,  _anything_ , in return but suddenly he's in the car and the engine is starting up. Sam gives her one tightlipped smile and nod over the car hood before Lou pulls him down into an obscene kiss. She ends it, grabs his ass once and makes him jump. He comically responds, getting that weird, jerky quality of movement he gets when put on the spot.

Laughing quietly to herself, Lizzy looks back to the driver. Through the window she can see Dean looking at her and Sammy, a longing in his face that he kept out in the open by accident, no doubt. She watches as he quickly puts his mask back on so that he can hit the road and be effective at his job of ridding the world his Sammy has to live in of scum.

"Say bye-bye, daddy," Lizzy says to Sammy and lifts Sammy's hand again, making him wave to Dean.

Dean just raises a hand in return, waving goodbye to the last few seconds he has of a life he wants back more than anything.

With Sam now in the passenger seat, Dean takes off and ends his visit from Hell.

"You okay, honey?" Lou asks, walking to her sister after knowing just how bad it's all been.

"No," Lizzy answers easily. She clears her throat and bounces Sammy absently for a second, moving past the lump forming. "But you look like you're more than ok."

"I am," Lou says, a smile breaking out on her face. "But I'm worried about you."

"Don't be," Lizzy says, forcing a smile on her face in return. "And no, I don't need to talk it out or anything either. I just need time."

"Fair enough," Lou holds her hands out in surrender.

"Instead," Lizzy starts, pulling Lou's arm towards the house. "I think you need to start talking about the massive smile on your face and why exactly it's there."

"You sure?" she wonders, needing to check for sure that Lizzy wants to hear about a good relationship right now.

"You made Sam happy for three days straight," Lizzy points out. "That man is impossible. And I want details."

A slick grin spreads slowly across Lou's face. "Not sure you can handle that kind of information."

"What!?" Lizzy laughs.

"Your brain might melt," Lou winks and heads inside the house, Lizzy following with an honest laugh at her best friend.

* * *

_**THE END** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please subscribe to DeepLittleSOB if you'd like to be informed of when the 20th story gets published next week.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave a comment on any chapter at any time. I'm always happy to get them, whether positive or negative, and I'll always reply.


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